Perhaps the neighbors are Skyrim fans?
related: Now if you’ll excuse me, I’ve got Call of Duty on pause
extra credit: ‘Modern Warfare’ removes one team’s call of duty [wtop.com]
FILED UNDER: gaming · Illinois · most popular notes of 2011 · neighbors · noise · non-apology apology · p.s. · the po-po
Dear COD player:
When we called the police, we were worried about your girlfriend/wife/children. By the looks of your 3-4 week commitment to shouting at a videogame, we’re thinking we should still be worried.
P.S. No. You’re an adult. You can use an inside voice.
Nov 27, 2011 at 1:36 pm rating: 238
And I, as someone who lives in a noisy apartment block and knows exactly how well earplugs don’t work, would have a wide range of ‘slurs’ for this guy.
Nov 27, 2011 at 1:42 pm rating: 63
I’d still probably call the cops. Idiot should learn to use a headset so he doesn’t disturb everyone.
After all, I’ve been gaming a long while and no one hears me blowing stuff up. Also, it’s not necessary to shout into your microphone.
Nov 27, 2011 at 1:53 pm rating: 94
The thing is, the headsets don’t drown out the game noise, they just allow you to hear what other players are saying.
If my neighbour put up this note, I’d probably get his gamertag and just kick his ass on multiplayer rather than call the cops.
Nov 28, 2011 at 3:21 am rating: 24
Do headsets reduce the volume of your voice?
Nov 28, 2011 at 4:18 am rating: 10
We’re gamers in The Elf House, and yeah we have Call of Duty. There’s no need to shout. Really, there isn’t.
Some apartment noise can’t be avoided. Turning down the volume on your game and using a softer voice isn’t one of those unavoidable things.
Hey, but at least he gave them a heads-up!
Nov 28, 2011 at 7:02 am rating: 19
There are inexpensive gaming headsets that double as audio headphones. There’s no excuse for neighbors being able to hear gameplay.
Nov 28, 2011 at 9:15 am rating: 9
Our headsets have surround sound – and there are three hard-core gamers in my house. There’s no need to shout – unless you suck. And if you suck, don’t bother. On second thought, screw the neighbors – keep playing, my KD needs improving!
Nov 28, 2011 at 2:58 pm rating: 9
If you are playing loud enough for someone to call the cops you are doing something wrong. It is called common courtesy.
Nov 27, 2011 at 1:57 pm rating: 129
P.S. invest in some headphones or we will call the cops again.
Nov 27, 2011 at 2:25 pm rating: 29
I do believe the “I’m going to keep doing this for the next month or so; deal with it” bit negates the “I apologize” bit. May whatever platform he plays this game on suffer a catastrophic and permanent mechanical failure.
Nov 27, 2011 at 2:28 pm rating: 68
It’s the classic preemptive asshole/bitch strike: declaring one’s self to be an asshole and/or bitch automatically grants the declarer carte blanche on behaving like said asshole/bitch. It’s the same thing in video games, right? And just as valid, I may add. (If you can’t smell the sarcasm, I mean that it is not valid).
Nov 27, 2011 at 6:46 pm rating: 30
Hey! Just because this a-hole can’t keep his voice to a civil level, don’t curse the platform. Now his personal system getting the RROD, I’m all for that.
Nov 28, 2011 at 2:59 pm rating: 2
“Every tyrant who has lived has believed in freedom–for himself.”
Nov 27, 2011 at 2:32 pm rating: 48
I don’t know guys, I think it’s amazing that this 12-year-old boy has his own apartment. Let’s focus on the positives here.
Nov 27, 2011 at 2:42 pm rating: 170
Let’s not rush to celebrate this idea just yet, but examine why this underage child is living all alone. Did his parents kick him out for excessive, nerd-shouting gamer parties? Did little Johnny off his parents when they refused to buy COD 3? Or did they part ways when they told him that girls don’t have cooties anymore and it worries them that he spends so much time in their basement alone?
I’m afraid my friends, the world may never know…
Nov 27, 2011 at 11:37 pm rating: 11
It is my theory that no male human ever passes the mental age of 12. Some are better at faking it, but deep down inside, they are still 12. I used to try to prove it, but now I just watch You Tube.
Nov 28, 2011 at 7:19 am rating: 23
Correction: no human being ever passes the mental age of 12.
Nov 28, 2011 at 5:12 pm rating: 1
Pwed to an Pwned Cracker
Modern Warfare, nay, my petite Sirrah !
Forsooth, it is too soon to Spill The Wine…
Lord take your soul after War’s last hurrah ?
Mayhaps, but for the nonce yer ass is mine…
Nov 27, 2011 at 3:01 pm rating: 8
What does Infant Tyrone look like?
Nov 27, 2011 at 8:35 pm rating: 1
A cross between William Shakespeare and Dobie Gillis.
Nov 27, 2011 at 10:39 pm rating: 6
Does he look like a bitch?
Nov 28, 2011 at 12:53 am rating: 2
I assure you…no Renaissance Faire interest ever, at all, any way, nohow.
And thanks for triggering a memory search.
I hadn’t been able to identify the missing retro-variable in the equation that describes my fascination with our favorite forensics babe.
But now I get it…Abby = Bettie + Zelda.
Nov 28, 2011 at 2:08 am rating: 3
I hope his neighbors pool together and purchase him a ball gag.
Nov 27, 2011 at 3:28 pm rating: 39
I’d throw down for that.
Nov 27, 2011 at 4:43 pm rating: 1
Using his own balls.
Nov 27, 2011 at 5:50 pm rating: 34
So this selfish child thinks his neighbors should be losing their jobs due to sleep deprivation or failing to hear alarm clocks (if earplugs effective enough to block his racket are in play), just so he doesn’t have to interrupt his playing with uniformed reminders that other people have rights too?
Nov 27, 2011 at 5:18 pm rating: 46
Dear note-writer: Invest in some good taste.
Nov 27, 2011 at 7:00 pm rating: 8
Invest in some manners. If not, I don’t care if you are having a party, having sex, or playing a game that’s title sounds like you’ll be walking virtual dogs or potty-training a virtual sprog. Whatever the activity, do it at a volume appropriate for the time of day or night, or I will call the police
Nov 27, 2011 at 9:02 pm rating: 25
Why do you always post replies as new comments? It’s not a problem or anything, but it does look weird and everytime you do it I wonder why.
Nov 28, 2011 at 4:31 am rating: 3
Actually this one wasn’t intended as a reply, although I can see how it can read as one. Otherwise I guess have to plead late (or early a.m) hours; must admit I haven’t noticed it. I will try to keep an eye on it though – I know it is easier to read when using replies.
Nov 28, 2011 at 8:20 pm rating: 6
Not my anecdote, but there was a good bit from Nick Swardson about playing video games with his friends, and all the loud trash-talking they’d do. One day he runs into his downstairs neighbor by the mailbox, and she’s giving him this weird, uncomfortable look until he makes some apology for the ruckus they make. She explains that she didn’t realize that’s what they were doing- she saw a bunch of guys come over to his place regularly, late at night, and then heard them shouting things at each other like, “YEAH! SUCK IT! YOU LIKE THAT, BITCH!?” and had concluded they were filming hardcore gay pornography in there.
Nov 27, 2011 at 9:21 pm rating: 76
…and then she was embarrassed on their behalf when she realised that all they were doing was playing puerile video games?
Nov 28, 2011 at 4:32 am rating: 17
It wasn’t the misinterpretation itself that chagrined her as much as
the embarrassing explanation to CNN as to why she was withdrawing
their nomination to be CNN Heroes.
She had known the whole ‘job creator’ angle was marginal but had thought they had had a real chance with the ‘breaking the ass ceiling’ aspect.
Having misheard the curtain call for her 15 minutes of fame and realizing that she wasn’t going to be interviewed by that cute Mr. Anderson Cooper, she sealed herself off hermetically in her apartment, her only noticeable venturings-out being to the local supermarket where, hoping to be noticed just once more, she took pains to always announce to the checker that she was buying cat food even though she owned no cats…but even in her third-tier TV market, that storyline just wasn’t news anymore.
We’ve been hammered with the catless-cat food-lady, O.-Henry-without-the-karmic-balancing-ingredient-of-good-intentions stories about as often as we’ve had to make room in our crania,, even temporarily, for the ‘America is the Shining City on the Hill’ speeches. Our ability to keep these cognitively dissonant virtual chainsaws aloft easily in our daily psychic juggling acts may be a baseline necessary for some mental evolution.
Which of the pepper spray incidents surprised you more ?
The Black Friday shopper or the one at U.C. Davis ?
If we now have two rough beasts and they mate, what gifts do you think the slouching Magi will bring to our Bethlehem manger this time ?
Merry Christmas, Happy Holidays, and Safe Shopping !
Nov 28, 2011 at 1:33 pm rating: 2
Possibly the best misunderstanding ever.
Dec 20, 2011 at 5:00 pm rating: 0
There should be a part of CoD games where you go through basic and have a hard-ass drill instructor voiced by R. Lee Ermey who makes you do pushups if you do undisciplined things like curse loudly, and you should have to do the pushups IRL, monitored by a special attachment to the console.
Nov 27, 2011 at 9:42 pm rating: 24
That was going to be in it apparently; http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=A5tRNs2X5Q4
Nov 28, 2011 at 4:33 am rating: 1
Looks to me like we got a load of butthurt old people in this piece.
Screw you and your “get off my lawn” mentality.
Video games are fun.
Swearing is fun.
Beating children is fun.
Add them together and there’s no reason NOT to play.
Nov 28, 2011 at 2:07 am rating: 5
Your ideas are intriguing to me and wish to subscribe to your newsletter.
Nov 28, 2011 at 4:20 am rating: 9
Except the whole getting arrested for disturbing the peace thing.
Nov 28, 2011 at 4:55 am rating: 9
TheGnome: And the entire obvious lack of respect for the neighbors. Team Call-the-Cops.
Note? I never got a note.
Nov 28, 2011 at 8:35 am rating: 16
You get to swear and beat children in your video game ?
I woulda sworn when the Activision/EA Sports joint project collapsed they pulled all beta copies of what would have been COD:Panic at Penn State…and even though there’s no way that client is gonna get support from either of their server farms, dude, you still have a major league
But keep it off your hard drive, else the FBI’ll have yer ass over a barrel.
P.S. In the shower scene where you waterboard them…
how realistic looking are the water drops in Full HD ?
Nov 28, 2011 at 2:04 pm rating: 2
Play all you want, but have some courtesy for your neighbors when you do it if it is late at night.
Nov 28, 2011 at 2:18 pm rating: 10
Hey Bookworm, how’s this sound?
Team Call the Cops.
Note? Oh, yeah, officer, get a load of the note our prince left after the last time.
Any cop that might have left it at a warning might lean more towards a visit downtown with our hero.
Nov 28, 2011 at 10:46 pm rating: 9
Don’t have the heart to send you Downtown with Petula Clark, so…
Sal was working at Nyro’s nook in downtown
Selling articles of congress to these people downtown
Nov 28, 2011 at 11:04 pm rating: 0
I may be old and butt-hurt, but I still have respect for my neighbors. For some odd reason I don’t assume they’d like my screaming over a video game invading the sanctity of their homes.
Such old-fashioned ideas I harbor as a butt-hurt oldster.
Grow up and shut the fuck up. Having your own place doesn’t mean you are free to make an ass of yourself. You are, however, free to look up the words “civility” and “decorum”.
Nov 29, 2011 at 12:22 am rating: 25
I’m with ya, CB. A solid month of loud game noise and occassional SUCK IT BITCH while I’m trying to sleep and I’d be butt-hurt too. There’s some benefits to living in apartments, as I remember each time I have a major home maintenence expense. One of the big downsides is that you always have to be aware of the impact you have on your neighbors. That’s one reason I like living in my house. The game systems are in the basement. If we’re playing late in the night and cranking the volume, even with the windows open the only people that are close enough to hear are us.
Nov 29, 2011 at 6:19 am rating: 12
I’m a hardcore gamer. I’ve been working in the industry for 6+ years. Even though I’d rather be playing games than doing most anything else, I’m still able to do it at a reasonable volume. It’s assholes like this guy that give gamers a bad rap.
Nov 29, 2011 at 11:14 am rating: 18
U mad, bros?
I don’t know about you assbags but I own my own 6 bedroom house. I crank my video games up and play all night long. Not my fault you live in a shitty paper-thin-walled slum. If you live in an apartment where sound travels that easily, then your shitty screaming kids are just as bad.
A Man Who Wastes His Success
Nov 29, 2011 at 1:08 pm rating: 2
Hmm, does an apartment have to be part of a “shitty paper-thin-walled slum” when some numb-nuts of a gamer decides to hook up his X-Box to a SurroundSound system and crank up his/her video game all night long?
I think not, but thanks anyway for sharing your sense of superiority with the little people.
BTW, after gaming, do you masturbate in each of those six bedrooms on the same night, or on a rotating basis?
Nov 29, 2011 at 10:50 pm rating: 18
You have two questions…I have one answer + one question…
Answer: No, with the following proviso.
(Such a numb-nuts gamer does turn his immediate vicinity into a slum,
but it does not influence the construction or thickness of nearby walls.)
Question: This rotating basis…is it what your country calls a circle jerk ?
Nov 30, 2011 at 4:49 pm rating: 4
Ty, only if it’s an AT&T friends and family circle.
Dec 1, 2011 at 7:05 am rating: 3
CoD is a game. Games are meant to be fun. If it’s making you swear and yell, it’s not fun. If you continue to play a game that’s no longer fun, you need mental help.
A reformed WoW-raider
Nov 28, 2011 at 2:16 am rating: 24
Alas, it’s the loud swearing that lets me know that it IS going to be fun – for me. For me, that infantile wailing sweetly informs me that my KD is going to sky-rocket… and that is a wonderful thing. Especially since I live in a home far away from idiot neighbors who whine and complain about hearing other neighbors – and even farther from complexes of parking lot rage and children’s stomping feet.
Nov 28, 2011 at 3:11 pm rating: 4
Yes, the sweet sound of 12-year-olds calling each other gay makes me pull out the ol’ sniper trick.
My favorite was the tweener/teenager (judging by the cracking voice) bitching about a female classmate that asked him out. “That’s gay,” he said. I couldn’t stop laughing. You keep using that word. I don’t think it means what you think it means.
Nov 29, 2011 at 12:55 pm rating: 12
Well, from what I read on PAN, “Modern Warfare” should involve an exchange of thinly veiled threats written on pink ❤ notepaper.
Nov 28, 2011 at 5:01 am rating: 13
With hearts. Multiple exclamation points are the nuclear option.
Nov 28, 2011 at 7:03 am rating: 8
Ah, Call Of Duty. How I loathe you. I have been subjected to listening to my “adult” husband playing that stupid freaking game until 3am for the past 2 weeks. The note writer is an ass no doubt, but I honestly think they can’t help themselves. That game just does things to people..
Nov 28, 2011 at 6:05 am rating: 5
No, it isn’t the game. If your husband is not taking your need to sleep into account and is letting go other things he needs to do (his share of housework, his job, etc) then the problem is his.
Nov 28, 2011 at 7:05 am rating: 31
I should probably write a version of this letter for when I watch FoxNews.
That crap may have my neighbors thinking I’m either a murderer or a Tourette’s sufferer.
FUCK YOU, HANNITTY!!! I’M GONNA REACH DOWN YOUR THROAT AND PULL OUT YOUR BALLS FOR YOU, YOU SONOFABITCH!!
Nov 28, 2011 at 7:31 am rating: 25
CB, is it wrong that the thought of you whispering those words in a darkened room makes me feel a little…..squiggly?
Nov 30, 2011 at 5:41 am rating: 5
If this guy can squeeze 3-4 weeks out of MW3 he has some serious issues: most of the people I know who bought the game became bored with it in about a week! Now Skyrim on the other hand…
Nov 28, 2011 at 8:09 am rating: 9
I’d rather hear my neighbor play Call of Duty than have a neighbor who, I don’t know, invites over the majority of his friends to dance around to Miley Cyrus’ “Party in the USA” in what I can only assume was a drunken midnight game of Guitar Hero.
Nov 28, 2011 at 9:29 am rating: 5
I’d rather hear my neighbour play Call of Duty than live next to the kind of uptight, fascist badgebunny who’d call the cops on a guy playing Call of Duty. Have they never heard of going round there and asking him to keep it down a bit? From the note it sounds like they didn’t even try this, so for my money they deserve all the passive agression Mr. CoD can throw at them.
Nov 28, 2011 at 10:34 am rating: 2
If I am correct in my very limited understanding of violent (pointless) computer games like Call of Duty (limited due to me being an adult female, and married to an evolved male) then the noise and shouting/swearing would NOT obviously be from a video game and could in fact be from a fight or domestic incident…..hence the neighbour cannot be blamed for not going round in person in case they became a victom of said shouting/gunfire etc.
This COD player is a CODpiece, frankly. A sweaty, rude one.
Nov 28, 2011 at 1:05 pm rating: 27
Adult women can’t be gamers? News to me.
Nov 28, 2011 at 2:21 pm rating: 16
I was also fascinated that one had to be devolved in order to enjoy a good war game. Hmm… Amazing because we have evolved to be even better warriors (especially the online type) – and billions of people play, so does that make her the odd one out for NOT playing?
Nov 28, 2011 at 3:42 pm rating: 5
Personally, I’d rather not hear my neighbors at all. I don’t care what they’re doing! Keep the noise down, especially at night and in the morning!
Nov 28, 2011 at 5:14 pm rating: 23
And in between…I hear you, well, you know what I mean.
Nov 28, 2011 at 8:31 pm rating: 3
I am an adult female over 50, and just because I identify myself as a “reformed WoW-raider” does not mean I’ve given up WoW. I’ve just given up the frustrating act of end-game progression raiding, which has more to do with being over 50 than with being female.
Nov 28, 2011 at 8:44 pm rating: 6
Being a well adjusted, college educated, woman in my mid 20s, I feel bad for you and your husband for missing out on a great way to spend time together.
Nov 29, 2011 at 11:17 am rating: 8
Isn’t it kind of scraping the bottom to get your little frissons of internet superiority from the fact that you don’t play videogames? If you think that’s good, check me out. I’ve never read a Christian romance book, been to Hooters or watched a full episode of Maury: BOW DOWN IN WONDER BEFORE A NEW INTELLECTUAL COLOSSUS, EARTHWORMS.
Nov 30, 2011 at 2:54 pm rating: 8
OK, 2.5 out of 3…seen Hooters on the telly but never been, so…
What’s a Christian romance book and who the hell is Maury ?
Since you cannot kneel or bow…Flail your cilia, Planaria !
Nov 30, 2011 at 4:21 pm rating: 3
You lot commenting in response to mine can’t even read properly! No wonder you are defending computer games….. Read it again. Then stop extrapolating generalisations from my comment that don’t exist. I have not generalised about all women, all adults, all computer games. all gamers or all males. *sigh*.
To make it REALLY simple for you, a translation….
Do “gamers” *ONLY* play COD? No. Did I say that? Clearly not. COD and (I quote from my post) “games like COD” are pointless gratuitous violence. There are many brilliant other computer games, many brilliant OTHER types of non-computer games (which I happen to prefer but that is irrelevant). The inference from my post is that only a certain type of person would be interested in playing COD…….and they really should grow up asap. Its a vile game and has no place in civilised adult society and no civilised adult has an excuse for playing it.
Dec 1, 2011 at 6:35 am rating: 2
I’m female, chronologically an adult (almost 44) and I game! WoW and hopefully soon, Skyrim!
Nov 29, 2011 at 11:49 am rating: 3
Hey..I think I know this guy. I called the cops on him last Wednesday night for just this very thing. (It was after midnight and he wouldn’t stop screaming “shoot, you fuck” over and over.) He lives alone, and for the last 3 weeks, from 9PM to 5AM every night, he plays his stupid game. He seems incapable of using a normal volume with anything he does, and is fond of screaming FUCK over and over when he plays. (My favorite was a recent outburst where he yelled, “Fuck you, you fucking fuck..”) When he’s not playing games he’s fond of singing show-toons, R Kelly’s “I Believe I Can Fly”, or just sings “doo-doo-doo” over and over as loud as he can in a high pitched voice…and all off key. When his interest in the game dies down he will go back to his first love: playing either a pan flute or child’s recorder…and not any discernable tune, he just blows through it and makes random noises. He’s awesome…no wonder he’s alone.
Nov 30, 2011 at 2:31 am rating: 9
If I may be so bold, dude has issues that clearly go beyond discourtesy to neighbors. I mean, R Kelly? Really?
Nov 30, 2011 at 10:26 am rating: 7
Sounds like a catch. Makes me wish I wasn’t married.
On a side note, though, my husband ain’t getting his COD until Christmas. Mwahaha.
Dec 1, 2011 at 9:54 pm rating: 0
That’s not this guy, then. This one was shouting slurs.
Could be my old roommate, though.
Dec 21, 2011 at 12:06 am rating: 0
Americans have such nice handwriting! =)
Dec 2, 2011 at 10:12 pm rating: 0
While I appreciate the need for excessive use of profanity with concerns to a video game, your family and I are trying to sleep in hopes that we can wake up, go to work and support you.
Since you’ve also decided you’re a stock broker, and are keen on my investments, may I suggest some of my own:
Manly handwriting, and a bullet proof vest.
Add me on CODMW2, I’m 4th Prestige.
Dec 3, 2011 at 9:39 am rating: 4
Play Battlefield and you won’t rage over a shitty game like MoneyWasted3
Dec 11, 2011 at 10:36 pm rating: 1
2011: The Top Notes of the Year
2010: The Funniest Notes of the Year
2009: The Best Notes of the Year
2008: Your Favorite Notes of the Year
Carnivores: keep being awesome!
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a little patronizing
clip art catastrophe
flowers, trees, houseplants & gardens
landlords and property managers
Moms & Dads
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signed with love
spelling and grammar police
thanks (but not really)
unnecessary "quotation marks"
You call that punctuation?