(These parentheses are making my brain hurt)

February 21st, 2012 · 38 comments

Michael says this chaotic jumble of parenthetical-underlined-CAPSLOCK has been up since he started working at this California sushi restaurant, much to his amusement.

Adds Michael: “I don’t care how much a customer tips me, I am not going to satisfy all of their needs.” (So, no rice dicks, then?)

WHAT ARE YOU DOING RIGHT NOW? (Personal phone calls during business hours) (Are you bothering others while they are working) (Too much fooling around and not paying attention to the customer) WHAT DO YOU THINK WOULD MAKE YOUR JOB EASIER?!!!! WHAT ARE YOU THINKING? (Taking care of customer) (Direct to customer with a kind and calm voice) (Satisfying all of your customers' needs) DO IT RIGHT NOW! (PLEASE DO NOT BE LAZY) (DO NOT WAIT UNTIL TOMORROW, DO IT NOW

Honestly, it’s that last missing parenthesis that really gets me. Just close it up! Do it now!

related: Under no circumstances shall any chef make a Rice Dick.

FILED UNDER: bizarro spacing · bold-underlined-caps · California · CAPS LOCK · confusion??? · restaurant · You call that punctuation?

38 responses so far ↓

  • #1   Mishee

    This is like a bad Meatloaf song.

    Feb 21, 2012 at 5:21 pm   rating: 17  small thumbs up

    • #1.1   infanttyrone

      Could be a good Laurie Anderson song.
      Paging Server Sharkey, white courtesy bento box please!

      Feb 21, 2012 at 6:52 pm   rating: 7  small thumbs up

    • #1.2   unsatisfied

      is there a good meat loaf song?

      Feb 22, 2012 at 9:04 am   rating: 4  small thumbs up

    • #1.3   Noelegy

      Except there are no bad Meatloaf songs!

      Okay, maybe that one he did with Cher.

      Feb 22, 2012 at 12:39 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

  • #2   Helvis

    There are good Meatloaf songs?!

    Feb 21, 2012 at 5:31 pm   rating: 10  small thumbs up

    • #2.1   FeRD bang

      Even a bad Meatloaf song is better than a gigglebrax!

      Feb 21, 2012 at 10:33 pm   rating: 9  small thumbs up

  • #3   ANkh

    How could anyone speak with a calm voice after reading that?

    Feb 21, 2012 at 5:50 pm   rating: 6  small thumbs up

  • #4   Captain Hampton


    Feb 21, 2012 at 6:21 pm   rating: 16  small thumbs up

    • #4.1   looney

      You go NOW!

      Feb 27, 2012 at 6:35 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

  • #5   lilgreenfish

    I’m very confused as to what this is trying to say. I’m guessing it’s what to think about when servers complain about low tips, but…even that doesn’t totally help.

    Feb 21, 2012 at 6:24 pm   rating: 3  small thumbs up

    • #5.1   unsatisfied

      if you’ve tried to read a sushi restaurant menu before, then you’d understand.

      Feb 22, 2012 at 9:05 am   rating: 2  small thumbs up

  • #6   Brian H

    If I’m a customer there I would want the staff to be doing what is on the memo. Heaven forfend the staff be reminded to give good service.

    Feb 21, 2012 at 6:55 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

    • #6.1   Goju Suzi

      There is a difference, though, between “don’t be a dick, make the customer feel good enough that they’ll come back” and that pile of eye-blistering gibberish.

      Feb 21, 2012 at 7:22 pm   rating: 18  small thumbs up

    • #6.2   FeRD bang

      What Goju said. There’s also a difference between expecting your employees to be customer-focused and on-task, and assuming they’re not going to be, or that they need to be constantly reminded with a posted coredump of what I assume is the manager/owner’s usual taskmastery. Most of which, judging by the RED ALL-CAPS, is delivered in a shrill holler.


      (…See how annoying that is?) ;)

      Feb 21, 2012 at 10:40 pm   rating: 19  small thumbs up

    • #6.3   Dr.Chalkwitheringlicktacklefeff

      It’s the “What are you thinking?” part that gets me. It’s so satisfying doing a job that you hate for very little money that you’d best not even dare to be day-dreaming about dinosaurs or lesbians or something; concentrate on the matter at hand (servicing your customers’ myriad needs).

      Personally, when I go to a sushi restaurant I don’t really care if the staff have a glazed half-dead look in their eyes and if they move like zombies. I only really have one need when I go to a sushi restaurant; sushi.

      Feb 25, 2012 at 5:13 am   rating: 2  small thumbs up

  • #7   Angie

    OMG, if anyone has worked for the Omaha restauranteur Ron Popp (Garden Cafe, then Wheatfields) you have seen signs ALL over the restaurant. My favorite was “Keep your uniform clean and pressed! This isn’t Denny’s!”

    Feb 21, 2012 at 7:54 pm   rating: 6  small thumbs up

    • #7.1   FeRD bang

      “This isn’t Denny’s!”? Ooh, lookit Big Papa Popp, all superior. That makes me want to stop in there so I could ask for directions to the nearest Denny’s! Repeatedly.

      (However, as it’s 1300 miles from here to Omaha, and I’ve never even been to Nebraska, I probably won’t be doing that.)

      Feb 21, 2012 at 11:40 pm   rating: 10  small thumbs up

    • #7.2   clumber

      Ferd, I would gladly contribute to your crusade. You have a paypal acct? Any chance you’d film it for a YT series? (the crusade to make papapoop annoyed, not the paypal acct. that’d be a DULL film…)


      Feb 22, 2012 at 1:31 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

    • #7.3   infanttyrone

      Maybe we could locate our own Omaha denizen, Numb Nuts, and hire her to star in these proposed Popping in on Popp movies.

      If she chose to use the money to get her car fixed up we could change the title to From Popp to Pep Boys.

      And it’s too bad that guy doesn’t own a sushi restaurant in Omaha…
      we could get a flash mob to converge demanding RON POPP EEL.

      Feb 22, 2012 at 1:47 pm   rating: 3  small thumbs up

  • #8   Nick

    (Not really thinking at all)
    (Doesn’t understand parentheses)
    (How can he improve on this mess?)

    Feb 21, 2012 at 8:01 pm   rating: 44  small thumbs up

  • #9   Britts

    The formatting starts getting more intense as it goes along :P

    Feb 21, 2012 at 9:06 pm   rating: 6  small thumbs up

  • #10   Mrs.Beasley

    Laugh if you want, guys, but this is exactly how e.e. cummings got his start.

    Feb 21, 2012 at 9:49 pm   rating: 8  small thumbs up

    • #10.1   FeRD bang




      Feb 21, 2012 at 10:44 pm   rating: 11  small thumbs up

  • #11   Sir Puke

    Honestly, it’s that last missing parenthesis that really gets me. Just close it up! Do it now!
    You can find a last missing parenthesis everywhere. Newspapers and magazines are guilty. Whatever happened to editors?

    Feb 21, 2012 at 11:48 pm   rating: 5  small thumbs up

    • #11.1   Noelegy

      Short answer? Everyone assumes that everything can be done with spell check. :(

      Feb 22, 2012 at 12:42 pm   rating: 6  small thumbs up

    • #11.2   Poltergeist

      Parentheses have a place but not on your face!

      Feb 24, 2012 at 1:25 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

  • #12   JME

    Is that written in Lisp?

    Feb 22, 2012 at 12:05 am   rating: 3  small thumbs up

    • #12.1   infanttyrone

      I don’t think Lisp would compile with that missing bracket.

      Doesn’t look like COBOL.
      Doesn’t look like ALGOL.
      But, it might be HALDOL. (If not, it looks like it could use a dose.)

      Or the NASA version, HALDOL 9000…

      Feb 22, 2012 at 1:14 am   rating: 14  small thumbs up

  • #13   ian in hamburg

    Good choice yes for engrish.com also too.

    Feb 22, 2012 at 12:52 am   rating: 3  small thumbs up

  • #14   kermit

    Actually, this sign would be extremely appropriate if pasted in all library study rooms and carrels.

    Sometimes you need a stern reminder that you’re goofing off or procrastinating instead of studying, and the exclamation points may really do the trick.

    Feb 22, 2012 at 5:24 am   rating: 2  small thumbs up

  • #15   Dane Zeller

    (Berated all employees?)
    (Found the exclamation mark on the keyboard?)
    (Bookmarked Career Builder for placing ad?)

    Feb 22, 2012 at 8:10 am   rating: 3  small thumbs up

  • #16   Atheist Scum Unite!


    Having a different boss.

    Feb 22, 2012 at 8:49 am   rating: 15  small thumbs up

    • #16.1   unsatisfied


      Feb 22, 2012 at 9:08 am   rating: 8  small thumbs up

    • #16.2   clumber



      Feb 22, 2012 at 1:32 pm   rating: 14  small thumbs up

    • #16.3   unsatisfied


      Feb 23, 2012 at 11:18 am   rating: 4  small thumbs up

  • #17   rust

    This reminds me of that one guy who used to be on livejournal back in the day (and I’ve heard of him on other sites). He was always upset because he expected the most perfect service at restaurants, and would comment on customers_suck about how the OP didn’t do things right. He always write way too much and used caps and punctuation and bolding wrong constantly. It’s like, he wanted to emphasize one sentence but then wanted to emphasize a part of that sentence but also a word in that section of that sentence. He uh… stood out.

    Feb 22, 2012 at 9:52 am   rating: 3  small thumbs up

  • #18   clumber


    and just for good measure


    Feb 22, 2012 at 1:33 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

  • #19   J M

    Was this written by the kid who dropped out of the Introduction to Emacs Lisp after the second day?

    Feb 24, 2012 at 8:24 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up


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