And on the eighth day…paper towels?

March 26th, 2012 · 42 comments

So, apparently this is how creationism debates play out among employees of Seattle coffee shops.

Dear students, when sugar jars are stored upside down on a flat surface the water remaining inside has no where to evaporate and thus the insides remain wet in the morning. Please leave right side up at night. Thanks. Love, Science  Dear Science, I have invented the paper towel. Love, God

related: A public service announcement from Tully’s Coffee

FILED UNDER: cranky barista · God · It's science! · most popular notes of 2012 · Seattle · signed with love

42 responses so far ↓

  • #1   infanttyrone

    God invented the paper towel ?

    Sounds like the plot for Pulp Fiction II.

    Mar 26, 2012 at 10:36 pm   rating: 90  small thumbs up

  • #2   jimmy

    dear god,
    the paper towel is great, if not an elaborate device for suburbia to further deforestation, but it does nothing for condensation trapped in a glass jar. I’m not sure why you bring it up here, other than to gloat over your own creation/destruction game. FYI: I have found that a few grains of rice or the ever present oyster cracker placed in the sugar jar, since, well forever, resolves the sugar jar upside down/right side up condensation issue. Also, I remember you previously invented desiccant which would solve this problem even though it is not generally edible.

    thanks for all that, and can i please have some more answers to those bigger questions you posed elsewhere? since yer writing and all…..


    Mar 26, 2012 at 10:41 pm   rating: 90  small thumbs up

    • #2.1   po

      Dear Jimmy,


      (sorry, you just set youself up for it so perfectly I could not resist)

      Mar 26, 2012 at 10:48 pm   rating: 90  small thumbs up

    • #2.2   M&M

      Dear Physics,
      As it sounds like they are talking about washed jars being left upside-down to dry, I do not think your idea of placing rice or oyster crackers inside will help the moisture problem. Drying them after washing and placing them so that the open side is facing the air will.


      Mar 26, 2012 at 11:47 pm   rating: 90  small thumbs up

    • #2.3   Nahhh bang

      I would soooooo love to be Physics’s roommate.


      Mar 26, 2012 at 11:55 pm   rating: 90  small thumbs up

    • #2.4   jaylemeux

      But putting rice or crackers in them makes them dirty again.

      Mar 27, 2012 at 8:56 am   rating: 90  small thumbs up

    • #2.5   Beatus Mongous

      Take a paper towel, fold it, and place it under the lip of the upside-down jar so that there’s a tiny bit of air space between the jar and the shelf, and some of the paper towel is inside the jar. This will allow the air to remain dry inside, and therefore, no condensation will form. Also, it will prevent the dust and bugs from getting inside the jar, which is what happens when you place them open-side up, making them dirty again.

      Mar 27, 2012 at 12:45 pm   rating: 90  small thumbs up

    • #2.6   lily

      Dear Jimmy,

      I work in mysterious ways.


      Mar 28, 2012 at 9:44 pm   rating: 90  small thumbs up

  • #3   Katie

    Dear God,
    You know that big bang when the hand dryer blew up?
    Was that like, on purpose?

    Mar 26, 2012 at 11:03 pm   rating: 90  small thumbs up

    • #3.1   Paige bang

      Dear Katie,

      Don’t worry, I got this.

      The end of days.

      Mar 27, 2012 at 2:45 am   rating: 90  small thumbs up

  • #4   FeRD bang

    Dear science, god, et al,

    If only there existed some manner of storing upside-down jars other than on a flat surface. Some sort of contraption or structure formed not of flat, smooth surfaces, but rather of an uneven or broken surface through which air may pass freely, facilitating evaporation. This Rigid Airflow ChecKpoint, or “RACK”, would permit the drying of jars regardless of spatial or sexual orientation.

    As usual, both science and god fail to deliver. You can both suck it.

         – Invention

    P.S> As a reminder, god, I demand that you cease any use of my name in relation to your activities. You’ve been thus instructed on more than one previous occasion. Causing objects to materialize out of thin air, while you wriggle your nose and someone plays the xylophone, does not qualify as “inventing”. Comply, or I will have no choice but to seek legal recourse.

    Mar 27, 2012 at 2:21 am   rating: 90  small thumbs up

    • #4.1   FeRD bang

      All that being said, I really do find it infuriating when someone washes dishes, and places the wet cups/glasses/bowls/etc. upside-down on a hard, smooth surface — and I know a lot of people who do it!

      Do they simply not understand the basic concept of evaporation? Where do they think the water will go?
      …I suppose I answered my own question, there: They don’t. *sigh*

      This won’t apply in the case of the actual note, since there probably isn’t a lot of variety to what they hand-wash. But in general dishwashing situations, If I can’t find any suitable drying surfaces, I’ll usually just do the silverware first. Then I can set the hollow items upside-down, with the edge partially on a piece of silverware, breaking the seal. Which I guess makes me some sort of dishwashing magician, or super-evolved genius with mental faculties far beyond the common man? Go, me! I just hope I don’t have to start wearing spandex…

      Mar 27, 2012 at 2:32 am   rating: 90  small thumbs up

    • #4.2   Paige bang

      Dear Invention,

      God’s legal process will likely lead to an impasse due to a disagreement over evidence/circumstance/etc. May I suggest we team up against Reality instead?

      – Legal Recourse

      Mar 27, 2012 at 2:37 am   rating: 90  small thumbs up

    • #4.3   Paige bang

      To whom it may amuse,

      Thank you for the rather unusual experience of becoming an internet comment section.

      – Fun

      Mar 27, 2012 at 2:41 am   rating: 90  small thumbs up

    • #4.4   DuffPaddy bang

      Dear Thread,

      All these comments from abstract objects are doing my bloomin’ head in. Please stop it.


      The Internet

      Mar 27, 2012 at 5:58 am   rating: 90  small thumbs up

    • #4.5   Paige bang

      Dear Internet,

      Suck it up, n00b.

      The well earned reputation of humanity on the internet. (Just realised I called the internet new to itself. And many a trippy conversation can be had.)

      Mar 27, 2012 at 7:22 am   rating: 90  small thumbs up

    • #4.6   The Elf

      Dear God,

      I had a paper towel, but then I eated it.


      Teh Kittehs.

      Mar 27, 2012 at 8:08 am   rating: 90  small thumbs up

    • #4.7   TKD

      That paper towel was fucking… what? Oh, we’re not doing that anymore? Well, carry on.


      Mar 27, 2012 at 9:23 am   rating: 90  small thumbs up

    • #4.8   Greatscott

      Dear God,

      Could you please tell your followers to stop giving you credit for human inventions. No, you did not give me the idea, and it was science that made it possible. Stop being a jerk.
      Arthur Scott – Inventor of the Paper Towel

      Mar 27, 2012 at 2:01 pm   rating: 90  small thumbs up

    • #4.9   infanttyrone

      Dear Invention,

      “Go on home, your Momma’s callin’ you”

      Wailingly yours,

      http:[slash slash] www[dot]youtube[dot]com

      Mar 27, 2012 at 4:26 pm   rating: 90  small thumbs up

    • #4.10   infanttyrone

      Mar 27, 2012 at 4:26 pm   rating: 90  small thumbs up

    • #4.11   The Elf


      Dr. Scott!





      Mar 28, 2012 at 6:39 am   rating: 90  small thumbs up

  • #5   H for Toy bang


    If I’ve told you once, I’ve told you a thousand times. Do not use the phrase “suck it.” It’s rude, and your father and I raised you better than that.


    Mar 27, 2012 at 8:32 am   rating: 91  small thumbs up

    • #5.1   H for Toy bang


      Mar 27, 2012 at 8:33 am   rating: 90  small thumbs up

    • #5.2   DBHZ

      Damn! You stole my idea. Nice execution, though.

      Mar 27, 2012 at 9:11 am   rating: 90  small thumbs up

  • #6   al gore


    You just won the internets.



    Mar 27, 2012 at 9:13 am   rating: 90  small thumbs up

    • #6.1   H for Toy bang

      I’m goin’ to Disneyland!

      Mar 27, 2012 at 1:07 pm   rating: 90  small thumbs up

  • #7   Truth

    I’m a troll and I love you all, this site is awesome.

    Love Truth

    Mar 27, 2012 at 10:29 am   rating: 90  small thumbs up

  • #8   The Elf

    Dear Students and God,

    The paper towels are great! But what I really love is that dishwasher with the heat dry function.



    Mar 27, 2012 at 11:32 am   rating: 90  small thumbs up

    • #8.1   SilentPsycho

      Dear Automation,

      You scratch us, burn us, make it so that our transport system burn themselves on us, and send a blast of steam to their visual connections while attempting to do their fixed prerogative, more so if they have focusing lenses. Please have pity for us, as this usually ends up with us heading to an unintended destination, such as the floor.


      The Sugar Jar-Teacup-Plate Alliance.

      Mar 27, 2012 at 5:21 pm   rating: 90  small thumbs up

  • #9   Beatus Mongous

    Dear Everyone,

    Fuck you all!

    Sincerely, Satan

    Mar 27, 2012 at 12:47 pm   rating: 90  small thumbs up

  • #10   TKD

    God didn’t make Paper Towel. I made him.

    He’s an expert in guerrilla warfare, the best with guns, with knives, with his bare hands. He’s been trained to ignore pain, ignore weather, to live off the land, to eat things that would make a billy goat puke. In Vietnam his job was to dispose of enemy personnel. To kill! Period! Win by attrition. Well Paper Towel was the best.

    There’s only one thing on the planet more bad ass than Paper Towel…

    Mar 27, 2012 at 12:59 pm   rating: 90  small thumbs up

    • #10.1   looney

      …and it’s Towelie

      Mar 30, 2012 at 5:46 pm   rating: 90  small thumbs up

  • #11   ICWutUDid

    I’m in your sugar jar wasting your sugar.


    Mar 27, 2012 at 8:11 pm   rating: 90  small thumbs up

  • #12   A Human

    Dear world,

    I use a dishtowel.

    a human

    Mar 27, 2012 at 8:50 pm   rating: 90  small thumbs up

    • #12.1   Paige bang

      Humans have no place here!

      Mar 27, 2012 at 9:31 pm   rating: 90  small thumbs up

  • #13   Neeners

    Hey, novel idea but how about taking the time to dry the jars and put some more sugar in it lazy ass, then we can leave God out of it. After all doesn’t He have other things to do?……Maybe not

    Mar 27, 2012 at 10:08 pm   rating: 90  small thumbs up

  • #14   Harold

    That was the best bagel I have ever eaten.

    Mar 28, 2012 at 8:47 am   rating: 90  small thumbs up

  • #15   trogdor


    Mar 28, 2012 at 10:37 am   rating: 90  small thumbs up

  • #16   Dr.Chalkwitheringlicktacklefeff

    Has this person not heard of gravity? The draining surface next to most kitchen sinks has a ridged surface to allow water to run off.

    Apr 1, 2012 at 3:57 am   rating: 90  small thumbs up

  • #17   Kristinanoir

    Dear Tully’s
    let’s stop providing sugar to the overweight diabetic masses .
    Problem solved,
    - Your Doctor

    Apr 1, 2012 at 11:03 pm   rating: 90  small thumbs up

  • #18   RH

    Dear ‘Science,’

    Water can evaporate into the air as long as the air is not saturated. The issue is, therefore, how much water the air can hold, and that applies to anything absorbing anything else.

    Air-drying is not likely to work very well in Seattle, where the normal moisture levels are high, regardless of how the items are oriented. Upside-down certainly has the advantage of protecting against dust and other small objects falling in and rendering it necessary to wash the items again, as well as typically ensuring that the remaining moisture is towards the opening of the item, making it easier to use a towel to remove any remaining moisture. Best practice is, in fact, to use a rack or folded absorbent material under the drying glassware, which also serves as a way to ensure it is easy to tell which items have been washed yet and which are awaiting washing.

    Hand-drying methods or an automated drier are recommended in Seattle, however, regardless.

    Meteorology + Chemistry

    Apr 25, 2012 at 5:03 pm   rating: 90  small thumbs up


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