Gas Boys: the Salonnières of Central New Jersey

January 29th, 2012 · 29 comments

My friend Brooke said the doors at this New Jersey gas station were covered with notes, but this one in particular caught her attention.

I exactly know today is a cold day and to stay alive I have to stay warm! I have a smart phone which tell me weather seven days ahead. I like to talk about Oscars nomination or the last night game.

(I particularly enjoyed the suggested topics of conversation. Kinda softened the tone a bit compared to this version from Toronto, no?)

Weather changes. Often. It's not always what you expect. Sometimes it is. Life is better if you are dressed appropriately for the weather. I think we have, pretty much, squared away the deal with weather.

related: A plea from your Boston-area barista


FILED UNDER: gas station · New Jersey · small talk

29 responses so far ↓

  • #1   B

    A new topic for the gas boys: proper grammar.

    Jan 29, 2012 at 7:51 pm   rating: 90  small thumbs up

    • #1.1   ArtyFarty

      I’m guessing here… gas station in Jersey… English isn’t his first language…

      Jan 29, 2012 at 7:57 pm   rating: 90  small thumbs up

    • #1.2   The Elf

      Even if they were born here, English may not be his first langugage. Jersey English is a dialect all of its own, as evidenced by Jersey Shore. I can’t understand a damn thing any of them says. Good thing, too.

      Jan 30, 2012 at 7:30 am   rating: 90  small thumbs up

    • #1.3   toadiefireball

      except that everyone on jersey shore is from NEW YORK

      Jan 30, 2012 at 11:23 pm   rating: 90  small thumbs up

  • #2   Quite Contrary

    But where do the crackheads go when they come here? That is a very relevant question!

    Jan 29, 2012 at 8:35 pm   rating: 90  small thumbs up

  • #3   Daffy

    Don’t insult the esl folks. In Jersey English is a second language for the gtl crowd. ;) :) :)

    Jan 29, 2012 at 8:43 pm   rating: 90  small thumbs up

    • #3.1   Rectangle bang

      Doesn’t gtl stand for “gay trans and lesbian”?

      I’m just really confused, that’s not an insult aimed at w/e group you’re intending it to be or anything.

      Jan 30, 2012 at 10:51 am   rating: 90  small thumbs up

    • #3.2   quigrey

      gym, tan, and whatever inside joke the JS crowd are laughing at this week.

      Jan 30, 2012 at 11:32 am   rating: 90  small thumbs up

  • #4   Poltergeist

    “So Jose, who do you think will win the Oscar for Actress In a Leading Role – Meryl Streep or Michelle Williams?”
    “Salma Hayek.”
    “But she wasn’t even nomi-”

    Jan 29, 2012 at 9:00 pm   rating: 90  small thumbs up

  • #5   dot

    I like long walks on the beach, gerbils, the smell of fresh laundry….

    Jan 29, 2012 at 9:06 pm   rating: 90  small thumbs up

  • #6   Dee

    I’m pretty sure the answer to “Who spits in the elevator?” is the same as “Where do the crackheads go?” Obviously, they ride up in the elevator, spit in it, go down the stairwell while shaving their heads, and then go pick the good stuff out of the overstuffed garbage.

    Jan 29, 2012 at 10:14 pm   rating: 90  small thumbs up

  • #7   careerwaitress

    an addition from a new orleans reader: no, i don’t know if this particular building flooded.

    Jan 29, 2012 at 10:21 pm   rating: 90  small thumbs up

  • #8   bookworm

    The second note writer forgot “WHY DO I DIG THROUGH THE GARBAGE?”

    Jan 29, 2012 at 10:43 pm   rating: 90  small thumbs up

  • #9   Schrute

    I’d like to know what the weather’s going to be like EIGHT days from now.

    Jan 29, 2012 at 11:47 pm   rating: 90  small thumbs up

  • #10   Don

    How does he know that the thing being shaved is specifically a head, if he’s just finding random hairs or shaving paraphernalia or whatever in the stairwell? Couldn’t it just as easily be a guy shaving his face, or a chick shaving her legs, or whatever?

    I can’t figure out how he’s specifically identifying it as head-shaving unless he’s witnessing it in progress, in which case he could just ask the perpetrator their identity.

    Jan 30, 2012 at 1:15 am   rating: 90  small thumbs up

    • #10.1   Goju Suzi

      I would KILL to see someone try to hop down some stairs hile leg-shaving!

      Jan 30, 2012 at 2:51 am   rating: 90  small thumbs up

    • #10.2   Don

      Fair enough, but the point stands that face-shaving seems equally plausible given the evidence and is a much more common activity than head-shaving.

      Jan 30, 2012 at 9:53 pm   rating: 90  small thumbs up

  • #11   thursdaynext

    Awkward silence is always the smart choice.

    Sure, you’ll feel a little weird, but at least you won’t be subjecting someone to the (apparent) torture of weather opinions.

    Jan 30, 2012 at 1:36 am   rating: 90  small thumbs up

  • #12   The Elf

    These guys sound ripe for an old fashioned politics ‘n’ religion conversation from somebody with no place particularly to be and very strongly held opinions.

    He’ll be begging to talk about the weather after that.

    Jan 30, 2012 at 7:33 am   rating: 90  small thumbs up

    • #12.1   Lipstick Mystic

      I will pummel you with my passion for the Spaghetti Monster and details of my conversations with his minions, the Monstrous Meatballs!

      Jan 31, 2012 at 3:24 pm   rating: 90  small thumbs up

    • #12.2   jdaniel

      “I named my dog Mohammed” might be a conversation starter. Or a fatwa starter. Or Jihad starter.

      Jan 31, 2012 at 7:21 pm   rating: 90  small thumbs up

  • #13   Jo

    A couple more suggested topics for discussion:

    - Who’s that nuisance neighbour who goes around talking to all the neighbours, never giving them any space?
    - Are neighbours safest kept at a distance?

    Jan 30, 2012 at 8:06 am   rating: 90  small thumbs up

  • #14   DD

    Who’s the “holier than thou” little snot who doesn’t have the gonads to talk about anything but the weather face to face, yet decided to post an anonymous passive-aggressive note on the elevator blaming it on other people?

    I wanna’ talk about him!

    Seriously, how hard is it to come up with a segue between how cold it is, to the crack heads seeking refuge here? It only takes a few steeps to go from “What a beautiful day” to “someone is shedding or shaving in the stairwell”. So… this guy is nosy, fine. He’s awkward, fine. Whose fault is that? Apparently his neighbors.

    Jan 30, 2012 at 8:36 am   rating: 90  small thumbs up

  • #15   Amy in Toronto

    The Toronto note author may want to discuss the way he clearly eschewed the Commonwealth spelling of the word “neighbour” with his fellow Canadians. Maybe they’re suspicious of him and his Americanized spelling, so they stick to simple conversation topics like weather so as not to rattle him psychologically.

    Jan 30, 2012 at 8:43 am   rating: 90  small thumbs up

  • #16   Pit Pat

    Wow. Bitchy.

    Jan 30, 2012 at 9:40 am   rating: 90  small thumbs up

  • #17   Redheadwglasses

    NJ is one of two states (I think Oregon is the other) that forbids drivers from pumping their own gas — there is no “self service” at gas stations there. So I imagine the gas station attendant is rather weary of the comments about the cold.

    Jan 30, 2012 at 12:38 pm   rating: 90  small thumbs up

    • #17.1   Seanette

      At least as of my last visit to Oregon in 2009, you’re correct about not being permitted to pump your own gas there.

      Jan 31, 2012 at 7:54 pm   rating: 90  small thumbs up

  • #18   Kate

    HAHAHA!!!! Okay, as a delivery driver for a local hospital/pharmacy system, this cracks me up! On an average day, I will make about 20-25 deliveries and what does EVERYONE talk about? The weather. Granted, in southwest Missouri we get a LOT of weather – we get cold fronts from Canada, warm fronts from the Gulf, we had a tornado in the middle of January that destroyed my neighbor’s house, we had a June a couple years ago where it poured at least two out of three days the entire month – but seriously, EVERY PERSON I DELIVER TO wants to talk about the weather. When I go into the pharmacies, they want to know what it’s like outside. When I knock on doors, they tell me to keep warm/cool/dry. I am SO sick of talking about the weather. My iPhone will tell me almost instantly what the weather is like. I spend eight hours a day outside in it. I wish I could get this on a T-shirt.

    Feb 4, 2012 at 1:27 pm   rating: 90  small thumbs up

  • #19   aidan

    Feb 9, 2012 at 12:31 pm   rating: 90  small thumbs up


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