Found: Ugly Cat

December 28th, 2011 · 35 comments

Spotted (and Instagram’d) by Cecilia in Pensacola, Florida:

UGLY CAT There is a cat in place that will not leave no matter how poorly I treat it. This means: 1) It is lost 2) It is abandoned 3) It thinks I am a better decorator than you. If you want your cat back describe on next page & leave phone #. If your description matches, come pick up your cat. Bring a stun gun. This *#!$% cat will not leave voluntarily.

related: Scat, fat cat!

extra credit: Chase No Face

FILED UNDER: cats · Florida · neighbors

35 responses so far ↓

  • #1   bookworm

    Have you tried not letting strange animals into your home?

    Dec 28, 2011 at 11:26 am   rating: 40  small thumbs up

    • #1.1   Nunavut Guy

      That would mean complete celibacy for me.

      Dec 28, 2011 at 4:33 pm   rating: 63  small thumbs up

  • #2   Quite Contrary

    This means:

    1. It is lost. (I am an asshole with a stunning grasp of the obvious.)
    2. It is abandoned. (I am still an asshole that will always blame someone else for any issue.)
    3. It thinks I am better decorator than you. (I am an asshole that thinks I have a fantastic sense of humor).

    Dec 28, 2011 at 11:27 am   rating: 52  small thumbs up

    • #2.1   TKD

      Why would the asshole go looking for the owner of an abandoned cat? Clearly this asshole does not have a full grasp on the obvious.

      Dec 29, 2011 at 7:15 am   rating: 7  small thumbs up

  • #3   Suzi

    I’d be less concerned about the ugly cat and more concerned by the ugly handwriting! Seriously, with chicken-scratch like that, why not use a printer, or at least steer clear of the blood red markers?! My eyes, they burn!

    Dec 28, 2011 at 11:33 am   rating: 67  small thumbs up

  • #4   garicgymro

    All the comments are so negative! I like this person.

    Dec 28, 2011 at 11:59 am   rating: 45  small thumbs up

    • #4.1   FeRD bang

      I’m not sure it was OK to jump that gun when “all the comments” equaled three. Three comments were negative. (Yes, it was all of the first three, granted.)

      And then you went and made a liar out of you!
      Oooh, that you! Always undermining you! *fistshake* YOUUUUU!

      Dec 28, 2011 at 1:35 pm   rating: 31  small thumbs up

    • #4.2   Bumblebee

      All both of these comments are pleasing to me.

      Dec 31, 2011 at 11:56 pm   rating: 5  small thumbs up

  • #5   Hmmm

    Maybe I should try this to get rid of my wife . . . .

    Dec 28, 2011 at 12:02 pm   rating: 9  small thumbs up

    • #5.1   Lil'

      Or maybe you could just remove the handcuffs.

      Dec 28, 2011 at 2:34 pm   rating: 32  small thumbs up

  • #6   Christine

    What exactly is this guy doing to treat the cat badly??

    Dec 28, 2011 at 12:22 pm   rating: 6  small thumbs up

    • #6.1   mitte bang

      I’m guessing by leaving the cat badly written PA notes all around with obnoxious comments and terrible pussy jokes.

      Dec 28, 2011 at 1:02 pm   rating: 42  small thumbs up

    • #6.2   FeRD bang

      There are terrible pussy jokes in that note?

      …Seriously, either I’m getting too old or too gay, because if they’re there I totally don’t see ‘em! :(

      Dec 28, 2011 at 1:38 pm   rating: 10  small thumbs up

    • #6.3   mitte bang

      You have to take three steps back and stare at the scribble for at least 15 seconds. Do you see it now?

      Dec 28, 2011 at 7:10 pm   rating: 6  small thumbs up

    • #6.4   AuntyBron

      Calls it “Fido” and makes it fetch his slippers.
      Feeds it off-brand cat food.
      Makes it use off-brand cat litter.

      The fiend

      Dec 28, 2011 at 11:42 pm   rating: 7  small thumbs up

  • #7   The Elf

    This cat sounds like a lovey-dovey kitty! My extraordinarily cute mini-cat will hide if I attempt to treat her nicely. Maybe we can trade?

    Dec 28, 2011 at 12:57 pm   rating: 12  small thumbs up

  • #8   unsatisfied

    the way this person wrote this PA note, it looks like lyrics to the shittiest song about cats since “smelly cat”.

    Dec 28, 2011 at 2:10 pm   rating: 7  small thumbs up

  • #9   GhostWriter bang

    …and that ugly cat goes by the name of Zach Galifianakis.

    Dec 28, 2011 at 2:31 pm   rating: 4  small thumbs up

  • #10   GhostWriter bang

    This dude has already killed the ugly cat. Cats are aloof creatures; if you treat them poorly, they leave (unless they’re dead).

    The note is simply an attempt to lure the cat owner into his “nicely decorated” torture chamber. Why would he suggest that she “bring a Taser?” Because he likes a challenge.

    Dec 28, 2011 at 2:49 pm   rating: 23  small thumbs up

    • #10.1   Mel K

      Not true. This is a hastily written cry for help. Treating bully cats poorly does not work. I was held hostage almost every day by a very aggressive cat named Toby who lived next door and would break in through the cat flap and bully me and my cats. Every afternoon it would come over and push around my cats’ empty bowls, (I would purposely feed them in the morning and wash the bowls.) My neighbour did nothing about it. My cats would escape the house, but I did not want Toby to cause any damage, so I stayed behind with the supersoaker- not ideal but better than Toby marking his territory. This went on for months until Toby moved away. Wow, I did not realise i was still so scarred about this

      Dec 29, 2011 at 8:20 am   rating: 19  small thumbs up

    • #10.2   GhostWriter bang

      Fer Crissake, Mel- grow some balls.

      A neighbor’s cat “broke in” and “bullied” you? You simply did not treat that invading cat poorly enough. A Supersoaker is OK, but to really train a cat, you need at least a whiffleball bat. …and don’t just hit the tail!

      OR get yourself a raccon trap from Lowe’s and put a bowl of cat food in it. Shove it right up next to the cat flap. Once you catch your tricky kitty, switch out the cat food for some antifreeze.

      Dec 29, 2011 at 8:38 am   rating: 8  small thumbs up

    • #10.3   meri

      Mel, next time you deal with a cat like Toby, put some sweet pickle juice in the super soaker. He would be too busy giving himself a bath that he would forget about bullying you.

      Dec 29, 2011 at 11:09 pm   rating: 5  small thumbs up

  • #11   Nunavut Guy

    And the cat came back the very next day……..

    Dec 28, 2011 at 4:45 pm   rating: 3  small thumbs up

  • #12   vandalfan

    “It It Last” (?) and I stopped trying to decipher after that.

    Dec 28, 2011 at 5:30 pm   rating: 3  small thumbs up

  • #13   aliceblue

    The cat won’t leave because”
    1. It has found someone with the same IQ;
    2. You smell like fish;
    3. The cat thinks that your home is a giant litter box.

    Dec 28, 2011 at 10:05 pm   rating: 20  small thumbs up

  • #14   The White Clouds of Opium bang

    Cats are a species of demon.

    Dec 29, 2011 at 4:16 am   rating: 12  small thumbs up

  • #15   Mel K

    (description on the back)
    Looks like the cat from Pet Cemetery and it’s tag says Satan’s little helper. My cat also recently won a ‘looks most like its owner’ competition.

    It is probably safer if you packed your bags and left asap.

    Dec 29, 2011 at 8:28 am   rating: 3  small thumbs up

  • #16   vstorevigilante

    I’m reading this as the note-writer probably isn’t a big animal lover, may be a bit rude and irritating, but does genuinely care about the well-being of the cat (asking for a description instead of offering it to whomever, and not simply taking it to the pound). A little like Clint Eastwood’s character in Gran Torino.

    Dec 29, 2011 at 4:36 pm   rating: 14  small thumbs up

  • #17   litchic

    Yeah, I’m team “cat finder” here. He obviously is taking care of the cat (though he may be “treating it poorly” something tells me he’s kind enough to feed it since it’s sticking around), and he wants the cat and owner to have a reunion. But I’m a woman whose only “babies” are my 12 year old cat that’s been with me since he was a baby, and my almost 9 year old dog that’s been with me since she was 5 weeks. My cat is a COMPLETE AND TOTAL ASSHOLE half the time, and I love him anyway. Mostly.

    Dec 29, 2011 at 6:04 pm   rating: 9  small thumbs up

  • #18   SCA

    I think it says degrator, not decorator…and since the writer says “no matter how poorly I treat it” I’m assuming he’s standing out there cussing at it like a drunken sailor but it just won’t go

    Dec 29, 2011 at 9:33 pm   rating: 6  small thumbs up

    • #18.1   chrisinphx

      I thought the same thing. I can just imagine the verbal abuse lol

      Dec 30, 2011 at 12:31 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

  • #19   Poltergeist

    I got a headache trying to read that. The mustard and ketchup color palette only exacerbated the situation.

    Dec 29, 2011 at 10:47 pm   rating: 5  small thumbs up

  • #20   redheadwglasses

    I don’t understand why he didn’t include a photo of the cat:

    1. To prove how ugly it is (I want to see!).

    2. So the owners of the lost can know its their cat, or so other who know the cat (friendly neighbors of the cat owners) can get the word to the owners.

    Jan 2, 2012 at 12:44 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

  • #21   Grrrr

    I hope an animal lover called the animal sanctuary and gets them done for it(legally) since she treats in badly…

    And just to be devils advocate.. If you kick a cat in the ass it generally will leave… Just don’t do it bare footed……

    Jan 5, 2012 at 6:33 am   rating: 0  small thumbs up


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