Entries from January 2012

Good God, Lemon.

January 31st, 2012 · 52 Comments

Our submitter spotted this unusual sales pitch while driving in Livermore, California. (“The dealership sucks, the car sucks, but it’s for sale if you want to buy it!”)

This pile of crap gets 8 mpg not the 18 to 22 mpg I was told. Livermore Ford will outright lie to sell you garbage. A Sunkist Ford. It is very dependable to breakdown. Super crappy ... for sale.

related: You lied to me, Mr. Lundegaard.

Tags: California · car · public shaming

No Dumping Zone

January 30th, 2012 · 40 Comments

To me this sounds suspiciously like an episode of The League, but Stephen from Cherry Hill, New Jersey claims his daughter recently caught him heading into the bathroom “for a little sit-down,” laptop in hand. When five-year-old Rosie asked why Daddy was bringing his computer into the fecal mist zone, he replied, “Multi-tasking.”

A few minutes later, Rosie slipped the following note under the door. (The drawing had already been done earlier.)

What are you thinking Dad? That's a horrible thing to do.

Translation: What are you thinking Dad? That’s a horrible thing to do.

Can you really argue with her?

related: Never put nature aside for television.

Tags: Father-daughter notes · hygiene · kids · New Jersey

Gas Boys: the Salonnières of Central New Jersey

January 29th, 2012 · 29 Comments

My friend Brooke said the doors at this New Jersey gas station were covered with notes, but this one in particular caught her attention.

I exactly know today is a cold day and to stay alive I have to stay warm! I have a smart phone which tell me weather seven days ahead. I like to talk about Oscars nomination or the last night game.

(I particularly enjoyed the suggested topics of conversation. Kinda softened the tone a bit compared to this version from Toronto, no?)

Weather changes. Often. It's not always what you expect. Sometimes it is. Life is better if you are dressed appropriately for the weather. I think we have, pretty much, squared away the deal with weather.

related: A plea from your Boston-area barista

 

Tags: gas station · New Jersey · small talk

Tony Q69: Never Forget

January 26th, 2012 · 48 Comments

Jen in Astoria takes the Q69 bus to work every morning, so she’s quite familiar with the infamous Tony. “I hadn’t seen them in some time,” she says, until catching a glimpse of this beauty just a few days ago. (“Apparently,” she adds, “the chick is still pissed.”)

Tony Q-69 Tony Q69 Tony Q69 You Tony Q-69, are the only one who should feel guilty and sorry over what happened!!!! You are the Married Man who was only looking to get SEX from me without any strings attached!!! This was your only intentions! You Don’t know how to give a Woman any Real friendship either!!!!! You use Your Q-69 job to flirt with Woman all Day long and everyday! You cannot be trusted and you don’t deserve any attention at all!!!! I won’t forget your famous line how you say that, “Married Man are lonely too”. Then it looks like all you need is a Prostitute Tony!!!! I was not looking for any one night stands with a Married Man fool!!!!  But you are for sure Mr. one-night stand and used many Woman! You Married Men are all Garbage and are worth absolutely nothing!!!! What Woman needs a Married Man? I am a single woman and I deserve a trusting, loyal,Sincere, Man in my life!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Meanwhile, elsewhere in Astoria…

Tony Q69

related: The Tale of Tony Q-69

Tags: blitzkrieg approach · ex drama · public shaming · public transit · Queens

Signed, The Doorman Freezing His Ass Off

January 25th, 2012 · 33 Comments

Thanks to Kenny from San Francisco for introducing me to the work of my new favorite doorman.

Many light years away a new planet much like each has been discovered; one where they use revolving doors.

related: “Church Sign Writer” is a real job

Tags: actually totally reasonable · office

Anyone? Anyone? Bueller?

January 24th, 2012 · 59 Comments

Shaun in Austin spotted this mysterious complaint in the men’s room at his office. (Apparently all of the males employed there are very, very sensitive.)

Is anyone else offended by the douche who uses toilet paper to block the spaces around the door? Does he really think we want to watch him shit?

related: This locker room is a nudity-free zone

Tags: a little uptight · bathroom · rhetorical question · toilet · toilet paper

Got game?

January 23rd, 2012 · 32 Comments

While perusing the magazines at Barnes & Noble, Shelly found this bit of divine snark affixed to the latest XBOX magazine.

Keep Reading You still will be single. - God

Haterz still will hate, I guess?

related: Cigarettes & energy drinks

Tags: "helpful" advice · California · gaming · God · way harsh

Hey, I was saving that for later!

January 22nd, 2012 · 17 Comments

…because if you are saving the contents of your nose for an afternoon snack, feel free to use to office walls for that purpose!

Are you saving these for an afternoon snack? If not, please use a tissue.

related: The bathroom-stall booger epidemic

Tags: Canada · hygiene · nose-picking · office

Daddy dearest

January 19th, 2012 · 25 Comments

Writes Virginia in Sumner, Washington: “Going through a box of old photographs in the attic, I found this birthday card I gave my father when I was five or six. I was a terrible child.”

You should spend more time with me but I love you anyway. Happy Birthday Dad

related: Some daughterly wisdom for Dad

Tags: birthday · Father-daughter notes · guilt trip · heart · kids · signed with love · xoxo

Your punishment for forgetting your reusable grocery bags

January 18th, 2012 · 46 Comments

Writes Kiki in Melbourne: “Have you ever seen a sack act so bitchy and sanctimonious all at once? I can’t believe a plastic bag’s attitude actually started to piss me off!”

Well, Kiki, it could be worse.

related: …and F the Polar Bear!
extra credit: I (don’t) use plastic bags.

Tags: Melbourne · recycling · The Earth · unnecessary "quotation marks"