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Another year older, but not necessarily wiser

March 30th, 2012 · 83 comments

“When I saw the first post on Facebook, I thought it was a rather aggressive joke,” our submitter says. “Then I saw her response two days later, when only 45 people (yes, I counted) wished her a happy birthday on her wall.” What a tough world we live in! (sob)

Tuesday: "It's my birthday tomorrow I am expect a Facebook post from everyone. Thanks" Thursday: "Thanks to everyone who posted on my facebook wall for my birthday. I am disappointed in those of you who saw it was my birthday and did not post wishing me will, but I guess that that is the world we live in and I am coming to accept that in my 22 years of age. Thank you"

related: Facebook, a place for narcissists

FILED UNDER: birthday · Facebook · kids today · most popular notes of 2012

83 responses so far ↓

  • #1   weaselby

    I have two quotes in response to this:
    “All your base are belong to us.”
    “The last time you should expect people to make a big deal for your birthday is when you’re 7 years old.”

    Mar 30, 2012 at 2:48 pm   rating: 90  small thumbs up

    • #1.1   Wench

      Sorry, but this is on the wrong site:

      That is all.

      Mar 31, 2012 at 12:32 am   rating: 8  small thumbs up

    • #1.2   asdc

      Or maybe when you reach 100.

      Mar 31, 2012 at 6:38 am   rating: 16  small thumbs up

  • #2   kp

    gee whiz..why *wouldn’t* everyone want to wish her a hbd?

    Mar 30, 2012 at 2:50 pm   rating: 28  small thumbs up

  • #3   RandomHookup

    I am shocked to see someone like F has successfully used “accept” and “expect” in her FB posts (except for the lack of an “-ing”).

    Mar 30, 2012 at 2:52 pm   rating: 16  small thumbs up

    • #3.1   Paige bang

      Just be glad she didn’t directly refer to her disappointment.

      Mar 31, 2012 at 12:25 am   rating: 4  small thumbs up

  • #4   Quite Contrary

    Well, I didn’t post on your birthday because, had I posted what I really wanted to say, you’d hate me even more than you do right now.

    Mar 30, 2012 at 2:52 pm   rating: 62  small thumbs up

    • #4.1   looney

      I didn’t post on your birthday because I wasn’t anywhere near Facebook, as it isn’t the center of my life.

      Mar 30, 2012 at 3:25 pm   rating: 55  small thumbs up

    • #4.2   kermit

      The creepy stalker-y email from Facebook make me want to visit the site even less than I already do.
      “kermit, you have notifications pending”
      “kermit, you haven’t been to Facebook recently.”
      “welcome back to Facebook, kermit”
      F[u]ck you, needy stalker bot.

      If we’re friends, chances are you already wished me “happy birthday” in real life or in an email and didn’t need the shitty Facebook reminder.

      But as a general rule, I do believe in making a big deal out of unbirthdays (unless told otherwise) because they are awesome, as “Alice in Wonderland” taught all of us.

      Mar 30, 2012 at 5:09 pm   rating: 26  small thumbs up

    • #4.3   hugsandkisses101

      But you should know it’s my birthday, and log in specifically for the purpose of wishing me well on my FB wall. Jeez, what a world… now where did I put that handbasket?

      Mar 30, 2012 at 5:23 pm   rating: 14  small thumbs up

  • #5   joshua

    A wise man once said the only time your birthday truly matters to others is when you’re at a point in your life you have little bladder control.

    Mar 30, 2012 at 3:04 pm   rating: 60  small thumbs up

  • #6   Jill

    that is particularly fantastic as today is MY birthday. I am going to post this for the 150 or so people who DID NOT wish me a happy birthday. those jerks!

    Mar 30, 2012 at 3:04 pm   rating: 26  small thumbs up

    • #6.1   AlfaCowboy

      Happy Birthday, Jill. Sorry there are not 150 of me.

      Mar 30, 2012 at 3:13 pm   rating: 26  small thumbs up

    • #6.2   Sioux

      Happy birthday, Jill!

      Mar 30, 2012 at 3:22 pm   rating: 7  small thumbs up

    • #6.3   infanttyrone

      Happy Birthday, Jill…only 147 left to go.

      Mar 30, 2012 at 3:35 pm   rating: 12  small thumbs up

    • #6.4   kermit

      Happy birthday, Jill! And a very merry unbirthday, too!

      Mar 30, 2012 at 5:11 pm   rating: 7  small thumbs up

    • #6.5   H for Toy bang

      Happy Birthday, Jill. PAN is so much more interesting that Facebook, anyway.

      Mar 30, 2012 at 5:23 pm   rating: 6  small thumbs up

    • #6.6   lilgreenfish

      Happy birthday! May it be filled with many passiveaggressivenotes . com readers birthday wishes (because, really, that’s all anyone wants).

      Mar 30, 2012 at 5:37 pm   rating: 6  small thumbs up

    • #6.7   JourneyBleu

      Happy Birthday! I don’t even know you, but you get my vote for a good day. Whereas “F”…well, I would have told her to where to go and what to do, but it wouldn’t have anything to do with a happy birthday. LOL.

      Mar 30, 2012 at 6:27 pm   rating: 3  small thumbs up

    • #6.8   Paula Cole

      Happy belated Birthday Jill!
      @AlphaCowboy: Since you’re the Alpha maybe you know. Where have have all the rest of you gone?

      Mar 31, 2012 at 6:43 pm   rating: 8  small thumbs up

    • #6.9   AlfaCowboy

      Alas, Paula…To a pitiful place where we deliberately misspell our handles (mostly the bar across from the ophice).

      Apr 1, 2012 at 11:07 pm   rating: 4  small thumbs up

    • #6.10   The White Clouds of Opium bang

      I only celebrate Marc Emery’s birthday.

      Apr 2, 2012 at 3:51 am   rating: 1  small thumbs up

  • #7   Lil'

    Somebody has Princess Syndrome.

    Mar 30, 2012 at 3:10 pm   rating: 22  small thumbs up

  • #8   Gotta23Skidoo

    What a narcissistic twat … Also, that probably says it’s time she pruned the 1,555 people she met once and friended, because out of them only 45 people ACTUALLY give a shit she’s still alive to see 22. My bet is half of them only wished her a happy birthday so they wouldn’t have to hear her bitch about it later.

    Mar 30, 2012 at 3:11 pm   rating: 25  small thumbs up

    • #8.1   JourneyBleu

      Probably everyone else has her blocked so as to avoid her other petty rants and raves that are more than likely going on at any given moment.

      Mar 30, 2012 at 6:28 pm   rating: 19  small thumbs up

    • #8.2   Paige bang

      Journey, why would they want to do that? I mean, we’re here on PAN for a reason.

      Mar 31, 2012 at 12:30 am   rating: 8  small thumbs up

  • #9   AlfaCowboy

    Gots to love da peeps who beg for attention.

    Mar 30, 2012 at 3:16 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

  • #10   Cave Johnson

    “I am expect…”

    needs to be replied with

    “I am disappoint…”

    Mar 30, 2012 at 3:17 pm   rating: 30  small thumbs up

  • #11   infanttyrone

    Sarah Palin, move the hell over…new queen biyotch on the throne now.

    Mar 30, 2012 at 3:20 pm   rating: 3  small thumbs up

  • #12   elangomatt

    Wow, I think that one deserves to be on as well as this site.

    Mar 30, 2012 at 3:24 pm   rating: 7  small thumbs up

  • #13   SeeYouInTea

    Oh for fuck’s sake. I stopped caring about birthdays when I was in elementary school. Except a few years in high school where one could make about $30 at school on one’s birthday.

    Mar 30, 2012 at 3:32 pm   rating: 9  small thumbs up

    • #13.1   kermit

      $30? Since when are hand jobs that expensive?!

      Apr 1, 2012 at 12:50 am   rating: 7  small thumbs up

    • #13.2   clumber

      Psssst… kermit? 10 hj at $3 each….

      Apr 2, 2012 at 1:01 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

  • #14   Lil'

    “Yesterday was my birthday, and I am so disappointed that all of my disgusting meat-eating ‘friends’ were too busy feeding flesh-based food to your cats to take a moment to post a message on my Facebook wall. Screw you for being less than super-useful as always.”

    Mar 30, 2012 at 3:43 pm   rating: 85  small thumbs up

    • #14.1   AlfaCowboy

      You win. That’s badass.

      Mar 30, 2012 at 3:55 pm   rating: 9  small thumbs up

    • #14.2   Paige bang

      Seconded. You are super-awesome.

      Mar 31, 2012 at 12:38 am   rating: 3  small thumbs up

  • #15   Jason Alexander

    That twat better be on FB every day of the year wishing everyone else a happy birthday. My guess is she doesn’t, or has some lame ass FB app that’ll post a generic happy birthday message for everyone.

    Mar 30, 2012 at 3:52 pm   rating: 8  small thumbs up

  • #16   Chris

    I bet some of those wanted to take BACK their BD wish when she posted that!

    Mar 30, 2012 at 4:15 pm   rating: 19  small thumbs up

  • #17   Moonbeam McQueen

    I am disappointed in all of those who didn’t jump when I told them to, but I’m learning to accept that in my 22 years of age. Thank you.


    The Queen of the Universe

    Mar 30, 2012 at 4:26 pm   rating: 22  small thumbs up

  • #18   Sir Puke

    This person is such a charmer. No wonder she is on FB during her birthday counting the postings on her wall.

    Mar 30, 2012 at 4:28 pm   rating: 22  small thumbs up

  • #19   havingfitz

    I just post “Happy Hammer Day, Steve” or “Best Wishes on Your Hair Implant, Marge” on people’s walls. (I just use whatever name pops into my head). “Deepest Condolences on your Loss at Bingo, Robespierre.” (I do the same thing when someone at work shoves a birthday card at me to sign. I always sign it “Lars”. Let them wonder why Lars wished a 40-year-old man congratulations on his pregnancy.

    Mar 30, 2012 at 5:32 pm   rating: 68  small thumbs up

    • #19.1   lilgreenfish

      That is awesome. I want to be your friend just for random awesomeness like that.

      Mar 30, 2012 at 5:39 pm   rating: 12  small thumbs up

    • #19.2   goobler


      Mar 31, 2012 at 1:56 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

    • #19.3   clumber


      (my Dad always made a point of filling in those “hello my name is…” stickers at meetings with frilly pompous names, usually female-associated. And as a bureaucratic, he went to many many meetings in his 40yr career.)

      Apr 2, 2012 at 1:03 pm   rating: 9  small thumbs up

  • #20   Red

    I pity the poor bastard that’s going to marry that mess someday.

    Mar 30, 2012 at 5:40 pm   rating: 19  small thumbs up

  • #21   Junebug

    Actually, your friends have given you the greatest gift of all for your birthday. The knowledge that you are not the center of the universe.

    Mar 30, 2012 at 5:40 pm   rating: 42  small thumbs up

    • #21.1   AuntyBron

      Can’t buy that, baby.

      Mar 31, 2012 at 8:04 am   rating: 4  small thumbs up

    • #21.2   kermit

      But I am the centre of the universe. Up yours, Copernicus!

      Apr 1, 2012 at 12:54 am   rating: 10  small thumbs up

  • #22   Brian H

    I got way more than expected my last birthday. It was not all my FB friends but I was pretty pleased that it was a fraction of them.

    People keep busy and the fact that anyone takes a moment to wish you a Happy B Day is pretty nice. Also considering your FB friends could all over the country, you’re getting well wishers you wouldn’t have gotten before.

    Mar 30, 2012 at 5:56 pm   rating: 12  small thumbs up

    • #22.1   Paige bang

      That’s the thing, though. You (presumably) didn’t demand it. Otherwise it’s like saying “I’ve been told I want to apologise to you”.

      Mar 31, 2012 at 12:54 am   rating: 7  small thumbs up

    • #22.2   AuntyBron

      I’ve been told I want to apologise to you for calling you an ass clown. I’m sorry you’re an ass clown.

      I feel much better.

      Mar 31, 2012 at 8:06 am   rating: 17  small thumbs up

    • #22.3   makfan bang

      I agree. A FB birthday wish (or non-wish) is just a little bonus, nothing to get too emotional about one way or the other.

      Mar 31, 2012 at 11:53 am   rating: 11  small thumbs up

    • #22.4   Spooky

      My bday was Thursday. Got a FB message from a (not close) high school friend late in the evening. He apologized for being so late with it, as it had been a busy day.

      He’d been having his tenth spine surgery after a skiing accident in December.

      What would be the correct site to submit that to?

      Mar 31, 2012 at 5:33 pm   rating: 13  small thumbs up

    • #22.5   it's naptime

      holycrapdontsweatitjustgetonwithyourrecovery dot com

      Apr 1, 2012 at 3:26 pm   rating: 18  small thumbs up

    • #22.6   clumber

      damn straight on both the dot com in 22.5, and the username.

      Apr 2, 2012 at 1:05 pm   rating: 3  small thumbs up

  • #23   Jolly

    Well I, for one, don’t want go on living in a world where everyone I know doesn’t drop what they’re doing, log on to facebook, and validate my existence via hollow well-wishing.

    Mar 30, 2012 at 6:31 pm   rating: 30  small thumbs up

  • #24   Jen

    I never understand why people get so upset over FB birthday wishes, because I actually wish people WOULDN’T post on my facebook when it’s my birthday. For some reason it makes a bunch of people you never actually talk to feel compelled to wish you happy birthday and feign interest in your life.

    Mar 30, 2012 at 8:38 pm   rating: 11  small thumbs up

    • #24.1   weaselby

      I changed my birthday a long time ago because someone made me paranoid about identity theft. It cracks me up to see how many of my friends for the last several years now wish me happy birthday on January 1. I feel amused, a little guilty, and slightly miffed. Some friends. Lol.

      Mar 30, 2012 at 10:35 pm   rating: 8  small thumbs up

    • #24.2   Paige bang

      Can’t find it now, but I’m pretty sure there was something on Lamebook where some guy changed his birthday on FB to see who got it wrong and posted ‘happy birthday’ messages. I think he posted something like this PAN for the people who didn’t say anything because he’d done the same thing the year before. So, it was lose-lose. And he’s a douchebucket.

      Mar 31, 2012 at 1:00 am   rating: 7  small thumbs up

    • #24.3   deibu76

      Do you mean this one, not on Lamebook but right here on this site – ?

      Mar 31, 2012 at 7:19 am   rating: 2  small thumbs up

    • #24.4   weaselby

      Wow, that guy seriously needs a life. Who has the time and, most importantly, the desire to do that??

      Mar 31, 2012 at 9:12 am   rating: 3  small thumbs up

    • #24.5   infanttyrone

      Pretty sure that birthday-changer’s antics & whines made it to PAN – sometime within the last year, but not sure exactly when.

      Mar 31, 2012 at 11:33 am   rating: 1  small thumbs up

    • #24.6   Seanette

      infanttyrone, it was 10/23/11, (it was linked as “related” to this post). ;)

      HTH, HAND.

      Apr 1, 2012 at 3:16 am   rating: 2  small thumbs up

    • #24.7   jaylemeux

      You can just change your settings so that your birthday isn’t displayed.

      Apr 1, 2012 at 7:31 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

    • #24.8   infanttyrone

      Thanks, Seanette,
      So it was hiding in plain sight wearing a blue overcoat ?
      OK, gimme one of those Click & Clack dope slaps,
      but please don’t post anything on my FB page.
      I’d never live it down in Farmville.

      Apr 1, 2012 at 8:22 pm   rating: 3  small thumbs up

    • #24.9   clumber

      jaylemeux is correct and sadly I know this specifically. We have a FB account for our dogs, not in that they dogs have a FB acct, but that our kennel name is up. A good friend pointed out that FB is a fantastic way to spy on puppy people and puppy-wanters. And it absolutely is! Caught more than one potential puppy-buyer in outright lies. We breed pups very very rarely, and dislike people in general, so are a bit umm… “particular” in picking homes.

      That disclaimer out of the way, I “hid” the dob from viewers because I don’t really need “friends” or anyone, really, wishing me a happy bday. Also b/c it is for the dogs. FB-obsessed relatives tend to use the page as a site for me personally, though, and on my bday posted wishes for a good one. This resulted in a cascade of people apologizing for not wishing me one, when in fact I don’t care. Wonder if I can sell those wishes to someone who does care…

      Apr 2, 2012 at 1:12 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

    • #24.10   Paige

      I feel incredibly stupid. My stupidity cannot be credited (let’s just say it’s … another Paige’s).

      infanttyrone, I giggled too much at that blue overcoat noir visualisation.

      Expanding on that real sweet stuff clumber said, imagine if people gave actual puppies instead of birthday wishes. That way, one might be enough, and people would have an understandable, logical reason for being upset over not getting one.

      Apr 2, 2012 at 11:17 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

  • #25   A

    Meh. If Miss Princess had real friends they would have already wished her a happy birthday in real life and she wouldn’t have given a flying fck about FB. As far as wishes go I’d have thought one would prefer people to mean it than to through the motions.

    People who obsesses over their popularity on an online medium like FB do baffle me. But then again, I hate FB with a raging passion.

    Mar 31, 2012 at 12:47 am   rating: 9  small thumbs up

    • #25.1   AuntyBron

      I’m on FB for the games.

      Mar 31, 2012 at 8:08 am   rating: 4  small thumbs up

    • #25.2   clumber

      A – I hated it madly, as well. But (as mentioned boringly above) I finally made up a page when a good friend told me that FB is a fantastic way to spy on puppy people and potential puppy-buyers. She was right, it absolutely is. So, it has its uses but I made sure my name isn’t anywhere in the acct, nor where i went to HS, etc. b/c I do have folks from HS trying to get me to “join FB!”. If I wanted to hear from them since HS, I would already have already been in contact with them IRL.

      Like most tools, FB can be used in many ways, evil as well as meh, depending on how you wish to use or not use it.

      And I might admit I enjoy the additional protective layer it acts as between my mother and I…. LOL

      Apr 2, 2012 at 1:28 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

  • #26   Megan

    Someone is very needy and clearly doesn’t have much of a life going on. I’m picturing her checking Facebook every five minutes to see if someone new wished her happy birthday. I’m at the point that all I want for my birthday is the ability to sleep in.

    Mar 31, 2012 at 12:20 pm   rating: 16  small thumbs up

  • #27   MT

    This is why I make it a rule not to wish anybody a happy birthday on facebook ever, so that if anybody complains, I can be like “Dude, I didn’t even wish my MOM a happy birthday on facebook”.

    Mar 31, 2012 at 2:45 pm   rating: 8  small thumbs up

  • #28   bloop

    I don’t list my birthday on Facebook because I find the repetitive “Happy Birthday” messages really tedious. I can’t imagine actually being upset about that.

    Mar 31, 2012 at 7:03 pm   rating: 5  small thumbs up

  • #29   Janipurr

    “Posted 6 hours ago near Santa Monica, Ca”

    Really, that explains alot. I work nearby, and I encounter narcissists like this all the time.

    Apr 1, 2012 at 3:40 am   rating: 4  small thumbs up

  • #30   Eileen

    I don’t mind the FB birthday wishes, as long as the people who matter wish me in person. That’s what really counts. I have friends on Facebook that I have no idea who they are. “Happy birthday” from them really doesn’t mean much.

    22 years and no manners. Sheesh!

    Apr 1, 2012 at 3:02 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

  • #31   The White Clouds of Opium bang

    One year closer to your inevitable demise.

    Happy Birthday, champ. :)

    Apr 2, 2012 at 3:41 am   rating: 6  small thumbs up

  • #32   Julesagain

    “It’s my birthday tomorrow and I am expect a FB post from everyone. Thanks.”
    Unfriend (click)

    Apr 2, 2012 at 4:11 am   rating: 5  small thumbs up

  • #33   Chicken Underwear

    For April Fools Day I changed my birthday to April 1st. I got about 100 birthday wishes. that is about %25 of my friends.

    Some of those birthday wishes come from people who were there when I was born, 49 years ago, in the month of June.

    Apr 2, 2012 at 4:59 am   rating: 9  small thumbs up

  • #34   JC

    Happy Belated Jill!

    This girl needs a clue…I’m surprised no one gave her a ‘real’ HBD greeting…she’d have been singing a different tune for sure.

    Apr 2, 2012 at 1:59 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

  • #35   JC

    Oh and I have passive aggressive text related to one of the other posts about this.
    I’m going to see if I can figure out how to submit it here. :)

    Apr 2, 2012 at 2:01 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

  • #36   APink

    What a bitch! I hope everyone removed her from their friend’s list.

    Apr 6, 2012 at 1:57 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

  • #37   Steve

    Ah yes, the modern narcissistic entitlement generation. Destroying the world one step at a time.

    Apr 24, 2012 at 3:11 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up


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