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I just want to know the truth!

December 20th, 2011 · 46 comments

Below: the first of many heartbreaking childhood disappointments to come for Kaeton’s six-year-old cousin, Laylah.

Dear moma and paw, Why didnt you tell me the tooth fairy wasn't real? Why doesn't the tooth fairy come? I asked you what the tooth fairy does with my teeth and you didn't answer me. You just nodded your head and made a funny face. I just want to know the truth! Love, Laylah.

related: Possibly the best Tooth Fairy letters of all time

extra credit: Yes, Virginia, there is a Santa Claus

 

FILED UNDER: kids · Moms & Dads · signed with love · Texas


46 responses so far ↓

  • #1   Phyllis

    You can’t handle the truth!

    Dec 20, 2011 at 2:17 pm   rating: 46  small thumbs up

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    • #1.1   spicytunakitty

      You mean “tooth”!

      Dec 21, 2011 at 1:24 pm   rating: 9  small thumbs up

       
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  • #2   North Carolina

    First!
    …in flight?

    Dec 20, 2011 at 2:21 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

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    • #2.1   The Elf

      Sadly no. Like the first flight, your comment was really more of an attention-getting jump. You fell with style.

      Dec 20, 2011 at 2:29 pm   rating: 26  small thumbs up

       
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  • #3   Edith

    I can’t handle the CUTE!

    Dec 20, 2011 at 2:22 pm   rating: 11  small thumbs up

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  • #4   unsatisfied

    glad that I don’t have to contribute the obligatory line from “a few good men.”

    but, I do have to ask….

    “Kaeton”???

    “Laylah”???

    really?

    Dec 20, 2011 at 2:31 pm   rating: 42  small thumbs up

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    • #4.1   scott hall

      i have a feelun moma an’ paw ar frum th’ suthurn yew-nited stayts

      Dec 20, 2011 at 8:47 pm   rating: 10  small thumbs up

       

    • #4.2   lonestarslp

      I have a feeling one of her next letters may be “Dear Moma and Paw, Why didn’t yu spell mah name rite? Nobody at school knows how to say it and the janitor always sings it.”

      Dec 20, 2011 at 11:28 pm   rating: 14  small thumbs up

       

    • #4.3   infanttyrone

      Maybe the South, but then there’s MoMA at 11 W. 53rd St. in NYC.
      They show Keaton films from time to time.
      But probably no Kaeton.
      And definitely no Laylah.
      OK, definitely probably the South.

      Dec 21, 2011 at 12:40 am   rating: 4  small thumbs up

       

    • #4.4   Daniel

      I’m from the south, and you vastly overestimate our creativity …

      Dec 21, 2011 at 12:43 am   rating: 22  small thumbs up

       

    • #4.5   liliboo

      Why is “Laylah” spelled wrong? That’s the Persian / Arabic transliteration and quite common.

      Too bad for people who think that English should have about 250 names spelled the same way throughout the entire population. You lost that battle a long time ago.

      Dec 21, 2011 at 6:21 pm   rating: 11  small thumbs up

       

    • #4.6   drsnacks

      Good thing ridiculing names (inherently superficial and mostly not self-chosen) is acceptable enough for people silly enough to do so to out themselves as being as clueless and uneducated as they assume their target is.

      Dec 22, 2011 at 12:53 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
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  • #5   The Elf

    Poor Laylah. Next she’ll find out that finger painting the walls isn’t as adorable as she thought it was.

    Dec 20, 2011 at 2:31 pm   rating: 3  small thumbs up

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  • #6   lupanime

    Dear Laylah,
    We received an e-mail from Tooth Fairy, and she says she hasn’t visited you because she is spending some time with her new boyfriend Santa. She is using your teeth to build toys for the poor kids, go figure.

    Love,
    Moma and Paw

    Dec 20, 2011 at 2:32 pm   rating: 13  small thumbs up

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  • #7   Ben Rene

    She wants to know the tooth! (someone was bound to do it!) :P

    Dec 20, 2011 at 2:38 pm   rating: 10  small thumbs up

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    • #7.1   Jenny

      You can’t handle the tooth!!

      (someone was bound to do that, too)

      Dec 21, 2011 at 8:59 am   rating: 3  small thumbs up

       

    • #7.2   infanttyrone

      When did this site morph from PAN to Dental Kinbaku ?

      Well, different strokes I reckon…
      Just remember to leave enough on one end for the doorknob. :-)

      Dec 21, 2011 at 1:48 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
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  • #8   dwmdm

    What the fuck is this world coming to that people actually have the names “Kaeton” and “Laylah”??

    Dec 20, 2011 at 2:39 pm   rating: 24  small thumbs up

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    • #8.1   khm

      What about ‘bear blu’?

      Dec 20, 2011 at 6:19 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

       

    • #8.2   Ashes

      Says the guy, who has decided to use a random assortment of letters with no semblance to an actual word or name, as a screen name.

      Dec 20, 2011 at 7:30 pm   rating: 22  small thumbs up

       

    • #8.3   Pink Coat

      Laylah (or Layla however you want to spell it) is a very common Persian name. If you look up the origins of the song it became famous in, the chick was of Persian descent.

      Dec 21, 2011 at 7:39 am   rating: 4  small thumbs up

       

    • #8.4   GhostWriter bang

      I don’t know any persian ladies named “Laylah”, but I do own a persian carpet I affectionately call “Laylow”.

      Its tightly woven pile has got me on my knees from time to time (picking out the sand spurs).

      Dec 21, 2011 at 9:50 am   rating: 10  small thumbs up

       

    • #8.5   The Elf

      So Laylah has a possible explanation (though I think the more likely one is the playing-with-syllables one), but Kaeton? That’s just effed.

      Dec 21, 2011 at 10:23 am   rating: 3  small thumbs up

       

    • #8.6   Amy in Toronto

      Laylah may be a variant of Leila or Lila, both of which are fairly traditional Hawaiian and Hebrew names, respectively.

      Dec 21, 2011 at 12:51 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

       

    • #8.7   dwmdm

      To Ashes,
      First, they’re my initials. Second, learn how to use commas.

      Yours in Christ,
      dwmdm

      Dec 21, 2011 at 3:31 pm   rating: 6  small thumbs up

       
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  • #9   Quite Contrary

    When the Tooth Fairy forgot to visit my friend’s daughter, my friend responded that she forgot to call 1-800-TOOTHFAIRY to make an appointment. Problem solved!

    Dec 20, 2011 at 2:49 pm   rating: 10  small thumbs up

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    • #9.1   Sensible Madness bang

      Sure, it’s hilarious until the kid actually decides to call that number and it turns out to be a phone sex line.

      Dec 21, 2011 at 2:16 pm   rating: 9  small thumbs up

       
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  • #10   farcical aquatic ceremony

    Awww, I <3 "knodded"! It's such a cute sign that this kid has entered the grown-up world, where such figures as Santa and the Tooth Fairy DON'T exist, but useless 'silent' letters DO!

    Dec 20, 2011 at 3:13 pm   rating: 34  small thumbs up

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  • #11   Shesajem

    Okay well the truth is the tooth fairy, Santa and the Easter bunny are all dead and buried in the backyard and only come out when you’ve been very naughty!!

    Dec 20, 2011 at 4:03 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

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  • #12   We shall speak Anon

    Laylah, you’ve got me hiding teeth
    Laylah, I’m lying to Kaeton’s niece
    Laylah, knodding doesn’t ease my Fairy’s mind…

    Dec 20, 2011 at 4:30 pm   rating: 37  small thumbs up

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    • #12.1   We shall speak Anon

      Cousin! Damn it!

      Dec 20, 2011 at 4:32 pm   rating: 4  small thumbs up

       

    • #12.2   AuntyBron

      If they’re from the South, they could be both.

      Dec 20, 2011 at 11:45 pm   rating: 8  small thumbs up

       
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  • #13   Incredible Nickname

    That’s some impressive writing for one so young. And hella cute! :)

    Dec 20, 2011 at 8:07 pm   rating: 6  small thumbs up

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    • #13.1   Nunavut Guy

      Not so impressive for someone pretending to be six.

      I’m calling bullshit on this one.

      Dec 21, 2011 at 8:28 am   rating: 4  small thumbs up

       
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  • #14   Jenn

    I figured this out at the age of 7 when I was looking through my dad’s desk for a pair of scissors. Instead, I found one of those plastic treat machine globes filled with teeth. A very sweet (if a little weird) gesture on dad’s part that led to his undoing.

    Dec 20, 2011 at 10:30 pm   rating: 6  small thumbs up

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    • #14.1   GhostWriter bang

      By “undoing” do you mean his trial and conviction for murdering children and saving their teeth?

      Dec 21, 2011 at 9:45 am   rating: 22  small thumbs up

       
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  • #15   Dr. Frank Knight

    Imagine Laylah’s disappointment when she finds that Moma and Paw are only bobble-headed knodders.

    Dec 21, 2011 at 8:02 am   rating: 7  small thumbs up

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  • #16   Lil'

    When I asked my mom what the tooth fairy does with the teeth, she told me she makes dentures. She sells the dentures to old people, and that’s how she can afford to pay the kids. I think she must have been planning for that question for years. Luckily for her, I asked while I was still too young to visualize old people with baby teeth and blow her cover.

    Dec 21, 2011 at 10:22 am   rating: 15  small thumbs up

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    • #16.1   kermit

      I never bought the tooth fairy story at all and my mom didn’t try to push it on me. Santa Claus and the Easter Bunny are kinda believable because as a kid it’s easy to envision strangers giving you lots and lots of presents for being “good”.

      But with the tooth fairy, you get a measly coin and there’s no mention of you getting more money if you’re good or if your tooth is especially nice.

      Dec 21, 2011 at 2:13 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

       

    • #16.2   Nila

      Maybe she melts the baby teeth down to make the old people teeth.

      Jan 7, 2012 at 12:26 am   rating: 0  small thumbs up

       
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  • #17   CaptainC

    If my parents just nodded and made a weird face when I asked about something I’d have been pissed.

    Dec 21, 2011 at 12:13 pm   rating: 6  small thumbs up

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  • #18   Robert

    Another member of the Toother movement.

    Dec 21, 2011 at 1:04 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

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    • #18.1   infanttyrone

      They smile patronizingly and call us “dentally unbalanced”….

      Slap each other on the back and make “incisive” remarks about how our theories depend on the existence of moles, and how although we’re not exactly slaves to our beliefs, the term “indentured servitude” might apply.

      OK, maybe we’re like canines and hear things they don’t.
      But we know what we know…it was an inside job.

      Dec 21, 2011 at 3:01 pm   rating: 3  small thumbs up

       
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  • #19   kaeton

    Yeah, I’m the one who posted this..It’s not fake.
    And YES, Kaeton is a weird name.. I get that from people all the time. And it is also weird to me that my little cousins call their mom “ma” and their dad “paw” but hey, whatever floats their boats..

    Dec 22, 2011 at 2:39 am   rating: 4  small thumbs up

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  • #20   Lucile

    Pretty well-written for a six-year-old. *nods head in approval*

    Dec 22, 2011 at 5:37 am   rating: 1  small thumbs up

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  • #21   Poltergeist

    See? This is a cute note, not the ones that read “Toothfairy, you’re late and I’m entitled so you owe me interest on my dollar even though I only deserve a penny.”

    Dec 29, 2011 at 11:41 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

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