When it comes to this particular student share house, “It seems that the pure, unadulterated essence of corporate greed is found in forgetting to turn of the tap,” our submitter writes. “Clearly, society is a snarky bitch.”
P.S. Corporate Muppet, you say?
related: A not-so-friendly handshake
53 responses so far ↓
#1
littlegaijin
Corporate MUPPET? anyone else get the image of Kermit in a suit?
Feb 26, 2012 at 8:03 pm rating: 35
#2
Guy Paul
Jeez, I wonder what kind of note Louise gets for watching Fox News?
Feb 26, 2012 at 8:05 pm rating: 23
#3
anysnail
why he gotta drag muppets into this? jim henson was a saint!
Feb 26, 2012 at 8:09 pm rating: 31
#4
Rei
Squander is not a noun. Speaking of squandering, think of all the trees you kill by writing passive aggressive notes instead of being an adult and just talking to the person you have a problem with. And by the way, it’s corporate puppet, you assclown.
Feb 26, 2012 at 8:25 pm rating: 33
#5
makfan
I have read this three times, and nothing but WTF comes to mind. And yeah, squander is not a noun. Set the world ablaze with squander?
Feb 26, 2012 at 8:27 pm rating: 4
#6
sea hag
Society- You forgot to pay your part of the rent again. And “having a drum circle” is not an acceptable form of payment.
Feb 26, 2012 at 8:43 pm rating: 41
#7
Mrs.Beasley
Is this written in code?
Feb 26, 2012 at 8:46 pm rating: 5
#8
Quite Contrary
Dear Society, you couldn’t fit your self-righteousness on to one piece of paper? Really?
Feb 26, 2012 at 8:49 pm rating: 22
#9
Sesquipedalian
And as the world burned, Kermit lounged in his pinstripe suit as the water poured from the taps into his indoor lily pond. He laughed madly at the twists of fortune that had drowned Miss Piggy, brought him Louise, and turned his dream of the Rainbow Connection into the cause of civilization’s conflagration in an anarcho-corporatist hell—laughed, flushed gratuitously, and began dreaming of what he would extort next from hapless masses and their witless President Gonzo.
Feb 26, 2012 at 8:53 pm rating: 76
#10
infanttyrone
That first sentence is long and cluttered, and breaking up is hard to do.
The comma usage was as perfect as the werewolf’s hair at Trader Vic’s.
Comma, comma, down do be do down, down
Neil Sedaka
(Giving it four green stars at the PANomatopoeia awards )
Feb 26, 2012 at 10:07 pm rating: 6
#11
infanttyrone
Janis Ian never seemed like the Elvis giving away brand new Cadillacs to complete strangers type of person, but you’d think at least she would have bought her Mom a house.
Maybe this is a niece or a cousin who was named after Mom.
Feb 26, 2012 at 10:16 pm rating: 0
#12
Kore
Turn off the tap…to the toilet? I’m confused.
Feb 26, 2012 at 10:44 pm rating: 6
#13
Pseudony Mousie
Forget the content of the note; I’m in love with the handwriting. That’s either a bastard son of Comic Sans (printed on graph paper) or someone who writes words on paper for a living. It’s beautiful.
Feb 26, 2012 at 10:46 pm rating: 21
#14
cafn8d
At least Louise washed her hands, which is more than can be said for much of Society. Whose path is destructive?
Feb 26, 2012 at 11:56 pm rating: 2
#15
JK
It’s not easy being green.
Feb 26, 2012 at 11:56 pm rating: 21
#16
Hmmm
Are we sure this isn’t one of those people who runs water while on the toilet to cover bathroom sounds? Because that would totally justify the multiple pages.
Feb 27, 2012 at 1:21 am rating: 11
#17
SeeYouInTea
As Miss Piggy said, “Greed—for lack of a better word, is good.”
Feb 27, 2012 at 1:32 am rating: 0
#18
Kieron
I surmise that “squander” was mistakenly substituted for “squalor.”
Feb 27, 2012 at 6:01 am rating: 6
#19
AlfaCowboy
I appreciate the muppets on a much deeper level than you.
Feb 27, 2012 at 7:29 am rating: 1
#20
Dane Zeller
Is it possible that some anal-compulsive person with crayons and graph paper,using only capital letters, has taught several of us that “squander” can be a noun?
I think so.
Feb 27, 2012 at 7:39 am rating: 16
#21
hellertrek
The note is obnoxious, but how do you forget to turn off the faucet after washing your hands? Everyone in that house sounds like a nightmare to live with, including Louise.
Feb 27, 2012 at 11:51 am rating: 2
#22
Will
My utility is a community-owned non-profit, so does that make it socially acceptable to leave the water running?
Feb 27, 2012 at 12:28 pm rating: 2
#23
MuppetMaster
Apparently someone forgot to take their happy pills. I fail to see how water will set the world ablaze. If anything they are doing the water utility a favor by reducing the concentration of the pollutants in municipal water recycling facility.
Next time the person should just say something simple, basic and human like “hey, you left the water running, i turned it off for you.”
People forget lights and occasionally leave the water running, get over it.
I think the original author just needs to get laid.
Feb 27, 2012 at 12:33 pm rating: 6
#24
bitchy the dwarf
Louise needs to put up her own note saying “do you really wanna hear me taking a raging dump?” and then proceed to take the biggest whoopie cushion she can find into the bathroom every time…. even to pee
Feb 27, 2012 at 12:49 pm rating: 2
#25
Kathleen
Where I work, the small restroom is right off the common area and noise does carry. Most of the women I work with run the water in the sink the entire time they are toileting to cover the sounds of their bodily functions.
Feb 27, 2012 at 1:09 pm rating: 3
#26
Boo Radley
I bet it has a drip. Instead of bitching, Society’s Anus here could call a plumber.
Feb 27, 2012 at 1:49 pm rating: 2
#27
angie
I am totally offended that the British use “Muppet” as an insult. A muppet is a wonderful, awesome thing that should be held in highest regard!
Feb 27, 2012 at 8:18 pm rating: 9
#28
Saturday
Thanks Kathleen for reminding me how coy people can be about something natural as going to the lav.
And Muppet is a great slur , it marries so well with other insults . ***k muppet evokes up some wonderfully disturbing images
Society 1 Mindless Corporate Muppets 0
Yes the writer should have spoken to Louise but can’t side on corporate on principal
Feb 28, 2012 at 9:46 am rating: 2
#29
DrChalkwitheringlicktacklefeff
That’s stupid. You can’t set the world ablaze by leaving a tap running. In fact, I’d say it would do the exact opposite and make the world a slightly soggier place.
Mar 1, 2012 at 7:47 am rating: 1
#30
sparkle
This is the best story ever. (A bit long, though)
Louise is clearly a professional muppet-badass, and the rest of Society has turned aquatic and and her room-mate is lone ranger is using the awesome power of a thesaurus and dictionary to fight “the man.”
Mar 3, 2012 at 7:02 pm rating: 0
#31
sparkle
STICK IT TO THE MAN SOCIETY, STICK IT TO THE MAN!
Mar 3, 2012 at 7:03 pm rating: 0
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