Spotted by Analee at Houston’s annual Nutcracker Market, “a holiday shopping wonderland“…
related: No, He uses Vaseline.
FILED UNDER: God · guilt trip · Houston · retail hell · stealing
So … god pays the taxes, et cetera?
Dec 8, 2011 at 11:06 pm rating: 10
Render unto Caesar what is Caesar’s.
Dec 9, 2011 at 12:52 am rating: 9
You mean that leafy crown thing he wears on his head?
Dec 9, 2011 at 1:06 pm rating: 3
Croutons on the side please.
Dec 10, 2011 at 12:39 pm rating: 8
…no anchovies ?
Sorry, I spell my name D-A-N-G-E-R !!
Dec 10, 2011 at 2:26 pm rating: 0
Please say this is an adult bookstore ….
Dec 8, 2011 at 11:16 pm rating: 43
By the same logic as this PAN, God made those too.
Dec 9, 2011 at 7:47 am rating: 3
“Freely you have received, freely give” – Jesus, Matthew 10:8b
Dec 8, 2011 at 11:28 pm rating: 15
“Thou shalt not steal” – the Ten Commandments.
Dec 10, 2011 at 8:05 am rating: 2
“I’m on my to happiness today”- The Commitments.
Dec 10, 2011 at 1:22 pm rating: 5
Every little Mom and Pop thinks they’re Walmart nowadays.
Dec 9, 2011 at 12:04 am rating: 3
See? That’s the problem…God’s prices are too high and he’s being undercut in the market.
He needs to have a tithing sale, maybe 30% off for the holidays, or a 101 virgin offer…something to get the consumers excited about what the church is trying to sell them.
Dec 9, 2011 at 12:07 am rating: 22
Well, I think the Pope was rumored to (seriously) start allowing the sale indulgences again. Or whatever those “get out of hell free” permission slips are called.
Dec 9, 2011 at 2:18 am rating: 11
Everything old is new again. Maybe if they include 101 virgins along with the indulgences this thing could take off.
Priests could opt for 101 little boys to get them to buy in.
Dec 9, 2011 at 7:13 am rating: 8
But wait don’t the Muslims have dibs on the virgin racket, CB? Granted they supposedly only give you 75, but maybe they’re much prettier and have oral fixations.
Dec 9, 2011 at 4:31 pm rating: 3
Papyrus means this is clearly God’s business.
Dec 9, 2011 at 1:00 am rating: 9
Comic Sans is for the devil’s work.
Dec 9, 2011 at 7:47 am rating: 12
Just in case somebody hasn’t seen it, though it’s worth a rewatch if you have:
I’m Comic Sans, Asshole – on Vimeo http://bit.ly/sicZfl
Dec 9, 2011 at 12:34 pm rating: 0
Carrie White’s Mother
Dec 9, 2011 at 1:07 am rating: 4
If god exists, I’m going to hell anyway.
You have no power over me.
Dec 9, 2011 at 2:54 am rating: 8
*Gives fnuh a snowy owl*
Dec 9, 2011 at 6:13 am rating: 3
Just another retailer trying to get religious non-profit status so they can use PayPal’s “Donate” button.
Dec 9, 2011 at 6:06 am rating: 6
Dr. Frank Knight
Such shameless Name dropping!
Dec 9, 2011 at 6:19 am rating: 15
In a strange way this makes sense.
God as Creator becomes a Job Creator here, so worship your boss or go to unemployment hell.
But then, if the business you work for, the one that pays you money, is owned by God, and money is the root of all evil, does that mean that God uses evil to support and control the workers?
God’s one crafty SOB.
Dec 9, 2011 at 7:22 am rating: 8
The LOVE of money is the root of all evil, not the money itself.
Dec 10, 2011 at 6:41 am rating: 3
GOD can’t be an SOB. MOFO maybe, POS perhaps. At least these two are in the realm of cosmic possibility. While this topic is not specifically covered in Judith Martin’s Handbook of Cursing, it’s just common sense.
Dec 10, 2011 at 8:54 am rating: 2
Love of God is a root of evil. None of the 9-11 highjackers did it for money, but they believed they’d be rewarded by Alla in the hereafter.
Dec 11, 2011 at 1:10 am rating: 5
I believe what you refer to is idolatry.
Dec 11, 2011 at 12:51 pm rating: 0
No, not idolatry. I refer to an irrational belief in an almighty superior being.
One you’ve never seen, not even idolized form (you want to believe that Man is made in God’s image? Fine. Tell me why God needs arms, legs, hair, testicles…especially these because the only baby He made he didn’t use them?), yet you believe He exists just because that belief gives you a way to comfort your pains and allay your fears…without even realizing that you’ve used that belief to comfort your own pains and to allay your own fears.
Then you go to a church, temple, etc. and pay them for what you do for yourself of your own volition all because you’re afraid of death.
Dec 12, 2011 at 11:17 pm rating: 1
Dec 13, 2011 at 12:16 am rating: 0
God knows all and sees all, but needs really good security cameras to combat theft.
Dec 9, 2011 at 7:40 am rating: 12
… and one little passive aggressive note.
Dec 9, 2011 at 7:48 am rating: 4
“Violators will be smitten on site”
Dec 9, 2011 at 8:47 am rating: 13
Violators will be afflicted with boils and a plague of locust.
Dec 9, 2011 at 9:34 pm rating: 3
Perhaps we need to remind God about the “reason for the season.” I swear (a lot), Christmas has gotten so f*cking commercialized. I mean, really – God is selling nutcrackers now? WTF?
Dec 9, 2011 at 8:44 am rating: 3
I use to belong to a gym whose owner was a very pushy Christian. You signed a years contract and if you wanted to get out of it early he would refuse because his “silent partner wouldn’t allow it”. Turns out he ran the gym by himself and his “silent partner” was God.
Where did he get his reasoning? “The body is a temple unto the Lord.”, therefore everyone should be healthy. It’s in the Bible so God wouldn’t agree with you quiting the gym. Although, apparently being a gutless little liar is alright by God.
Dec 9, 2011 at 1:41 pm rating: 22
What a smarmy asshole. Normally I’d post something more witty but my brain broke reading that
Dec 10, 2011 at 12:58 pm rating: 3
If God owns the business you’d think that he could spring for a decent sign instead of that raggedy scrap of paper.
Dec 9, 2011 at 9:37 pm rating: 5
Do they donate their profits to the church? Does God come down on a golden stair (spiral of course), and collect the cash box every day? In what way does this business belong to God? I’m guessing that the proprietor has some minor identity issues.
Dec 10, 2011 at 5:47 am rating: 2
Pffft, Judeo-Christian God doesn’t care about that shit. Mithra, Odin, Njörðr, and Freyr, however, are super pissed at the extensive hijacking their holidays have received and are looking for any excuse to unleash their rage.
Dec 10, 2011 at 12:14 pm rating: 7
WOW!!!!! What is God selling? Does he do free shipping? I want to order my ( gold ) halo right now!!!
Dec 10, 2011 at 3:11 pm rating: 2
Pay your low, low Earthly Price today ?
Think again, sucker.
I’m going with the Divine Payment Plan.
No money down and All Freakin’ Eternity to pay it off…
Trust me, you don’t have what it takes to be a modern moneychanger.
Just another Pharisee-wannabe !
Dec 10, 2011 at 9:42 pm rating: 1
Vote for me and I’ll be God for free!
Dec 11, 2011 at 11:12 am rating: 0
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