Wanted: Justice, with a side of fries.

February 2nd, 2012 · 65 comments

A few days ago, says our submitter in Louisiana, a co-worker left her meal on the lunchroom table while she went to the restroom. When she came back, she discovered that some brazen mo-fo had jacked her sandwich, leaving the empty bag behind.

“Being from the Creative Marketing department,” our submitter says, “she decided to fight back against the food thief with this.”

Wanted: Justice. With a Side of Fries.

related: Creative approaches to food thievery

extra credit: Crime Scene Sandwich Bags

FILED UNDER: Baton Rouge · food · stealing


65 responses so far ↓

  • #1   No.

    I’m hungry right now.

    Feb 2, 2012 at 9:08 pm   rating: 8  small thumbs up

     
  • #2   Spumler

    Looks like this crime will have to be solved…

    (puts on sunglasses)

    …on a shoestring.

    Feb 2, 2012 at 9:12 pm   rating: 81  small thumbs up

    • #2.1   Dalamara

      AWWWWWWW YEAH

      Feb 2, 2012 at 11:09 pm   rating: 8  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #3   Poltergeist

    Where’s the beef?

    Feb 2, 2012 at 9:24 pm   rating: 20  small thumbs up

     
  • #4   scott hall

    how much time and money did she waste setting all that shit up when she could have just bought another burger

    Feb 2, 2012 at 11:24 pm   rating: 3  small thumbs up

    • #4.1   Christine

      Seeing as how it’s just 2 sheets of paper and a piece of crepe ribbon, I’m guessing ‘not much time or money at all’.

      Feb 3, 2012 at 12:01 am   rating: 136  small thumbs up

       
    • #4.2   Dr.Chalkwitheringlicktacklefeff

      But in terms of return on the investment, she spent infinite money and infinite time, given that the amount of sandwiches gained by this exercise is zero sandwiches. Whereas just getting another sandwich has a much more favourable sandwich gained to time and money expended ratio.

      Feb 5, 2012 at 4:53 am   rating: 7  small thumbs up

       
    • #4.3   Poltergeist

      But this channeled her creativity and was more fun! Besides, she probably located something else to eat after she was done.

      Feb 5, 2012 at 9:03 am   rating: 17  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #5   infanttyrone

    Rocky: So, Danger…any hot leads on the burger-and-fries napping ?

    Nick: Rococo, we couldn’t pin the San Anselmo pederasty case on you, but I’ll sure relish watching you walk in the Angola chow line for this caper.

    Feb 3, 2012 at 12:26 am   rating: 8  small thumbs up

     
  • #6   Jolly

    Man, it’s a double punch. Even if you really wanted to believe the best of people and decided that someone just made a mistake, thinking it was left there by someone who didn’t want it, free for the taking… they’d still be a douche for leaving the garbage behind. Oof.

    Feb 3, 2012 at 12:26 am   rating: 53  small thumbs up

     
  • #7   OoogaBooga

    Is it really that common for people to STEAL food in an office? I don’t work in an office, so this sounds like the biggest DICK move I’ve ever heard of.

    Feb 3, 2012 at 4:31 am   rating: 36  small thumbs up

    • #7.1   The Elf

      This one is pretty brazen, but food disappearing from the communal fridge is sadly common. This is why I have an insulated lunch bag and keep my lunch at my desk.

      Feb 3, 2012 at 6:59 am   rating: 20  small thumbs up

       
    • #7.2   Jami

      I work in a public library and for awhile we have a problem with the janitors taking our food. One woman would keep a stock of frozen stuff in the freezer so she wouldn’t have to bring a lunch every day. Her pizzas would constantly disappear. One time our manager at the time brought a cake she baked for one of the volunteer’s birthdays and put it in the fridge for the next day. Now keep in mind this cake had the person’s name on it and was uncut and we all knew who it was for. Came in the next day and a huge slice had been taken out of the cake.

      These same ones used to bring their kids in with them. (Nevermind they’re often there to clean at 1 and 2 am.) We’d come in to find stickers all over the place, our stamps for discards and such used on the tables, etc.

      Feb 3, 2012 at 11:49 am   rating: 20  small thumbs up

       
    • #7.3   Lindsay

      Ugh, unfortuanately, yes, it can be common in offices. At my old office, we had numerous large fridges, and a staff of over 150. Someone put a full roast they had bought at the market in a fridge, to take home later and cook. And a person stole it!! That was the best story, but it was very common for food to go missing, as well as dishes, glasses, etc. that was cleaned and left in the kitchen to dry.

      At my office, one of the head honchos will eat my food from the fridge (I often leave snacks, like cheese, in case I get hungry). It’s not like he can’t afford it!!

      Feb 3, 2012 at 12:11 pm   rating: 16  small thumbs up

       
    • #7.4   Starfish

      Wow – what kind of fridge do you have at work that someone can put a full sized roast in it? Also that’s kind of equally disrespectful to take up 3/4 of the room in the fridge where other people might want to take stuff. I mean, I’m wondering if the roast wasn’t even the goal there, but a rude counter-rudeness effort.

      How many people brought roasts and put them in the fridge from then on? If none, I’d say lesson learned.

      And punish the food thief, buy those fat free Weight Watchers cheese sticks, that will learn him.

      Feb 3, 2012 at 2:32 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

       
    • #7.5   Ruth

      What are you on about, Starfish? I assume they bought the roast on their lunchbreak, which is when the fridge is emptied. No-one else would have wanted to store food in it at that point.

      As we are not told that someone removed the roast and replaced it with their own food, one can assume that this was just a disrespectful thief. No “counter-rudeness” involved.

      Feb 3, 2012 at 4:44 pm   rating: 23  small thumbs up

       
    • #7.6   OoogaBooga

      WOW! I had no idea that people did this. That’s as bad as going into someone’s wallet and stealing their money! Someone spent $5 or so on a sandwich, and you think you can just take it?!? What COMPLETE assholes! I’d flip my shit if that happened to me, and if I wasn’t reimbursed for what was stolen from me, I’d call the damn cops!

      More faith lost in humanity…

      Feb 4, 2012 at 9:25 am   rating: 17  small thumbs up

       
    • #7.7   Starfish

      Calling the cops would probably be kind of moot – given cases how they can’t catch people who rob say – banks at gunpoint, I doubt they’d really respond to a stolen lunch quest. ;)

      Also – the fridge being emptied at lunch time kind of assumes everyone works the same shift and has lunch at the same time. I mean, what if someone starts later than that person and is bringing dinner rather than lunch, and now there’s a huge roast in there?

      I guess I was mostly on about how communal frig etiquette involves more than just not stealing stuff. Things like – not taking up all the space, and – not leaving things in there until they grow legs and escape.

      Feb 4, 2012 at 9:33 am   rating: 3  small thumbs up

       
    • #7.8   OoogaBooga

      I’m pretty sure a stolen sandwich should be more important than a silly bank robbery :)

      Feb 4, 2012 at 10:56 am   rating: 4  small thumbs up

       
    • #7.9   Kathy

      How big do you think a roast is? It’s not like she said they put a cow in there. She also said they have LARGE fridges. So yeah, roast fits fine. Of course, none of that matters because people will just steal it anyway.

      Feb 4, 2012 at 4:25 pm   rating: 12  small thumbs up

       
    • #7.10   Canthz_B bang

      Would it be wrong of me to point out that there was no roast and the meal was not stolen from a fridge so we’re way off the point here?

      Feb 5, 2012 at 12:07 am   rating: 5  small thumbs up

       
    • #7.11   infanttyrone

      In #7.3 Lindsay shouldered the original sandwich & fries aside,
      Chuckin’ in a story from work ’bout meat on the wild side,
      We gotta get off the pot and give credit where due,
      We’ll even rib USPS, Michael & Magic if we got to…
      cause it’s plain to see
      The Roast is in the Post

      Feb 5, 2012 at 1:50 am   rating: 4  small thumbs up

       
    • #7.12   Kathy

      So no one can make a comment about a comment?

      Feb 5, 2012 at 4:13 am   rating: 7  small thumbs up

       
    • #7.13   Starfish

      I’m going for comment Inception, making a comment, about a comment, about a comment.

      Given that all our comments here aren’t going to magically catch the Hamburgler, I’m not really what’s “on point” for these comments. I thought they were open for the general peanut gallery to comment, commiserate, and ponder.

      Apparently, I was wrong.

      Feb 5, 2012 at 11:15 pm   rating: 4  small thumbs up

       
    • #7.14   Canthz_B bang

      You’re right…you’re wrong. ;-)

      Feb 6, 2012 at 4:16 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #8   spoko

    That’s spectacular. Can’t believe she had the patience & presence of mind to channel her anger like that. Me, I would have thrown the bag away, bought another sandwich, and complained to people about the incident for, oh, about two or three years.

    Feb 3, 2012 at 5:44 am   rating: 58  small thumbs up

    • #8.1   Dr.Chalkwitheringlicktacklefeff

      Your method would have resulted in you having a sandwich; her method resulted in her still not having a sandwich. I’d say your method shows more presence of mind.

      Feb 5, 2012 at 5:04 am   rating: 3  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #9   The Elf

    I bet the food thief was thinking “There were fries too? Awwwww, I missed that!”

    Feb 3, 2012 at 7:01 am   rating: 21  small thumbs up

     
  • #10   Dane Zeller

    Hmmm….those look like ketchup packages in the bag. That means she did have fries. But, notice the bag: there are no grease stains on it, the mark of quality fries. Furthermore the bag is not very big. Conclusion: either the sandwich was very small, or there were not many fries purchased. Clearly, the food was puny and second rate. Methinks the punishment has already been dealt.

    Feb 3, 2012 at 8:38 am   rating: 7  small thumbs up

    • #10.1   Sensible Madness bang

      That’s some fine police work there, Lou.

      Feb 3, 2012 at 10:22 am   rating: 16  small thumbs up

       
    • #10.2   Laina

      People be eating ketchup on sandwiches, too. Especially when “sandwich” can also mean “burger” to some people. Yanno?

      (That was horrible grammar and I apologize. I’ve been awake since 5am on less than 3 hours of sleep.)

      Feb 4, 2012 at 5:18 pm   rating: 4  small thumbs up

       
    • #10.3   Dr.Chalkwitheringlicktacklefeff

      You can have ketchup on stuff other than fries you know.

      Feb 5, 2012 at 5:05 am   rating: 3  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #11   Harmy G

    Is it just me, or does the picture of the “burger” look more like a tomato sandwich with lettuce and cheese?

    WHERE’S THE BEEF!?

    Feb 3, 2012 at 10:18 am   rating: 4  small thumbs up

     
  • #12   aaa bang

    Smart food thieves know you take somebody’s lunch before they start eating it, preferably while still in the refrigerator, sealed up in a lunch bag.

    Feb 3, 2012 at 11:52 am   rating: 3  small thumbs up

     
  • #13   aaa bang

    Also: I’m reminded of the time in high school that some asshole stole my lunch time can of Mello Yello out of my locker.

    Moral of the story: Always lock your locker and your fondness for relatively unpopular beverages isn’t nearly as unique as you think it is.

    Feb 3, 2012 at 11:58 am   rating: 6  small thumbs up

     
  • #14   GhostWriter bang

    I did you a favor.
    Those fries alone are 750 calories.

    Feb 3, 2012 at 1:33 pm   rating: 6  small thumbs up

    • #14.1   infanttyrone

      Voice of Shatner on a Boston Legal blooper collection:

      Jenny Craig ! Jenny Craig !

      Feb 3, 2012 at 7:02 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #15   Karl

    Only in America is a fat sandwich and a bag full of fries lunch.

    Feb 3, 2012 at 8:11 pm   rating: 4  small thumbs up

    • #15.1   Rectangle bang

      I’m not overweight and I see no problem with occasionally eating a sandwich and french fries for lunch. I do, however, have a problem with stuck up jerks who think it’s ok to make fun of someone because of what they eat for lunch. I’d rather be an overweight American eating good food than an arrogant asshole teasing someone about it.

      Feb 3, 2012 at 9:43 pm   rating: 59  small thumbs up

       
    • #15.2   OoogaBooga

      I live in the UK, and that’s a pretty damn common lunch here, too. Everything here is deep fried and unhealthy. Not only Americans are fat and unhealthy. Come to the UK and see the plethora of overweight people walking around!

      Feb 4, 2012 at 9:30 am   rating: 31  small thumbs up

       
    • #15.3   bookworm

      To be fair, only in America are workers barely given time to eat lunch.

      Feb 4, 2012 at 12:08 pm   rating: 27  small thumbs up

       
    • #15.4   OoogaBooga

      And are only given two weeks of holiday per year – but only after 5 years of service!

      Feb 4, 2012 at 12:22 pm   rating: 16  small thumbs up

       
    • #15.5   Nunavut Guy

      Americans is fat…………..really fat……..and they don’t get irony.

      Feb 4, 2012 at 6:03 pm   rating: 4  small thumbs up

       
    • #15.6   Canthz_B bang

      Karl wins the Lard Medal for going for the obvious, stereotypical, so-called joke!

      Feb 4, 2012 at 11:58 pm   rating: 8  small thumbs up

       
    • #15.7   Dr.Chalkwitheringlicktacklefeff

      Karl is right. That is all.

      I mean, it wasn’t funny; but it was accurate.

      Feb 5, 2012 at 5:08 am   rating: 2  small thumbs up

       
    • #15.8   Poltergeist

      So you’re saying that nobody in any other country has ever eaten a burger and fries for lunch? I’m having a hard time believing that one, especially since McDonald’s has successfully gone global.

      Feb 5, 2012 at 9:14 am   rating: 19  small thumbs up

       
    • #15.9   OoogaBooga

      Yep, Poltergeist… the line out the door at the McDonald’s near my work (in the UK) on a daily basis must be a mirage!

      Feb 5, 2012 at 4:30 pm   rating: 14  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #16   Nunavut Guy

    MMMMMMM…………Free sandwich.

    Feb 3, 2012 at 9:22 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

     
  • #17   Karen L.

    I brought the lunch thief at my work to a screeching halt by bringing in pasta topped with parmesan cheese every day for a week and letting him steal it….the following week I posted a note that I had mixed the parmesan cheese with the insides of my ped egg.

    Feb 3, 2012 at 10:04 pm   rating: 45  small thumbs up

    • #17.1   Poltergeist

      You know how people sometimes say that something is so ugly that it’s cute? Well, this was so disgusting that it’s sexy.

      Feb 4, 2012 at 11:51 am   rating: 15  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #18   Bookaddict

    @Karen L.: you are so awesome.
    new role model!
    @poltergeist: you really match your username quite well. Swooping in, being rude and vulgar, sounds pretty consistent.

    Feb 4, 2012 at 4:42 pm   rating: 3  small thumbs up

    • #18.1   Nunavut Guy

      Hey Polt can I borrow your cape?I got this bitch I wanna do some swoopin on.

      Feb 4, 2012 at 9:05 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
    • #18.2   Dr.Chalkwitheringlicktacklefeff

      New comment instead of reply makes Baby Jesus sad :(

      Feb 5, 2012 at 5:10 am   rating: 9  small thumbs up

       
    • #18.3   Poltergeist

      Thanks Bookaddict, I try :)
      And yes, you can borrow my cape for a fee. You’re also responsible for the drycleaning. Let me tell you though, it’s worth it.

      Feb 5, 2012 at 9:22 am   rating: 6  small thumbs up

       
    • #18.4   Nunavut Guy

      I have the matching shoes,still working on the mask though.

      Feb 5, 2012 at 10:29 am   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #19   Canthz_B bang

    Wait two hours then the check the restrooms.

    They don’t call it “fast food” for nothing you know.

    Feb 4, 2012 at 11:53 pm   rating: 5  small thumbs up

     
  • #20   Dr.Chalkwitheringlicktacklefeff

    Yeah, that’s fighting back. You sure showed them!

    People who work in marketing deserve to have their lunches eaten.

    Feb 5, 2012 at 5:11 am   rating: 0  small thumbs up

    • #20.1   infanttyrone

      Better their lunches get eaten than being on the Bill Hicks Special K Diet.

      Feb 5, 2012 at 1:33 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #21   havingfitz

    The worst ‘lunch theft’ I ever witnessed was a co-worker of mine who brought what was left of a bucket of chicken to work and left it in the fridge. He went to lunch and found a bucket full of chicken bones waiting for him. Another coworker felt sorry for him because he was so upset, and gave him a big pack of cookies: he left his desk for a moment and came back to find someone had stolen those as well…

    Feb 5, 2012 at 7:56 am   rating: 18  small thumbs up

    • #21.1   Poltergeist

      The only way this story could have a happy ending is if it involved the victimized co-worker being arrested for brutal homicide.

      Feb 5, 2012 at 9:28 am   rating: 10  small thumbs up

       
    • #21.2   Nunavut Guy

      I’ll bet your “co-worker” got his ass kicked in high school.

      Feb 5, 2012 at 10:50 am   rating: 0  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #22   havingfitz

    I don’t know about that: he was huge and only would have needed a Mohawk to look like Mr. T. He never got over that day though, I’d be working on something and overhear him telling a new employee “They took my damn cookies, too!”

    Feb 5, 2012 at 12:29 pm   rating: 11  small thumbs up

     
  • #23   Allergic_Vegetarian

    What would I have done to the fool who stole the food? As a “head honcho” I would have interviewed every single employee and asked them point blank if they stole it while looking straight into their eyes. If their eyes dilated, then I’d know they were guilty. After that, I’d give them a choice… pay the victim $20 Cash or I’m calling the police and having them arrested for alleged theft of another person’s property. I’d also remind them that if caught again, they will be fired.

    Feb 6, 2012 at 10:37 am   rating: 8  small thumbs up

    • #23.1   Jordie

      Your quotation marks say everything I could ever need to know about you.

      Feb 6, 2012 at 6:36 pm   rating: 8  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #24   Totally Awesome

    I think the crime scene is hilarious.

    Feb 22, 2012 at 12:41 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

     

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