Short on New Year’s resolutions? The janitor has a few suggestions for you.

December 30th, 2011 · 39 comments

From the ladies’ room…

New Year's Resolution: I WILL FLUSH THE TOILET AS MANY TIMES AS IT TAKES TO MAKE MY CRAP DISAPPEAR.

And the men’s room…

NEW YEAR'S RESOLUTIONS:  *I will not pee on the floor *I will not pee on the toilet seats *I will not throw paper towels on the floor (either inside or outside the restroom) *I will not leave paper towels (or pieces of them) on the counter

And the men’s room, one day later…

FIXED THAT FOR YOU

related: And a Happy New Year to you!

FILED UNDER: bodily fluids · hygiene · office · toilet


39 responses so far ↓

  • #1   Lisa

    Unfortunately, the people who lack the common sense to follow these basic rules of sanitation and decency are too stupid to realize the notes are intended for them.

    Dec 30, 2011 at 1:37 pm   rating: 56  small thumbs up

     
  • #2   shwo! bang

    Hey, if I don’t throw paper towels on the floor, how will all my pee get absorbed?

    Dec 30, 2011 at 2:08 pm   rating: 40  small thumbs up

     
  • #3   LadyIslay

    This just may inspire me to write a few passive-aggressive New Year’s Resolutions for my co-workers.

    Dec 30, 2011 at 2:09 pm   rating: 5  small thumbs up

    • #3.1   The Elf

      We look forward to your coworkers sending them to this site, complaining about you.

      Jan 3, 2012 at 8:45 am   rating: 3  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #4   Atheist Scum Unite!

    You call them discarded pieces of paper towels. I call it New Year’s confetti.
    Enjoy, bitches.

    Dec 30, 2011 at 2:50 pm   rating: 18  small thumbs up

     
  • #5   jetjackson

    Most New Years resolutions end up in the shitter anyway…

    Dec 30, 2011 at 3:29 pm   rating: 13  small thumbs up

    • #5.1   Poltergeist

      It’s not even New Years yet and I already ruined my resolution. It’s feels good to get things done early.

      Dec 31, 2011 at 12:18 am   rating: 3  small thumbs up

       
    • #5.2   The Elf

      If there is a lesson to be learned here, it is this: never try.

      Thank you, Homer Simpson.

      Jan 3, 2012 at 8:45 am   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #6   katie_2256

    Is it just me who goes to any lengths possible to avoid crapping at work? So much more comfortable at home. Probably a bit of tmi there :)

    Dec 30, 2011 at 3:48 pm   rating: 16  small thumbs up

    • #6.1   bloop

      Yes, because most people get over their absurd public-poop fear around the age of 19.

      Dec 31, 2011 at 1:02 pm   rating: 7  small thumbs up

       
    • #6.2   Who passed out the Haterade?

      I dunno how absurd it is… the last time I tried to poop in public, I wound up running from the cops with my trousers around my ankles.

      Jan 1, 2012 at 2:44 pm   rating: 5  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #7   SilentPsycho

    Can I add to this PAN, based on what I had to clean up today at work?

    “I will not pee on the wall, the urinal is two steps to my left.”

    Dec 30, 2011 at 3:59 pm   rating: 10  small thumbs up

    • #7.1   Adriana

      I once worked at an office inside a house. One day we had 30 or so volunteers stop by and, of course, they all had to use the bathroom multiple times. At the end of the day, I walked in and found shit all over the wall above the toilet paper roll, as well as on the toilet seat and lid. How does that even happen? That experience made pee splatters look pretty damn good by comparison.

      Dec 30, 2011 at 4:23 pm   rating: 7  small thumbs up

       
    • #7.2   aliceblue

      After seeing some bathrooms at work I have wondered what some people’s home baths look like; sadly you have confirmed my speculations.

      Dec 30, 2011 at 7:09 pm   rating: 3  small thumbs up

       
    • #7.3   Who passed out the Haterade?

      Adriana,

      Maybe someone hovering while experiencing diarrhea + massive flatulence? (I wonder too, having seen a similar phenomenon in my college dorm.)

      Dec 31, 2011 at 10:39 am   rating: 3  small thumbs up

       
    • #7.4   jadefirefly

      As a teenager, I worked at a McDonald’s. One day, after watching the poor maintenance guy go back and forth to the bathroom numerous times, I asked him what he was doing.

      He looks at me, and as cheerful as any man could be under the circumstances, replied: “I’m cleaning shit off the ceiling!”

      Dec 31, 2011 at 4:49 pm   rating: 15  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #8   Goldie

    The women do not pee on toilet seats? Tell me where this note came from. I’m moving there.

    Dec 30, 2011 at 6:29 pm   rating: 6  small thumbs up

     
  • #9   jdaniel

    If I start following the first two notes, I will be putting a LOT of people out of a job, thrusting them into the unemployment line. Janitors, janitorial wholesalers, janitorial supply manufactures, loggers, paper mills, water company employees, sewer treatment plant employees, truckers, ad nauseam. As a patriotic American, I plan to continue doing my part to stimulate the economy.

    Dec 30, 2011 at 6:36 pm   rating: 4  small thumbs up

     
  • #10   Jen

    The saddest part is how the person who crossed out all the stuff in the last note actually seems to think they’re being funny.

    Dec 30, 2011 at 6:53 pm   rating: 26  small thumbs up

    • #10.1   aliceblue

      I have 2 indoor cats. I’ve mucked out horse stalls. People are still more disgusting than any of the animals I’ve cleaned up after.

      Dec 30, 2011 at 7:14 pm   rating: 21  small thumbs up

       
    • #10.2   nami

      Kind of wonder if it’s the guy who’ve actually helped inspire the janitors to write the note.

      Dec 30, 2011 at 9:35 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #11   Poltergeist

    Judging by image 3, we have a future editor-in-chief on our hands!

    Dec 31, 2011 at 12:21 am   rating: 2  small thumbs up

     
  • #12   OoogaBooga

    When I walk into a toilet and see that a woman has not sat on the seat, and instead decided she needed to hover and piss all over the seat, I’m appalled. WHY do women do this?!? If we all sit on the seat, it’s always clean! I’m a bit of a germophobe as well, and I have no problem sitting on a seat. Why should I have to clean up your piss?!?! If you feel like you can’t sit on the damn seat, clean it up your damn self.
    One thing I find absolutely appalling is when men use the female toilets, for whatever reason, and dirty them up. It’s surprising how often they do this. I was at Heathrow recently, and upon walking into the women’s loo, I saw a MAN pissing into the ladies’ toilet! Disgusting! He peed everywhere – all over the seat and floor. Some women may be messy, but ALL men are messy. Sharing a toilet with my husband is a test of our marriage. I wish he would let me emasculate him and force him to sit.

    Dec 31, 2011 at 5:07 am   rating: 5  small thumbs up

    • #12.1   Who passed out the Haterade?

      Not all men feel the need to stand. After realizing how messy standing inherently is, I got used to sitting a couple of decades ago.

      There’s no “mark your territory” gene on the Y chromosome; it’s just a matter of being considerate or inconsiderate.

      Dec 31, 2011 at 10:43 am   rating: 11  small thumbs up

       
    • #12.2   Poltergeist

      I myself never understood why men need to stand to feel manly, and I’m a man myself. First of all, half the time you end up having to sit down anyway. Second of all, if all men sat, then we would have to worry less about piss on the seat and floor, no? Third of all, it might reduce the risk of zipper related injuries. Societal standards are irrational to say the least.

      Dec 31, 2011 at 2:21 pm   rating: 9  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #13   Nunavut Guy

    I will use as much water as possible so as not to offend the delicate sensibilities of your pampered eyes.

    Dec 31, 2011 at 7:09 am   rating: 0  small thumbs up

     
  • #14   Barb

    This is very timely as I am staying in a place with the world’s worst toilets (yes it is in the US). This morning I had to flush FOUR times to get the job done, so to speak. Just a terrible design.

    Dec 31, 2011 at 9:14 am   rating: 2  small thumbs up

    • #14.1   Nunavut Guy

      Don’t get out much,do ya?

      Dec 31, 2011 at 9:49 am   rating: 2  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #15   Dr. Frank Knight

    “It is better to have a relationship with someone who cheats on you than with someone who does not flush the toilet.”

    Uma Thurman

    Dec 31, 2011 at 10:42 am   rating: 6  small thumbs up

    • #15.1   Who passed out the Haterade?

      She’d rather have her private parts be given less respect than a public toilet, as opposed to her bathroom? =/

      Dec 31, 2011 at 10:48 am   rating: 4  small thumbs up

       
    • #15.2   Poltergeist

      Why do I get the feeling that Uma Thurman’s crotch is a cesspool.

      Dec 31, 2011 at 2:26 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #16   Greg

    I don’t understand the first one. It says it’s a ladies’ room. How is there crap in there at all? Are men secretly using it?

    Dec 31, 2011 at 12:23 pm   rating: 4  small thumbs up

    • #16.1   Silence

      You make a good point, Greg. I’m sure they’re really talking about the rainbow glitter and rose petals that women actually defecate. Interesting to hear it called “crap,” though.

      Dec 31, 2011 at 3:17 pm   rating: 10  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #17   47of74 bang

    Yeah, well if you have to flush it more than once you need a new toilet!

    Dec 31, 2011 at 12:58 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

    • #17.1   Silence

      Sadly, because of environmental regualtions, a lot of people now have toilets that use very little water. So, instead of one good, strong 2 gallon flush, they have to use three 1 gallon flushes to finish the job. It makes so much sense, doesn’t it?

      Dec 31, 2011 at 3:16 pm   rating: 7  small thumbs up

       
    • #17.2   The Elf

      This is why the dual flush is so awesome. A little water for a “little job”, and a lot of water for a “big job”.

      Jan 3, 2012 at 8:50 am   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #18   Bumblebee

    I laughed really hard at the HA HA HA !!
    Ahh, so childish yet so perfect.

    Dec 31, 2011 at 11:32 pm   rating: 4  small thumbs up

     
  • #19   Eileen

    I have encountered this so many times at work. People should not have to take a refresher course on how to flush a fucking toilet. You learn that when you’re two years old, for God’s sake! If you have worse manners than a two-year-old, you shouldn’t be out in public.

    Jan 1, 2012 at 2:35 pm   rating: 4  small thumbs up

     
  • #20   GKSutto

    I throw paper towels on the floor, but only when the garbage is overflowing (at the local gay bar) or when the trash can is too far from the door. I do NOT want to touch the handle without that little sheath of paper protecting my just-washed hands. It’s not that I WANT to make a mess, but when people don’t wash their hands, what choice do I have???

    Jan 4, 2012 at 1:39 am   rating: 2  small thumbs up

     

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