The slippery slope is slippery

February 26th, 2012 · 53 comments

When it comes to this particular student share house, “It seems that the pure, unadulterated essence of corporate greed is found in forgetting to turn of the tap,” our submitter writes. “Clearly, society is a snarky bitch.”

Louise, not everyone has chosen the same destructive path as you have, mindless corporate MUPPET, and not everyone wants to set the world ablaze with greed, extortion and squander. So please, next time you use the toilet, turn the tap off. Many thanks, Society

P.S. Corporate Muppet, you say?

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

related: A not-so-friendly handshake

FILED UNDER: bathroom · roommates · The Earth · U.K.


53 responses so far ↓

  • #1   littlegaijin

    Corporate MUPPET? anyone else get the image of Kermit in a suit?

    Feb 26, 2012 at 8:03 pm   rating: 36  small thumbs up

    • #1.1   Danielle

      Kermit in a suit would be ADORABLE!

      Feb 27, 2012 at 8:11 pm   rating: 7  small thumbs up

       
    • #1.2   NOOOOO

      Watch The Muppets Take Manhattan.

      Feb 27, 2012 at 10:25 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #2   Guy Paul

    Jeez, I wonder what kind of note Louise gets for watching Fox News?

    Feb 26, 2012 at 8:05 pm   rating: 24  small thumbs up

     
  • #3   anysnail

    why he gotta drag muppets into this? jim henson was a saint!

    Feb 26, 2012 at 8:09 pm   rating: 31  small thumbs up

    • #3.1   a-Arialist

      Here in the UK, we use ‘muppet’ as ‘fecking mindless idiot’, basically.

      Feb 27, 2012 at 3:05 am   rating: 22  small thumbs up

       
    • #3.2   looney

      Maybe they’re talking about the sell-out Disney version of the Muppets?

      Feb 27, 2012 at 5:44 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #4   Rei

    Squander is not a noun. Speaking of squandering, think of all the trees you kill by writing passive aggressive notes instead of being an adult and just talking to the person you have a problem with. And by the way, it’s corporate puppet, you assclown.

    Feb 26, 2012 at 8:25 pm   rating: 36  small thumbs up

    • #4.1   Sesquipedalian

      Ahem. http://dictionary.reference.com/browse/squander

      Feb 26, 2012 at 8:31 pm   rating: 23  small thumbs up

       
    • #4.2   hil

      Main Entry: Squander
      Function: noun
      Date: 1709
      : an act of squandering

      Feb 26, 2012 at 9:39 pm   rating: 19  small thumbs up

       
    • #4.3   SilentPsycho

      Actually, muppet works just as well. It’s British slang for ‘brainless idiot’.

      Feb 27, 2012 at 3:05 pm   rating: 9  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #5   makfan bang

    I have read this three times, and nothing but WTF comes to mind. And yeah, squander is not a noun. Set the world ablaze with squander?

    Feb 26, 2012 at 8:27 pm   rating: 4  small thumbs up

     
  • #6   sea hag

    Society- You forgot to pay your part of the rent again. And “having a drum circle” is not an acceptable form of payment.

    Feb 26, 2012 at 8:43 pm   rating: 41  small thumbs up

     
  • #7   Mrs.Beasley

    Is this written in code?

    Feb 26, 2012 at 8:46 pm   rating: 5  small thumbs up

     
  • #8   Quite Contrary

    Dear Society, you couldn’t fit your self-righteousness on to one piece of paper? Really?

    Feb 26, 2012 at 8:49 pm   rating: 23  small thumbs up

    • #8.1   jadefirefly

      This. I came in to say exactly this. If we’re going to bitch about excessive waste, why would we use more paper than is absolutely necessary?!

      Feb 26, 2012 at 11:23 pm   rating: 8  small thumbs up

       
    • #8.2   unsatisfied

      or, why waste any paper, for that matter?

      Feb 27, 2012 at 7:50 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #9   Sesquipedalian

    And as the world burned, Kermit lounged in his pinstripe suit as the water poured from the taps into his indoor lily pond. He laughed madly at the twists of fortune that had drowned Miss Piggy, brought him Louise, and turned his dream of the Rainbow Connection into the cause of civilization’s conflagration in an anarcho-corporatist hell—laughed, flushed gratuitously, and began dreaming of what he would extort next from hapless masses and their witless President Gonzo.

    Feb 26, 2012 at 8:53 pm   rating: 78  small thumbs up

    • #9.1   Silence

      I bow down to you, Sir or Madam.

      Feb 27, 2012 at 1:02 am   rating: 2  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #10   infanttyrone

    That first sentence is long and cluttered, and breaking up is hard to do.
    The comma usage was as perfect as the werewolf’s hair at Trader Vic’s.
    Comma, comma, down do be do down, down
    Neil Sedaka
    (Giving it four green stars at the PANomatopoeia awards )

    Feb 26, 2012 at 10:07 pm   rating: 6  small thumbs up

    • #10.1   Noelegy

      Not terribly long ago, I saw a bumper sticker which read, “I saw a werewolf drinking a pina colada at Trader Vic’s, and his hair was perfect.”

      Made me grin for the rest of my commute.

      Feb 27, 2012 at 4:36 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

       
    • #10.2   infanttyrone

      Some songs make me think my bias against subwoofers-on-wheels should be downgraded to a negative predisposition with case-by-case exceptions.
      Aaahoo ! RIP WZ

      Feb 27, 2012 at 10:00 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #11   infanttyrone

    Janis Ian never seemed like the Elvis giving away brand new Cadillacs to complete strangers type of person, but you’d think at least she would have bought her Mom a house.

    Maybe this is a niece or a cousin who was named after Mom.

    Feb 26, 2012 at 10:16 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

     
  • #12   Kore

    Turn off the tap…to the toilet? I’m confused.

    Feb 26, 2012 at 10:44 pm   rating: 6  small thumbs up

    • #12.1   Nandaro

      Britspeak. Tap = faucet, toilet = washroom. “The next time you use the washroom, [and you use the sink,] don’t leave the tap running.”

      Sounds like Louise knows to wash her hands, which, Society, puts her ahead of most of the pack. And where do you get off using THREE different colours of marker, you ink hound?

      Feb 27, 2012 at 12:36 am   rating: 21  small thumbs up

       
    • #12.2   Hmmm

      How does changing colors use more ink?

      Feb 27, 2012 at 1:23 am   rating: 5  small thumbs up

       
    • #12.3   Nahhh bang

      I know what it means, but I’m also confused: What kind of moron forgets to turn off the water after washing their hands?

      Feb 27, 2012 at 3:02 am   rating: 16  small thumbs up

       
    • #12.4   JBee

      Honestly, I’ve done it a few times in public restrooms, after frequenting a lot of restrooms that have automatic faucets I just get in that mode and forget to turn off the water. But I usually notice before leaving the bathroom (as I’m drying my hands I notice the water is still running, and turn it off).

      Feb 28, 2012 at 10:42 am   rating: 3  small thumbs up

       
    • #12.5   jdaniel

      Why would I touch the piss covered tap handles with newly washed hands?

      Feb 29, 2012 at 7:50 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #13   Pseudony Mousie

    Forget the content of the note; I’m in love with the handwriting. That’s either a bastard son of Comic Sans (printed on graph paper) or someone who writes words on paper for a living. It’s beautiful.

    Feb 26, 2012 at 10:46 pm   rating: 22  small thumbs up

    • #13.1   Silence

      I noticed this, as well.

      Feb 27, 2012 at 1:03 am   rating: 2  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #14   cafn8d

    At least Louise washed her hands, which is more than can be said for much of Society. Whose path is destructive?

    Feb 26, 2012 at 11:56 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

     
  • #15   JK

    It’s not easy being green.

    Feb 26, 2012 at 11:56 pm   rating: 21  small thumbs up

     
  • #16   Hmmm

    Are we sure this isn’t one of those people who runs water while on the toilet to cover bathroom sounds? Because that would totally justify the multiple pages.

    Feb 27, 2012 at 1:21 am   rating: 11  small thumbs up

    • #16.1   Hmmm

      Though it still seems a stretch to call that “extortion.”

      Feb 27, 2012 at 1:22 am   rating: 2  small thumbs up

       
    • #16.2   The White Clouds of Opium bang

      He’s likely attempting to emulate Pynchon, who wrote the first draft of Gravity’s Rainbow on engineer paper. The possibility of a Pynchon-esque masterpiece is well worth the use of a few extra sheets, though conservatives might argue that Pynchon’s work is ultimately bad for Society.

      Feb 27, 2012 at 2:25 am   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
    • #16.3   emwithme

      This was my first thought. Maybe Louise is the only person in the house who does a #2. I know of loads of people who run taps to cover the splash sound. Me? I just crap rainbows and sprinkles that smell of roses…

      Feb 27, 2012 at 8:40 am   rating: 5  small thumbs up

       
    • #16.4   infanttyrone

      @TWCOOpium
      As much as Weyerhauser, Georgia-Pacific, and their fellow devotees of Money, Shit, and The Word would love it if aspiring novelists were to buy up their 1/4 inch cross-ruled products by the carton or pallet-load, hoping for just one case of sympathetic magic to put them in a position to double-down on the imitative mojo by hiring Professor Irwin Corey again, well…I suspect we both know that although McLuhan’s The Medium is the Message incantation was effective in its time and place, someone using engineering paper in a quest for a National Book Award is most likely going to wind up with a big steaming load of lower-case entropy,
      not even the capitalized kind.

      Feb 27, 2012 at 11:27 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #17   SeeYouInTea

    As Miss Piggy said, “Greed—for lack of a better word, is good.”

    Feb 27, 2012 at 1:32 am   rating: 0  small thumbs up

     
  • #18   Kieron

    I surmise that “squander” was mistakenly substituted for “squalor.”

    Feb 27, 2012 at 6:01 am   rating: 6  small thumbs up

     
  • #19   AlfaCowboy

    I appreciate the muppets on a much deeper level than you.

    Feb 27, 2012 at 7:29 am   rating: 1  small thumbs up

     
  • #20   Dane Zeller

    Is it possible that some anal-compulsive person with crayons and graph paper,using only capital letters, has taught several of us that “squander” can be a noun?

    I think so.

    Feb 27, 2012 at 7:39 am   rating: 17  small thumbs up

     
  • #21   hellertrek

    The note is obnoxious, but how do you forget to turn off the faucet after washing your hands? Everyone in that house sounds like a nightmare to live with, including Louise.

    Feb 27, 2012 at 11:51 am   rating: 2  small thumbs up

     
  • #22   Will

    My utility is a community-owned non-profit, so does that make it socially acceptable to leave the water running?

    Feb 27, 2012 at 12:28 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

     
  • #23   MuppetMaster

    Apparently someone forgot to take their happy pills. I fail to see how water will set the world ablaze. If anything they are doing the water utility a favor by reducing the concentration of the pollutants in municipal water recycling facility.

    Next time the person should just say something simple, basic and human like “hey, you left the water running, i turned it off for you.”

    People forget lights and occasionally leave the water running, get over it.

    I think the original author just needs to get laid.

    Feb 27, 2012 at 12:33 pm   rating: 6  small thumbs up

     
  • #24   bitchy the dwarf

    Louise needs to put up her own note saying “do you really wanna hear me taking a raging dump?” and then proceed to take the biggest whoopie cushion she can find into the bathroom every time…. even to pee :)

    Feb 27, 2012 at 12:49 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

     
  • #25   Kathleen

    Where I work, the small restroom is right off the common area and noise does carry. Most of the women I work with run the water in the sink the entire time they are toileting to cover the sounds of their bodily functions.

    Feb 27, 2012 at 1:09 pm   rating: 3  small thumbs up

     
  • #26   Boo Radley

    I bet it has a drip. Instead of bitching, Society’s Anus here could call a plumber.

    Feb 27, 2012 at 1:49 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

     
  • #27   angie

    I am totally offended that the British use “Muppet” as an insult. A muppet is a wonderful, awesome thing that should be held in highest regard!

    Feb 27, 2012 at 8:18 pm   rating: 9  small thumbs up

     
  • #28   Saturday

    Thanks Kathleen for reminding me how coy people can be about something natural as going to the lav.

    And Muppet is a great slur , it marries so well with other insults . ***k muppet evokes up some wonderfully disturbing images

    Society 1 Mindless Corporate Muppets 0

    Yes the writer should have spoken to Louise but can’t side on corporate on principal

    Feb 28, 2012 at 9:46 am   rating: 2  small thumbs up

     
  • #29   DrChalkwitheringlicktacklefeff

    That’s stupid. You can’t set the world ablaze by leaving a tap running. In fact, I’d say it would do the exact opposite and make the world a slightly soggier place.

    Mar 1, 2012 at 7:47 am   rating: 1  small thumbs up

     
  • #30   sparkle

    This is the best story ever. (A bit long, though)
    Louise is clearly a professional muppet-badass, and the rest of Society has turned aquatic and and her room-mate is lone ranger is using the awesome power of a thesaurus and dictionary to fight “the man.”

    Mar 3, 2012 at 7:02 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

     
  • #31   sparkle

    STICK IT TO THE MAN SOCIETY, STICK IT TO THE MAN!

    Mar 3, 2012 at 7:03 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

     

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