I just want to know the truth!

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December 20th, 2011 · 46 comments

Below: the first of many heartbreaking childhood disappointments to come for Kaeton’s six-year-old cousin, Laylah.

extra credit: Yes, Virginia, there is a Santa Claus

FILED UNDER: kids · Moms & Dads · signed with love · Texas

46 responses so far ↓

#1 Phyllis

You can’t handle the truth!

Dec 20, 2011 at 2:17 pm rating: 48

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- #1.1 spicytunakitty
  
  You mean “tooth”!
  
  Dec 21, 2011 at 1:24 pm rating: 9
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#2 North Carolina

First!
…in flight?

Dec 20, 2011 at 2:21 pm rating: 1

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- #2.1 The Elf
  
  Sadly no. Like the first flight, your comment was really more of an attention-getting jump. You fell with style.
  
  Dec 20, 2011 at 2:29 pm rating: 28
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#3 Edith

I can’t handle the CUTE!

Dec 20, 2011 at 2:22 pm rating: 12

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#4 unsatisfied

glad that I don’t have to contribute the obligatory line from “a few good men.”

but, I do have to ask….

“Kaeton”???

“Laylah”???

really?

Dec 20, 2011 at 2:31 pm rating: 42

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- #4.1 scott hall
  
  i have a feelun moma an’ paw ar frum th’ suthurn yew-nited stayts
  
  Dec 20, 2011 at 8:47 pm rating: 10
- #4.2 lonestarslp
  
  I have a feeling one of her next letters may be “Dear Moma and Paw, Why didn’t yu spell mah name rite? Nobody at school knows how to say it and the janitor always sings it.”
  
  Dec 20, 2011 at 11:28 pm rating: 14
- #4.3 infanttyrone
  
  Maybe the South, but then there’s MoMA at 11 W. 53rd St. in NYC.
  They show Keaton films from time to time.
  But probably no Kaeton.
  And definitely no Laylah.
  OK, definitely probably the South.
  
  Dec 21, 2011 at 12:40 am rating: 4
- #4.4 Daniel
  
  I’m from the south, and you vastly overestimate our creativity …
  
  Dec 21, 2011 at 12:43 am rating: 23
- #4.5 liliboo
  
  Why is “Laylah” spelled wrong? That’s the Persian / Arabic transliteration and quite common.
  
  Too bad for people who think that English should have about 250 names spelled the same way throughout the entire population. You lost that battle a long time ago.
  
  Dec 21, 2011 at 6:21 pm rating: 12
- #4.6 drsnacks
  
  Good thing ridiculing names (inherently superficial and mostly not self-chosen) is acceptable enough for people silly enough to do so to out themselves as being as clueless and uneducated as they assume their target is.
  
  Dec 22, 2011 at 12:53 pm rating: 2
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#5 The Elf

Poor Laylah. Next she’ll find out that finger painting the walls isn’t as adorable as she thought it was.

Dec 20, 2011 at 2:31 pm rating: 4

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#6 lupanime

Dear Laylah,
We received an e-mail from Tooth Fairy, and she says she hasn’t visited you because she is spending some time with her new boyfriend Santa. She is using your teeth to build toys for the poor kids, go figure.

Love,
Moma and Paw

Dec 20, 2011 at 2:32 pm rating: 14

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#7 Ben Rene

She wants to know the tooth! (someone was bound to do it!)

Dec 20, 2011 at 2:38 pm rating: 10

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- #7.1 Jenny
  
  You can’t handle the tooth!!
  
  (someone was bound to do that, too)
  
  Dec 21, 2011 at 8:59 am rating: 3
- #7.2 infanttyrone
  
  When did this site morph from PAN to Dental Kinbaku ?
  
  Well, different strokes I reckon…
  Just remember to leave enough on one end for the doorknob.
  
  Dec 21, 2011 at 1:48 pm rating: 1
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#8 dwmdm

What the fuck is this world coming to that people actually have the names “Kaeton” and “Laylah”??

Dec 20, 2011 at 2:39 pm rating: 24

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- #8.1 khm
  
  What about ‘bear blu’?
  
  Dec 20, 2011 at 6:19 pm rating: 2
- #8.2 Ashes
  
  Says the guy, who has decided to use a random assortment of letters with no semblance to an actual word or name, as a screen name.
  
  Dec 20, 2011 at 7:30 pm rating: 23
- #8.3 Pink Coat
  
  Laylah (or Layla however you want to spell it) is a very common Persian name. If you look up the origins of the song it became famous in, the chick was of Persian descent.
  
  Dec 21, 2011 at 7:39 am rating: 5
- #8.4 GhostWriter
  
  I don’t know any persian ladies named “Laylah”, but I do own a persian carpet I affectionately call “Laylow”.
  
  Its tightly woven pile has got me on my knees from time to time (picking out the sand spurs).
  
  Dec 21, 2011 at 9:50 am rating: 10
- #8.5 The Elf
  
  So Laylah has a possible explanation (though I think the more likely one is the playing-with-syllables one), but Kaeton? That’s just effed.
  
  Dec 21, 2011 at 10:23 am rating: 3
- #8.6 Amy in Toronto
  
  Laylah may be a variant of Leila or Lila, both of which are fairly traditional Hawaiian and Hebrew names, respectively.
  
  Dec 21, 2011 at 12:51 pm rating: 2
- #8.7 dwmdm
  
  To Ashes,
  First, they’re my initials. Second, learn how to use commas.
  
  Yours in Christ,
  dwmdm
  
  Dec 21, 2011 at 3:31 pm rating: 6
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#9 Quite Contrary

When the Tooth Fairy forgot to visit my friend’s daughter, my friend responded that she forgot to call 1-800-TOOTHFAIRY to make an appointment. Problem solved!

Dec 20, 2011 at 2:49 pm rating: 11

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- #9.1 Sensible Madness
  
  Sure, it’s hilarious until the kid actually decides to call that number and it turns out to be a phone sex line.
  
  Dec 21, 2011 at 2:16 pm rating: 9
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#10 farcical aquatic ceremony

Awww, I <3 "knodded"! It's such a cute sign that this kid has entered the grown-up world, where such figures as Santa and the Tooth Fairy DON'T exist, but useless 'silent' letters DO!

Dec 20, 2011 at 3:13 pm rating: 34

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#11 Shesajem

Okay well the truth is the tooth fairy, Santa and the Easter bunny are all dead and buried in the backyard and only come out when you’ve been very naughty!!

Dec 20, 2011 at 4:03 pm rating: 0

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#12 We shall speak Anon

Laylah, you’ve got me hiding teeth
Laylah, I’m lying to Kaeton’s niece
Laylah, knodding doesn’t ease my Fairy’s mind…

Dec 20, 2011 at 4:30 pm rating: 37

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- #12.1 We shall speak Anon
  
  Cousin! Damn it!
  
  Dec 20, 2011 at 4:32 pm rating: 4
- #12.2 AuntyBron
  
  If they’re from the South, they could be both.
  
  Dec 20, 2011 at 11:45 pm rating: 8
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#13 Incredible Nickname

That’s some impressive writing for one so young. And hella cute!

Dec 20, 2011 at 8:07 pm rating: 7

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- #13.1 Nunavut Guy
  
  Not so impressive for someone pretending to be six.
  
  I’m calling bullshit on this one.
  
  Dec 21, 2011 at 8:28 am rating: 4
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#14 Jenn

I figured this out at the age of 7 when I was looking through my dad’s desk for a pair of scissors. Instead, I found one of those plastic treat machine globes filled with teeth. A very sweet (if a little weird) gesture on dad’s part that led to his undoing.

Dec 20, 2011 at 10:30 pm rating: 6

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- #14.1 GhostWriter
  
  By “undoing” do you mean his trial and conviction for murdering children and saving their teeth?
  
  Dec 21, 2011 at 9:45 am rating: 23
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#15 Dr. Frank Knight

Imagine Laylah’s disappointment when she finds that Moma and Paw are only bobble-headed knodders.

Dec 21, 2011 at 8:02 am rating: 7

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#16 Lil'

When I asked my mom what the tooth fairy does with the teeth, she told me she makes dentures. She sells the dentures to old people, and that’s how she can afford to pay the kids. I think she must have been planning for that question for years. Luckily for her, I asked while I was still too young to visualize old people with baby teeth and blow her cover.

Dec 21, 2011 at 10:22 am rating: 16

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- #16.1 kermit
  
  I never bought the tooth fairy story at all and my mom didn’t try to push it on me. Santa Claus and the Easter Bunny are kinda believable because as a kid it’s easy to envision strangers giving you lots and lots of presents for being “good”.
  
  But with the tooth fairy, you get a measly coin and there’s no mention of you getting more money if you’re good or if your tooth is especially nice.
  
  Dec 21, 2011 at 2:13 pm rating: 2
- #16.2 Nila
  
  Maybe she melts the baby teeth down to make the old people teeth.
  
  Jan 7, 2012 at 12:26 am rating: 0
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#17 CaptainC

If my parents just nodded and made a weird face when I asked about something I’d have been pissed.

Dec 21, 2011 at 12:13 pm rating: 6

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#18 Robert

Another member of the Toother movement.

Dec 21, 2011 at 1:04 pm rating: 2

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- #18.1 infanttyrone
  
  They smile patronizingly and call us “dentally unbalanced”….
  
  Slap each other on the back and make “incisive” remarks about how our theories depend on the existence of moles, and how although we’re not exactly slaves to our beliefs, the term “indentured servitude” might apply.
  
  OK, maybe we’re like canines and hear things they don’t.
  But we know what we know…it was an inside job.
  
  Dec 21, 2011 at 3:01 pm rating: 3
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#19 kaeton

Yeah, I’m the one who posted this..It’s not fake.
And YES, Kaeton is a weird name.. I get that from people all the time. And it is also weird to me that my little cousins call their mom “ma” and their dad “paw” but hey, whatever floats their boats..

Dec 22, 2011 at 2:39 am rating: 5

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#20 Lucile

Pretty well-written for a six-year-old. *nods head in approval*

Dec 22, 2011 at 5:37 am rating: 2

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#21 Poltergeist

See? This is a cute note, not the ones that read “Toothfairy, you’re late and I’m entitled so you owe me interest on my dollar even though I only deserve a penny.”

Dec 29, 2011 at 11:41 pm rating: 1

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