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Thanks for throwing me under the sleigh, kids

December 26th, 2011 · 23 comments

Writes Kristie in Tacoma, Washington: “My kids totally threw me under the bus in order to cover their tails for Santa.”

Dear Santa, I'm sorry there are no cookies. Well my mom didn't want to make any cookies for you. She said that you were on a diet this year. Please don't eat the gingerbread house. Well to have a back up plan for the cookies me and Griffin put out all of are [sic] candy we have. We even put out celery and carrots for Dasher, Dancer, Prancer, Vixen, Comet, Cupid, Donner, Blitzen, and Rudolph. Well I hope you enjoy the candy and milk. Merry Christmas Santa I will always believe in you. You are very awesome. Sincerely, Natalie, and Griffin

related: Dear Santa, I was wondering you whipped your reindeer.

FILED UNDER: Christmas · family · kids

23 responses so far ↓

  • #1   Lukas

    Weasels don’t get presents from Santa.

    Dec 26, 2011 at 12:16 pm   rating: 8  small thumbs up

  • #2   jetjackson

    Santa, thisiswhyyourefat dot com

    Dec 26, 2011 at 12:42 pm   rating: 5  small thumbs up

    • #2.1   The Elf

      Sadly, that website is down. It was the best food pron ever.

      Dec 27, 2011 at 6:29 am   rating: 2  small thumbs up

  • #3   gus

    How dare they tell the truth which makes mom look bad? They should be taught to lie on behalf of their mom to make her look good. “Mom wanted to make you cookies, but we told her not to because we thought you were on a diet. Sorry Santa.”

    Dec 26, 2011 at 1:14 pm   rating: 23  small thumbs up

    • #3.1   t-rex

      Santa was on a Diet. Santa is the kid’s mom, and she’s on a diet. Seriously, and the reindeer are the twelve mice living under the floor boards.

      Dec 31, 2011 at 8:10 am   rating: 2  small thumbs up

  • #4   Adriana

    The 3rd stage of being too old to believe in Santa Claus: bargaining.

    Dec 26, 2011 at 1:42 pm   rating: 49  small thumbs up

  • #5   Who passed out the Haterade?

    The city explains so much… Tacoma is to Seattle as Jersey is to New York.

    Dec 26, 2011 at 3:57 pm   rating: 7  small thumbs up

    • #5.1   Penultimate

      Have you ever experienced the Tacoma aroma? Who knew paper mills could smell so bad?

      Dec 26, 2011 at 6:21 pm   rating: 4  small thumbs up

  • #6   Erin

    I think it’s charming! I love that they’re worried he’d eat the (probably old, crusty) gingerbread house and so came up with a backup plan.

    Dec 26, 2011 at 4:03 pm   rating: 42  small thumbs up

  • #7   You've been Gronk'd

    They’re practicing for when they have to throw someone under the bus to their boss.

    Dec 26, 2011 at 6:58 pm   rating: 6  small thumbs up

  • #8   Roto13





    Dec 26, 2011 at 7:55 pm   rating: 22  small thumbs up

  • #9   lala

    Seriously? You called your kid Griffin? Fail.

    Dec 27, 2011 at 10:31 am   rating: 15  small thumbs up

    • #9.1   The Elf

      Unicorn didn’t have the same ring.

      Dec 27, 2011 at 12:19 pm   rating: 19  small thumbs up

    • #9.2   Lythande

      Why a fail? I have a friend who named her kid Gryphon. Seems perfectly valid to me.

      Of course, my real name is Lythande. Strange names are cool to me.

      Dec 28, 2011 at 8:19 am   rating: 7  small thumbs up

    • #9.3   Lady MacDuff

      ‘Scuse me? Griffin’s an awesome name.

      Dec 30, 2011 at 2:05 pm   rating: 9  small thumbs up

  • #10   Nunavut Guy

    Dear Mom;

    If we don’t get all the shit we demanded for christmas,we are calling the cops and telling them that you are running a grow-op.

    Love the kids

    Dec 27, 2011 at 10:48 am   rating: 8  small thumbs up

  • #11   nami

    Dear Mom,

    Santa’s not going to be happy with you.

    Love, the kids

    Dec 27, 2011 at 11:06 am   rating: 3  small thumbs up

  • #12   Dr. Frank Knight

    Natalie and Griffin

    Nice try with the crudités; next time, though, how about some California rolls, a little hummus with pita bread and a lightly oaked Chardonnay?


    Dec 27, 2011 at 8:13 pm   rating: 14  small thumbs up

  • #13   camille

    This is so precious!

    Dec 28, 2011 at 1:42 am   rating: 6  small thumbs up

  • #14   The White Clouds of Opium bang

    Scheming is a worthwhile life skill, best learned early.

    Dec 29, 2011 at 4:32 am   rating: 5  small thumbs up

  • #15   Poltergeist

    Dear Santa,

    Naughty children are only naughty because their parents force them to be that way. I only acted like a screaming little shit because Daddy wouldn’t let me shave “DOODY” onto his scalp! Seriously, place the blame where it truly belongs!

    Sincerely, Little Shit

    Dec 29, 2011 at 11:28 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

  • #16   Steve

    oh, seriously…what are parents for when you are a kid trying to cover your ass BUT to throw them under the bus? Kids? shit, aren’t they always trying to finagle their way out of dealing with consequences? Like…”if we’re just are upfront about the whole cookies vs carrot thing, we can still probably get the easy bake oven, if not the pony.”

    Smart kids go for broke anyway. Love the note. Screw it, I still believe in Christmas. for Adults who haven’t let the post modern age crush their inner fun engine there is a lot of happiness to be had. Forget the crass consumerism. just break out the sleigh. If there is no snow, break out the rum. ;)

    Dec 30, 2011 at 5:19 am   rating: 5  small thumbs up

  • #17   Bumblebee

    “I will always believe in you”
    CUTE. Almost brings a tear to my grinch eye.

    Dec 31, 2011 at 11:53 pm   rating: 4  small thumbs up


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