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Mad Santa

December 23rd, 2011 · 27 comments

Writes Mimi in Toronto: “Me being 17 and my brother being 19, we weren’t particularly interested in doing the whole ‘leave Santa provisions’ charade on Christmas Eve. Our mother took offense to our lack of Christmas spirit, and we awoke the next morning to this note, along with some half eaten cookies and carrots.”

Dear Mimi and Ben, What the fuck?! No cookies, drink and carrots for Santa and his reindeer?! What kind of hospitality is that?! Sheesh. Love, Santa P.S. I helped myself thankyouverymuch

related: All I want for Christmas

FILED UNDER: Christmas · family · Toronto

27 responses so far ↓

  • #1   Cuthbert Rumbold

    Mimi, you have a very cool Mom.

    Dec 23, 2011 at 7:20 pm   rating: 70  small thumbs up

    • #1.1   The Elf

      Fuckin’ A!

      Dec 23, 2011 at 9:37 pm   rating: 3  small thumbs up

    • #1.2   Dr. Chalkwitheringlicktacklefeff

      But then again, she did call her daughter “Mimi”.

      Dec 24, 2011 at 4:17 am   rating: 15  small thumbs up

  • #2   KDW

    That mother is awesome. I have to remember that when my kid is old enough to think he is “too cool” for Christmas and Santa!

    Dec 23, 2011 at 7:26 pm   rating: 19  small thumbs up

  • #3   Olivia

    Santa swears. Awesome.

    Dec 23, 2011 at 7:30 pm   rating: 34  small thumbs up

    • #3.1   JME

      He once got thrown out of the Council of Nicea for punching Arius. The dude has a temper.

      Dec 24, 2011 at 2:52 am   rating: 24  small thumbs up

  • #4   Hellakitty

    That’s pretty wack of Santa to bitch abou the cookie and carrots, then leave them–not even half-eaten–on the plate. I’m sure he is well aware of the starving children all over the world. This is a tough economy, worldwide. The very least he could do is bring the leftovers to someone who has little to eat.

    Dec 23, 2011 at 7:39 pm   rating: 51  small thumbs up

  • #5   Lily

    Wait, is this note also written on the back of wrapping paper? Like the last note? Is this a Canadian thing? I’ll have to remember to write any future PANs on wrapping paper to keep up with my fellow countrymen/women!

    Dec 23, 2011 at 8:20 pm   rating: 14  small thumbs up

    • #5.1   AuntyBron

      Well, what kind of paper would you expect Santa to use?

      Dec 23, 2011 at 11:54 pm   rating: 43  small thumbs up

  • #6   nami

    For Santa to have passive aggressively raided the cookie jar and the fridge for some veggies and milk- he must have been desperate or had a long day of delivering presents. :-P

    Dec 23, 2011 at 10:59 pm   rating: 4  small thumbs up

    • #6.1   The Elf

      My parents always had us leave an empty brandy snifter and a new bottle, because “it’s cold out there and Santa needs something to warm him up.” Then we’d go to bed, dreaming of dancing sugarplums or whatever, and “Santa” would lay out our presents, stuff our stockings, and drink all the brandy.

      As an adult, it is suddenly clear why they were less than enthusiastic about children jumping on their bed at 6am.

      Dec 24, 2011 at 5:28 pm   rating: 62  small thumbs up

  • #7   roesmoker

    I think you mean, ‘Thank you very little’!

    Dec 23, 2011 at 11:16 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

  • #8   infanttyrone

    Maybe Mom should give Mimi and Ben a copy of along with a reminder that one of Santa’s reindeer is named “Donner”.

    Sometimes just a little bit of ambiguity can help clear things right up.

    Dec 24, 2011 at 3:15 am   rating: 0  small thumbs up

  • #9   Melissa

    I never understood why he needed cookies at EVERY house. That seemed like an awful lot of cookies and he was sure to have a tummy ache after just a few houses. Guess I was just too rational.

    Dec 24, 2011 at 4:07 am   rating: 29  small thumbs up

    • #9.1   Dr. Chalkwitheringlicktacklefeff

      I guess he takes a lot of them home with him for the elves. He has a lot of toys to deliver, so his workforce must be huge.

      Dec 24, 2011 at 4:15 am   rating: 19  small thumbs up

    • #9.2   Melissa

      Awww! That’s sweet! In that case I would have packed them to go!

      Dec 24, 2011 at 4:26 am   rating: 10  small thumbs up

  • #10   Dr. Chalkwitheringlicktacklefeff

    That’s Santa alright; dropping F-bombs left, right and centre.

    Dec 24, 2011 at 4:15 am   rating: 19  small thumbs up

  • #11   jetjackson

    Maybe it is time to tell Mum that Santa isn’t real…

    Dec 24, 2011 at 4:37 am   rating: 31  small thumbs up

    • #11.1   Who passed out the Haterade?

      Demanding that a 17- and 19-year-old believe in Santa (and F-bombing them for not doing so) does seem a bit disturbing. But she gets bonus points for writing out “Love” instead of drawing hearts.

      Dec 25, 2011 at 1:36 pm   rating: 17  small thumbs up

    • #11.2   Oliver

      I, personally, find it astounding that there are so many- allegedly ADULT; allegedly highly educated- people who (in spite of all of the evidence) STILL do not believe in Santa Clause.

      Dec 29, 2011 at 11:21 pm   rating: 9  small thumbs up

  • #12   havingfitz

    My parents always made me leave beer for Santa. My father said that after all that milk, he would be in the mood for something better, and I’d get better gifts as a sign of appreciation. Luckily for me, he and my father both liked Pabst Blue Ribbon.

    Dec 24, 2011 at 8:39 am   rating: 53  small thumbs up

    • #12.1   Poltergeist

      Santa has to breathe into a machine in order to start up his sleigh because of your enabling bastard father and his tempting alcoholic offerings. I hope he’s happy (because Santa sure is every time he stumbles out of your chimney.)

      Dec 29, 2011 at 11:10 pm   rating: 5  small thumbs up

  • #13   Dr. Frank Knight

    “The main reason Santa is so jolly is because he knows where all the bad girls live.”

    George Carlin

    Dec 24, 2011 at 4:29 pm   rating: 26  small thumbs up

  • #14   Xyzzy

    Mimi’s mom should give lessons in how to be an awesome parent, or at least in how to handle disappointment with offspring in ways that are pleasantly memorable.

    (I hope Mimi shares this URL with her mom so she can see the comments… Parents like that deserve all the applause they can get.)

    Dec 24, 2011 at 10:19 pm   rating: 11  small thumbs up

  • #15   Palomon

    I’m tired of these motherfuckin’ snakes on this motherfuckin’ sleigh!

    Dec 25, 2011 at 1:56 am   rating: 12  small thumbs up

  • #16   Stuff Queer People Need To Know

    Santa needs to chill.

    Dec 26, 2011 at 9:57 am   rating: 9  small thumbs up

  • #17   Poltergeist

    This mom is pretty cool. Not as cool as my mom, but she’s getting there.

    Dec 29, 2011 at 11:05 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up


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