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Happy Valentine’s Day, Airhead

February 15th, 2012 · 70 comments

Writes Sarah in Oregon: “My son was required to give a Valentine to every student in his class, whether they were a friend or not. I found this one among the pile. Obviously, Megan isn’t a friend.” (But maybe his super-mega-crush?)

To: Megan From: Jacob. What's your problem?!

related: What a heartbreaker

FILED UNDER: kids · Valentine's Day

70 responses so far ↓

  • #1   Wah?

    Okay, the PA aside which was cute…your school or his teacher requires that everyone get a card from everyone? WAH? Methinks my white butt would be at the school lodging a complaint. In fact I know I would be.
    Bet they don’t celebrate Halloween or Christmas do they? While Valentines used to be cute when you were a kid, it is 100% aimed at adults now. And if some kid doesn’t get a card…well boo hoo..Not everyone gets everything in life. Get over it. And did I mention it is based on religion? Valentine was one of several saints with a feast day around this time. Chaucer turned St. Valentine into an imprisoned unrequited lover and thus the legend was born..All Hail Hallmark!!

    Feb 15, 2012 at 10:20 am   rating: 6  small thumbs up

    • #1.1   Omnivore

      Get bent, already.
      This is how Valentine’s Day is celebrated in elementary schools.

      Feb 15, 2012 at 10:23 am   rating: 174  small thumbs up

    • #1.2   Leonna

      When I was a kid, we were required to do the same thing – so are my friend’s children. This way, there isn’t one child who receives one or two and someone else who receives a bunch more. it helps cut back on possible bullying. And they don’t mean everyone in school, just their class, so usually 20-30 kids. It’s no big deal, as most kid’s themed valentines are sold in packs of 20 or 25.

      Feb 15, 2012 at 10:32 am   rating: 106  small thumbs up

    • #1.3   shwo! bang

      You think it’s 100% aimed at adults now because YOU’RE an adult now. Sure, it’s a marketing fiesta for jewelry and flower companies. So what? So is everything else. Sure, it’s named after a Christian saint. So what? Thursday is named after Thor; are you going to bitch about the influence of ancient Norse mythology? You just sound bitter and cranky. Follow your own advice. Get over it.

      Feb 15, 2012 at 10:36 am   rating: 139  small thumbs up

    • #1.4   ddk23

      for 2 – 3 bucks you get cheap tiny cards with generic sayings that you pass out to everyone in class. not made by Hallmark. Been done for years.
      The Simpsons even featured this in an episode….”I choo choo chose you”

      I’m thinking you’re troll like and just trying to start something……or you really have no idea what the fark you’re talking about.

      Feb 15, 2012 at 11:22 am   rating: 61  small thumbs up

    • #1.5   moe

      I don’t use Get Bent nearly enough in my every day life. It has a nice ring to it.

      Feb 15, 2012 at 11:33 am   rating: 63  small thumbs up

    • #1.6   Jenn50

      My kids have been through 3 different schools, and every one has been the same. Nobody HAS to bring Valentine’s cards, but if you do, you bring them for every kid in your class. That was the way it was when I was little too. It costs $2 for 32 cards, and it’s a good exercise in printing and kindness for kids.

      Sounds like you’re just bitter because your school didn’t have the same policy and you got left out.

      Feb 15, 2012 at 11:33 am   rating: 65  small thumbs up

    • #1.7   fuzzbutt

      awww, did someone not get a valentine yesterday?

      Feb 15, 2012 at 11:33 am   rating: 50  small thumbs up

    • #1.8   Lil'

      It seems more reasonable to assume that the rule is “all or none”. I don’t think any school would require that students bring valentines, but that if you do bring valentines, you give one to each of your classmates.

      Feb 15, 2012 at 11:42 am   rating: 26  small thumbs up

    • #1.9   dixiechick

      Actually, Valentine’s Day is a mashup of several saints created by the Catholic church to replace the Roman holiday of Lupercalia, in which the men of the city ran mostly naked through the streets lashing women with strips of goat hide. The women often presented themselves to be lashed, because it was supposed to promote fertility. (It is occasionally useful to be a medievalist and know things like this.)

      Dunno about you, but I’d take 1st-grade PA over ritualized S&M any day.

      Feb 15, 2012 at 11:46 am   rating: 61  small thumbs up

    • #1.10   The Elf

      As the unpopular kid, I can say this from experience: it doesn’t matter how many valentines you get. You know they are “mandatory” and given under duress.

      Feb 15, 2012 at 11:46 am   rating: 40  small thumbs up

    • #1.11   brooks

      AS long as I’ve been in school, and now my kids, you give a valentine to everyone, or you don’t give them. The last thing teachers need to deal with is boo hooing or kids just being mean.

      Feb 15, 2012 at 11:49 am   rating: 25  small thumbs up

    • #1.12   The Elf

      I dunno, Dixiechick. Ritualized S&M has its moments!

      Feb 15, 2012 at 11:51 am   rating: 15  small thumbs up

    • #1.13   kate

      I’m with you Wah.

      I have never heard of a school making children give out valentines day cards, and I am a teacher.
      However this in the UK, maybe it’s different in the states.

      Feb 15, 2012 at 1:58 pm   rating: 7  small thumbs up

    • #1.14   angie

      I finished elementary school in 1986, and we were required to give one to everyone in our class, too. We have a Valentine’s Day party. When we were kids, you didn’t even put other kid’s names on them – you just made 28 or 30 or whatever and signed your name, and then during the party you put one in everybody’s decorated shoe box.

      Feb 15, 2012 at 6:52 pm   rating: 19  small thumbs up

    • #1.15   jadefirefly

      I got ten bucks says Wah? celebrates St. Patrick’s Day.

      Feb 15, 2012 at 11:46 pm   rating: 8  small thumbs up

    • #1.16   Wah?

      Wow what a bunch of haters. The submitter said they were REQUIRED. …Dude and Dudettes that is what the issue is. And not getting a valentine isn’t going to set you up for bullying..Teasing is not bullying..guess you guys need to get a life or something. Nothing passive in your aggression. But hey at least it is apparent you all had your coffee yesterday (see 2/16/2012 PA submission)

      Feb 16, 2012 at 5:28 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

    • #1.17   Wah?

      And you owe me $10 bucks.

      Feb 16, 2012 at 5:28 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

    • #1.18   L

      Yeah, in elementary school one popular little girl decided she hated me and she wanted to rest of the school to hate me. She succeeded pretty well.

      So if it hadn’t been required, I would have gotten probably 5 cards out of a class of 35.

      Feb 17, 2012 at 3:19 am   rating: 7  small thumbs up

    • #1.19   CR

      We were *required* to do the same thing in elementary school. And no one complained or got upset because everyone got free candy. Stop trying to screw up the only simple “holiday” left for the kids.

      Feb 19, 2012 at 11:39 pm   rating: 9  small thumbs up

    • #1.20   Dr.Chalkwitheringlicktacklefeff

      How will children ever learn about how horrible the world is if they’re not rejected and crushed early? If they all get a Valentine’s Day card, how will they separate out the popular well-liked children from the paste-eating mongoloids? It’ll be anarchy and no one will know where they stand in the heirachy!

      Feb 20, 2012 at 1:02 pm   rating: 6  small thumbs up

  • #2   sweet lova

    Mmmmm…..cherry flavour.

    Feb 15, 2012 at 10:32 am   rating: 7  small thumbs up

  • #3   Rectangle bang

    I should probably spend less time on the internet. Two things popped out at me after reading that awfully cute note:



    problem? :D


    Feb 15, 2012 at 10:42 am   rating: 13  small thumbs up

  • #4   JoAnne M.

    Basically, if you’re going to give a Valentine, they require you to give one to everyone, not just a few people. You’re not required to give Valentines at all. I don’t have a problem with this. When I was a kid, oh so many years ago, there was a rule that if you brought a treat to school, you had to bring enough for everyone. But kids just gave Valentine’s Day cards to the kids they liked. And no one gave candy back then. The cards were a little bigger and maybe came only 8 to a pack, but now it’s basically 32 tiny cards for a $1.99, so it’s not a big problem. My kid doesn’t give candy with hers, so it’s no big deal.

    Feb 15, 2012 at 11:30 am   rating: 11  small thumbs up

  • #5   Brillig

    Valentines are intended to say one of two things; a) I would like to see you naked or b) I am glad that I routinely get to see you naked.

    It’s not appropriate for this to be in schools. Hallmark is to blame, obviously. But regardless, *everyone* is everyone else’s sweetheart at this school? That’s plain bonkers.

    Feb 15, 2012 at 11:31 am   rating: 9  small thumbs up

    • #5.1   moe

      We (my family and friends) give valentines day treats to each other regardless of desire to see one another without pants. It’s just a fun day and an excuse to give people candy and goofy junk. It’s the jewelry and card companies that made it all sexed up.

      Feb 15, 2012 at 11:39 am   rating: 36  small thumbs up

    • #5.2   brooks

      Where did you grow up that you think elementary kids passing out valentines is bonkers? I mean as a kid, it was basically an excuse to have a little class party and get out of your seat. I don’t think the power rangers valentines my kid passed out led anyone in his class to think he was into them.

      Feb 15, 2012 at 11:52 am   rating: 36  small thumbs up

    • #5.3   lolsuz

      Brillig, YOU are just plain bonkers. We exchanged cheap-and-cheerful little Valentine’s tokens in class when I was little, and that was 40 years ago. (It was also “Give one to EVERYBODY”, too.) This was the norm for schools in my area at the time, still is today, and I see that’s also the case for lots of people posting on this thread.

      If Valentine’s cards are the sole province of expressing sexual interest, someone forgot to tell millions upon millions of parents and kids across this country over the past several decades.

      Or perhaps you’re totally self-absorbed and confuse personal perspective with reality. Which, to be fair, is a common problem in our culture. You might consider dropping the habit though. It sure causes a lot of problems for people.

      Feb 15, 2012 at 11:58 am   rating: 25  small thumbs up

    • #5.4   Dusa

      uhhh what? No it’s not. That’s like saying you can’t do anything with your parents for valentines day because you’re family/it’s platonic.

      Feb 15, 2012 at 2:29 pm   rating: 7  small thumbs up

    • #5.5   A Pedant

      This has to be a US/UK cultural difference. To me it’s wierd to be introducing Valentines to elementary/primary school kids.

      And I think any British person would be totally freaked out to get a Valentines card or gift from a parent/child/sibling. It’s not totally sexual, but it is totally about romance. No one I was at school with was even interested in exchanging valentines until early teens.

      Feb 15, 2012 at 5:25 pm   rating: 9  small thumbs up

    • #5.6   angie

      It’s definitely a UK/US thing, because as a kid my dad not only got my mom flowers, but I always got flowers on Valentine’s Day, too. It’s a LOVE thing, not a sexual thing. Or romance.

      Feb 15, 2012 at 6:54 pm   rating: 21  small thumbs up

    • #5.7   jadefirefly

      What school did you go to? Pull your head out of the sand and read the rest of the comments – this is NORMAL in elementary schools, and has been for 20+ years.

      Feb 15, 2012 at 11:48 pm   rating: 7  small thumbs up

    • #5.8   Wah?

      exactly my point

      Feb 16, 2012 at 5:29 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

    • #5.9   Dr.Chalkwitheringlicktacklefeff

      What about “I would like to see you naked at the appropriate time, when enough time has elapsed that we can reasonably expect to see one-another naked and enjoy it within the confines set by the law and our biological developmend. This only applies on the assumption that you don’t get fat in the intervening years”?

      Feb 20, 2012 at 1:04 pm   rating: 3  small thumbs up

  • #6   blue

  • #7   The Elf

    For kids or for adults, I don’t care. It’s a pretty lame holiday.

    My husband and I celebrate love every day, frequently in the morning to annoy our neighbors. I don’t really need a day for it.

    Feb 15, 2012 at 11:50 am   rating: 26  small thumbs up

    • #7.1   unsatisfied

      so, YOU’RE the “moaner”.

      Feb 15, 2012 at 8:24 pm   rating: 14  small thumbs up

    • #7.2   The Elf

      I’m pleased to meet you. I’d groan your name tomorrow morning, but I think my partner might get the wrong idea.

      Feb 16, 2012 at 11:27 am   rating: 4  small thumbs up

  • #8   Lacerbeam

    It isn’t inappropriate for anyone without your perverted views on a harmless fun day.

    Feb 15, 2012 at 11:58 am   rating: 4  small thumbs up

  • #9   b.

    I really wonder what the front looks like. This made me laugh! Thx.

    Feb 15, 2012 at 12:48 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

  • #10   Brillig

    I’m guessing you’re American, lolsuz. That seems to be where the notion of Valentine’s day is most cheapened.

    Feb 15, 2012 at 12:50 pm   rating: 3  small thumbs up

    • #10.1   Jordie

      I’m guessing you’re a pretentious douchebag who stereotypes people based solely on their location

      Oh wait, that wasn’t a guess.

      Flikker op.

      Feb 15, 2012 at 1:08 pm   rating: 29  small thumbs up

    • #10.2   Poltergeist

      Meanwhile, in the rest of the civilized world, Valentines Day is treated as a sacred holiday?

      Feb 24, 2012 at 1:36 pm   rating: 3  small thumbs up

  • #11   Noelegy

    I don’t know how old the kids are, but I’m willing to bet Jason actually likes Megan and is going through the “girls are icky” phase of life.

    Feb 15, 2012 at 1:01 pm   rating: 8  small thumbs up

    • #11.1   Noelegy

      Excuse me…Jacob! I don’t know how I got “Jason” out of that.

      Feb 16, 2012 at 2:51 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

    • #11.2   Jessi

      @Noelegy, you got “Jason” from “Jacob” in the exact same way that students I have in class for months at a time get “Jennifer” from “Jessica” – the two names are quite common, and you’re a human being. We all make mistakes. :-)

      Feb 19, 2012 at 4:39 am   rating: 0  small thumbs up

  • #12   Sarah

    I am Jacob’s mom and he is 10 years old to those who were wondering. And yes, his school does have have an “all or none” policy. Bring a card to everyone or don’t bring cards at all. I have no problem with it, I think that is the way it should be. Megan responded, btw. I submitted it just now, hopefully it gets posted! It’s equally as funny and cute.

    Feb 15, 2012 at 1:58 pm   rating: 42  small thumbs up

    • #12.1   The Elf

      I love that he properly used an interrobang.

      Feb 15, 2012 at 2:12 pm   rating: 11  small thumbs up

  • #13   Atheist Scum Unite!

    I get so annoyed at the people who hate on Valentine’s Day. I get that it’s over-commercialized. I get that it’s a gold mine for card, flower, and jewelry companies. But guess what? You don’t have to participate! So let me enjoy my “Terrific Lady Day” and stop hatin’ on me! GAWD!!!

    And please spare me the deets on how you and your sweetie pie exchange gifts and lovies all year long, and how you are so “above it” because I think I just vomited in my mouth.

    How’s that for a PA rant?


    Feb 15, 2012 at 2:51 pm   rating: 42  small thumbs up

    • #13.1   bookworm

      I’m sorry, are you talking about Cheap Chocolate Eve? Because that’s the holiday I celebrated.

      Feb 15, 2012 at 4:20 pm   rating: 37  small thumbs up

    • #13.2   Atheist Scum Unite!

      If you mean that you went the day after Valentine’s to score the discounted candy, then
      *high five* you gangsta ass gangsta.

      Feb 15, 2012 at 6:59 pm   rating: 18  small thumbs up

    • #13.3   melts in your ear

      Sorry – a day late and 3+ decades short, but this is for terrific you.

      Feb 15, 2012 at 7:29 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

    • #13.4   Just Dropping By

      Cheap Chocolate Eve, that’s so great!

      Gotta remember that one …

      And here I thought I was being clever when I woke my DD up in the morning and pointed out what the Valentine’s Bunny had left her.

      Feb 15, 2012 at 8:19 pm   rating: 3  small thumbs up

    • #13.5   unsatisfied

      you know what makes me vomit in my mouth?


      awful, just awful.

      Feb 15, 2012 at 8:36 pm   rating: 3  small thumbs up

    • #13.6   Jessi

      Shouldn’t Valentine’s Day be about how awesome you are as a couple? It’s supposed to be all about love, not just about you.*

      As for your rant, your aggressive could use a bit more passive.

      *The fact that you call it your “Terrific Lady Day” shows that you don’t actually get the point.

      Feb 19, 2012 at 4:46 am   rating: 1  small thumbs up

    • #13.7   Atheist Scum Unite!

      No, the fact that I call it “Terrific Lady Day” means I watch “The League.” It’s a TV show about a group of friends who play fantasy football together.

      That’s okay, thanks for playing!

      Feb 21, 2012 at 9:27 am   rating: 4  small thumbs up

  • #14   Ajax

    I like that Jacob. He’ll go far.

    Feb 15, 2012 at 6:08 pm   rating: 4  small thumbs up

  • #15   Kirsten

    I’m a teacher in an Australian school. I think this is definitely a cultural thing, because it isn’t done here, and never has been as far as I know. When I was a kid we didn’t give each other Valentines either.

    I wouldn’t have a problem with my kids giving each other Valentines, but none of them ever has. I think it’s kind of sweet but it’s just not really the done thing here.

    Feb 16, 2012 at 12:53 am   rating: 6  small thumbs up

  • #16   RubeMcCube

    OK, so we established that in the UK, Valentine’s Day means romantic love between adults, in the USA means love in general, and in the creepy Orwellian world of elementary school it means absolutely nothing because you must TREAT EVERYONE EXACTLY THE SAME. I think it’s only because you’ve all grown up with this, that you fail to realise what a peculiarly Maoist institution that is for a country with such a low approval rating for socialism. I bet it all started in the 60′s and 70′s with a few commies on the school board… As an aside, here in Finland where I currently live, it’s officially friend’s day, but seems to be heavily influenced by Valentines day, so that I should get my friend a card with a big pink heart on the front: that would be awkward if I wasn’t so unpopular.

    Feb 16, 2012 at 3:48 am   rating: 7  small thumbs up

    • #16.1   The Elf

      Oh, it’s total fail. And the kids that are not “exactly the same” know it, and know the policy of Valentines (or treats) for everyone or no one is lip service. And the popular kids know it, and use it for yet another tool to reinforce their position at the top. The social strata continues, with bullying to enforce the positions.

      But I’m not sure if the alternative of so obviously showing popularity is much better either. School in general is a kind of weird, unrealistic world. Whether you treat everyone the same or let the chips fall as they may won’t change that.

      Feb 16, 2012 at 7:10 am   rating: 6  small thumbs up

    • #16.2   Jessi

      I wasn’t popular ever, but I loved Valentine’s in grade-school. I never gave them myself, but the popular kids who disliked me had to give them to me. I wasted their time *and* they had to give me candy!

      Feb 19, 2012 at 4:52 am   rating: 5  small thumbs up

    • #16.3   sparkle

      Equal treatment is commie?

      Whoah, I need to visit the US more often.

      Feb 19, 2012 at 11:23 am   rating: 3  small thumbs up

    • #16.4   Poltergeist

      If the Haves wold have just given some candy to the Have-nots, Communism might have been more successful.

      Feb 24, 2012 at 1:46 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

  • #17   C

    @Sarah – Megan responded?


    I’m really curious.

    Feb 17, 2012 at 12:07 pm   rating: 3  small thumbs up

    • #17.1   Sarah

      Well, she took the card and then walked to her desk. Returned a few minutes later with a little card of her own and on the bottom wrote: “P.S. whats your problem?” All I could think was: Touché, Megan! Touché.

      Feb 17, 2012 at 8:27 pm   rating: 10  small thumbs up

  • #18   sparkle


    Is Megan pretty? Does she play with comic books and action figures/ video games and computer games? This means he likes her. Her problem is probably that she doesn’t like Batman.


    Feb 19, 2012 at 11:27 am   rating: 3  small thumbs up

  • #19   Alex

    OK, so we established that in the UK, Valentine’s Day means romantic love between adults, in the USA means love in general, and in the creepy Orwellian world of elementary school it means absolutely nothing because you must TREAT EVERYONE EXACTLY THE SAME.

    Feb 20, 2012 at 10:47 am   rating: 1  small thumbs up

    • #19.1   Dr.Chalkwitheringlicktacklefeff

      Even the ugly kids. I kind of wish it had been like that when I was at school. The only Valentines Day cards I have ever received are from my now wife, who I’ve been with since i was 21. Adolesence was a lonely time.

      Feb 20, 2012 at 1:09 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

    • #19.2   RubeMcCube


      Feb 21, 2012 at 5:13 am   rating: 0  small thumbs up

    • #19.3   RubeMcCube

      I was that unpopular kid too, but I don’t wish it had been different. That sense of alienation form my peers is useful in dispelling any guilt I might otherwise feel for riding roughshod over them, in the pursuit of personal gain ;o)

      Feb 21, 2012 at 5:19 am   rating: 2  small thumbs up


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