Talkin’ Tofurky

November 24th, 2011 · 133 comments

As a vegan, our submitter in California appreciated this marquee.

Happy Turkey Genocide Day!

related: A turkey’s idea of Thanksgiving

FILED UNDER: Thanksgiving


133 responses so far ↓

  • #1   josh

    Every day there is yeast genocide day however. Philips Rivers genocide day comes just once a week though.

    Nov 24, 2011 at 11:50 am   rating: 8  small thumbs up

    • #1.1   TD

      Its funny you say Philip Rivers genocide since this is Mutt Lynches in Newport, a Charger bar…

      Nov 30, 2011 at 6:34 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #2   C

    “I’m not a vegan because I love animals, I’m a vegan because I hate plants.”

    Nov 24, 2011 at 12:06 pm   rating: 66  small thumbs up

    • #2.1   infant tyrone bang

      Some heartless fox-tail must have really done you wrong.

      Nov 24, 2011 at 1:20 pm   rating: 3  small thumbs up

       
    • #2.2   Eva

      I’m a carnivore because I hate plants. That cow destroyed far more plants than I ever could. It’s just efficiency.

      Nov 24, 2011 at 4:46 pm   rating: 23  small thumbs up

       
    • #2.3   Amber

      I’m a meat eater because I love the planet; cow eat the plants and release deadly emissions into the ozone. They cause people to deforest. I eat the problem, what are you vegetarians doing to help the environment besides eating the planet’s greatest ozone cleaners? Hmmm?

      Nov 28, 2011 at 4:04 pm   rating: 6  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #3   Dee

    I’m sure they didn’t even pause to think of all the potatoes being brutally slaughtered, dropped in boiling water and then, to add insult to injury, mashed with several of their brethren. The horror!

    Nov 24, 2011 at 12:07 pm   rating: 36  small thumbs up

    • #3.1   Quietmarc

      I’ll never forget the potato famine, all those tubers going hungry, having to leave their homes for the great continent of North America….(not that they actually came from here originally, no sir…)

      Nov 24, 2011 at 12:52 pm   rating: 8  small thumbs up

       
    • #3.2   Dr. Chalkwitheringlicktacklefeff

      I thought potatoes were from South America(?) Peru, wasn’t it?

      Nov 25, 2011 at 6:50 am   rating: 3  small thumbs up

       
    • #3.3   Dr. Chalkwitheringlicktacklefeff

      Upon further investigation, it seems that Peru is where the ancestor of all wild potatoes originated, but they had spread all over North America and South America before they were domesticated. Carry on.

      Nov 25, 2011 at 6:51 am   rating: 8  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #4   mitte bang

    F*ck you and the turkey you rode in on!

    Nov 24, 2011 at 12:09 pm   rating: 18  small thumbs up

     
  • #5   Nick

    Someone said it in the previous post, but it bears repeating here:

    “Good grief, lighten the hell up.”

    Nov 24, 2011 at 12:36 pm   rating: 7  small thumbs up

    • #5.1   Eva

      Huh? Who are you talking to?

      Nov 24, 2011 at 4:47 pm   rating: 5  small thumbs up

       
    • #5.2   Lenny!

      Wow, Charlie Brown gets a little touchy on Turkey Day.

      Nov 25, 2011 at 1:26 am   rating: 7  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #6   qua

    In some Native American Languages “Vegan” means Bad Hunter

    Nov 24, 2011 at 12:41 pm   rating: 56  small thumbs up

    • #6.1   Butter

      I hate to break it to you, but the ability to order at a McDonald’s Drive-Thru doesn’t make you a good hunter.

      Nov 24, 2011 at 4:58 pm   rating: 51  small thumbs up

       
    • #6.2   Canthz_B bang

      The ability to order at a McDonald’s Drive-Thru at 3:00am often makes one a good hunter.

      Nov 25, 2011 at 1:49 am   rating: 17  small thumbs up

       
    • #6.3   infant tyrone bang

      At 3:00 AM ?

      At the place where They Do It All For You so You’re Lovin’ It
      Finding it proves you’re a good hunter.
      Ordering successfully proves you’re sober.

      At that Have It You’re Your Way place
      Finding it demonstrates your hunting skill.
      Ordering successfully demonstrates your sobriety.

      Nov 25, 2011 at 2:10 am   rating: 5  small thumbs up

       
    • #6.4   Canthz_B bang

      Just working within the structure of the comment responded to, Ty.
      Allow a brother a little poetic license on a holiday! LOL

      Nov 25, 2011 at 2:33 am   rating: 4  small thumbs up

       
    • #6.5   infant tyrone bang

      I’m not weeth thee Fish & Game Department, mon frere.
      Ala “Liberté, égalité, fraternité”, license is not mine to allow or not.
      Like ketchup, napkins, and straws, license is out on the floor,
      not behind the counter…take it if you need it.
      Likewise, I was just trying to supersize and accessorize the meme
      with some leftover yours and you’re’s from yesterday.

      Nov 25, 2011 at 3:49 am   rating: 4  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #7   Tim the Surveyor bang

    It’s turkey jerky day (for all you who only cook a bird once or twice a year).

    Nov 24, 2011 at 12:54 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

     
  • #8   Daffy

    I’m a vegetarian& even I think this is overkill pun inteded

    Nov 24, 2011 at 12:57 pm   rating: 5  small thumbs up

     
  • #9   Nunavut Guy

    I prefer to buy two live turkeys,make them fight to the death and eat the winner.

    Nov 24, 2011 at 1:14 pm   rating: 27  small thumbs up

    • #9.1   infant tyrone bang

      I get eating the winner if it’s along the lines of “eat your fallen adversary’s heart”…but doesn’t it create a disposal problem, i.e. the losing bird.

      Why not eat the fallen fowl and get together with other like-minded enthusiasts to have your victors fight each other (like cock fighting on steroids) in a ladder format like the NCAA’s March Madness ?

      You could donate the pyramid of losing carcasses to a local food bank to try to keep the local authorities from raiding what must be illegal nearly everywhere, although Alaska might not be out of the question.

      You could get Sarah Palin to participate or at least tape a spot defending the right of people to watch blood sport involving mean stupid birds.
      They aren’t really so stupid that they will drown from looking up at rain, but I’ll bet you a dollar or a drumstick that Sarah doesn’t know that.

      http://bit.ly/vr31RU

      Nov 24, 2011 at 1:49 pm   rating: 3  small thumbs up

       
    • #9.2   Nunavut Guy

      I will not eat beaten cock………I have standards.

      Nov 24, 2011 at 8:41 pm   rating: 28  small thumbs up

       
    • #9.3   Nunavut Guy

      Man,that did not come out right.

      Nov 24, 2011 at 9:06 pm   rating: 11  small thumbs up

       
    • #9.4   Nunavut Guy

      Neither did that.

      Nov 24, 2011 at 9:08 pm   rating: 10  small thumbs up

       
    • #9.5   Canthz_B bang

      Such fowl thoughts! Shame on you, NG. You should clean this up.

      Nov 25, 2011 at 1:52 am   rating: 8  small thumbs up

       
    • #9.6   Nunavut Guy

      Sorry.I didn’t mean to ruffle any feathers.I will straighten up and fly right.

      Nov 25, 2011 at 6:17 am   rating: 9  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #10   Stephanie I

    Vegan: Old Native American term for “Bad Hunter”

    Nov 24, 2011 at 2:04 pm   rating: 4  small thumbs up

    • #10.1   Canthz_B bang

      “Comment #10″: Old Native American term for “Comment #6″. LOL

      Nov 25, 2011 at 1:56 am   rating: 36  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #11   Cheb

    ‘vegan’ blah blah Native America blah blah hunter

    http://26.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_kthged98z01qz57ezo1_500.jpg

    Nov 24, 2011 at 2:32 pm   rating: 29  small thumbs up

    • #11.1   Iniquitous

      Blah blah blah defensive vegan with passive aggressive Bingo card.

      Nov 24, 2011 at 2:43 pm   rating: 46  small thumbs up

       
    • #11.2   Ni

      Cheb, I love EVERYTHING about this!! Hahahaaa!

      *copy and save*

      Nov 24, 2011 at 2:45 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

       
    • #11.3   Silence

      Blah blah blah vegetarian who thinks anyone actually gives a shit about their dining preferences blah blah.

      Nov 24, 2011 at 3:07 pm   rating: 28  small thumbs up

       
    • #11.4   shepd

      Sweet! The one I usually use isn’t there: Veganism is inherently unhealthy as a vegan has to specifically tailor their diet to ensure they don’t succumb to various malnutrition related diseases, whereas an omnivore pretty much just eats whatever they like and unless there’s a famine going on, they’re not ending up with rickets, etc.

      Nov 24, 2011 at 6:16 pm   rating: 28  small thumbs up

       
    • #11.5   squiffy

      That is awesome

      Nov 24, 2011 at 8:02 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

       
    • #11.6   MayaGold bang

      because vegans ARE known to suffer from the vitamin D deficentcy that causes rickets… they just HATE sunlight…

      Maybe you ment scurvey? Vitamin C? Although how someone who eats entirely plant based foods would manage to be deficent in any vitamin is beyond me…

      maybe B12, i could see B12, but only if you were retarded…

      Nov 25, 2011 at 3:37 am   rating: 10  small thumbs up

       
    • #11.7   Jessi

      @Maya, I think the Rickets thing stems from the fact that kids these days tend to spend far less time out in the sun as previous generations. Which is fine for non Vegan kids (as they drink cow milk supplemented with vitamin D), but more dangerous for Vegan kids.

      I’m not saying I agree with it, as any good parent should ensure their kids get enough supervised outside playtime (Vegan or not), I’m just trying to explain where such a crazy idea might come from.

      Nov 25, 2011 at 3:53 am   rating: 4  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #12   Silence

    Too bad turkeys aren’t people, which is what the word “genocide” refers to.

    Nov 24, 2011 at 3:06 pm   rating: 22  small thumbs up

    • #12.1   Dr. Chalkwitheringlicktacklefeff

      I was thinking that. Genocide is defined as “the deliberate and systematic destruction, in whole or in part, of an ethnic, racial, religious, or national group”. I’m not sure which of those categories they think turkeys fit into.

      Nov 25, 2011 at 6:54 am   rating: 6  small thumbs up

       
    • #12.2   Rattus

      National. It’s a country straddling the border between Europe and Asia.

      Nov 25, 2011 at 1:08 pm   rating: 20  small thumbs up

       
    • #12.3   Palomon

      They vacation in Vegan.

      Nov 26, 2011 at 1:13 am   rating: 2  small thumbs up

       
    • #12.4   Quite Contrary

      Did they climb under the border fence to get into the US?

      Nov 27, 2011 at 10:56 am   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #13   Dubh

    Piffle. We are not committing genocide. Nobody wants to see turkeys wiped out. We simply want to slaughter and eat a few million of them. We wish to keep turkeys a renewable resource for many years to come.

    Nov 24, 2011 at 3:11 pm   rating: 35  small thumbs up

    • #13.1   BrookeDiz

      I was just following orders.

      Nov 24, 2011 at 6:52 pm   rating: 14  small thumbs up

       
    • #13.2   Canthz_B bang

      I ordered a thigh.

      Nov 25, 2011 at 2:00 am   rating: 8  small thumbs up

       
    • #13.3   Palomon

      “I got a wing! Hey, Henry, you wanna wing?”

      Nov 26, 2011 at 1:11 am   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #14   ansco

    The human brain needs a certain type of protein which cannot be found in veggies or fruits. With that being said we can now understand why vegans are not in their right minds.

    Nov 24, 2011 at 3:18 pm   rating: 16  small thumbs up

    • #14.1   infant tyrone bang

      I mean, say what you like about the tenets of National Socialism ansco’s comment, Dude, at least it’s an ethos a testable hypothesis.

      Nov 24, 2011 at 3:36 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

       
    • #14.2   Butter

      Did you know that a full 73% of statistics are mae up on the spot?

      Nov 24, 2011 at 5:00 pm   rating: 18  small thumbs up

       
    • #14.3   juju_skittles

      Yes. 98% of people know that.

      Nov 24, 2011 at 9:46 pm   rating: 17  small thumbs up

       
    • #14.4   Canthz_B bang

      ansco, what percentage of vegans is left-handed? Is it really a low as you suggest?

      Nov 25, 2011 at 2:04 am   rating: 0  small thumbs up

       
    • #14.5   MayaGold bang

      *Cough *bullshit* cough*

      the human brain EVOLVED to such a capacity by using the energy provoded by protiens, however, as we are no longer evolving (humans are now way too mobile and inclinded to mix populations to develop the generic specifications required to evolve) protein requirements of the average adult are easily taken care of with a half can of kidney beans and a chocolate flavoured soya pudding or two…

      Nov 25, 2011 at 3:46 am   rating: 17  small thumbs up

       
    • #14.6   RubeMcCube bang

      It’s OK for Vegans to eat oysters:

      http://www.slate.com/articles/life/food/2010/04/consider_the_oyster.html

      Nov 25, 2011 at 4:59 am   rating: 0  small thumbs up

       
    • #14.7   Dr. Chalkwitheringlicktacklefeff

      Yeah, this isn’t true ansco.

      The argument that we need meat is bullshit. We don’t. There are 20 different amino acids, and 12 of them can be made in the human body out of the other 8. Those 8 are all found in some plant products. Proteins are constructed from those amino acids.

      I eat meat, and I do it because I like it and I disagree with vegetarians’ arguments that it’s wrong. I don’t need to justify it; they need to prove that it’s wrong for me to stop, and they haven’t.

      Nov 25, 2011 at 6:57 am   rating: 16  small thumbs up

       
    • #14.8   Dr. Chalkwitheringlicktacklefeff

      And actually, there’s significant evidence that it was the advent of cooking food, not the eating of meat, that spurred the growth of the human brain. There is evidence that suggests that man began cooking in one form or another as early as 900,000 years ago, and it has been demonstrated that the human intestinal tract is capable of extracting more energy from cooked food than raw – and that includes veggies.

      Nov 25, 2011 at 6:59 am   rating: 17  small thumbs up

       
    • #14.9   Palomon

      Nature still selects. Mobility does not change that. No need to cough.

      Nov 26, 2011 at 1:17 am   rating: 5  small thumbs up

       
    • #14.10   Jami

      Please, Maya, there’s no such thing as evolution. If it was real there’d be no Snooki as all the stupid people would’ve died off centuries ago and their genes would not be carried into other generations.

      God ordered humans to eat meat after the Flood because He/She saw that humans needed an outlet for their blood lust. However He/She set down the kosher laws so we wouldn’t eat certain kinds of animals nor be cruel to them. Plus there is also the theory that God wanted the rules to be so hard to follow that everyone would become a vegetarian as Adam and Eve were because it’s just easier than keeping kosher. When everyone does that, we’ll be ready for the Messiah and The World To Come.

      Anyway, turkey is yummy. Bacon’s gross though.

      Nov 26, 2011 at 9:56 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
    • #14.11   Canthz_B bang

      MayaGold, it is the height of both arrogance and ignorance to believe that we humans in our current form are the end product of evolution.
      By its very nature, evolution has no end product. Evolution is a continuing process, not a means to an end.
      All you need is one good pandemic to prove that out. Hell, our ease of mobility about the globe may well be our downfall in the case of a pandemic, not our salvation. However, our mixing of genetic materials could be a salvation in that there would be an increase in genetic diversity rather than a homogenization. Genetic diversity is the key to our survival and evolution.
      Those with certain traits will survive the scourge and pass on their genes, the rest will perish…evolution of Homo sapiens in action.
      In a million years some other species will be digging up our bones trying to figure out just how they evolved from such “primitive” beings as us.

      If we should happen to nearly destroy ourselves in the meantime, they may even have to classify us as “Prehistoric”, as the beginning of their written history may post-date the destruction of all records we think we’re leaving.

      Nov 26, 2011 at 10:34 pm   rating: 7  small thumbs up

       
    • #14.12   Canthz_B bang

      “…we are no longer evolving (humans are now way too mobile and inclinded to mix populations to develop the generic specifications required to evolve)”

      In fact, at some point in the past all of our ancestors coexisted and intermingled in Africa. Did that mixing of the population stop human evolution?
      NO!!
      The mixing of genetic materials furthers evolution, mixing of genetic materials does not stifle evolution. Quite the contrary, mixing of genetic material is the very engine of evolution!!
      Mixing doesn’t make us more alike, mixing makes us more diverse and increases our chances of producing offspring which will survive until the age of maturity.

      May I suggest that you do not fully understand the Theory of Evolution? Because it sure seems to me that you have some misconceptions about it.

      Maybe this will help…

      If Noah only had two of each animal on his ark, almost every animal species would be extinct by now. Why? Lack of genetic diversity. Ask any zoologist. You cannot save tigers if you only save one male and one female. Why? Not enough genetic diversity…and you don’t get diversity without mixing diverse populations…mixing diverse populations as you say we humans are doing today since we are “way too mobile”.

      I wonder how many have died of malaria wishing they carried sickle cell trait?…genetic diversity has its uses, my friend. This benefit is what evolutionary biologists call “heterozygote advantage,” and it explains why the sickle cell trait has persisted in areas where malaria is common. You don’t find, get or keep those advantages without diversity in your gene pool, so mixing does not kill evolution, mixing enables evolution.

      Get it? It’s Genetics! Biology!! SCIENCE!!! ;-)

      Nov 27, 2011 at 12:49 am   rating: 3  small thumbs up

       
    • #14.13   Nunavut Guy

      What’s a “snookie”?

      Nov 27, 2011 at 6:23 am   rating: 2  small thumbs up

       
    • #14.14   MayaGold

      #14.10 seriously? that’s not even worth a response…

      #14.11 Except, in case you haven’t noticed, “survival of the fittest”, a basic tenant for species adaptation and improvement, no longer applies, therefore severely stunting any further evolutionary progress.

      Every single time modern medicine saves a child with a congenital defect who should have died, you battle against the natural evolutionary process, because then they survive to pass on their genes.

      Not to mention evolution occurs when species adapt physically to suit their environment, IE they grow longer fur, not IE they skin a furry animal and wear it as a coat.

      Also, do not get me started on sickle cell trait, much good as it does you in Africa, it will f*** you over anywhere else.

      yes, if there is a global pandemic and at least 6 billion people die, we would see some significant evolutionary improvements, otherwise, its just not going to happen….

      Nov 28, 2011 at 7:53 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

       
    • #14.15   Canthz_B bang

      And so yet again you demonstrate that you do not understand the Theory of Evolution.
      Animals do not grow longer fur because it happens to get colder. However, those with longer fur happen to be better able to survive cold that their shorter furred kin may not survive. they live and pass on their long furred genes. Doesn’t have to be fur, could be blubber. Ever seen a skinny walrus?
      Species do not adapt to their environments, they adapt because of their environments.
      The famous example is of moths in pre- and post-industrial England. Pre-industrial era moths were light colored like the bark of the trees upon which moths like to land. Made it harder for the birds to find and eat them. As soot from coal fueled factories slowly covered the trees, moths with a slightly darker color were less likely to be eaten by birds and passed on their genes for darker color as the lighter colored moths began to stand out against the darker trees and were more likely to be spotted and eaten by birds. Wait, it gets better! As the industrial era moved to cleaner fuels, there slowly became less soot in the air and on the trees. Gradually, the color of the moths lightened up again.
      The moths did not adapt to their environment, their appearance changed because of it. There was no conscious desire to change, just that the survivors lived to maturity and procreated and the non-survivors were lunch for non-vegan birds.
      And, quite frankly, there are genetic variations that happen all the time in the human genome that have no obvious effects. They just sit there in the diversity mix and at some point may confer an advantage or they may never do so. They need not cause congenital anomalies to exist.

      You have a very rudimentary understanding of Darwinism, but you really don’t quite get it.

      Nov 28, 2011 at 8:45 pm   rating: 3  small thumbs up

       
    • #14.16   Canthz_B bang

      As far as sickle cell trait, you’d need to get the trait from both parents to develop sickle cell anemia, and I think that holds true no matter where in the world you may happen to live.

      I carry the trait, and it hasn’t fucked me over, even though I’ve never even been to Africa.

      Nov 28, 2011 at 8:49 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

       
    • #14.17   infant tyrone bang

      A skinny walrus ? Hah…no, and it made me check to see if this guy had any clips with “I Am the Walrus”…but nada, zip, no Fab Four nowhere…

      In a pinch I can imagine this clip with a soundtrack of that Donovan song that had the “Fly Jefferson Airplane Get you there on time” line in it.
      The song is titled…The Fat Angel…coincidence ? adaptation ? mimicry ?

      http://bit.ly/tOFUdj

      Nov 28, 2011 at 10:32 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

       
    • #14.18   MayaGold

      Do not try to tell me i don’t understand evolution and then quote the most basic example written in biology textbooks the world over. Please.

      And i said SPECIES adapt, not INDIVIDUALS. Survival of the individuals with longer fur IS species adaptation. It IS evolution.

      Actually, i believe species adaptation may be the technical term.

      The point was humans do not develop genetic solutions anymore, we develop technical ones, people who should die don’t, and evolution does not occur as it would in animals of lesser intelligence.

      Plus, hate to break it to you, people with just one copy of the affected allele for sickle cell have been known to die, either directly or from complications, so i maintain, unless you are in a malarial region, it does not help you, but its sure as hell can hinder.

      Nov 29, 2011 at 10:33 am   rating: 0  small thumbs up

       
    • #14.19   MayaGold

      Also, just to point out, because you’re being pedantic over my use of grow, you said

      “In fact, at some point in the past all of our ancestors coexisted and intermingled in Africa. Did that mixing of the population stop human evolution? NO”

      That wasn’t mixing, it wasn’t intermingling, it was ONE population.

      One with very similar genetic traits; as humans divided, moved further apart, and climates changed – that is when we began to develop genetic differences, becoming genetically diverse populations.

      Only after these differences had already occurred could it be considered intermingling.

      Nov 29, 2011 at 11:23 am   rating: 0  small thumbs up

       
    • #14.20   Canthz_B bang

      Still missing it. Individuals with longer fur did not grow longer fur to be better fit for a colder environment. They just happen to have longer fur when the climate gets colder and so are better able to survive the cold, hunt or gather and procreate and pass on their genes. That’s what changes the species if the climate stays cold enough for long enough. It’s a totally random thing, and neither species nor individuals adapt to their environment in any intentional way.
      You can say humans aren’t evolving because we have technology, but we’ve had tools (technology) since Homo Habilis and continued to evolve.
      Watch the hole in the ozone layer for another 250,000 years and I’ll bet you dollars to doorknobs you’ll see humans with more melanin in their skin.

      “The point was humans do not develop genetic solutions anymore, we develop technical ones…”

      So, when Homo Habilis learned to use tools we stopped evolving the ability to hammer objects with our bare hands? We’d have sharp claws were it not for the blade, all because technical solutions to the problems had been found?

      Do you even bother to explore “devolution”? Try exploring a cave and ask yourself why salamanders in some of those underground environments have what would be eyes but they’re non-functional remnants of the eyes of surface-dwelling ancestors. They don’t need eyes in the darkness below ground, but having sight wouldn’t be a disadvantage, so what problem was the devolution of sight designed to solve?
      It’s not about reaching a goal, it’s about efficient survival…and that’s all.

      You miss the point that evolution isn’t about developing solutions at all. It’s just what happens given the environment and the genetic material that happens to occupy said environment. Yes, we are but genetic material upon the planet we call Earth.

      The second you try to inject intention into evolution you’ve lost your way.

      Please…stop showing everyone that you just don’t have a full grasp of the subject.

      Nov 29, 2011 at 11:08 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

       
    • #14.21   Canthz_B bang

      And, no. There was not ONE population of hominids in Africa. There were several distinct types of pre-modern humans in Africa and about the world long after the initial exodus.

      Have you not heard of the near extinction of the hominids while Africa was their only home? Do you think there was no intermingling before that? No sharing of genetic material? It’s shallow to only recognize mixing after the exodus. There’s more there there if you’d bother to look.
      Seems like you’re confused between environmentally induced racial diversity among humans and genetic diversity among early hominids. Try thinking in terms of six or seven different types of Cro Magnon and Neanderthals all living in a fairly confined space. Now take that back a million years (devolve them) and you’ll see what I mean.

      Maybe you need to take a better look inside of your genes!

      Ever noticed that all of the “cradles of civilization” happen to be in river valleys? Ever noticed how mosquitoes really like river valleys? Ever noticed that these happen to be where sickle cell trait is most prevalent? Ever heard the term “positive correlation”? Thank sickle cell trait for civilization.
      Just one of those little genetic quirks I mentioned above which do not manifest themselves very prominently, but may confer a slight survival advantage in a given environment…evolution, and not affected by technology. But you say that doesn’t happen anymore, so no one carries any gene that may be new, speaking on an evolutionary time scale, just because we don’t know it’s there and what it does. I get it now.

      Though there are rare complications in people with sickle cell trait which can cause death, people without it have been known to die as well. As causes of death go, sickle cell trait isn’t going to be high on the risk list. I’m 50 and cruising along towards 100 just fine…my mom will be 80 next February and carries the trait. Should I let her know you think she faces imminent death? I’ll see if I can catch up to her and let her know, she’s so busy with her bowling league and church clubs and such I’m never sure when I can get a-hold of her, but I’ll be sure to let her know you say she’s doomed. ;-)

      Nov 29, 2011 at 11:34 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
    • #14.22   infant tyrone bang

      Olly olly oxen free
      http://bit.ly/ug5il5

      Nov 30, 2011 at 12:34 am   rating: 0  small thumbs up

       
    • #14.23   Palomon

      Couple things-
      Darwin used the term “survival of the fittest” long after his theory was put forth. “Fittest” does not mean “best looking,” or even “strongest” it means “can survive in particular environs.” A species with offspring who cannot defend themselves and who are not reared by the parents, e.g. salmon or frogs, will simply produce thousands of offspring- if only a few survives then the species survives.
      Humans have undergone discernible changes based on available food. Lactose intolerance after early childhood has been around for a long time. Adult tolerance for lactose is new and came from places where dairy became a staple. The members of the species who cold survive on milk in places where domesticated animals were the primary source of calories were likely to pass on this mutation. So, one might offer: Man’s brain case allowed him to pen in cows. That development then selected for a new trait.
      Oh, and “e.g.” is short for “for example,” while I pedantically point out that “i.e.” means “that is” and used for “in other words.”

      Nov 30, 2011 at 1:05 am   rating: 2  small thumbs up

       
    • #14.24   MayaGold

      “Have you not heard of the near extinction of the hominids while Africa was their only home? Do you think there was no intermingling before that? No sharing of genetic material?”

      As some who has actually studied the hominid evolution on Africa, no i do not think there was much/any intermingling. What you are suggesting there is akin to a chip seeing a gorilla and thinking ‘lets get it on!’ . They were actually largely distinct species, so unless you plan to pop down your local zoo and procreate with a bonobo, what you are suggesting is in fact pretty much wrong.

      Again, i was not saying they grew longer fur. i said “And i said SPECIES adapt, not INDIVIDUALS. Survival of the individuals with longer fur IS species adaptation. It IS evolution” see the bit that says ‘the survival of individuals with longer fur’ ? Yeah. that’s what i was saying. Try googleing species adaptation, it is actually a real scientific term, as anyone who did high school biology should know.

      And do you really need me to explain how the use of a rock to bash open a nut you want to eat, and modern medical science are not really comparable in terms of the way they effect the gene pool? Really?

      Yes i imagine in 250,000 years there will have been some minor changes in say, height or skin color by then, but unless we develop significantly different feature (a different bone structure for a start) and therefore actually become classed as a different species, its barely evolution.

      my original hastily typed comment was just to say we really don’t need meat, so i didn’t go in depth into the matter.

      Nov 30, 2011 at 3:57 am   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
    • #14.25   Canthz_B bang

      You think too small.

      Nov 30, 2011 at 7:51 am   rating: 2  small thumbs up

       
    • #14.26   The Elf

      Can we at least get some understanding of capitalization?

      Nov 30, 2011 at 8:07 am   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
    • #14.27   MayaGold

      And you dont appear to understand the way hominids evolved, so you really shouldn’t have brought them up…

      Would you like me to lend you my class textbook? Its world renowned, i imagine it could teach you something about learning facts before attempting to patronise someone.

      Nov 30, 2011 at 12:01 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
    • #14.28   Canthz_B bang

      Anyway, humans will continue to evolve.
      Evolution occurs because of both micro and macro changes of the environments in which life-forms exist.
      Humans will never have total control over the environment in which we exist, and so will slowly change to adapt to our environment or we will not survive.
      The sun burns, but the rate at which it burns is changing constantly. It’s using up it’s nuclear fuel and over the next 4 billion years the affect upon the earth will be something mankind cannot change.
      Assuming “we” somehow survive that long, we sure won’t look anything like we do today…no more than a pigeon resembles a T-Rex I’d suppose.

      Is that in your textbook?

      Again I’ll say you are both arrogant and ignorant, but I don’t mean that in a bad way. You just happen to believe that the truth of today is the truth, just like people did…let’s go way back to say 1940, about plate tectonics. It wasn’t part of the CURRENT knowledge base, so it wasn’t real. You happen to believe that what you’ve learned is as true as what Columbus learned in school when he was taught that the world is flat.

      Textbooks. Ha!
      My world-renowned textbooks taught me that Saturn has 10 moons…the current count is 19.
      Should I wave my book at the publisher of the latest edition, or accept that the information which I was taught has changed?

      Thankfully, our knowledge base also evolves over time. ;-)

      Dec 1, 2011 at 1:18 am   rating: 0  small thumbs up

       
    • #14.29   Canthz_B bang

      What’s a textbook? I just make this shit up as I go along. Shit like chimps and humans share 98% of their DNA, so if they branched off from the same ancestor, at some point their ancestors probably shared 99% of their DNA between the 98% of now and the 100% before the split (since we evolved from the same ancestor) and there’s no way you can say conclusively that those two progenitors were unable to create viable offspring. If you carry that backwards down the evolutionary tree, you’ll find lots of opportunities for genetic mixing at the 99% genetic similarity level while species were (are) in the process of divergence. Doesn’t have to create a third specie at all…just leave a genetic mark on one or both species.
      I don’t need to screw an orangutan (wouldn’t want to, but I’ll not project my morals upon some ancient hominid or any farmer who’d screw a sheep) to get the concept that distinct but closely related species can rarely procreate successfully, but they sometimes do have offspring.

      There’s already proof of at least early modern humans sexing outside of their species (May, 2010 TIME article if you need a reputable source) and it probably wasn’t a new thing:

      “Researchers compared the Neanderthal genome with the genomes of five living people: one San from southern Africa, one Yoruba from West Africa, one Papua New Guinean, one Han Chinese and one French person. Scientists discovered that 1% to 4% of the latter three DNA samples is shared with Neanderthals — proof that Neanderthals and early modern humans interbred. The absence of Neanderthal DNA in the genomes of the two present-day Africans indicates that interbreeding occurred after some root population of early modern humans left Africa but before the species evolved into distinct groups in Europe and Asia…

      Finding any mixture of DNA was a surprise to the team. “We came into the project extremely biased against the idea of gene flow,” said Harvard Medical School’s David Reich, one of the study’s authors, who specializes in examining the relationship between human populations using genomic data.

      Read more: http://www.time.com/time/health/article/0,8599,1987568,00.html#ixzz1fGeiC2I3

      You, Maya, have a similar bias. You seem to think that humans are special animals on this planet and that our current form is in some way an end product. That we are the epitome of something. The image of God maybe…I can’t say. But you clearly believe that we are special in some way, shape and certainly form.
      Get over yourself and the rest of us.
      We are only what we happen to be, and we shall become what we shall become.

      They may not have been early hominids those Neanderthal-fuckers, but they sure fucked some Neanderthals…and the gene pool proves it.

      I’d say “End of story” right about now…but I don’t believe that.
      That’s your point of view.

      Dec 1, 2011 at 2:11 am   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
    • #14.30   Canthz_B bang

      A mule is the offspring of a male donkey and a female horse. Horses and donkeys are different species. Then there’s the man-made Liger and the Beefalo.

      These pairings don’t always produce fertile offspring, but who’s to say that such types of parings never do. Certainly not your textbook, because all male mules and most female mules are infertile. Pregnancy is rare, but can occasionally occur naturally, the stork sometimes visits a Molly mule. :-)

      Dec 1, 2011 at 2:12 am   rating: 0  small thumbs up

       
    • #14.31   Canthz_B bang

      And let’s not forget gene transfer via viruses…particularly suited little engines of gene transfer.
      All it takes is a slight mutation to produce next year’s killer influenza…but who can say how many influenza viruses have simply transferred innocuous genes into the human gene pool which cause no illness but may be useful or harmful at some later date?
      That’s all part of evolution, Maya.
      Species do not evolve in a vacuum. There are many variables involved, so as much as I hate to say it yet again…you do not fully understand the concept of evolution and all that it embraces.
      There is no steady progression from state to state implied or suggested.
      No progression toward a perfect form…in fact no suggestion that there even is any perfect form…surely no suggestion than Man is that never-suggested perfect form.

      Your genes are not sacrosanct nor are they inviolate.

      Dec 5, 2011 at 1:09 am   rating: 0  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #15   Captain Hampton

    Just think of all the great turkey scientists and musicians that we could have had if it weren’t for this cruel tradition.

    Nov 24, 2011 at 3:31 pm   rating: 12  small thumbs up

     
  • #16   Dr. Frank Knight

    “I have no desire to crow over anybody or to see anybody eating crow, figuratively or otherwise. We should all get together and make a country in which everybody can eat turkey whenever he [or she] pleases.”

    Harry S. Truman

    Nov 24, 2011 at 3:56 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

     
  • #17   Piku

    Being passive-agressive about Thanksgiving AND proudly waving the US flag.

    … confused I think they are.

    Nov 24, 2011 at 3:57 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

    • #17.1   name

      Maybe, just maybe, they were trying to be funny? And maybe you were too?

      Nov 24, 2011 at 5:08 pm   rating: 3  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #18   missali

    No, omnivores just end up fat if they don’t ‘specifically tailor their diet’.
    We all have to pay attention to what we eat.

    Nov 24, 2011 at 7:55 pm   rating: 5  small thumbs up

    • #18.1   Canthz_B bang

      Only while wielding knife and fork do I pay attention to what I eat (most often and particularly to make sure my medium-well steak isn’t actually well done), though I always have a gut feeling I’ll deal with it all again later.

      Nov 25, 2011 at 2:08 am   rating: 0  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #19   The Elf

    Well, they’re Chargers fans. You can only expect so much.

    Nov 24, 2011 at 8:55 pm   rating: 6  small thumbs up

     
  • #20   Leonna

    Am I the only one who sees it as effin hilarious that this is an Italian restaurant….where veal is a common food served in most Italian establishments? And we all know how most veal is made…right?

    For the record, I love me some bound and tortured baby cow – tastes amazing.

    Nov 24, 2011 at 9:28 pm   rating: 3  small thumbs up

    • #20.1   juju_skittles

      I would love to hear how you order in a restaurant, lol…

      Nov 24, 2011 at 10:06 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

       
    • #20.2   Canthz_B bang

      “Is the pasta fresh?”
      “Yes, Madame.”
      “Are there any peanut products in the dish?”
      “No, Madame.”
      “Was this varmint killed humanely, and did it have a happy life?”
      “Most assuredly, Madame.”
      “Fine, I’ll have an order of that then.”
      “Very good, Madame.”

      Nov 25, 2011 at 2:20 am   rating: 6  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #21   chesire cat

    I am a vegetarian and that rubs me the wrong way. Genocide and animals probably don’t go together exactly. Now if they put something like “Enjoy eating turkey flesh” or “Enjoy eating entire turkey families” or whatever I would be like “Okay fair enough” but even then, meat eaters hate us vegetarians enough as it is, we really don’t need to taunt them. That is just going to make it worse! I don’t bother them and hopefully they won’t bother me. Honestly though I have said it here before, I will not say a single negative word to meat eaters and yet they will still harass me. So you know, there are assholes on both sides.

    Nov 24, 2011 at 11:33 pm   rating: 17  small thumbs up

    • #21.1   Canthz_B bang

      Assholes on both sides…that’s why some people talk so much crap, huh?

      Not you, CC…just a play on words. Happy Thanksgiving, no matter what you choose to give thanks for.

      Nov 25, 2011 at 2:27 am   rating: 5  small thumbs up

       
    • #21.2   Dr. Chalkwitheringlicktacklefeff

      Do turkeys live in family units? I thought that in the wild they were solitary creatures.

      Nov 25, 2011 at 7:02 am   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
    • #21.3   Adriana

      My mother lives in a neighborhood with roving bands of wild turkeys. There are usually several adults, as well as babies and adolescents, in one group. They’ve also become aggressive in recent years, attacking cats, dogs, and small children, which I admit made me feel less bad about chewing on a turkey leg last Thanksgiving.

      Nov 25, 2011 at 2:36 pm   rating: 9  small thumbs up

       
    • #21.4   Turtleoneness

      My liquor store has a band of Wild Turkey… not roving though. They keep pretty well to themselves, and they do make Thanksgiving so much more special. Especially when Uncle Harold gets agressive with them…, but that’s a whole other story!

      Nov 26, 2011 at 4:26 am   rating: 6  small thumbs up

       
    • #21.5   Omnivore

      Do you ever think about all the animals that die when grains and vegetables are harvested? Because I assure you, they do.

      Nov 26, 2011 at 10:23 am   rating: 2  small thumbs up

       
    • #21.6   infanttyrone

      Omnivore News gonna do a special edition on all the wildlife displaced by crops grown for and fed to hordes of heartless vegans ?
      Double-check your sources…what yer green stringers bean (sic) feedin’ ya is only half the story…ask yer agents in the field about the rodents and insect vermin that thrive in grain storage facilities worldwide.

      P.S. Did you mean that the dying animals reflect on their own demises ?
      Or that the grains and veggies are thinking about the animals ?

      Nov 26, 2011 at 11:39 am   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
    • #21.7   jdaniel

      Not all meat eaters hate vegetarians. Just like all drivers of gas-guzzlers don’t hate ya’ll electric car owners (hey- I own a golf cart myself). The way most of us see it, the more animals you save, the less oil you use, the more of everything for us. To be sure, we are more inclined to make fun of you. We need you. A selfish need perhaps, nevertheless thanks for enabling us!

      Nov 27, 2011 at 1:13 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

       
    • #21.8   Jessi

      “Ya’ll”?

      Why is this particular contraction so difficult for people to spell properly?

      Nov 30, 2011 at 4:22 am   rating: 0  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #22   Janellionaire

    I like my genocide with extra gravy.

    Nov 25, 2011 at 12:22 am   rating: 9  small thumbs up

    • #22.1   infant tyrone bang

      Do you get the gravy poured right onto the genocide ?
      Or are you a dipper who needs the gravy “on the side” ?
      Either way, you need to give your server clear orders (to follow).

      Otherwise you could end up with something like this:
      “Excuse me, I asked for gravy on the side.”
      “That’s what you got right there…gravy on the ‘cide!”
      or
      “Excuse me, I asked for gravy on the ‘cide.”
      “That’s what you got right there…gravy on the side!”

      The old Abbott & Costello “Who’s on First” routine was really a 1930′s union propaganda piece that they re-coded with baseball jargon to fly under the radar of radio network censors.
      Here’s the plaintext version with a catchy tune. http://bit.ly/rCdlPA

      Nov 25, 2011 at 1:39 am   rating: 2  small thumbs up

       
    • #22.2   infant tyrone bang

      P.S. Forgot to add these to the discussion of the flaming paper bags. :-)
      Original http://bit.ly/vFNmnG

      Nov 25, 2011 at 1:42 am   rating: 0  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #23   infant tyrone bang

    P.P.S. Since the Maxwell’s Demon V1.0 Hassle-Master link-resistance software is doing such a great job of keeping out spam links to shopping sites, I guess having to post these one at a time is a small price to pay.

    Should be illegal :-) http://bit.ly/tDKhix

    Nov 25, 2011 at 1:48 am   rating: 0  small thumbs up

     
  • #24   Farmer

    If you don’t eat meat then you don’t support the farmers of the free world. If the meat industry succumbs then thousands, possibly millions of jobs will be lost and the economy will collapse even more than it already has.

    In short; if you don’t eat meat, the terrorists win! It’s the truth!

    Nov 25, 2011 at 2:27 am   rating: 1  small thumbs up

    • #24.1   MayaGold bang

      i sincerely hope you are trolling and that is not a serious comment… otherwise, how stupid are you…?

      Nov 25, 2011 at 3:50 am   rating: 4  small thumbs up

       
    • #24.2   infant tyrone bang

      They might be a member of the TVP party…

      Nov 25, 2011 at 3:57 am   rating: 2  small thumbs up

       
    • #24.3   jdaniel

      If we don’t eat meat, overpopulation of animals will occur. And we know what that means… more animal flatulence. Which leads to more methane, which leads to more CO in the atmosphere, which leads to global warming, which leads to floods, droughts, crop ruination, and ultimately the demise of vegans. It’s just a scientific fact. You’re welcome!

      Nov 27, 2011 at 1:24 pm   rating: 3  small thumbs up

       
    • #24.4   MayaGold

      or, if we dont eat meat, animals wouldn’t be bread for meat, heards of cows etc decline in size until they disappear completely and therefore less emissions!

      the argument ‘the cow is already dead so you may as well eat it’ is invalid, as the idea is not to save THAT cow, its to reduce the demand for meat and prevent FUTURE cows from enduring the same suffering…

      Nov 28, 2011 at 8:00 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

       
    • #24.5   Canthz_B bang

      Which future cows? Sans the demand for meat and milk, just how many cows (and bulls) do you think there would be without the protection from humans they now enjoy?

      Which is the greater suffering? A quick slit of the throat or being eaten alive by wolves?

      Dec 1, 2011 at 6:57 am   rating: 0  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #25   Canthz_B bang

    As a vegan?

    As a bowler, I’d wonder which three genocides in progress were being highlighted that day.

    As a person having come of age in the 1970s, I’d just like to know that only jive turkeys were being targeted for extinction.

    Nov 25, 2011 at 2:40 am   rating: 4  small thumbs up

     
  • #26   Nobody

    Armenians approve!

    Nov 25, 2011 at 3:08 am   rating: 14  small thumbs up

    • #26.1   park rose

      Lighten up! Don’t be Kurdish on a day of national celebration!

      Nov 26, 2011 at 7:47 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
    • #26.2   infanttyrone

      Telling an Armenian to lighten up ?
      Well at least it’s one sure fire way to be sure that
      Diamanda Galas won’t agree to play your school’s prom.
      Besides, she doesn’t do Jerry Lee Lewis numbers anymore.

      http://bit.ly/sjz1aL

      Nov 26, 2011 at 8:12 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #27   RubeMcCube bang

    So I guess it’s up to me to point out that turkey is ‘fucking delicious’ then – and I don’t even like the stuff.

    Nov 25, 2011 at 4:53 am   rating: 3  small thumbs up

    • #27.1   The Elf

      As opposed to the Tofurkey, which was anything but.

      Nov 25, 2011 at 10:23 am   rating: 4  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #28   Grant

    Ah, I see. In this country it’s known as Armenia day.

    Nov 25, 2011 at 5:02 am   rating: 3  small thumbs up

     
  • #29   Nunavut Guy

    Things that you never hear.

    So who assaulted you?

    It was that vegan.He beat me up.

    Nov 25, 2011 at 6:22 am   rating: 6  small thumbs up

    • #29.1   Dr. Chalkwitheringlicktacklefeff

      I was beaten up by a vegan once, but I was too embarrassed to report it.

      Nov 25, 2011 at 7:04 am   rating: 5  small thumbs up

       
    • #29.2   JME

      Isn’t Mike Tyson vegan?

      Nov 26, 2011 at 8:59 pm   rating: 3  small thumbs up

       
    • #29.3   infanttyrone

      A small piece of ear
      He did not even swallow
      Vegan by me…you ?

      Nov 26, 2011 at 10:17 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

       
    • #29.4   Canthz_B bang

      Mike Tyson did only taste of the ear of the Holy Field.

      Nov 26, 2011 at 10:55 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

       
    • #29.5   infanttyrone

      He was a wholly miraculous host…
      But you had to remember

      Do not ask for wine at Mike’s crib
      Just ask for water and
      The water turns into your favorite wine

      But if you ask for wine right off
      Mike gets this strange look
      and asks you “What type ?”
      Not what kind…what type

      It’s like the guy is always one step ahead

      Nov 27, 2011 at 12:41 am   rating: 0  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #30   The Elf

    Malware so good, it had to be said twice.

    Nov 25, 2011 at 10:21 am   rating: 2  small thumbs up

     
  • #31   Who passed out the Haterade?

    I have to admit to being passive-aggressive on this score, though I try to do it with a grain of humor. I typically wish people a “Happy Overeaters’ Day”, because I think it strikes closer to the spirit it now has.

    Seriously, count how many times you hear people brag about how much they gorged yesterday. Now count how many times you hear people brag about how thankful they were yesterday, or how much they loved spending time with their family. If the latter is greater than the former… well, maybe you just know a different set of folks than I do. (^_^)

    Nov 25, 2011 at 1:01 pm   rating: 5  small thumbs up

     
  • #32   Adriana

    I don’t eat turkey on Thanksgiving much anymore. I don’t like the taste. Now, if this sign talked about the cow genocide, I’d feel a twinge of guilt about the pot roast I shoved into my face yesterday.

    Nov 25, 2011 at 2:39 pm   rating: 3  small thumbs up

    • #32.1   Canthz_B bang

      You’d have loved my turkey. I injected it with herb-infused butter before roasting it, and it was loved by all in attendance.
      My best effort yet, though I still can’t carve the breast right to save my life. Not that I care much…I like dark meat anyway!!

      Nov 26, 2011 at 11:04 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #33   Palomon

    A walk down memory lane.
    http://www.passiveaggressivenotes.com/2009/06/22/soyfckers-anonymous/

    Nov 26, 2011 at 1:26 am   rating: 1  small thumbs up

     
  • #34   jilly

    Said the carnivore to the vegetarian..
    “My food shits on your food.”

    Nov 27, 2011 at 10:52 am   rating: 3  small thumbs up

    • #34.1   KL

      You’re likely eating shit when you eat processed meat, along with hormones…

      Nov 28, 2011 at 5:22 pm   rating: 3  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #35   lork

    #24.4: Cows don’t suffer. They love those slaughterhouses; they’re cozily squeezed in next to their cow-friends, shooting the shit about their wild bovine antics until their last moments, after which they turn into the beef chili I just had for dinner.

    Turkeys are just too stupid to suffer; what kind of animal forgets not to look down when it’s raining so it doesn’t drown? I have no sympathy, just a distended waistband and Butterball heartburn. Ahhhh.

    Nov 29, 2011 at 8:27 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

     
  • #36   mrphy42

    Sigh, it is so sad when a perfectly good opportunity for a joke is ruined by people that have limited vocabularies. Genocide would mean eradicating them all. We don’t want the turkey extinct, just on a plate.

    Dec 6, 2011 at 8:18 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

     
  • #37   paul

    Humans are omnivores. Deal with it, vegans, or move to Vega.

    Dec 9, 2011 at 3:40 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

     
  • #38   Jeremy

    Any idea if this is not what we’re thinking? Would it have anything to do with the Armenian Genocide during the Ottoman Empire, and modern-day Turkey’s refusal to admit it happened???

    By the way, if not, it’s awesome. I’m a vegetarian and ate some lovely tofurkey last month.

    Dec 17, 2011 at 11:27 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

     

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