Ah, first world problems.
(Spotted by Kim in Manchester, U.K.)
related: My query on the egg salad ban
Ah, first world problems.
(Spotted by Kim in Manchester, U.K.)
related: My query on the egg salad ban
FILED UNDER: college life · Manchester · U.K. · vending machine drama
94 responses so far ↓
#1
farcical aquatic ceremony
hope it’s not a sanity exam she’s prepping for…
Nov 18, 2011 at 5:45 pm rating: 35
#2
Nondi
Is it so hard to read instructions? Many of the world’s problems would be solved if people would only READ! Shame on the college student who can’t follow simple directions and points the blame of their ineptitude on someone else. tsk,tsk! (How did they make it into college?)
Nov 18, 2011 at 5:45 pm rating: 101
#3
WRPrintz
It is listed in the way people are prone to order…and your poor choice, and seeming inability to go get a free sugar packet from nearly anywhere, combined with your drug dependency and unawareness of the general lack of improvement from cramming for exams means….perhaps you are best fit for a career in ditch digging.
Nov 18, 2011 at 5:47 pm rating: 58
#4
Nunavut Guy
Sugar,nah nah nah nah nah nah,Ah honey honey honey…….
Nov 18, 2011 at 5:49 pm rating: 31
#5
JoAnne M.
Coffee is better without sugar, and the sugar will just produce an inevitable crash.
Nov 18, 2011 at 5:51 pm rating: 15
#6
bug
Our response: be thankful the third option wasn’t decaf, no sugar.
Nov 18, 2011 at 5:52 pm rating: 71
#7
bug
In an alternate dimension where 7 comes before 1? Go you!
Nov 18, 2011 at 5:53 pm rating: 2
#8
Mrs.Beasley
I found myself unable to continue past the first couple of lines until my brain could process what the heck “cossee” is.
Nov 18, 2011 at 6:02 pm rating: 21
#9
Shesajem
That coffee was fucking delicious!
Nov 18, 2011 at 6:05 pm rating: 6
#10
quigrey
I feel like I know this girl… or have been this girl at some point in time…
Nov 18, 2011 at 6:06 pm rating: 5
#11
Smokey
I tell all my 4th graders: Read twice, underline the important information, circle the question, stop and think before answering (choosing)
Nov 18, 2011 at 6:23 pm rating: 30
#12
Zsa
Dear Coffee Machine,
Just because I spent my first 2 years of college passed out on a frat house “community bed” does NOT negate the fact that my life has been ruined by THIS machine pushing bad choices.
I mean, how the HELL can I pass basic math and basket-weaving when I get no sugar in option #3???? Even monkeys can pass a multiple choice test by selecting #3 (AKA “C”) on every answer.
In summary, YOU SUCK. And not in the good way. (3 paragraphs is the minimum, right?)
Love & hugs,
Hoping to be a Junior
Nov 18, 2011 at 6:25 pm rating: 20
#13
Melissa
Your verbosity makes me think there’s plenty of something coursing through your veins.
Nov 18, 2011 at 6:29 pm rating: 8
#14
AZB
If she can’t figure out the coffee machine I don’t think she stands much of a chance on her exam.
Nov 18, 2011 at 7:02 pm rating: 38
#15
Dalamara
I love our society nowadays. Who is to blame for the writer of this letter getting the wrong order? Certainly not the writer! Must be the makers of the coffee machine, how dare they not know what order the note-writer wants the coffee in!!!
Nov 18, 2011 at 7:06 pm rating: 28
#16
Canthz_B
Sure, blame Juan Valdez if you’d like, but if you’re up studying at 3:30am for an exam, odds are you are about to fail with or without sugar in your coffee.
Nov 18, 2011 at 7:24 pm rating: 26
#17
Samuel L. Bronkowitz
This is a great example of sarcasm–who ever wrote this did it as a joke.
Nov 18, 2011 at 9:04 pm rating: 3
#18
NutellaIshMehName
Obviously this person isn’t sweet enough without their sugar dose of the day…
Nov 18, 2011 at 9:32 pm rating: 3
#19
bookworm
This person doesn’t need any more coffee ever. Wow.
Nov 18, 2011 at 10:58 pm rating: 9
#20
Me
I like the “movable type” style Fs.
Nov 18, 2011 at 11:03 pm rating: 3
#21
Matt
Gas stations are trying to do this “out of order” option thing too now. Around here ,and in most places I have gone to elsewhere in the US., the order of buttons on the pumps goes 87, 89, 93 octanes. This one particular chain likes to put it in backwards order. Luckily I read the buttons before putting premium into my crappy Sentra but when you are used to a standard way of things elsewhere for a long time, you kind of just assume, so I see where this guy is coming from. But should probably lay off the coffee.
Nov 19, 2011 at 2:39 am rating: 6
#22
Zoe
That’s not a first world problem if she used her last 50p.
Nov 19, 2011 at 3:01 am rating: 2
#23
Dr. Chalkwitheringlicktacklefeff
What has sugar got to do with staying awake? Sugar has nothing to do with sleep. You can eat all the sugar in the world, it still won’t keep you awake.
Nov 19, 2011 at 5:25 am rating: 7
#24
Kate
So she has memorised the order to enable her to write the note, but not to order coffee?
Nov 19, 2011 at 6:50 am rating: 17
#25
Mickie
Most likely she won’t be passing her exams if she’s up at 3:30am.
Nov 19, 2011 at 8:59 am rating: 3
#26
Nahhh
What about the no-calorie, sugar-free sweetener? You, vending machine company, are discriminating against diabetics! With your illogical, leaving-out-the-artificial-sweetener button layout, you’re going to KILL one of us someday! Our sugar-laden blood will be on YOUR HANDS!
Please change it.
Nov 19, 2011 at 9:03 am rating: 18
#27
Rattus
I’m going to take this PAN opportunity to continue my coffee-room-at-work survey. Did you like coffee the first time you tried it? If not, why the hell did you keep drinking it? Seriously, I want to know.
Nov 19, 2011 at 9:24 am rating: 7
#28
Dr. Frank Knight
“I had some dreams, they were clouds in my coffee.”
~Carly Simon
Nov 19, 2011 at 10:53 am rating: 8
#29
Richard
Actually black coffee would keep you up better! The sugar would cause a spike in insulin which in turn would actually make the user more sleepy. The caffeine in the black coffee with the lack of sugar should be a good way to wake the student up and function for the exam.
So, in review:
Quit your whining and read the instructions next time!
Nov 19, 2011 at 11:12 am rating: 15
#30
Panagiotes
1. Always read the fucking instructions.
2. Order of “options” (i.e. optional stuff) may go by order of popularity in terms of the applicable demographic.
3. Depending on the vending machine, lots of other reasons may exist for that scheme (such as there being an option not to choose options, thereby the third press allowing one to reset their option for sugar to “no sugar”).
Nov 19, 2011 at 12:09 pm rating: 5
#31
dfgfh
http://www.sipostyle.com
Nov 19, 2011 at 7:17 pm rating: 0
#32
zhangss
http://50。gd/1k
Nov 19, 2011 at 7:18 pm rating: 0
#33
SkinnyBish
I wonder how much of her limited (and presumably valuable) wakey time was spent writing this over-long complaint instead of studying, or fishing between couch cushions for another 50p.
Nov 19, 2011 at 9:25 pm rating: 8
#34
zhangsss
http://url7。me/SRh4
Nov 20, 2011 at 9:20 am rating: 0
#35
Grant
Maybe she could get a job designing these machines. Replace the list of coffee options buttons with a simple “Vennd” diagram?
Nov 21, 2011 at 4:05 am rating: 8
#36
Mel K
I think that she was just really upset that there was no Coffee-Mate.
Understandable as it would have eaten through her stomach lining, allowing her to postpone her exams.
Nov 21, 2011 at 8:04 am rating: 4
#37
The Elf
If there is one thing we’ve learned with PAN, it is this:
Do not mess with the coffee. The caffeine addicts will cut you down without hesitation to reach that bitter elixir of life just the way they like it.
Nov 21, 2011 at 10:04 am rating: 3
#38
Junebug
Finally! We have the answer to the high rates of unemployment and intellectual drain in this country. It is the fault of illogically laid out buttons on coffee vending machines. Thank you!
Nov 21, 2011 at 11:07 am rating: 4
#39
Asasaas
Maybe the machine was built in a country where they read the reverse direction (like Japan).
And then, to be extra intuitive, they added the extra sugar first, because most people (except me) would like that.
Nov 21, 2011 at 1:03 pm rating: 0
#40
Allie
The order of the coffee choices is perfectly logical – it is in order of popularity: coffee with sugar, coffee with more sugar, coffee with no sugar. Who the hell orders vending machine coffee with no sugar? It’s already gag-inducing with sugar or extra sugar. So, the least popular choice is last.
Nov 21, 2011 at 2:19 pm rating: 3
#41
Laire-Cay
I hope the vending machine dude changes it for her. Then I hope she gets hunted down by all the other users who get tripped up when the perfectly logical order is suddenly rearranged.
Nov 21, 2011 at 6:32 pm rating: 2
#42
meh
FAIL!
Coffee machine *was* the test.
Nov 21, 2011 at 10:57 pm rating: 7
#43
Blinky McSquintz
lulz
what a bellend
Nov 23, 2011 at 4:10 pm rating: 0
#44
Goofy59
That WAS your exam!!! You didn’t read the options first so you just failed. Go ahead and start applying to flip burgers!!!!
Nov 27, 2011 at 7:40 am rating: 0
#45
goneamiss
But, professor, I *meant* Option C.
Dec 20, 2011 at 3:00 pm rating: 0
#46
Amanda
Ah, this is in the library at my university! I thought I recognised it, those comment sheets are always brilliant.
Dec 28, 2011 at 11:37 am rating: 0
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