Julie in Milwaukee has been trying to drag her nine-year-old daughter to get a haircut for ages. The day of the planned trim, Mom found this prize bit of melodrama waiting on her bed.
related: A Mother’s Day Report Card
Tangled
January 4th, 2012 · 242 comments
FILED UNDER: guilt trip · hair · kids · Milwaukee · Moms & Dads · most popular notes of 2012 · visual aids
242 responses so far ↓
#1
shwo!
I’ll tell you what she doesn’t love: punctuation.
Jan 4, 2012 at 5:48 pm rating: 76
#2
Kaylee
“Buckets of tears” love it!
Jan 4, 2012 at 5:54 pm rating: 79
#3
nope
Cute melodramatic guilt trip… but ya know what? If she can express herself that well in writing, it’s probably time she makes some of her own decisions about her hair. At least, that’s how I deal with my daughter.
Jan 4, 2012 at 5:54 pm rating: 203
#4
Berva
A friend of mine is fond of telling the story of the time her mother forced her into a haircut. She was six or seven years old and she had beautiful, flaxen Rapunzel hair, but her mom took her to Fantastic Sam’s or whatever and had it all cut off to more of a kewpie doll length.
Observing the result, my friend snarled, “How am I supposed to curl THIS?”
Jan 4, 2012 at 5:55 pm rating: 29
#5
Dumb
…seriously? She’s nine.
Jan 4, 2012 at 5:55 pm rating: 3
#6
E.boo
I am wondering if her dramatic musings include refusing to bathe are clean up her toys. Western children are just so unloved.
Jan 4, 2012 at 5:55 pm rating: 11
#7
Karla
I honestly can’t decide what I love most about this note. The broken heart? The buckets of tears? The guilt over not loving her enough to do what SHE wants FOR A CHANGE? This is the note of a truly down-trodden oppressed child. Or the drama queen that could very well be releated to my own child. I would frame this forever it were from my child.
Jan 4, 2012 at 5:57 pm rating: 84
#8
Beeeeeeeea!!!
Umm…she’s 9. You’re really mature.
Jan 4, 2012 at 5:58 pm rating: 2
#9
Kirsten
Maybe she’s writing it the way she would say it? I can picture her yelling this at Mum & Dad all in one breath, without any pauses!
Jan 4, 2012 at 5:58 pm rating: 22
#10
ella
I’m cropping the buckets of my tears and using it as a reaction shot from now on.
Jan 4, 2012 at 6:04 pm rating: 57
#11
Maddy
Ahh!
Jan 4, 2012 at 6:11 pm rating: 0
#12
zenvelo
She’s got Bob Dylan’s backing:
Buckets of rain, buckets of tears
Got all them buckets comin’ out of my ears
Life is sad, life is a bust
All you can do is do what you must
Jan 4, 2012 at 6:17 pm rating: 15
#13
Quite Contrary
Really? Am I the only one who thinks that her buckets of tears look an awful lot like penises? REALLY?
Jan 4, 2012 at 6:28 pm rating: 70
#14
Amy W.
I hope they let that poor girl keep her hair!
Jan 4, 2012 at 6:29 pm rating: 30
#15
Quite Contrary
Dear Nine-Year-Old, I’m pushing 50 and my parents *still* don’t do let me do what I want.
Jan 4, 2012 at 6:30 pm rating: 66
#16
Ace of Space
But there’s only two tears in those buckets.
Jan 4, 2012 at 6:31 pm rating: 1
#17
tuqoa
Oh good, I’m not the only one lol. I had to really look at those to see the buckets.
Jan 4, 2012 at 6:40 pm rating: 7
#18
Michele
While I agree that this note is a bit melodramatic, I’d probably feel the same way if I wasn’t given ownership of my own body.
Jan 4, 2012 at 6:40 pm rating: 49
#19
quigrey
I have super curly hair that my (evil) grandmother decided would look cute in a short bob… I ended up with a Little Orphan Annie jew-fro.
Buckets of tears and years to grow it out.
Team Save-The-Hair.
Jan 4, 2012 at 6:40 pm rating: 106
#20
DLo
Speaking as a former downtrodden drama princess: my mom did the same thing when I was six. I protested, did the drama and lost.I went from mid-back length to a sort of Malibu Ken look. I was furious. And I didn’t let anyone forget it or miss an opportunity to let anyone and everyone know just which evil queen had chopped off my beautiful hair. Every day. For the two years it took to grow back. Spare yourself mom. I’m not even in this little one’s league. She will mess you up!
Jan 4, 2012 at 7:18 pm rating: 80
#21
linda
How sad is that. Leave the girl her hair, I’m begging you.
Jan 4, 2012 at 7:50 pm rating: 24
#22
linda
For goodness sake. What is your problem? This is a little girl.
Jan 4, 2012 at 7:53 pm rating: 3
#23
Kelly O.
I’d have to know more about who’s taking care of the hair before deciding whose side I’m on here. My guess is that mom is spending a lot of time and energy washing, brushing, and fixing that hair.
If it were my daughter, I would tell her she could have whatever length of hair she wanted if she’d learn to take care of it herself and keep it groomed. But if she expected me to do it for her, then I’d get to choose the length!
Jan 4, 2012 at 7:58 pm rating: 93
#24
Lilly
When i was 11 my mom decided that my waist length hair should be cut into “the Rachel”. Just a tip parents, an 11 year old can not properly blow dry and style “the Rachel”. And even if they could a small town salon with a 90 year old stylist who may or may not k ow who the hell Rachel is: not the place to get that particular cut. Team little drama queen all the way. I know your pain sweetie.
Jan 4, 2012 at 8:05 pm rating: 50
#25
Joy
Maybe it’s a Wisconsin thing, but I really feel for her. My sister (40) and I (31) still tell the sad story of my mom chopping off our hair. My sister had the horror of our great-grandpa’s friend saying “Raymond, what a cute grandson” upon meeting her after *the cut*. Due to an injury when I was nine, I wasn’t able to brush my hair myself so my mom chopped off almost two feet of my hair. Both those things have obviously scarred us for life. We still rib Mom about both events.
Jan 4, 2012 at 8:52 pm rating: 29
#26
angie
Well, now, we don’t know if “haircut” = chop a foot off, or = a trim.
Hair needs trimming occasionally.
Jan 4, 2012 at 9:06 pm rating: 24
#27
DD
It struck me that the the prelude to the note said “has been trying to drag her nine-year-old daughter to get a haircut for ages”. When I was that age what my parents said, went. There was no “trying to drag” about it. I’m sure she gets her way all the time. Making her do something she doesn’t want to do now is a lost cause.
Jan 4, 2012 at 9:06 pm rating: 30
#28
p'bee
the evil hairdresser cut off my pretty hair when i was nine. i’m still scarred by it 20 years later. protect the hair!
Jan 4, 2012 at 9:07 pm rating: 16
#29
jdaniel
Long hair is a woman’s glory. I have also seen some nasty, unkempt messes. If I were to get this note from my child, I would not insist on getting it cut, but I would require that the ends be trimmed to maintain her beautiful mane. The girl should be able to live with a 1/2″ less hair every few months. But mom and dad may not agree.
Jan 4, 2012 at 9:29 pm rating: 19
#30
Olde Skewl
Actually, I thought they were trash cans (as in where her hair would go) until I saw the “caption.”
Jan 4, 2012 at 10:30 pm rating: 2
#31
trillian
Ownership of her own body? My 9 year old son keeps telling me he wants his hair cut like Justin Bieber, since I’ve always had it cut very short ala George Clooney. I told him the day he voluntarily washes it is the day he can cut it how he likes. If mom is the one taking care of the hair, mom is the one making the decisions regarding it.
Jan 4, 2012 at 10:36 pm rating: 37
#32
Olde Skewl
OMG! We must be related because my mom did the exact same thing to me! She bitched about having to wash & do something w/my hair all the time so she had my great grandmother cut off approximately 2 feet of my hair when I was 8 years old. I got the giant “cowlicks” instead of the fro, tho’. LOL
Jan 4, 2012 at 10:37 pm rating: 1
#33
uncreative
I also think the girl should get to keep her hair, but she should get it regularly trimmed to remove split ends, which will help it stay long and beautiful. However, she should also have to do most of the work to maintain it herself; she’s nine, so she should be able to.
My mother cut my hair short every summer, because she thought it was more practical. I hated it – every summer. Every time I looked in the mirror for months I would be miserable. But my memory wasn’t good enough as a little kid to remember when next summer came around that having my hair cut would make me miserable for months. When I got old enough to remember that, I insisted on not getting it cut. And I was able to look into mirrors without a sense of alienation and misery.
If a kid knows that they are strongly attached to long hair, then maybe the kid is actually strongly attached to long hair. I still can’t have short hair without feeling like there is some stranger staring out at me from a mirror. I tried it as an adult, and it once again made me utterly miserable until it grew back out. Sure, the kid’s writing isn’t the best written argument, but she’s nine and these can be difficult concepts to express.
Jan 4, 2012 at 10:38 pm rating: 30
#34
Olde Skewl
DD,
Something happened between our generation and the last two to three crops. The kids are now in charge. They have a sense of entitlement like none before them.
Jan 4, 2012 at 10:42 pm rating: 25
#35
farcical aquatic ceremony
I agree with your thinking–if I thought my daughter absolutely needed a haircut–for instance, her hair’s at her lower back and washing & brushing it is a pain for us both–I’d tell her she had to get a haircut for that reason, but then I’d give her some ‘style’ options (e.g., bangs vs. no bangs, choice of how short to make it, etc.). That way my practical concerns would be taken care of, but she’d get to maintain some ‘control’.
Jan 4, 2012 at 10:43 pm rating: 26
#36
iseefishtanks
I was forced into a haircut at age 9. Mom made my brothers chase me around the yard and drag me in! She was just sick of taking care of it. I don’t know why she didn’t just teach me how to do that myself (it was really long). I have a10 year old long-haired daughter now and I promised myself I would never do that to her. Team Hair all the way!!!
Jan 4, 2012 at 11:01 pm rating: 27
#37
Poltergeist
People seem to have the idea stuck in their heads that she has this gorgeous, perfect head of hair. Believe me, there are plenty of little girls out there who refuse to let their hair be cut, and it looks like a nest. I can understand a parent wanting to keep it at a more maintainable length, but I agree with what others have said – if she takes care of her hair herself, then her parents should let her keep it whatever length she wants since it is part of her own body. However, if she expects somebody else to do it for her…well, tough luck sweetie. Hair is painless to remove (I’m talking about head hair before anybody objects) and grows back, so you’ll have plenty of years to do things your own way soon enough.
I also concur with the penis bucket observation. If you cover up the words, it would appear as if she was attempting to mend her broken heart with the “love” of not one, but two men with incredibly flat, unappealing packages. Confessions of a whore, so to speak.
Jan 4, 2012 at 11:18 pm rating: 38
#38
Pipergirl
I own a store that’s right next door (with a very thin wall) to a hairdresser – take it from me, don’t have your child’s hair cut if they’re not happy about it. I’ve had to convince many of my customers no, that’s not actually a monkey caught in a cement mixer, that’s a 5 year old who doesn’t want their hair cut…
The saddest was one little girl who was dragged outside and told “When you scream like that Mummy loves you less.” I now have a bowl of lollies in my shop in case of emergencies. (And when I came to get my own hair cut I got a bit more taken off so it could be used in oncology wigs.)
Jan 4, 2012 at 11:36 pm rating: 24
#39
emily
My folks chopped my curly red locks when I was six and I’ve never managed to grow it back. Let the girl keep her hair. (If it’s curly, it takes care of itself.) And you penis people need to grow up, get a life, and, if possible, get laid already.
Jan 4, 2012 at 11:38 pm rating: 32
#40
Palomon
Portrait of the Artist as a Young Girl?
Jan 5, 2012 at 1:39 am rating: 4
#41
Arlette
@Michele
I think you’re right, especially if she can take care of the hair herself.
When I told my mother “but it’s MY hair!”, she used to say “but I have to look at it!”, even when I was twelve y/o or so. It really pissed me off. I would never, ever say that to a child.
Good point you made about the ownership of your body.
Jan 5, 2012 at 3:50 am rating: 23
#42
Grrrr
Seriously she’s nine, my little dude doesn’t have ownership until eighteen or when he shows total, non melodramatic behaviour(no chance, he’s a drama queen)… Kids have NO rights in my house until eighteen except for the right to life, the right to be spanked or grounded with no tv/computer, the right to express an opinion(which will be ignored until *I* decide they have a point.
Basically I had this same conversation with my son on last Friday… I didn’t care… He has a cool new haircut… Tough titties kid… You get what I decide!
Jan 5, 2012 at 6:17 am rating: 11
#43
Nunavut Guy
I am a penis person.Quake in fear our looming invasion!
Jan 5, 2012 at 7:06 am rating: 14
#44
lulz
Oh My!
She is 9. If she can take care of it then let her have it. If she can’t/won’t then teach her & give her the choice. Take care of it or get it cut.
If it’s no choice but to cut — let her look at the hair books — there might actually be some styles that she likes & easy for her to take care of.
She might not quite realize you don’t mean you want her to look like “Ken” barbie.
If it’s just split ends trim — then explain it to her.
As for the penis comments — come on! As if!
Those rounded things on top are handles for heaven’s sake!
The not is obviously quickly drawn up out of sadness/rage of a 9 year old little girl so hours of care for the perfect drawing of a bucket would not happen. o_O
As for me — my mom INSISTED I have long hair just because I am female. I hated it. Hot, heavy, the headaches….
I kept saving my money from odd jobs I did for people. (raking leaves, cutting grass, gardening, paper deliveries, etc) and went to the hair salon down the street one day & got my hair cut & a perm. I loved it. So did mom!
From then on she let me do what I wanted with my hair. It’s still short
As for the punctuation comment — SHE IS 9! Not quite the English professor yet.
Jan 5, 2012 at 7:43 am rating: 22
#45
Katie
My mom was the same way – I had bangs when I was very young, but even trimming was absolutely out of the question because she thought it made hair look “unnatural.” I desperately wanted it cut, she always refused.
Then I went to college, and my shaggy, split end-riddled waist length hair got chopped to a shoulder-length cut which I loved. Mom was furious, cried and pretty much threw a tantrum when she saw it, and I just calmly handed her an envelope containing the majority of the cuttings. She’s STILL mad that I have short hair and I’m now 33.
Jan 5, 2012 at 8:05 am rating: 32
#46
Lil'
I think if she wants long hair, her mom should coach her on how to care for it properly, then give her a chance to do it. If she doesn’t care for it, then she forfeits her right to choose.
Jan 5, 2012 at 8:25 am rating: 9
#47
Simon
Really? You did whatever your parents wanted, on time, every time? Nah.
Jan 5, 2012 at 8:45 am rating: 9
#48
wooddoug
“to do what I want for a change”. Either she doesn’t always get her way, or the ratio of get, don’t get is skewed by her 9 year old mind. Regardless, never let a few facts get in the way of a good story, and she has one.
Jan 5, 2012 at 8:46 am rating: 6
#49
wooddoug
Penis people? That would make a good horror flick . Maybe there could be a sequel. Return of the penis people.
But I agree Emily, although the buckets reminded me of last years “draw a penis on it” post, since the note concerned a 9 year old girl, the penis comment may have crossed the invisible line.
Jan 5, 2012 at 8:58 am rating: 5
#50
Me
I agree with Lil’. Kids should have a right to express themselves and make their own decisions within reason. When I take my 9 year old to get her hair cut, she regularly chooses how to have it cut. Granted I have our stylist talk to her about haircare and what she needs to do to style it in that particular cut and sometimes she decides it’s too much trouble for her. She now knows what she doesn’t like to have done, for instance, bangs! She is growing her hair out for Locks of Love right now and has been caring for it properly, but if I had to do all the hair care for her, she would have a shorter cut.
Jan 5, 2012 at 8:59 am rating: 8
#51
t-rex
I agree. Let the kid be. If she likes herself, and she isn’t growing facial hair, let it be.
Jan 5, 2012 at 9:33 am rating: 3
#52
Yolanda
A child of nine should have a say but I remember how my light blond hair tangled and my mother detested combing it, so she’d be cruelly rough with it and I would be noisy. I was around 8 or 9 when they turned me into a little boy. I hated it and as soon as I was old enough to learn to comb my own hair properly I grew it out. I have blonde hair streaming to my butt to this day.
Jan 5, 2012 at 9:53 am rating: 5
#53
The Elf
I have to agree. Pick your battles, Mom. Hair is nothing.
But the note? That’s a battle worth fighting!
Jan 5, 2012 at 9:54 am rating: 6
#54
The Elf
I was one of those girls! My long, fine hair was in a constant tangle because I didn’t maintain in properly and didn’t want it cut. But Mom let me keep it, deciding I was old enough to make those sorts of decisions. I had to have snarls cut once, and that resulting short cut convinced me to take care of my long hair properly. I have long hair to this day. So, those were some ugly school pictures, but the lesson learned was lifelong!
It’s just hair. Girls need to learn both decision making and responsibility. Deciding hair style and maintaining it properly are both ways to start both good habits.
Jan 5, 2012 at 10:00 am rating: 3
#55
The Elf
Why can I not reply to comments today? That comment was meant for Poltergeist at #37. Sorry!
Jan 5, 2012 at 10:00 am rating: 1
#56
oi
I had an opposite problem. She would not let me cut my hair. I had long, up to my hips long, jet black gorgeous with volume hair. I was offered shampoo ad modeling too. It looked very nice but if you are carrying that load on your head for 24/7 it gets old. People would actually joke that all my food goes into my hair none in my body. She would do brushing and take care of it but I had to sit still for 45 minutes everyday that was just too much. Her favorite argument was that she lost pretty hair due to birth complications so I owed her to keep that gorgeous set of hair. one day I took matters no scissors in my hands and chopped off bunch from behind. Then I was taken to hair dresser who made it shoulder length and took all my hair to sell for artificial hair.
Jan 5, 2012 at 10:36 am rating: 15
#57
Lil'
Poltergeist, a nine-year-old child wrote this note. It seems you have far bigger problems than your promiscuity.
Jan 5, 2012 at 10:42 am rating: 5
#58
arm2008
For crying out loud – short hair on a girl doesn’t make her a boy any more than long hair on a boy makes him a girl!
If I had kids I’d buy clippers and keep them all buzzed until they were old enough to take care of their own nasty hair.
Jan 5, 2012 at 10:52 am rating: 9
#59
oi
What does NOT look like penis on internet?
Jan 5, 2012 at 10:53 am rating: 18
#60
meredith
Ah this takes me back to my haircut experience. I have curly hair and it looks fantastic long. When I was about 7 my parents wanted to trim it to cut the split ends. (You can’t really see split ends in curly hair. I’m in my 30s now, have not had a trim since childhood and still get compliments on my hair all the time. People are surprised when I say I never get haircuts or go to a salon.)
I was so livid about the trim that as soon as we left the salon I started deliberately tearing at the ends of my hair to create frayed split ends for spite. I made a frizzy mess but I was so furious with my parents for touching my hair. I still think they should’ve left it alone.
If the kid is old enough to care about her hair and write this note, let her style and wash her own hair and let her do what she wants.
Jan 5, 2012 at 11:12 am rating: 9
#61
Yeah
Troll on.
And if you aren’t trolling, you will be when your youngest turns 18 and isn’t forced to deal with your crap.
Jan 5, 2012 at 11:46 am rating: 4
#62
bookworm
So nice of you to decide to get him a cool new haircut, mom. You sounded like a hardassed harpy up until then.
Jan 5, 2012 at 11:55 am rating: 6
#63
lucy
My mother forced me to get a “mushroom cut” as a kid and I’m still scarred. If the little girl’s hair is a problem, maybe parents + daughter can learn how to take care of it better.
Jan 5, 2012 at 12:10 pm rating: 5
#64
*snerk*
No, if it’s curly, it *doesn’t* take care of itself.
Jan 5, 2012 at 12:15 pm rating: 4
#65
Quite Contrary
Thank you Nanavut! Does anyone think that I *want* to see penises everywhere I go? I think not.
Jan 5, 2012 at 12:32 pm rating: 4
#66
Quite Contrary
Thank you Nunavut! Do people think I *want* to see penises everywhere I go? I think not.
Jan 5, 2012 at 12:34 pm rating: 1
#67
GhostWriter
I getting depressed because I am too old to understand what everyone who is writing “She’s 9!” is talking about.
Jan 5, 2012 at 12:46 pm rating: 4
#68
Mr. Johnson
One day the Penis People shall rise up.
Jan 5, 2012 at 12:58 pm rating: 14
#69
Plumchunder
Parents just don’t understand!
They’re always telling you how to tress, what to ‘do, cover your mouth when you coif, making you take a nap, say “Fleece” and “Thank you,” pelage to behave properly…
It can be so tuft to take.
Jan 5, 2012 at 1:09 pm rating: 16
#70
Plumchunder
Parents can be dia-follicle!
That one was pretty bad. I should have quit when I was a head…
Jan 5, 2012 at 1:10 pm rating: 15
#71
Nunavut Guy
We are the penis people.We roam the stars.We are omnipresent.
Jan 5, 2012 at 1:34 pm rating: 3
#72
Nico
dude she’s nine.
Jan 5, 2012 at 3:05 pm rating: 0
#73
Nunavut Guy
The”reply to this comment”feature does not seem to be working.This really destroys the threads Nico.Look around the middle of the posts to see where and why this started.
I’m not in any way trying to connect a nine year old girl with male genitalia.
Jan 5, 2012 at 3:32 pm rating: 1
#74
causeIcan
You are one sick person making such comments about a 9 year old girl.
Jan 5, 2012 at 3:40 pm rating: 1
#75
Atheist Scum Unite!
I know there’s something wrong with me. At first glance, I thought the “buckets” looked like penises.
Guess I just want to do WHAT I WANT for a change…
Jan 5, 2012 at 4:52 pm rating: 4
#76
p'bee
recipe to make your kids hate you?
it’s not about doing everything the kid wants, but respecting the fact the kid has a brain and opinions, whether you agree or not.
Jan 5, 2012 at 5:22 pm rating: 11
#77
p'bee
for some reason this was put in the wrong place, it is a reply to grrr’s ‘i ignore anything my kid says’ comment.
Jan 5, 2012 at 5:24 pm rating: 1
#78
Eileen
When my mother was a little girl, she had two long, thick braids, one on either side of her head. She went to visit her uncle at his barber shop, and he sat her down in the chair and snip! Snip! Bye bye braids.
She never had long hair again. There’s this hilarious picture from about 1970 of my mother and her siblings — the girls all have long, long hair, the guys have sideburns and mustaches, and here’s my mother with short hair and my father in a flattop.
And then there was the time I had my hair cut by my drunk uncle (twenty-one years clean and sober now, praise God). Worst haircut I ever had, and that counts the time I cut it myself.
Jan 5, 2012 at 6:45 pm rating: 1
#79
KentGirl
I think I’m the only one who’s Team Parents on this one. Maybe it’s because I’ve never had nice hair, and it’s never been longer than chin-length, but I do remember the summer my younger sister refused to get a haircut.
It was much the same story as this: a young girl upset about her parents wanting to change her hair. But my sister never brushed or washed her own hair, and our mom seemed to want her to learn a lesson. Long story short, my little sis had the most awful, nasty, smelly dreadlocks ever. She was eventually forced into the barbershop for a major haircut, but is no worse off for it.
It’s hair, people, it comes back. It’s not like the stories I’ve heard of moms getting their daughter’s ears pierced when the little girl doesn’t want to.
Jan 5, 2012 at 7:11 pm rating: 2
#80
Jessi
Everyone claiming to be traumatized by a bad haircut as a kid is being way too melodramatic.
Jan 5, 2012 at 7:19 pm rating: 12
#81
uncreative
No, actually, I’m not. It’s likely an issue of body dysmorphia. I don’t know why I need to have long hair to feel okay, but I do. Every person’s brain has certain ideas about how their body should be. When reality does not match that internal concept, then you get a sense of alienation and wrongness about your own body. Years of observation and testing have shown that mine includes having long hair. If my hair is short, then I hate what I see in the mirror, and it feels like a stranger is where my image should be. That’s really disturbing.
In fact, I am not attached to being female. It’s just a fact of my body. If not for the damage it’d do to my relationship, I’d be less traumatized by waking up male than by waking up with short hair. Long hair is part of my identity, whereas being female is just a random attribute that happens to be the way it is. But it’s the same situation as how some people would be traumatized by suddenly being forced to switch sex without their consent.
Not everyone will have an attachment to hair length, but some people do. And this child sure seems passionate on the subject, so this child may.
I’ve had other traumatic things happen in my life. For example, one morning I woke up with no central vision in my right eye – just a big gaping black hole where the sight should have been. It turned out to be a retinal detachment. In my case, that meant permanent loss of most of the vision in my right eye. It was far less traumatic though than having to live with short hair. I’ve also had more traumatic events than getting my hair cut short, but I find it annoyingly dismissing of the reality of other people’s existence to assume that everyone feels the same way about their hair as you do, Jessi.
Jan 5, 2012 at 8:25 pm rating: 18
#82
Brillig
uncreative; you’re nuts. Seriously. It’s hair.
Also, this kid is nine. Surely she’s been having hair lopped off for five or six years now to keep it tidy. No?
Jan 5, 2012 at 10:20 pm rating: 7
#83
Palomon
The gigglebrax machine is broken.
Jan 5, 2012 at 11:45 pm rating: 7
#84
Poltergeist
Are you really telling me that you have never looked at something and said “hmm, that kinda looks like a penis”? Because if you’re telling the truth, then you must live on a distant planet, one probably devoid of males. We are all silly children at heart and insist on pointing these things out. Surely you can understand that?
Apparently our right to reply directly to other comments has been revoked. This was meant for emily, post #39.
Jan 6, 2012 at 1:20 am rating: 7
#85
Poltergeist
This is to #49, wooddoug.
I’ve had to play countless games of hangman with young children, many younger than 9, and they absolutely love drawing boobies and peepees on the little stick figure (although I don’t think they understand that they’re drawing them on an asphyxiated corpse.)
If there is a line to be crossed, those young’uns are the ones who have taken the first step!
Jan 6, 2012 at 1:32 am rating: 4
#86
Poltergeist
To Lil’ #57 and the prudes who thumbed him/her up -
Oh please, get over yourselves. Yes, it was written by a 9 year old. However, if you didn’t read the words and looked directly at the picture, it just might look like a broken heart with two penises. I giggled and made up a little story to go with it. I must be a promiscuous sexual deviant! Seems as if you like to invent stories of your own.
Another story – a 6 year old girl was pretending to put a wedding ring on her finger by making a loop with her thumb and index finger on one hand and continually moving it up and down over the ring finger of the other. Woo boy, did my coworkers and I have a good fit of hysteria over that one. We do sure have dirty minds. Lock me up!
Jan 6, 2012 at 1:48 am rating: 11
#87
Maria Droujkova
Forcing a girl to do something with her body against her will (outside of very clear medical emergencies) is scary. What with rape rates being what they are; and yes, most rapists are friends and family of victims, so the fact it’s parents doing it isn’t much help. I am not comparing haircuts to rapes at all, but for the sake of protection of the child and developing her character, l maintain the body should be off-limits for non-consensual intrusions of any sorts (again, beyond clear medical emergencies).
Jan 6, 2012 at 8:35 am rating: 2
#88
The Elf
WTF? “I am not comparing haircuts to rapes….” Yes, you are. And my mind is boggled.
Look, she’s 9. That means that while she is developing a sense of self, learning limits and self-governance, making decisions, she still needs firm adult guidance. Letting her make decisions involving hair is one thing. Saying that all touching of all sorts should be 100% by her express consent is a little silly.
Jan 6, 2012 at 8:53 am rating: 23
#89
Junction
@ Poltergeist #86, You described a 9 year old mending her broken heart by sleeping with multiple men. Don’t try to make that sound OK.
Jan 6, 2012 at 10:17 am rating: 2
#90
Elly
“Buckets of my tears”? I think we’ve got a young Sylvia Plath on our hands.
Jan 6, 2012 at 11:12 am rating: 6
#91
Elly
Oh and @ Grrrr #42 — Unless you want to be left in a nursing home to die when you’re eighty, I suggest you start getting a little more diplomatic with your kids. Just sayin’.
Jan 6, 2012 at 11:29 am rating: 14
#92
Susie
A nine year old child should have a better grasp of punctuation. It need no be perfect, but as a former 4th grade teacher, I can promise you: ANY 4th grader knows well that SOME punctuation belongs in a sentence. The mother of this child needs to not give a shit about the hair, and give a reasonable-sized shit about her daughter’s lack of basic grammar and punctuation.
Jan 6, 2012 at 1:29 pm rating: 7
#93
Ginger
I love her so much. Of course she should keep her hair. My granddaughter who was seven had hair down her back and last summer and said she wanted to donate it to Locks of Love. It was all her idea and she looked great. Some of the girls in her school are letting their hair grow to donate also.
Jan 6, 2012 at 1:52 pm rating: 2
#94
Ginger
She was upset when she wrote it. Give her a break.
Jan 6, 2012 at 2:00 pm rating: 6
#95
Susie
Most of the comments in this thread show everything that’s wrong with this world: parents LOVE to complain about teachers, but secretly, the parents don’t give a shit about their kids’ academics. They are more concerned about their kids’ hair. We teachers try hard to instill attributes such as good writing skills, self-love, etc., but the parents get in the way by NOT supporting academics (yet still blaming both teachers and kids when said skill is sub-par), and ACTIVELY supporting fairly useless “skills” such as beauty and sports, etc.
Jan 6, 2012 at 2:23 pm rating: 4
#96
JustAWife
#39 Are you seriously saying that in the last 20 years you haven’t managed to grow your hair out? Any reasonably priced salon should be able to help you find products that will help you manage most hair conditions, unless you’re saying that, by cutting your already dead hair, your hair follicles were so traumatized that they stopped producing hair??
Jan 6, 2012 at 2:45 pm rating: 10
#97
RavenMcCoy
This is something I actually might have written. I was precocious and VERY over-dramatic (like our little letter writer here) with long, curly, IMPOSSIBLE hair that my parents were always trying to get me to cut.
They succeeded when I was 8, dragging me to SuperCuts where a nutjob butchered my locks and left me with a disaster that no amount of tears could fix. I literally cut my own split ends off myself from then on, until last year (yes, I’m 25) I found a salon specializing in curly hair. They are the only people allowed to touch it.
You don’t fuck with a girl’s hair. I had nightmares my whole childhood of my mother cackling evilly while she shaved my head. The poor dear. Leave her be.
Jan 6, 2012 at 3:20 pm rating: 10
#98
uncreative
Brillig, and you obviously have a very limited view of the world. You expect everyone to be like you.
But how would you feel if your body were altered against your wishes? Maybe hair isn’t what matters to you, but there are probably some aspects of your body that do. What if you suddenly gained a bunch of weight, for example? That would be a body modification too, and also potentially a temporary one. Let’s say it wasn’t at all harmful to your health, but it just made you look different. Would you say, it’s just body shape – who cares? Or what if you had to have a mastectomy? We’ll assume you’re done with all breast-feeding you ever intend to do. If so, it’s just a useless breast, so why should you care? Probably you would, because it’s part of your image of your body.
The only difference with hair is that the pain may be temporary. I felt better once the hair regrew. But why make a child suffer for months while the hair is regrowing?
And until you have to stare into a mirror and see a stranger looking back at you and know the horrible uncomfortableness of watching someone who isn’t you mirroring your actions and knowing you won’t see yourself in the mirror for a long time, you are in no position to judge.
Jan 6, 2012 at 5:11 pm rating: 5
#99
Starfish
The note poster said “trim” which could be as much for the health of the hair if anything. When I was a kid – I refused to care for my hair, but also wanted it long – and it ended up needing to be cut anyway, because I got a knot in it so bad there was no other solution. Getting a trim now might solve even more serious tears later.
And- Wow – really guys, are we really comparing hair cuts to rape? Really? So – should you not force kids to bathe either, or wipe their butts if they don’t want to?
Though – as I’m also in Milwaukee, which seems to be the mullet capital of America, so maybe she’s just trying to fit in.
Also – Uncreative, I’m really glad you have an Orlando thing going on, and wouldn’t mind waking up a guy if you had Fabio hair, but honestly – that sounds like something that requires therapy/counseling if the entire center of your understanding of self is in your hair. Not that I don’t sympathize, as someone who has suffered terrible hair loss due to a medical condition, and was depressed about it for some time, but honestly – you are more than the sum total of your coif.
Jan 6, 2012 at 7:43 pm rating: 22
#100
Kathleen
I had butt length hair, went for a “trim” and lost about a foot. I was really upset at the time. But, two months later I was diagnosed with cancer and now what’s left of my hair is falling out due to chemotherapy.
It’s only hair, people.
As my dad used to say, “What’s the difference between a bad haircut and a good haircut? Six weeks.”
Jan 7, 2012 at 12:25 pm rating: 16
#101
Spooky
I read through all these posts debating whether the kid should have to get her hair cut or not (my opinion: pick your battles; it’s not hurting her or others) and whether the buckets look like penises (yep, but that was not her intent), and all I could really focus on was how un-dramatic this “dramatic” note is.
Here at our house, with 13-year old twins who’ve been drama queens since birth, we call this kind of note a “Tuesday.”
Jan 7, 2012 at 12:43 pm rating: 17
#102
JMixx
When I was a kid, it wasn’t having short hair that was traumatic; it was the “good-natured kidding” of the family friend who used to call me “that little boy” because of my short hair. In case there is any doubt, he was perfectly aware that I was a girl, but, for some reason, thought that calling me a boy was endlessly hilarious. For a 5- or 6-year-old, the impotent fury of having to smile and be polite every time he said it made it memorable.
My mother didn’t want to have to brush and comb long, tangled, fine hair either. She made me a deal: continue to have it cut short, or braid it every day so that it wouldn’t tangle. Needless to say, I wore braids.
Jan 7, 2012 at 3:55 pm rating: 1
#103
fibrowitch
Young lady you have stolen my heart. I am 52 and when I was young I was not allowed to have my hair the way I liked it either.
Jan 7, 2012 at 8:30 pm rating: 2
#104
Elfy
Okay, after reading through all this, I want to say, yes, comparing haircuts to rape and mastectomies is pretty not-ok.
HOWEVER, I completely understand what Uncreative is saying. I’ve had long hair past my butt my whole life, except for those few weeks each year that it’s shorter because it’s been trimmed for its health. My hair length is very, VERY much a part of my concept of self, and though it’s never been drastically cut, even experimenting with hairdos that gave the illusion of short hair freaked me out really badly.
I do not have body dysphoria, but I do know what it means to change an aspect of yourself that others would not consider a big deal and see a complete stranger in the mirror, an alien making a puppet your body. Just because hair isn’t a big deal to everyone doesn’t mean it’s not a big deal to us. She is not mentally unstable for admitting that a huge part of her self image revolves around that just like mine does.
Back to the actual post: I would have to be given the full context to have a complete opinion on whether or not this is a child asserting her rights to her own body vs. a child rebelling against well needed maintenance. It doesn’t mean I don’t find people who are more than willing to shear off their children’s hair for their own convenience without offering any compromise frightening and disempowering.
Jan 8, 2012 at 2:56 am rating: 13
#105
Andrea
aside from the content of this letter, why us this letter now being circulated on the Internet? What motive does “Julie” have in publishing this letter on any type of public forum?????
Jan 8, 2012 at 9:01 am rating: 2
#106
Jami
Geez, all these “my mom forced me to cut my hair” stories.
When I was a little girl I kept begging to GET my hair cut. I had hair all the way down to my butt. Mom would wash, comb, and dry it. I hated bath time because it meant I got no privacy.
Not only was it long, it was thick. I had horrible headaches every single day from all that heavy hair.
Finally, in 5th grade my mom gave in and I got it cut to shoulder length. I was so happy. Not only were my headaches gone, but I finally got to wash my hair by myself. No more mom busting in during bath time to wash it!
Anyway, unless you’re doing something like selling your child into prostitution or tattooing them, until they’re 18, parents have every right to say what is done to a child. Including their hair. So Team Mom. Make her go. If she throws a fit tell her she’s grounded. If she still acts up do what my parents would’ve done at that point, put her across your knee, and spank her. Spanking should always be a LAST RESORT. Use other punishments first. But if she is going to continue to be a brat – well, bratty kids get spanked. That’s how I was raised, that’s how my parents were raised, etc. It’s been a good way to raise kids for hundreds of years and it’s still a good way when nothing else works.
Jan 8, 2012 at 8:03 pm rating: 7
#107
Goldie
Helicopter parents are so cute. They think they’re doing their kids a favor by telling them what to wear, what to do with their hair, otherwise micromanaging every little detail of their kids’ lives till the kids are 18. Then when the kids leave home and no longer have Mom and Dad telling them what to wear, what to eat, when to sleep, and when to breathe, they either go completely apeshit wild and do all the things they were never allowed to do — including some very dangerous and stupid ones — or they find someone else that would control their life for them and tell them what to do, since Mom and Dad aren’t around to do it for them any longer. Could be a middle-aged husband, could be a nice married man with lots of money to spend who gets a kick out of keeping an 18yo mistress, could be a cult leader, could be a crime leader… pretty fun huh?
God, FSM, Mother Nature, whoever the deity of your choice is, gave your children a brain. Teach them to use it to make their own decisions. You’ll be glad you did.
Jan 9, 2012 at 9:27 am rating: 14
#108
someone who knows what he likes
The heart is well-drawn with obvious attention to detail; effort has been made to represent how the two halves of the artist’s brutally fragmented cardiac organ would interlock once more if pushed back together, presumably in the process of the audience doing what she wants. However, the penmanship (pencilmanship? pencilwomanship?) is sloppy and the buckets are poorly rendered and, hence, lack the evocative power of the heart. In the end, though, the work is redeemed by the creator’s obvious comprehension of the proper use of apostrophes, and by the exquisite skill of its emotive manipulation. A powerful work.
Jan 9, 2012 at 9:58 pm rating: 7
#109
Lisap
This is a “keep and drag out at the wedding” note if I ever did see one.
Jan 9, 2012 at 10:06 pm rating: 10
#110
Nick
My wife’s grandmother forced her to cut her hair when she was a child due to so-called religious reasons. The experience was very traumatic for her and although it might seem like a small thing, her hair was nearly three feet long at the time and was cut to length of roughly 3 inches. She endured a lot of teasing at school about it and continues to colour her relationship with her grandmother, along with said religious intolerance.
Jan 10, 2012 at 6:24 pm rating: 1
#111
Auntie
For the “haircut self-determination party”, letting a kid decide on her haircut totally depends on the kid. I have three nieces, one has had long hair since she was seven, with an agreement with her mom that she did all washing/combing/braiding (her mom was in grad school working two jobs and there’s two younger sibs, no time for extras). Niece 1 has kept up her end of the deal and thus, long hair. Niece 2 is the original “messy bessy”- no personal hygiene standards whatsoever and would go about looking (and smelling) like “pigpen” from peanuts without constant adult supervision.
She has a super-thick mop of hair, and another mom with no time to hound her about it and face the mass of tangles that her daughter would cheerfully walk about in her hair (of Rastafarian proportions, seriously.). This kid would LIKE longer hair, but for her, chin-length haircuts are mandatory because she won’t care for it. So I’m guessing the mom made a situation-based judgment call. Pretty funny note though!
Jan 12, 2012 at 6:33 pm rating: 2
#112
JC
Pretty interesting that a 9-year old uses cursive g’s while writing. Hmm.
Jan 12, 2012 at 10:33 pm rating: 0
#113
lily
I feel or her, my mom was a total nazi about my hair. MOM I DID NOT LOOK CUTE WITH A BOB!
Jan 15, 2012 at 4:22 pm rating: 2
#114
lily
I just read all these comments and i cant believe how many parents hate their children enough to chop off their hair,let alone not let them make their own decisions till they’re 18! Call CPS ! Jesus… that is a horrid thing to go through, ( i had to)regardless of the circumstances, i don’t care if your kids hair is a rats nest, they choose what they do with that rats nest (until its a biohazard of course) . I am comforted to know that all of you will be alone when your kids wont have to deal with your crap. If you really need to make those silly rules about your kids hair , then get a life.
Jan 15, 2012 at 4:48 pm rating: 1
#115
lily
sorry everyone,for the bold response , and I do agree with you , to an extent , if my parents hadnt controlled how i brushed my teeth, they’d have fallen out already , I was more referring to older children, but i didn’t clarify that and yes nazi is a strong word , i apologize for that comment as well
Jan 16, 2012 at 11:40 am rating: 0
#116
lily
I know i sound like a hypocrite for saying this , but can we all calm down, this is a cute note a child wrote , let it be.
Jan 16, 2012 at 11:42 am rating: 0
#117
CoinOperatedJoy
Wow, some of the responding parents in these comments are just down right a–holes. There has to be some kind of balance in parenting. It isn’t all about winning. You’re not fighting an enemy here, you’re raising children! YOUR children! Yanno, that you love? Remember?
When I was 4, a neighbor girl gave me lice. My mom cut off all my hair and the neighbor kids called me a “chinese boy”. Yeah, I was 4 and remember. It hurt me. All my young life my mom kept cutting my hair short (God and the perms! UGH!) and I was teased. Never the way I liked or wanted it.
I HATE having short hair. I look like a short, fat turd with short hair.
Jan 19, 2012 at 9:10 pm rating: 1
#118
Mac
See, “trim” is parenting code for “we’re going to lop off as much as we want” or perhaps just hairdresser code for “well 6 inches is a ‘trim’ right?” (because I’ve had hairdressers do wretched things to my hair too)
Being an independent child capable of taking care of her hair with a dream of having it waist long, I resented that hairdresser forever about that “little trim”. My hair takes FOREVER to grow. The girl should have her say. It’s her hair and her body.
Feb 13, 2012 at 3:15 pm rating: 3
#119
mj15
this child is NINE, not five. she is absolutely perfectly capable of taking care of her own hair and making her own decisions about how long (or short) she wants it.
to the people arguing that “if you let her decide how to wear her hair why don’t you just allow her to refuse to bathe” etc…. seriously?
If it doesn’t negatively affect the child’s health or offend those around them (like not bathing, smelling badly, refusing to wear any clothing at all) then WHY THE HELL NOT let them have long hair, or wear clothing they like, etc? Its not your hair. I just don’t see why a parent wouldn’t take what their child wants into consideration, especially if she’s NINE. Being a parent is hard enough – pick your battles. Kids are human beings with their own opinions and likes and dislikes, whether you like it or not. The key is balance – as someone said before, the only options are not “militant bitch” or “doormat”.
Here’s a hint: If your only rationale behind NOT letting them do it is because you don’t like it personally or “because i’m your parent and i said so”, then you’re probably the one being unreasonable.
Feb 15, 2012 at 4:18 pm rating: 4
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