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I did the dishes! Where’s my cookie?

December 14th, 2011 · 53 comments

Explains our submitter in Ohio: “Before leaving for winter break, the chronic dish-neglecting roommate of the house tried her hand at washing dishes for the first time.” Not content to pat herself on the back, she then posted this rationalization for why she shouldn’t have to feel guilty about the dirty dishes she’s left in the sink all year.

You can pretty much guess how that went over with the roomies…

Guess What?? I cleaned the dishes — even the ones that were NOT mine... and guess what again? It did NOT kill me and I did NOT magically transform into your MOTHER. You want to know what it felt like? It felt like a person that lives in this house understanding that her ROOMMATES have been extremely busy recently and she had some extra time to be able to help out. You want to know how much time it took out of my day? About ten minutes!!

related: Because of you, the shower I was looking forward to all day was RUINED!

FILED UNDER: Did you know? · dishes · Ohio · roommates · Your mother doesn't...

53 responses so far ↓

  • #1   SamIamurai

    That’s what you get for finding your roommates on Craigslist.

    Dec 14, 2011 at 5:52 pm   rating: 22  small thumbs up

    • #1.1   Harmy G

      Yea, because all of my non-craigslist roommates always cleaned their dishes and never left passive-aggressive notes…

      Dec 14, 2011 at 7:30 pm   rating: 48  small thumbs up

    • #1.2   jadefirefly

      Actually, the one roomie I found on Craigslist was more sane and less obnoxious than any of the three I found elsewhere.

      Dec 14, 2011 at 7:53 pm   rating: 8  small thumbs up

    • #1.3   Quite Contrary

      I found the best roommate I ever had via a sign on a tree in Manhattan Beach, CA. That’s how we did it in the swinging 80′s.

      Dec 14, 2011 at 10:57 pm   rating: 20  small thumbs up

    • #1.4   Nunavut Guy

      Posting signs on trees is cruel!You bastard………..(walks away muttering obscenities)

      Dec 15, 2011 at 7:11 pm   rating: 7  small thumbs up

    • #1.5   OoogaBooga

      I have to agree… the best room mate I’ve ever had, I found on Craigslist. The people I chose to live with ended up being the world’s laziest, messiest and most inconsiderate people who STILL owe me money. My Craigslist roomie is the only one I still talk to.

      Dec 18, 2011 at 5:22 am   rating: 6  small thumbs up

  • #2   Quite Contrary

    Guess what! While washing the dishes may not have killed you, I might. xo, Your Roomie

    Dec 14, 2011 at 5:56 pm   rating: 99  small thumbs up

    • #2.1   khm

      best comment :)

      Dec 20, 2011 at 6:28 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

  • #3   mrazda71

    Wow … That’s really big paper …

    Dec 14, 2011 at 5:58 pm   rating: 4  small thumbs up

    • #3.1   The Elf

      You need a lot of paper for assholes that big.

      Dec 15, 2011 at 10:13 am   rating: 18  small thumbs up

  • #4   shesajem

    The next day at the funeral… I was just trying to make a point I didn’t mean for my room mates to die from the shock of me doing the dishes..

    Dec 14, 2011 at 5:59 pm   rating: 11  small thumbs up

  • #5   Mishee

    Seems like it took this douche longer to write the damn note and sloppily tape it up on the wall than it did to just do the damn dishes and STFU.

    Dec 14, 2011 at 5:59 pm   rating: 60  small thumbs up

    • #5.1   Palomon

      And then go make me a sandwich.

      Dec 14, 2011 at 11:54 pm   rating: 4  small thumbs up

  • #6   SP

    Nice yard. Nice crossing out. Glad she’s not my roommate. Douche queen.

    Dec 14, 2011 at 6:28 pm   rating: 3  small thumbs up

  • #7   Suzi

    “My roommates are extremely busy, thus I’ll naff off for the hols, leaving them some horrible sticky marks on the window to keep them distracted.”

    What a thoughtful soul…

    Dec 14, 2011 at 6:30 pm   rating: 22  small thumbs up

    • #7.1   KJS

      I have no idea what this even means . . .

      Dec 15, 2011 at 8:16 am   rating: 17  small thumbs up

    • #7.2   Chinchillazilla

      Context clues.

      Dec 17, 2011 at 2:47 am   rating: 6  small thumbs up

  • #8   infanttyrone

    Wow….she spent almost 7/1000ths of a day just doing the dishes.
    Goodness only knows what the future holds.

    Roomies, make real damn sure those HMO premiums are paid up.
    Word is she found out where you’ve been hiding the broom.

    *thanks for the idea, shesajem

    Dec 14, 2011 at 6:33 pm   rating: 10  small thumbs up

  • #9   tkat

    This is great! She actually did her roommates a favor. Next time she lets her dirty dishes pile up, they can pull out the letter *she* wrote and remind her she’ll live through another piddly ten minutes.

    Dec 14, 2011 at 6:41 pm   rating: 69  small thumbs up

    • #9.1   jackson

      they could, but her argument was essentially “This was so easy and I’m so busy that you should just do my dishes without complaining about it.”

      Dec 15, 2011 at 10:10 am   rating: 27  small thumbs up

  • #10   LGH

    They could always do what we used to do with a flatmate like this: Dump all her dirty dishes left sit for more than 2 days on her bed. You keep doing it they begin to wash up. Simple.

    Dec 14, 2011 at 6:45 pm   rating: 59  small thumbs up

    • #10.1   A

      My dad did this with my brother. Needless to say, we ended up with nothing to eat on.

      Dec 15, 2011 at 12:52 am   rating: 30  small thumbs up

    • #10.2   Somebody Else

      “Needless to say” …

      I love that part, lol.

      Dec 19, 2011 at 11:50 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

    • #10.3   khm

      So dramatic.

      Dec 20, 2011 at 6:33 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

  • #11   Nahhh bang

    For her next trick, she will demand of everyone, “Look! Look what I can do!” and then somersault across the grass she’s never mowed nor raked.

    Dec 14, 2011 at 10:32 pm   rating: 28  small thumbs up

    • #11.1   Dr_Know

      And hopefully land on some dog poop hidden in there

      Dec 16, 2011 at 2:12 am   rating: 9  small thumbs up

  • #12   Celeste

    The dishes got washed so fast, she had time on her hands, so she wrote a note. Which took longer than washing the dishes.

    Dec 14, 2011 at 10:53 pm   rating: 10  small thumbs up

  • #13   meri

    Guess what? I bet she was an only child.

    Dec 14, 2011 at 11:55 pm   rating: 17  small thumbs up

    • #13.1   Dr. Frank Knight

      Is there a whiff of narcissism in the air?

      You can bet she won’t let ‘em forget about “The Day I Did YOUR Dishes.”

      Dec 15, 2011 at 7:41 am   rating: 16  small thumbs up

  • #14   KJS

    This note makes me want to print it, walk upstairs, and nail it into the head of the French man whom I am living with. Why does it matter that he’s French? If you’ve ever lived with one, you wouldn’t have to ask.

    Dec 15, 2011 at 8:19 am   rating: 12  small thumbs up

    • #14.1   Randomize

      I live with a french man.
      I still don’t magically understand your meaning.
      Would you care to explain ?

      Dec 15, 2011 at 11:17 am   rating: 20  small thumbs up

  • #15   meeper

    I bet the “washed” dishes still have dried food on them and all the glasses have spots.

    Dec 15, 2011 at 8:43 am   rating: 35  small thumbs up

  • #16   Adriana

    10 minutes isn’t a big deal, but 10 minutes per day for 4 months is a big deal. 30 days * 4 months (about a semester) = 120 days * 10 minutes per day = 1200 minutes / 60 minutes per hour = 20 hours.

    That’s almost a day lost cleaning up for this selfish little piggy.

    Dec 15, 2011 at 1:03 pm   rating: 16  small thumbs up

    • #16.1   Chinchillazilla

      Wow, I did not need a mathematical reminder of how much of my life is being wasted doing menial chores. That’s depressing as hell.

      Dec 17, 2011 at 2:49 am   rating: 20  small thumbs up

  • #17   wright1

    I’m guessing her reward can be found the same place her head has been for spring, summer, fall and most of winter: somewhere beyond her sphincter.

    Dec 15, 2011 at 2:17 pm   rating: 7  small thumbs up

  • #18   Dear Helen Hartman

    Well, I’d say now that we have the information that she washed the dishes and it did not kill her, which was, let’s admit it, a big concern (you think dirty dishes are annoying to live with, just try living with a dead roomie) we can breathe easier (another thing not so easy with a dead roomie, esp after day 3). Good note, non dead dish doer!

    Dec 15, 2011 at 2:48 pm   rating: 14  small thumbs up

  • #19   jetjackson

    If doing the dishes doesn’t kill this person, someone will.

    Dec 15, 2011 at 3:39 pm   rating: 16  small thumbs up

  • #20   Brian H

    My college roommate and I never fought about that. The dishes were mine and I had a lot of them so we could go awhile without washing. They would pile up but it was whoever broke down did the dishes. We had no dishwasher so it was all manual washing.

    Dec 16, 2011 at 3:26 am   rating: 1  small thumbs up

  • #21   RubeMcCube bang

    Really asking for someone to write: “So why the fuck haven’t you done it the rest of the year?” at the bottom.

    Dec 16, 2011 at 3:57 am   rating: 37  small thumbs up

  • #22   culuriel

    Great. If it’s so simple, easy, and takes no time, she can do everyone’s dishes every day. Sounds like exactly what she deserves.

    Dec 16, 2011 at 4:46 am   rating: 15  small thumbs up

  • #23   Dr. Chalkwitheringlicktacklefeff

    Everyone’s a jerk in this story; she’s a jerk for writing the note, but the note heavily implies that everyone else has been a jerk to her all year about a few dishes. Team Nobody.

    Dec 16, 2011 at 5:18 am   rating: 4  small thumbs up

    • #23.1   bug

      So… expecting a housemate to do their own dishes and thus refusing to wash said dishes for them makes one a jerk?

      Sounds more like Team Entitlement to me.

      Dec 17, 2011 at 6:25 pm   rating: 14  small thumbs up

  • #24   wefsdfgbfd


    Dec 16, 2011 at 7:15 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

    • #24.1   Seanette

      FOAD, spammer.

      Where’s a “report spam” button around here?

      Dec 19, 2011 at 6:55 pm   rating: 3  small thumbs up

  • #25   OoogaBooga

    My b**** of a roommate was just like this. She left a sink full of dirty dishes over Thanksgiving break, Christmas break, Spring break, and every other day… and we even had a dishwasher. Lazy b****. Then, when I left a lasagna pan soaking in the sink overnight (10 hours tops), I found it in the morning outside my door with a note saying how inconsiderate I was. I’m OCD when it comes to cleanliness, so it wasn’t like I ever left dirty dishes in the sink. Also, my boyfriend had sent me flowers, which were sitting on our kitchen table, and they died when I was out of town. Apparently, this was another incredibly inconsiderate thing for me to do. I came home to find the flowers THROWN across my bed.

    Dec 18, 2011 at 5:30 am   rating: 4  small thumbs up

    • #25.1   Corie

      That is genuinely mentally unstable behaviour. Hopefully you don’t live with her anymore!

      Dec 18, 2011 at 3:32 pm   rating: 8  small thumbs up

    • #25.2   OoogaBooga

      Nope, this was years ago. I avoided her and wrote many passive aggressive notes until the day I moved out (Darn, I should have saved them! If only I’d known this site would one day exist! I have no issue with passive aggressive behaviour when you’re dealing with a crazy person). On move-out day, she threatened to call the police for stealing “her” stuff – stuff that I had actually bought and I had receipts for (she never actually called them, crazy b****). I also cleared out the storage shed, which had my padlock on it, but decided I’d be nice and she could keep one thing – the padlock (not the key). Never heard from her ever again.
      EDIT: I actually did hear from her again, come to think about it! She called me a week after move-out day, and the conversation went – Crazy B***: “You owe me money”, Me: “No I don’t”, CB: “YES YOU DO!!!!!!”, Me: “Then take me to court” [I hung up on her]. THEN I never heard from her again. If I had actually owed her money, the CB really would have taken me to court, and/or probably attempted to murder me.
      I heard she got married. Poor guy :(

      Dec 24, 2011 at 3:58 pm   rating: 3  small thumbs up

  • #26   Mel

    I am more upset that she did not rewrite the letter. Instead she posted her rough draft up on the window for the world to see. I t is clear that she has to be either lazy or careless. Which makes sense if she never washed her dishes until this one day.

    Dec 18, 2011 at 3:55 pm   rating: 3  small thumbs up

    • #26.1   redheadwglasses

      I question the quality of her work. Might want to make sure the dishes actually got clean!

      Dec 23, 2011 at 3:27 pm   rating: 4  small thumbs up

  • #27   Boobsicle

    My roommate and I have a great set up:
    I hate washing silverware and plastic and don’t mind pots, pans, and the wooden cutting boards.

    He hates washing pots, pans, and the big wooden cutting boards, but doesn’t mind silverware or plastic.

    We’re both fucking swamped as hell by grad school at the moment, and totally fine with letting the dishes pile up until Monday night, when we’re both done. Amazing what reasonable, non-PA people can accomplish if they slack on housework together, isn’t it?

    Dec 18, 2011 at 4:34 pm   rating: 9  small thumbs up

    • #27.1   The Elf

      The key words are “reasonable, non-PA”. That seems to be the sticking point.

      Dec 19, 2011 at 11:17 am   rating: 5  small thumbs up

  • #28   Poltergeist

    I feel the notewriter’s pain. Dinner always tastes better when eaten off of dishes somebody else has cleaned (as long as they did a good job). Preferably the food has also been prepared by another party as well.

    Dec 29, 2011 at 11:46 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

  • #29   Rufus

    with one exception, all the only children I know are the soul of kindness and thoughtfulness.

    P.S. the exception isn’t me, I’m not an only.

    Jan 5, 2012 at 12:26 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up


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