James in the U.K. recently came home from football practice to discover that, in his absence, his mother had gotten a peek at his Internet browser history (“full of…well, I’m 15, I’m sure you can guess.”) As cool as his mum was about the whole thing, says James, “I still don’t know if I’ll be able to look her in the face for a while.”

“Happy viewing”? Nicely played, Mum.

related: “Sweetie, I saw that Walgreens is having a sale on jumbo-sized rubbers, so of course I thought of you!”

Savanna in Michigan says her landlord left this note on the kitchen floor “next to a tiny pile of tiny scraps of trash on the floor from dinner I had made.” Her excuse? “I don’t think we even have a broom, and if we do I have no idea where he keeps it.”

Um, Savanna, honey? No. Just…no.

related: That rug really tied the room together, did it not?

Writes our submitter in Madison, Wisconsin: “This note appeared in the staff bathrooms the day after a meeting I had with my boss…a meeting that included some discussion about how large parts of my day involve looking for things to do. So…I guess I’m ‘uninteresting’?”

related: A few clues that you might be stuck in a soul-sucking job

Instead of letting the Facilities Dept. know that the toaster was broken, the folks in Catherine’s office opted to collaboratively solve the problem Apollo-13 style, using only the paper products found in the office supply cabinet.

The major difference? This time, failure was an option.

related: I’m calling to report a case of toaster abuse?

“For the past couple of weeks,” writes Anna in Oakland, “someone in the alley or the building next door to mine has started clapping every day at 8:30 a.m. Just clapping. For at least ten minutes at a time. It’s been driving me crazy, and apparently I’m not the only one.”

Yeah, I can see how that would get old.

related: What the hell is going on at this office?

The missing last line of this story: “Unfortunately, it just made people slam the door more loudly out of spite.”

(Upon publication, this story was roundly slammed by reviewers.)

related: “The life of a toilet is much more stressful than people realize”

Would you care to furnish the last line of this haiku?

related: Sandwich guilt

So, imma let you in on a little secret: nobody has any reason to give a shit about your birthday. If you’re over the age of, say, 12, and still expect people to fete your very existence every year, you should also expect to be disappointed. (Yes, I’m the Grinch of birthdays. And don’t even get me started on “birthday weeks.”)

That said, in this case our submitter actually did call her mother on the day of her birth. When Mom didn’t pick up, quick-thinking daughter left her a message. After that, our submitter says, her mother didn’t return her calls for several days — until phoning to say, “Check your e-mail.” While still on the line, our submitter did just that — and found this lovely e-card.

related: It’s my pity party and I’ll whine if I want to

extra credit: Half birthdays are the new black [stfuparents]