Hover & Flow(chart)

← The Toilet Paper Manifesto Welcome to the new employee breakroom! →

November 15th, 2011 · 131 comments

Writes Erica in New York: “I don’t think this woman is aware that the aggressive automatic flush makes water splash all over the toilet seats…but she’s obviously very angry.”

related: Coffee pot flowchart

FILED UNDER: etiquette · flow chart · most popular notes of 2011 · New York · office · piss · toilet

131 responses so far ↓

#1 Palomon

Is it possible to take a knee when you pee?

Nov 15, 2011 at 1:02 am rating: 90

reply to this comment
- #1.1 Palomon
  
  HA! That rhymed! I’m a poet and didn’t realize it.
  
  Nov 15, 2011 at 1:03 am rating: 90
- #1.2 infant tyrone
  
  Sure, it happens all the time,
  but it won’t stop the clock.
  And if you do it in your end zone,
  your opponents get 2 points and the ball.
  
  Nov 15, 2011 at 1:51 am rating: 90
- #1.3 Joe
  
  You didn’t “Knoet”
  
  Nov 15, 2011 at 10:46 am rating: 90
- #1.4 P-Man of the future
  
  It’s the Tim Tebow way!
  
  Nov 15, 2011 at 12:09 pm rating: 90
- #1.5 Canthz_B
  
  The Peebo Bryson way.
  
  Nov 15, 2011 at 11:23 pm rating: 90
add to this thread
#2 Brittany E.

I always appreciate a good passive aggressive flow chart. Or at least a flow chart in general! The time and effort it takes to make one. That takes dedication

Nov 15, 2011 at 1:04 am rating: 90

reply to this comment
#3 aliceblue

I like the “God bless” part. First JC gets invoked in the TP wars and now God is invoked as a splash guard? Do these people really thing that a supreme being is going to be lurking in ladies rooms? Please get a double grip people (or should it be peeple?)

Nov 15, 2011 at 1:18 am rating: 90

reply to this comment
- #3.1 Jami
  
  Well, there is that whole “Do unto others” thing and being considerate and not leaving pee all over the seat does qualify. I mean, you wouldn’t want someone to do it to you, so why would you do it to someone else?
  
  Nov 16, 2011 at 7:57 am rating: 90
- #3.2 vitrolicbump
  
  Actually, if God is omnipresent, He would be. Which is why it was freaky getting off when I was Catholic. Now I can do anything I damn well please cuz He’s not lurking over my shoulder, watching me play.
  
  Nov 17, 2011 at 2:58 pm rating: 90
add to this thread
#4 Grant

Maybe they sit down AND manage to get enough pressure up to squirt everywhere.

Nov 15, 2011 at 4:47 am rating: 90

reply to this comment
#5 Daniel

Do you write flow charts for the bathroom? Yes ————-> Fuck off.

Nov 15, 2011 at 5:50 am rating: 90

reply to this comment
- #5.1 aliceblue
  
  Annoying as it is, what could be more appropriate to display in a flow chart than instructions on how to pee?
  
  Nov 15, 2011 at 1:36 pm rating: 90
- #5.2 Canthz_B
  
  They could have gone about this differently, but in this case I think the correct approach was to go with the flow.
  
  Nov 15, 2011 at 11:26 pm rating: 90
add to this thread
#6 Dr. Knight

“If you live among wolves, you have to act like a wolf.”

Nikita Kruschev

Nov 15, 2011 at 6:55 am rating: 90

reply to this comment
- #6.1 infant tyrone
  
  “You’re everything a big bad wolf could want.”
  Domingo Samuido
  
  “Boop-Oop-a-Doop”
  Helen Kane
  
  http://bit.ly/s9EPkF
  
  Nov 15, 2011 at 8:43 am rating: 90
add to this thread
#7 MEEEE

I LOVE IT!!! Pee left on the seat is easily my biggest pet peeve. It is so lazy and nasty, seriously, who considers it okay?

Nov 15, 2011 at 8:29 am rating: 90

reply to this comment
- #7.1 Cate
  
  Yeah, that’s what the seat covers are for. Failing that, there’s usually tp if you’re that hung up about it. But realistically the toilet seat is probably actually one of the cleanest parts of a restrooms most of the time. I swear, in their hysterics to remain clean themselves women create disgusting bathrooms. Seriously, wtf? I don’t want to sit on your pee. At least wipe it up you slatternly trollop.
  
  Nov 15, 2011 at 11:36 am rating: 90
- #7.2 Malice
  
  I’m inclined to agree most of the time, because really who the heck pees on the seat? But in this case, not so much. No one has peed on the toilet seat, it’s the water splash from the auto-flush. Chances are, people aren’t hanging around waiting for it to finish flushing to check if there’s water to wipe up. And they shouldn’t have to. If it’s such an issue, then they need to have the water pressure adjusted.
  
  And not all bathrooms provide seat covers. Covering the seat in TP is wasteful and could potentially clog the toilet. Also, seat covers aren’t meant to protect the -seat- from your pee, but to protect -you- from any bacteria that may be left on the seat from someone else. Like their pee.
  
  Nov 15, 2011 at 12:50 pm rating: 90
- #7.3 Here's a thought
  
  The splash from water is usually towards the back, not the front. When it is yellow and/or several drops concentrated in the same place- it’s pee.
  
  Since when does tp clog the toilet? Paper towels, yes. Pads, sure. Adult diapers (happened at my old job), most definitely, but toilet paper- it’s created to break down and dissolve.
  
  They should most definitely check the seat after they wipe their muff. Anything else is slovenly.
  
  Nov 15, 2011 at 4:35 pm rating: 90
- #7.4 bookworm
  
  Toilet paper has a difficult time breaking down for the flush if you use 12 pounds of it at a time.
  
  Nov 17, 2011 at 8:45 am rating: 90
add to this thread
#8 Rattus

Being someone who has to regularly mop up large, serene pools of urine from the seat of my workplace toilets before I can have a dry sit-down, I am totally Team Flow-Chart-Writer.

Nov 15, 2011 at 8:30 am rating: 90

reply to this comment
- #8.1 Kate from Iowa
  
  I have never agreed with Rattus before but yes, this exfuckingactly. I have to deal with this all the time here at work, it’s fucking disgusting.
  
  I have, in fact, considered leaving my own PA note. Although I tend to fail in the passive part and end up with just “WIPE THE FUCKING SEAT!”
  
  Nov 16, 2011 at 2:34 pm rating: 90
- #8.2 charliechaplinpants
  
  A-fucking-men.
  
  We had this problem at one of my previous offices. Yes, we also had overactive flushers, but those produced a few, CLEAR drops — the large volume of YELLOW drops were obviously a hoverer who squirted left.
  
  After a few ineffective rounds of twee little “if you sprinkle…” notes, we finally put one up that said, “If you’re not going to sit on the seat anyway, put it up, or wipe it off when you’re done. Nobody wants to sit in your pee.” Apparently that got the message across.
  
  I am Team Note Writer all the way on this one, and I particularly like the “raised by wolves” option.
  
  Nov 17, 2011 at 12:46 pm rating: 90
add to this thread
#9 dlauthor

“I don’t think this woman is aware that the aggressive automatic flush makes water splash all over the toilet seats …”

I don’t think Erica is aware that if that happens (and it’s clearly happened to her), it’s good form to grab some TP and blot up the water that sprayed when she flushed.

Nov 15, 2011 at 8:39 am rating: 90

reply to this comment
- #9.1 namehere
  
  That wouldn’t solve anything, since you’d put the toilet paper you used to mop up the water into the toilet. That would cause it to automatically flush and splash more water all over the seat.
  
  Clogging up the sanitary waste bin with soggy toilet paper might stop the cycle, but that’s not a great solution either.
  
  Nov 15, 2011 at 10:04 am rating: 90
- #9.2 Wedding Fairygodmother
  
  How silly. Of course it would solve something: it would dry the seat. Not only that, but unless the next person intends to sit in the wetness, they’re going to do it. Where do you suppose they’ll put the paper?
  
  Nov 15, 2011 at 10:37 am rating: 90
- #9.3 Greys
  
  The point being that if Person A cleans up the seat with toilet paper and throws it into the toilet, it’s going to flush again, spray again, and create a neverending cycle. (Yes, this toilet pressure issue should probably be fixed.) Sure, Person B will still wipe up the water and throw the TP in the toilet, but that will be one flush total for her, rather than a dozen flushes to fix other flushes.
  
  Nov 15, 2011 at 9:50 pm rating: 90
- #9.4 Canthz_B
  
  A royal flush beats a straight flush, but whether or not a straight flush and a gay flush are equal has been held up by the legislators.
  
  Nov 15, 2011 at 11:33 pm rating: 90
- #9.5 infant tyrone
  
  There is no defense against a queen getting an attack of the vapours.
  
  Nov 16, 2011 at 12:13 am rating: 90
- #9.6 Canthz_B
  
  Now you’re just chess-thumping!
  
  Nov 16, 2011 at 12:19 am rating: 90
- #9.7 namehere
  
  “How silly. Of course it would solve something: it would dry the seat. Not only that, but unless the next person intends to sit in the wetness, they’re going to do it. Where do you suppose they’ll put the paper?”
  
  The original suggestion is to mop up the seat after it got splashed from the automatic flusher when you are leaving the stall.
  When you put the toilet paper from doing this into the toilet, it would trigger the automatic flushing again and re-wet the seat.
  So no, it wouldn’t solve the problem of the next person coming in having a wet seat.
  
  Nov 16, 2011 at 3:29 am rating: 90
- #9.8 charliechaplinpants
  
  The hole in your logic is that dropping toilet paper into the toilet doesn’t trigger the automatic flusher — it’s an infrared (in most systems) sensor set to detect an object about where an adult back rests when the toilet is in use, not a sensor inside the bowl that would detect paper dropping in. If the toilet flushes, and then you wipe the seat and drop the paper in, you get a toilet bowl with a little paper floating in it, not another flush. So wiping the seat after flushing would indeed solve the wet-seat problem.
  
  Not that I think it’s reasonable to expect people to hang around to see if there’s splashback. If the droplets on the seat are clear, assume it’s an overactive flusher and wipe it before you sit down. If they’re yellow, on the other hand… it ain’t the flusher. Eww.
  
  Nov 17, 2011 at 12:33 pm rating: 90
add to this thread
#10 Katie

I’ve never understood the necessity of hovering anyway, and I’m with Rattus and DL. Whether’s it’s pee or just water, wipe off the damn seat!

Nov 15, 2011 at 9:30 am rating: 90

reply to this comment
#11 Ariel

People actually sit on public toilet seats? That’s kinda gross. You never know how clean the people before you are. I’m team squat&hover. And I’ve never peed on a toilet seat.

Nov 15, 2011 at 9:45 am rating: 90

reply to this comment
- #11.1 Rattus
  
  Do you know what’s dirtier than that toilet seat you refuse to sit on? Your desk, the kitchen at work, the hand rail leading down to the subway, the pole you hang onto on the bus, the book you took out of the library, the door leading into Neiman Marcus, and money. On the plus side, none of those things have puddles of urine on them because someone refuses to touch them.
  
  Nov 15, 2011 at 9:57 am rating: 90
- #11.2 kermit
  
  Yeah, except you don’t put your ass / thighs on any of those things; you touch them with your hands – which you can wash immediately once you’re done. Unless the bathroom also has a bidet, you’re stuck with it until you get home to shower.
  
  As a person who once had to clean (shitty) restaurant toilets, I can testify that people to gross and disgusting things in the stalls. The only time I ever sat on one was right after I finished disinfecting it.
  
  Besides, from a cleaner’s perspective, it makes absolutely no difference at all whether you hover or not because they have to clean the whole area anyway.
  
  Nov 15, 2011 at 11:30 am rating: 90
- #11.3 Rattus
  
  Be that as it may, hover, sit, it’s an individual’s choice. All we sitters ask is that the hoverers clean up after themselves. The bulk of the disgusting mess left behind on toilets is left behind by them.
  
  Nov 15, 2011 at 11:44 am rating: 90
- #11.4 Kate
  
  The ass/ thighs that have touched the toilet seat don’t then go on put food in your mouth etc.
  It’s the hoverers that make the damned mess in the first place.
  
  Just sit down and be done with. Do you have any idea how many germs are on the keyboard that you are touching right now? Loads more than a toilet seats. Toilet seats are cleaned frequently with bleach or disinfectant? When was the last time you did that to your keyboard?
  Some who didn’t wash their hands after visiting the toilet may have touched it!
  Also, hovering may lead to bladder infections as you will leave urine in your urethra
  
  I’m on team sitter with Rattus.
  
  Nov 15, 2011 at 12:24 pm rating: 90
- #11.5 Tam
  
  You don’t touch your face with your butt. You don’t eat with your butt. You don’t handle things other people will put in their faces with your butt.
  
  The spot that touches the toilet seat? Probably the cleanest spot of your whole body…unless you just sat in someone else’s squat splashback. If you shower on a regular basis you’re not going to catch ANYTHING from sitting on the seat, unlike all the minor illnesses we catch regularly from touching everyday objects someone else might touch with their hands.
  
  Nov 15, 2011 at 12:29 pm rating: 90
- #11.6 kermit
  
  Kate, at the place I used to work, toilets were disinfected once a day and were periodically spot cleaned. Unless someone would vomit or shit all over the floor there was no way in hell that bathroom was getting disinfected twice.
  
  I don’t know what magical bathrooms you frequent, but the ones I go to always have soap in them thereby enabling me to regularly wash my hands in there. And although I haven’t actually tried this out, I am pretty sure people would find it objectionable if I tried to wash my thighs / ass in the bathroom sink. If you honestly believe that the hoverers are the ones who leave the biggest messes in the bathroom, you haven’t seen a truly filthy bathrooms.
  
  And since you asked about my keyboard, I keep a spray bottle of 70% rubbing alcohol with me on my desk at work and at home. So it does get disinfected regularly, not only because of germs but because I have oily skin that messes up the keyboard.
  
  P.S. Stop making stuff up to further prove your point. Hovering does not cause bladder infections or prolapses or scrofula or anything else. Having your thighs touch someone else’s urine will not harm you because urine is sterile. But that doesn’t mean it’s not disgusting or that some people value having a clean butt as well as clean hands. All the (self-reported) hoverers I know put the seat up.
  
  Nov 15, 2011 at 12:43 pm rating: 90
- #11.7 fact o' life
  
  You do know that by using as much rubbing alcohol as you do(being you keep it by your keyboard), that you are actually making your body immune to it? It doesn’t do you any good unless you use it sparingly – such as hiking, or in instances where you do not have a sink to wash your hands in.
  
  Nov 15, 2011 at 1:05 pm rating: 90
- #11.8 Kate
  
  Kirmit:
  Bottom (arf arf) section of this site:
  http://cleanseats.com/toilet_seats/view/article-2.html
  
  Nov 15, 2011 at 1:48 pm rating: 90
- #11.9 kermit
  
  Good grief were you people in Michelle Bachmann’s home school science class? Rubbing alcohol is not the same thing as antibiotic-laden soap. Rubbing alcohol is just that – the 70% or 90% alcohol you can find in any drug store. It will not make your body “immune” to it any more than drinking a bottle of wine every day will make you “immune” to being shitfaced afterwards.
  
  Kate, if you’re going to support your argument, actually support your argument instead of linking to a site written by a nobody. The legitimate medical community has been quite clear that hovering does not cause any disease. Just like they’ve been clear about vaccines and mental retardation.
  
  Nov 15, 2011 at 2:02 pm rating: 90
- #11.10 Nahhh
  
  “You do know that by using as much rubbing alcohol as you do … , that you are actually making your body immune to it?”
  
  Even if that were true (which it isn’t), what would it matter? It’s not the user’s body they’re trying to affect, but the bodies of the germs, viruses, and other alleged critters infesting their keyboard.
  
  Nov 15, 2011 at 3:41 pm rating: 90
- #11.11 Lysana
  
  Rubbing alcohol isn’t something germs can develop immunity to. That’s why it still works after so many years of being on the market. And bodily immunity to it? You must be the one who took science from Bachmann. And while hovering doesn’t cause disease, sitting on a dirty toilet seat isn’t very likely to transmit anything, either, barring recent effluvia. Unless you’re in the habit of grabbing your naked ass before you eat, anyway.
  
  Nov 15, 2011 at 7:11 pm rating: 90
- #11.12 jadefirefly
  
  Unless I’ve got an open wound on my ass, sitting on the seat isn’t going to kill me, even if there IS pee on it.
  
  Nov 15, 2011 at 10:03 pm rating: 90
- #11.13 Canthz_B
  
  Actually, if you drink a bottle of wine every day you’ll eventually NOT be shitfaced afterwards.
  
  We call that “increased tolerance”.
  
  Bad analogy you.
  
  Nov 15, 2011 at 11:38 pm rating: 90
- #11.14 infant tyrone
  
  YT clips for Chug-a-Lug (Roger Miller) & Ambulance Blues (Neil Young) could go here but I’d probably just be pissing in the wind.
  
  Nov 16, 2011 at 12:19 am rating: 90
- #11.15 susan
  
  *Pissing in the Wind (Jerry Jeff Walker)
  
  Nov 16, 2011 at 7:30 am rating: 90
- #11.16 kermit
  
  CB, “increased tolerance” refers to the drinker’s perception of how well they hold their liquor. Most alcoholics think they can hold their liquor very well indeed. To other (sober) people / cops with breathalyzers they’re still just as as drunk.
  
  Nov 16, 2011 at 9:10 am rating: 90
- #11.17 infant tyrone
  
  kermit,
  Maybe dat’s true for Beale, Vine, Turner, and Hooch, but opioids present the traditionally accepted ‘increased tolerance’ that CB refers to.
  
  My basis for this is personal use following spinal surgery and a detailed 30-minute conversation with a published professor of pharmacology
  from whom I happened to buy some furniture (All Hail Craigslist!).
  
  Her specialty was not urinalysis or any other form of drug testing,
  so although I am confident that her articles were peer reviewed,
  I cannot say if they were pee-er reviewed.
  
  *No germs were killed in the making of this post. (It’s PEETA friendly.)
  
  Nov 16, 2011 at 10:08 am rating: 90
- #11.18 The Elf
  
  You *say* you’ve never peed on the seat, but every hoverer says that. You can’t all be that skilled, or I wouldn’t have to mop up puddles before putting my bare ass on the seat.
  
  Nov 16, 2011 at 2:29 pm rating: 90
- #11.19 infant tyrone
  
  C’mon now, Elf…at least in Ireland there’s never been
  even a single spot of trouble caused by a full-sized hoverer…
  
  All your mop-up messes there are caused by leprechauns,
  or as they’re known locally…The Wee Folk
  
  Nov 16, 2011 at 10:41 pm rating: 90
- #11.20 Canthz_B
  
  No. While a habitual drinker will in fact have the same BAC as a non-drinker after the same number of drinks, the habitual drinker will not be “as drunk” as a non-drinker.
  
  A guy who drinks a bottle of wine every night for three years will have the same BAC as a non-drinker after drinking a bottle of wine, but will (in most cases) be in far better shape than a non-drinker who has drunk a whole bottle of wine.
  
  If I had to choose which one to be on the road near that night, I’d choose the habitual drinker.
  
  Nov 17, 2011 at 7:46 am rating: 90
- #11.21 bookworm
  
  How many times a day do you touch a doorknob with your hands? How many times a day do you touch a doorknob with your butt? Unless someone is habitually not washing their ass and then hovering so that their pee sprinkles all over the seat, there is less bacteria on that toilet seat than there is on the doorknob you’ll have to touch to leave the bathroom anyway.
  
  Suck it up and sit down, or at least have the decency to clean up your urine from the seat for the next person.
  
  Nov 17, 2011 at 8:48 am rating: 90
- #11.22 infant tyrone
  
  @ CB & kermit
  I don’t have any studies to back up CB’s assertion, but I have my personal (yes, it’s ‘anecdotal’ compared to a rigorous double or triple-blind study) experience to draw on. Years ago I would often have 3-5 drinks over the course of an evening/night…these days I seldom have more than 2/week. There is a difference, a serious difference.
  I am sure the difference would be easy to demonstrate under proper testing ~~alchoh~~protocols . I am willing to bet that few, if any, serious tests have been carried out. (After all, they would have to provide 365 bottles of wine per test subject per year, a non-trivial expense. OK, half that number if they are only letting 50% imbibe.)
  In the interest of science
  and of getting to the heart of the matter,
  I hereby offer my cortex.
  
  I’m guessing that if you respond to CB’s ‘on the road’ hypothetical with something to the effect that (over a large population) the two drivers are functionally equivalent, then you and I do not share the same anecdotal profile…or else your experience with ‘cheap drunks’ and/or very heavy drinkers is statistically deviant from that of the average citizen.
  
  None of the preceding is intended as any sort of slam, so if it sounds that way, it’s my fault for trying to finish before leaving for a short day-trip.
  I have a colleague who could say it more simply and accurately, but I believe she’s working undercover at the moment.
  
  Nov 17, 2011 at 2:12 pm rating: 90
- #11.23 Assilem
  
  I’m still confused by how hovering gives you a uti. How ever do they survive in third world countries, parts of Asia, people who camp…
  
  Nov 18, 2011 at 12:19 am rating: 90
add to this thread
#12 Spooky

Team “Correct Use of ‘You’re’”

Nov 15, 2011 at 10:06 am rating: 90

reply to this comment
#13 Kitty

The Seat Pee-ers are almost as bad as the mysterious woman who spends 15 minutes building a “nest” out of single squares of TP so her precious, pristine hindquarters don’t make seat contact. Then she leaves her ass-gasket behind for the next user to enjoy.

Nov 15, 2011 at 10:32 am rating: 90

reply to this comment
- #13.1 The Elf
  
  “ass-gasket” That’s awesome. I think I love you.
  
  Nov 16, 2011 at 2:33 pm rating: 90
- #13.2 Empedocles
  
  I think that reading the word ‘ass-gasket’ has been the highlight of my day so far. Thank you for bringing me joy, Kitty.
  
  Nov 18, 2011 at 12:49 pm rating: 90
add to this thread
#14 lolsuz

I’m a hoverer. I’ve always wiped up any errant whizz… and then someone mentioned to me a couple of years ago that if people are gonna not-sit to use a toilet, they should put the seat up like other not-sitters do. I don’t know why I hadn’t thought of that before, but now I put the seat up if I’m gonna hover, and then put it back down again when I’m done.

Forget whizz, I’ve seen WAY too many smears of inadequately-wiped-up period blood, and even poo, on toilet seats to sit on one without papering it first, or hovering. Y’all can sit your asses down on that all you want but I’ll opt out, thanx.

Nov 15, 2011 at 10:37 am rating: 90

reply to this comment
- #14.1 aaa
  
  I think you may be the only hoverer in the history of existence who puts the seat up when they hover. But I appreciate that.
  
  Nov 15, 2011 at 10:46 am rating: 90
- #14.2 kermit
  
  As a fellow hoverer, I also put the seat up.
  
  Nov 15, 2011 at 11:33 am rating: 90
- #14.3 Cate
  
  Thank you for being considerate. It’s just gross that so many don’t wipe up. THOSE are the ones that bother me. I don’t mind hovering in and of itself if the person wipes. Thanks on behalf of anyone who’s had to wipe pee off of toilets.
  
  Nov 15, 2011 at 11:45 am rating: 90
- #14.4 kermit
  
  You’re welcome, but no need to thank me, Cate. I do it because it’s considerate and I know what it’s like to clean disgusting bathrooms.
  
  Nov 15, 2011 at 12:45 pm rating: 90
- #14.5 Canthz_B
  
  Yeah, it’s best to put the seat back down after hovering.
  As a male who works in a predominately female office, I’d hate to get dirty looks over an uplifted toilet seat in the ladies room!
  
  “Honestly, Ladies! I haven’t been in there!!” (that you know of) LOL
  
  Nov 15, 2011 at 11:43 pm rating: 90
- #14.6 The Elf
  
  Thank you, hoverers who put the seat up. That is being courteous.
  
  Hoverers who leave the seat down and pee on it – pay attention.
  
  Nov 16, 2011 at 2:36 pm rating: 90
- #14.7 Kate from Iowa
  
  We have a country-western bar here with a special stall “for real cowgirls only” that is basically a hover-er urinal. It’s regularly a much nastier place to be than the regular stalls, unfortunately, as a bar is one of the few places I would consider hovering.
  
  Nov 16, 2011 at 2:42 pm rating: 90
add to this thread
#15 aaa

I love that the hoverers create the exact problems they’re attempting to avoid.

Nov 15, 2011 at 10:45 am rating: 90

reply to this comment
- #15.1 bookworm
  
  They don’t care though, because they’re creating that problem for someone else.
  
  Nov 17, 2011 at 8:53 am rating: 90
add to this thread
#16 Siobhan

hmm it might be cleaner in your home but i doubt a public toilet is cleaner than all those things you’ve mentioned – the puddle of urine being the big giveaway! plus I’m sure no one was ever caught crabs or herpes off of a library book.

Nov 15, 2011 at 10:46 am rating: 90

reply to this comment
- #16.1 magilmer
  
  “catching” anything off of a toilet seat isn’t just a misconception, these days it’s stupidity. No one has ever contracted a disease from a toilet seat, since it is an unfriendly environment for them. Studies have proven that you’re infinitely more likely to contract a virus or disease due to a handshake.
  
  Nov 15, 2011 at 10:56 am rating: 90
- #16.2 Rattus
  
  No one has ever caught craps or herpes off of a toilet seat either, so what’s your point?
  
  Nov 15, 2011 at 11:05 am rating: 90
- #16.3 Crystal
  
  I’m pretty sure no one ever caught crabs off a toilet seat, either, and that’s a hokey urban legend that people regurgitate to rationalize hovering. Bet you didn’t know that hovering can cause uterine prolapse?!?
  
  Also, it’s your ass. You’re not gonna fucking eat off of it. Hoverers cause the exact problems for the next patron that they themselves are trying to avoid.
  
  Nov 15, 2011 at 11:11 am rating: 90
- #16.4 Anon
  
  Urine is an aqueous solution of greater than 95% water, with the remaining constituents, in order of decreasing concentration urea 9.3 g/L, chloride 1.87 g/L, sodium 1.17 g/L, potassium 0.750 g/L, creatinine 0.670 g/L and other dissolved ions, inorganic and organic compounds.
  
  The chances of contracting herpes from a toilet seat after someone with herpes uses the toilet seat is incredibly low. The infected person using the toilet seat first would have to rub his/her infected area on the toilet seat, and then the person following would have to rub his/her genitals on the same area of the toilet seat immediately thereafter to contract the virus. Even so, the chances are still very low because the following person may not coming into direct contact with the infected area, as could happen during sexual activity.
  
  Nov 15, 2011 at 11:20 am rating: 90
- #16.5 kermit
  
  Crystal, if you’re going to cite facts, please don’t discredit yourself by making stuff up about hovering causing uterine prolapse.
  
  There are plenty of places in the world where the toilet is just a hole in the floor / ground so you have no choice but to squat / hover because there is no toilet seat or any seat at all. Amazingly, no south east Asian person has ever had developed a uterine prolapse as a result of having to squat.
  
  Nov 15, 2011 at 11:38 am rating: 90
- #16.6 Kate
  
  Kirmit, although I am not saying that Crystal is right there is a world of difference between squatting and hovering.
  
  Squatting is a natural position to go to the toilet, hovering is not.
  
  Nov 15, 2011 at 12:29 pm rating: 90
- #16.7 Who passed out the Haterade?
  
  I’m pretty sure no one ever caught crabs off a toilet seat, either, and that’s a hokey urban legend that people regurgitate to rationalize hovering.
  
  Possible, but my money’s on it being used to rationalize infidelity. “Of course I didn’t cheat on you, honey… I must have caught it from a toilet seat!”
  
  Nov 15, 2011 at 12:40 pm rating: 90
- #16.8 kermit
  
  Really, Kate. If hovering was such a medical danger, I’m pretty sure that places like the Mayo Clinic would say something about it. http://www.mayoclinic.com/health/uterine-prolapse/DS00700/DSECTION=causes Funny, none of those things listed is hovering.
  
  Nov 15, 2011 at 12:50 pm rating: 90
- #16.9 Kate
  
  But you cannot deny that hovering two foot off the floor is not a natural position to go to the toilet. For that matter neither is going in a sitting position but that is an argument for another day.
  
  That link is about prolapses, I was talking about urinary tract infections. Hovering to pee means that you don’t empty all the pee out of your urethra and end up with an infection.
  
  Oh, and I have sat on festival toilets to pee and poo and am distinctly not dead or sick.
  
  Nov 15, 2011 at 1:42 pm rating: 90
- #16.10 kermit
  
  Kate, once again, no you cannot get a urinary tract infection from hovering over a toilet seat. http://www.mayoclinic.com/health/urinary-tract-infection/DS00286/DSECTION=causes
  
  Nov 15, 2011 at 2:06 pm rating: 90
- #16.11 kermit
  
  http://www.mayoclinic.com/health/urinary-tract-infection/DS00286/DSECTION=causes
  
  Hovering does not cause prolapses, urinary tract infections, scrofula, the bends, the straights or any other disease.
  
  Nov 15, 2011 at 5:34 pm rating: 90
- #16.12 Canthz_B
  
  Do you really think there’s a “natural position” to pee in? I’m pretty sure you can pee no matter what position you happen to be in as soon as you can’t hold it any longer.
  Pee is flexible like that, and I don’t think it cares whether you’re sitting, squatting, hovering, standing or passed out drunk and prostrate…you’re gonna piss.
  
  Many’s the time I…well, just trust me.
  
  Nov 15, 2011 at 11:51 pm rating: 90
- #16.13 Oh Geeee
  
  Actually… all of this reminds me that I read something at some point that suggested that as far as pooping (admittedly not peeing) goes doing so sitting on the toilet can injure muscles because, evolutionarily, we are trained to squat. I don’t remember where I read it and I don’t remember if it’s reputable but it does make some sense. Also, gyn told me you can get herpes from a toilet seat while pushing the HPV vaccine… Sort of a “you should be vaccinated even if you are married and in a monogamous relationship because of toilet seats!”. I decided the risk was too low to worry about and skipped the vaccine. But, point is, according to a random Internet article and greedy drug manufacturers, it is not healthy to sit while purging and you CAN get the herp from toilet seats.
  
  Nov 16, 2011 at 6:23 am rating: 90
- #16.14 Oh Geeee
  
  http://www.marksdailyapple.com/squat-poop/ Admittedly not a “reputable” site, but funny. According to this author, squatting to defecate can prevent unnecessary straining, hemorrhoids, maybe even colon cancer! However, the one website addressing urination and squatting or hovering suggested it increases the chances for UTIs. Go figure.
  
  Nov 16, 2011 at 6:33 am rating: 90
- #16.15 kermit
  
  Well, according to this author sitting on strange toilet seats evidently causes phantom hypochondria – an ailment that causes you to baselessly attribute diseases to people who chose to hover.
  
  Nov 16, 2011 at 9:16 am rating: 90
- #16.16 C
  
  gyn told me you can get herpes from a toilet seat while pushing the HPV vaccine
  
  Your gynecologist thinks you can catch STDs from toilet seats and doesn’t know the difference between HPV and herpes?
  
  Find a different gynecologist.
  
  Nov 16, 2011 at 11:56 am rating: 90
add to this thread
#17 bob loblaw

do you hover if you are taking a dump too?

Nov 15, 2011 at 10:48 am rating: 90

reply to this comment
- #17.1 Maeby
  
  Your name makes this comment an A+.
  
  Nov 15, 2011 at 11:12 am rating: 90
add to this thread
#18 Joech

@Erica: Now, if women did like men do (leaving the seat up when done), the overzealous automatic flush wouldn’t spray water all over the seat

Nov 15, 2011 at 10:51 am rating: 90

reply to this comment
#19 Joech

I was in France once, and had to stop at a roadside rest room. The stalls had no bowl at all — just a porcelain hole with two molded spaces for feet. Maybe that’s what we need here in the US, to teach a few people a lesson. Of course, that would make life inconvenient for all of the law-abiding citizens, as always seems to happen

Nov 15, 2011 at 10:55 am rating: 90

reply to this comment
#20 A sweetie at work

I once saw this little rhyme posted in a bathroom, to help squatters remember:

If you sprinkle
When you tinkle
Be a sweetie
Wipe the seatie

I sometimes hear this in my head when I go into a public bathroom, especially at work.

Nov 15, 2011 at 12:02 pm rating: 90

reply to this comment
#21 po4tjkope3rferwqggqwefgr

I am a guy, so I have no dog in the fight at hand, however, when sitting to take care of business, I always first dry the seat (trust me, men are worse at spraying the seat) with a giant wad of TP, then build a 3-4 layer thick TP nest before I sit.
I always dispose of said nest before I leave the stall. and then thoroughly wash my hands before I leaave the room, and grab an etra towel to open the door with. I have seen way too many people just wealtz right out of the bathroom, even after using a stall.

oh, and yeah, I kill trees.

Nov 15, 2011 at 12:53 pm rating: 90

reply to this comment
#22 pony girl

Hovering doesn’t leave urine on toilet seats,
rude people that don’t wipe off the seat after hovering do.

Nov 15, 2011 at 2:34 pm rating: 90

reply to this comment
- #22.1 infant tyrone
  
  pg, you have a knack for boiling off extraneous word-molecules that
  would get in the way of the simple truth. Reading you makes me smile.
  
  How’s this for a bumper sticker version:
  Gerunds aren’t the P-problem, nouns are.
  
  Never stay up on the barren heights of cleverness,
  but come down into the green valleys of silliness.
  Ludwig Wittgenstein
  
  Since you are a Physics enthusiast, I’ll let you in on a secret….
  Erwin Schrodinger managed to isolate gravitons back in the late 1930′s.
  He constructed a litter box for his famous feline, now quite mature, who had survived a number of chancy escapes from that other casino cage.
  Ever the gimmick-meister, old Erwin couldn’t resist equipping the litter box with his newly isolated gravitons, giving it the ability to hover about a meter off the ground.
  The hovering was a novelty that did not sit well with the cat, who would, well, sit, hovering in the box, eyes closed and taking care of business.
  One day there was a malfunction…something happened to the gravitons
  in the hovering module, and the cat/box duality up and disappeared.
  Calculations later determined not only that the cat had been transported to a spot near Tau Ceti, but that the trip had taken place at near-light speed, such that when the cat/box reappeared a few minutes later, the old cat, ever the obedient servant of the laws of physics, just wasn’t the same.
  
  Erwin called and related the details of the long, strange trip* to his young friend Sally Bowles, who got the house band at the Kit Kat Club to work up a tune to celebrate the cat’s safe return, which was named, of course…
  http://bit.ly/rJBbUE
  
  *OK, a parallel universe had a different tune but no Stray Cats (yet)
  http://bit.ly/vOM6A9
  
  Nov 16, 2011 at 3:54 am rating: 90
- #22.2 pony girl
  
  It was so cold this morning that I slept in; I just didn’t want to get out of my warm, snuggly bed. Glad that I finally did.
  
  =)
  
  Nov 17, 2011 at 12:09 pm rating: 90
add to this thread
#23 Jenn

I would love to see a wolf squatting over a toilet. Best. Pet. Ever.

Nov 15, 2011 at 3:40 pm rating: 90

reply to this comment
#24 Smokey

If you sprinkle when you tinkle….please be neat and wipe the seat.

Nov 15, 2011 at 3:51 pm rating: 90

reply to this comment
#25 Noname

As a man, I am firmly Team Not-My-Problem.

Nov 15, 2011 at 4:14 pm rating: 90

reply to this comment
- #25.1 Sarah A
  
  One day, you too, will have to take a shit.
  
  Nov 15, 2011 at 7:34 pm rating: 90
add to this thread
#26 Ditto

OMG! I was going to say something to that effect then saw you beat me to the punch! Thanks!

Nov 15, 2011 at 8:53 pm rating: 90

reply to this comment
- #26.1 Rattus
  
  Who are you talking to?
  
  Nov 16, 2011 at 7:49 am rating: 90
add to this thread
#27 Rabbit

So Im in an industry that deals with cross contamination and bodily fluids. I have to take classes regularly on such subjects. Here are a few facts to keep in mind.
1. Generally speaking, the door handle in the bathroom exit is the filthiest thing in the bathroom. Statistically, most people either do not wash their hands or do so poorly. Properly washing your hands involves not recontaminating them by touching a door knob, or spigot.
2. Urine is sterile until it passes through the urethra, where it picks up epithelials and bacteria. The bacteria cause the odor.
3. If everybody would just sit down, there would be nothing on the seat to contaminate it, therefore there would be no germs on your thighs or buttocks.
4. Even if there were some small level of contamination on your thighs or buttocks, it is inconsequential to the amount of contamination on your phone which touches both your face and your hands.
5. To be clear, alcohol is an inadequate sanitizer. It is good for cleaning wounds, removing oils, which contain germs, from your skin, but for true sanitation of hard surfaces, nothing less than bleach is adequate.
Lastly, I have seen some of the disgusting disasters in women’s rooms. I can attribute them all to not sitting down. See #3

Nov 15, 2011 at 9:15 pm rating: 90

reply to this comment
- #27.1 Who passed out the Haterade?
  
  ^ This.
  
  1.a) If you lightly rinse your hands with water, you would be better off doing nothing at all. Not only does it not kill them, bacteria like moisture.
  
  Nov 16, 2011 at 5:39 am rating: 90
- #27.2 Rattus
  
  Thanks for clarifying the points I made in a more facetious manner.
  
  Nov 16, 2011 at 7:51 am rating: 90
- #27.3 Lil'
  
  Well Rabbit, I’m with you on some points – mainly the door knob issue. I NEVER touch the door knob without a napkin on the way out of a public bathroom. However, I will NEVER sit on a public toilet seat as some measure to make it cleaner for all of us. If I sprinkle when I tinkle, yeah, I wipe the seat, but I see sitting down on the seat as the equivalent of pressing buttocks to buttocks with every other human who has sat down on it since the last time it was sanitized. No thanks.
  
  Nov 16, 2011 at 11:24 am rating: 90
- #27.4 Who passed out the Haterade?
  
  Lil’: Understandable… that thought weirds me out as well.
  
  But the odds against someone catching a disease that way are astronomical. (No pun intended.) Pathogens generally need to get in through an orifice to do any damage. So unless you’re rubbing one of those up against the seat, you’re pretty safe.
  
  Rubbing nostrils and lips with every one of your coworkers will get you sick a whole lot faster, because that’s straight orifice-to-orifice. But we keep using our workplace telephones, ne?
  
  Nov 16, 2011 at 11:43 am rating: 90
- #27.5 Lil'
  
  I get your point, Haterade. I’m less worried about disease than just the general lack of cleanliness. People expect public toilet seats to be contaminated already, so many people obviously don’t take care to clean up after themselves. There always gonna be people who leave behind their own trinkets. I don’t want to leave with traces of other people’s bio breaks on my body, even if it doesn’t kill me. Sure, there are traces everywhere, pretzel baskets at the bar, the handle of a shopping cart, the buttons on an ATM. We can’t completely prevent contact, but we do what we can. For me, that includes washing my hands often and not sitting on public toilet seats.
  
  Nov 16, 2011 at 1:08 pm rating: 90
- #27.6 Kate
  
  It’s odd when you think too that we will all happily sleep in a hotel bedroom where people have slept or had sex without a worry.
  Yes the sheets have been changed, but how many people have had sex on that mattress?
  
  Nov 16, 2011 at 2:21 pm rating: 90
- #27.7 HAHA
  
  You can only hope the sheets have been changed…been reading the news lately?
  
  Nov 17, 2011 at 9:40 am rating: 90
- #27.8 Assilem
  
  Spraying with vinegar than hydrogen peroxide disinfects as thoroughly as bleach.
  
  Nov 18, 2011 at 12:32 am rating: 90
add to this thread
#28 Canthz_B

And now, an editorial response from Miss Emily Litella…

Copulating drops of urine are disgusting in public toilets and unless stopped can take over entire restrooms!!
These dirty droplets need to be wiped out!!
The world should be cleansed of these…

What? Copious?! Oh. Never mind.

Nov 15, 2011 at 11:21 pm rating: 90

reply to this comment
#29 Laire-Cay

I once got pregnant wif an aids baby from sitting on a toilet seat. But luckily, since it was an imaculate conception, our church says his the second coming!! :-))

Nov 16, 2011 at 5:20 am rating: 90

reply to this comment
#30 Chinchillazilla

I don’t understand why people feel a need to hover in the first place. If anything besides the outside of your buttocks/thighs touches the seat, you’re doing it wrong. And as far as I know, there are no diseases transmitted from thigh to thigh.

Nov 16, 2011 at 2:15 pm rating: 90

reply to this comment
- #30.1 mcdrewbie
  
  http://www.marksdailyapple.com/squat-poop/
  
  though I guess one could squat with feet on the seat, so dirty seat would still be a problem.
  
  Nov 16, 2011 at 11:30 pm rating: 90
add to this thread
#31 Cascj

It isn’t hard to wipe it up- this annoying note should not be necessary. I usually hover as close as I can to the bowl or use two strips of toilet paper on the seat and then flush them. Yeah, I don’t like touching doors either- I use my shoes or a paper bowl to open doors. If I have to touch one I wash my hands afterwards. So far, being a germophobe means that I am rarely sick, and let’s just say that I love it! I don’t make a mess, therefore don’t tell me how to pee!

Nov 16, 2011 at 5:42 pm rating: 90

reply to this comment
#32 mcdrewbie

Sitting to urinate/defecate is not natural. Depending on gender (and I guess personal preference) squatting/hovering or standing is the way human bodies evolved.

Sitting only occurs because of the way western toilets are designed. The sitting posture is inefficient for waste excretion.

Also, if everyone squatted/hovered, then no one would have to worry about pee on the seats. (also toilets would probably look different, and I guess people would have better aim.)

Nov 16, 2011 at 11:28 pm rating: 90

reply to this comment
- #32.1 Who passed out the Haterade?
  
  You’re talking about them as if they were the same, but:
  Squatting: butt close to the ground, knees sharply bent) is different from sitting.
  Hovering: butt far from the ground, partway between sitting and standing
  
  “squatting/hovering or standing is the way human bodies evolved.”
  Squatting, yes. Hovering, no. Hovering tightens up the same muscles that squatting relaxes… in this respect, it’s the opposite of squatting. Sitting isn’t ideal, but it at least leaves those muscles in a neutral state.
  
  Nov 17, 2011 at 2:20 pm rating: 90
- #32.2 hannah
  
  luv u, Haterade
  
  for me this is almost a political issue. there are absolutely no decent pro-hovering arguments that don’t have to do with a neurotic, unjustified “squick” reaction that neurotic people feel they’re entitled to a. have and b. treat as valid. as for the “butt-to-butt” contact ickiness… sorry you don’t live in a box, dear, do you pull plastic gloves out every time you shake hands with someone too? get over it
  
  like haterade said, hovering and squatting are COMPLETELY different. hovering = extreme tension of a bunch of muscles and weird angles in intestines. sitting = most muscles relaxed but intestines still at a weird angle. squatting = a bunch of muscles relaxed, intestines angled perfectly for emitting poo, and your pee goes straight downwards. holes in the ground are by far the most optimal toilet design! squatting is awesome! if only america/canada would catch on!
  
  hovering, though: totally insane. i can’t believe how widespread it is. depressing
  
  Nov 18, 2011 at 3:23 pm rating: 90
- #32.3 Bonnie
  
  Hannah,
  
  “Butt-to-butt contact ickiness” has no relation to handshaking. I don’t want traces of your piss on my body, whether it’s on the hand or the thigh or the butt. It’s nasty. Would you wash your arm if you got someone’s piss on it? Of course you would. Hey, if you want to sit on my piss, go right ahead, but don’t be pissed at those of us who don’t want to sit on yours. Get over it.
  
  Nov 18, 2011 at 3:48 pm rating: 90
add to this thread
#33 infant tyrone

I have resisted posting this as long as I can, but I can no longer hold it.
Sorry if any of the mental sprinkles make y’all twitchy.
http://bit.ly/vLWfBV

Nov 17, 2011 at 1:35 pm rating: 90

reply to this comment
#34 shesajem

I need this sign to take with me to every public bathroom in my area.

Nov 17, 2011 at 6:07 pm rating: 90

reply to this comment
#35 Colin Purrington

This needs to be made available as downloadable, printable PDF. Love it.

Nov 19, 2011 at 8:59 am rating: 90

reply to this comment
#36 infant tyrone

I tried to find a clip of the space station toilet instructions scene from 2001

No dice, but would this thing work for our germophobic population, hovering nearby ? Tell your office managers. Xmas is on the way.
http://bit.ly/tFlzsJ

Nov 19, 2011 at 3:17 pm rating: 90

reply to this comment
#37 zhangss

http://50。gd/1k

Nov 19, 2011 at 7:17 pm rating: 90

reply to this comment
#38 DarkSock

I peed in a horse once.

Nov 19, 2011 at 10:27 pm rating: 90

reply to this comment
#39 Mallory

Sorry, but sitting on public toilet seats is fucking gross.

Nov 21, 2011 at 10:41 am rating: 90

reply to this comment
#40 jude

Trust me, we can tell the difference between “flush splash” and urine.

Nov 26, 2011 at 2:13 am rating: 90

reply to this comment
#41 A. Wolf

Damn! I never see these in the ladies’ restrooms. I’d love to add in the third option that applies to me: –> [If nobody else is in the bathroom I stand up, because I am a shemale...but at least I'm smart enough to lift the lid first.]

Dec 24, 2011 at 12:12 pm rating: 90

reply to this comment