In the spirit of the holidays…enjoy the pipe bomb!

December 16th, 2011 · 36 comments

My friend Amy and her husband recently had a UPS package stolen from their front porch. Thanks to the wonders of a home security camera, they were able to see that the thieves were actually their next-door neighbors. After a few rounds of “WHAT? WHO DOES THAT? REALLY?” they called the cops and had the fools arrested. (Score: Technology – 1; Humanity – 0.)

Meanwhile, the residents under siege at this Denver apartment building seem to be taking the vigilante approach to justice. Somehow, unless Batman shows up, I just don’t see this ending well.

Dear Grinch Stealing Packages from His and/or Her Neighbors, In the Spirit of the Holidays, I am choosing to let you know that I have sent myself (and a cooperating neighbor on another floor, from whom you have also stolen) one or more extra special presents, JUST FOR YOU! I really hope that you like them! I spent a lot of time and care on them as I wanted to make sure you know just how special you are to me!

related: Creative approaches to food thievery

FILED UNDER: Christmas · Denver · holiday spirit · kinda creepy · neighbors · not-so-veiled threats · stealing


36 responses so far ↓

  • #1   Quite Contrary

    I think Santa’s Little Helper need a little of Mommy’s Little Helper.

    Dec 16, 2011 at 3:57 pm   rating: 23  small thumbs up

    • #1.1   soothsayer

      I bet it was some of “mommy’s little helper” that got their creative juices flowing for extra-special christmas surprises.

      Dec 16, 2011 at 4:10 pm   rating: 3  small thumbs up

       
    • #1.2   Nunavut Guy

      Kinda creepy; yet limp -wristed ……..” I’m too gay to do anything about it even if I wanted to.”

      The large arsenal aside.

      Dec 17, 2011 at 2:12 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #2   josh

    How much poo will a typical Amazon box hold? Only the Tootsie Pop Owl knows for sure.

    Dec 16, 2011 at 4:18 pm   rating: 36  small thumbs up

    • #2.1   Satan's little helper

      I loled

      Dec 16, 2011 at 5:09 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
    • #2.2   Nunavut Guy

      How many licks to the chocolate center?

      Dec 17, 2011 at 2:14 pm   rating: 4  small thumbs up

       
    • #2.3   unsatisfied

      a-one, a-two-HOO-hoo! a-thhhh-rree!

      Dec 19, 2011 at 2:39 pm   rating: 3  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #3   mitte bang

    It should read “Satan’s little helper”.

    Dec 16, 2011 at 4:25 pm   rating: 17  small thumbs up

     
  • #4   federexo

    I have often wished for exploding dye pack technology (for example, to set a trap in a nearby city park where thieves routinely target cars).

    This is probably just a bluff, but I say, Go Team Stealth Package. Also, can I have some ideas?

    Dec 16, 2011 at 4:29 pm   rating: 13  small thumbs up

     
  • #5   S.A.

    Well thanks for giving the thief ‘heads up’ on what you’re up to, now he/she will now NOT to open it, genius.

    Dec 16, 2011 at 4:55 pm   rating: 9  small thumbs up

    • #5.1   kate

      OR, this note is a decoy invitation, written with no intent of actually leaving any packages for the thief so that the shithead will stop stealing their packages.

      Genius.

      Dec 16, 2011 at 5:28 pm   rating: 39  small thumbs up

       
    • #5.2   Pat

      Making the thief decide not to take any more packages seems like a win. And the goal.
      The trapped packages may or may not be real, it doesn’t matter.

      Dec 20, 2011 at 5:39 pm   rating: 7  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #6   John

    I bet if something bad did happen to the thief upon opening a package he/she would sue whomever they stole from. Seriously.

    Dec 16, 2011 at 4:59 pm   rating: 25  small thumbs up

     
  • #7   Bang bang

    I was expecting to read a pipe bomb threat after glancing at the headline! I am now disappointed! I would go pout in the corner but all the exclamation points are making me hyperventilate so I feel strangely cheerful!

    Dec 16, 2011 at 6:21 pm   rating: 8  small thumbs up

    • #7.1   cher

      Pan shot you down?

      Dec 17, 2011 at 6:30 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
    • #7.2   infanttyrone

      Well he was lost most all the time
      Cause guys like him were hard to find

      Dec 17, 2011 at 9:50 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #8   Silence

    I’d give anything to know what they put in the boxes. Dog shit? A bottle of sour milk? Bedbugs? Ed Hardy clothing?

    Dec 16, 2011 at 7:33 pm   rating: 11  small thumbs up

    • #8.1   Nahhh bang

      I’d bake brownies full of laxatives. If I baked. Or had laxatives. Or had neighbors who stole my packages…

      Dec 17, 2011 at 9:47 am   rating: 10  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #9   pony girl bang

    Jeez, I thought my neighbors sucked.

    I’m going to go right out and buy them some strawberry cigars and Jim Beam .

    Dec 16, 2011 at 9:13 pm   rating: 5  small thumbs up

    • #9.1   infanttyrone

      pg,
      That’s quite an odd flavor combination, but then again, you must know them (the neighbors) fairly well by now.
      Freberg album should be at kid brother’s (near Lake Travis) by now.
      Check most recent comment at following clip for ideas on how to get it from his place to yours.
      http://bit.ly/utIAKy
      :-)

      Dec 17, 2011 at 1:05 am   rating: 0  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #10   Jeff

    I have a friend whose boyfriend was in a South American country for a few years. For some strange reason, he mailed his parents and asked them to send his High School Letterman jacket. Later when he saw a postal service employee wearing the jacket, he wrote home about it. He got a letter back saying, “Don’t eat the brownies I’m going to send you”. He never received any brownies. But, supposedly the local postal office was shut down for a week after that, due to some “strange illness”. (for non-Americans, brownies are like cake. They were probably laced with “ex-lax”)

    Dec 16, 2011 at 10:47 pm   rating: 35  small thumbs up

    • #10.1   Chinchillazilla

      This post is the first indication I’ve ever had that brownies are American-only. That’s the saddest thing I’ve ever heard. Everyone deserves brownies. :(

      Dec 17, 2011 at 2:43 am   rating: 10  small thumbs up

       
    • #10.2   Mayonnaise

      Non-American here. We know what brownies are. Thanks for the condescension.

      Dec 17, 2011 at 5:59 am   rating: 15  small thumbs up

       
    • #10.3   Nahhh bang

      For you non-Americans, “ex-lax” (Ex-Lax) is a brand-name laxative. A “laxative” makes you poop. “Poop” is exrement.

      (As for me, I’m gonna start reading ALL the comments before I post my own.)

      Dec 17, 2011 at 9:51 am   rating: 14  small thumbs up

       
    • #10.4   Starfish

      Sometimes its tough to guess what may or may not be understood by different cultures – if someone offered the average American “a fizzy drink” or “treacle tart” and that person hasn’t read Harry Potter, they may assume those are drug references.

      So – chill out. Not everything explanatory is meant to be condescending.

      Dec 17, 2011 at 2:02 pm   rating: 27  small thumbs up

       
    • #10.5   Rattus

      Loonie, toonie, two-four, forty-pounder, tuque, pogey, Nanaimo bar, Timbits, tourtiere, depanneur . Would it be condescending of me to explain any of these things to non-Canadians? I mean, as far as I’m concerned they are all in common usage.

      Dec 17, 2011 at 2:43 pm   rating: 22  small thumbs up

       
    • #10.6   Jami

      I know some of those things are money. But the rest I’m not sure. If it wasn’t said in the show Forever Knight I don’t know it.

      Team Lacroix!

      Dec 17, 2011 at 5:00 pm   rating: 5  small thumbs up

       
    • #10.7   Wrench

      I have Canadian family and even I’m not familiar with any of those terms. So no, it wouldn’t be. Just like it wouldn’t be condescending for me to say to non-Rhodies than “dynamite” refers to a sandwich filling rather than high explosives in some contexts.

      Dec 18, 2011 at 4:59 pm   rating: 5  small thumbs up

       
    • #10.8   The Elf

      Ah, English dialects. Nations separated by a common langauge. What cracks me up are the regional differences even within the USA, pop/soda/coke being the most recognized one.

      Dec 19, 2011 at 11:27 am   rating: 2  small thumbs up

       
    • #10.9   makfan bang

      I spend a lot of time in Canada, but I don’t know a few of those.

      Dec 26, 2011 at 1:34 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #11   Mike

    Look into a UPS Store. That way you don’t have people stealing your crap. Its like $20/mth with a 3 month minimum. I just use it so nobody takes my crap and it doesn’t get rained on while I work.

    Dec 16, 2011 at 11:28 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

     
  • #12   Rat Liz

    nice, i need to figure out a way to do this with nexflix envelopes because me and most of my neighbors have had to cancel the home delivery because crack heads keep on stealing them to sell fro drug money

    Dec 17, 2011 at 12:00 am   rating: 4  small thumbs up

    • #12.1   bug

      Trying to imagine the market for stolen netflix discs makes my head hurt.

      Dec 17, 2011 at 6:35 pm   rating: 13  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #13   Nunavut Guy

    Go boom-boom?

    Dec 17, 2011 at 1:56 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

     
  • #14   Nick

    Those links don’t seem to be working, anyone else having a problem?

    Dec 17, 2011 at 5:56 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

     

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