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Well, that took an unexpected turn.

April 4th, 2012 · 81 comments

Stephanie in Las Vegas says this exchange started out as a sugary-sweet back-and-forth love-fest between initiated by her husband, Brian. Then, one day, Stephanie says, “Brian woke up on the wrong side of the bed, and his alter ego took over.” What a charmer, that Brian!

Not to worry, though— it was all in jest, and no women or toasters were harmed in the making of this note. In fact, Stephanie says, “It totally made my day.” And as far the unplugging the toaster thing goes, she says, “We kinda have an OCD thing about the chance of burning the house down…don’t ask.”

Thank you for my lunch baby!! Love you soooo much! Love you so much too! I miss your face! Unplug the toaster motherfucker! I hate you

related: I’m calling to report a case of toaster abuse?

extra credit: Knock Knock Fill-in-the-Blank Passive-Aggressive Note Pad

FILED UNDER: heart · Las Vegas · love & marriage · most popular notes of 2012 · Say wha? · signed with love · that's a fire hazard · toaster

81 responses so far ↓

  • #1   Melissa


    Apr 4, 2012 at 9:31 pm   rating: 24  small thumbs up

  • #2   leludallas

    wow… just wow…

    Apr 4, 2012 at 9:33 pm   rating: 9  small thumbs up

  • #3   Jenn

    So is he just reallly environmentally conscious or was this a life or death thing? Did a baby penguin get punched in the face because the toaster was still plugged in? Is there something I should know about my appliances?

    Apr 4, 2012 at 9:34 pm   rating: 81  small thumbs up

  • #4   Deet

    I call bullshit. Sorry.

    Apr 4, 2012 at 9:34 pm   rating: 94  small thumbs up

    • #4.1   divvitar

      The handwriting of the bottom message doesn’t match either of the other messages. It’s pretty obvious to me that a third party was involved. I agree with bullshit.

      Apr 4, 2012 at 9:41 pm   rating: 30  small thumbs up

    • #4.2   Kate

      Actually, the “T’s”, “Y’s”, and “U’s” match. The same person who wrote the first line also wrote the last line.

      Apr 4, 2012 at 9:51 pm   rating: 60  small thumbs up

    • #4.3   Mari

      What? No they don’t.

      Apr 4, 2012 at 10:37 pm   rating: 7  small thumbs up

    • #4.4   jimmy

      yes they do.

      Apr 4, 2012 at 10:56 pm   rating: 42  small thumbs up

    • #4.5   infanttyrone

      I wish to complain about this parrot what I purchased not half an hour ago from this very boutique. Sorry, wrong sketch.

      Apr 4, 2012 at 11:10 pm   rating: 60  small thumbs up

    • #4.6   SeeYouInTea

      I think they were written by the same person. One looks obviously written with more emotion.

      Apr 5, 2012 at 12:52 am   rating: 22  small thumbs up

    • #4.7   Adriana

      Yeah, I also think they’re written by the same person. If you look at the Y in both notes, you can see they’re very similar. They don’t loop; just straight down with a little curl to the right at the end. Also, the capital Es are the same or very close. I think the bottom note was just written in a different pen and more deliberately. From day to day, my handwriting can look like different people wrote it, but a couple letters usually stay the same. So I think it’s pretty common for handwriting to change dramatically.

      Apr 5, 2012 at 1:34 am   rating: 25  small thumbs up

    • #4.8   Adriana

      tl;dr version: I’m a nerd and I think they’re written by the same guy. His handwriting is just as schizophrenic as his personality is all.

      Apr 5, 2012 at 1:35 am   rating: 23  small thumbs up

    • #4.9   thrall

      Clearly the gratuitous double g’s cinch this argument

      Apr 5, 2012 at 2:26 am   rating: 7  small thumbs up

    • #4.10   Dr_Know

      I believe you mean Dissociative Identity Disorder, Adriana.

      Apr 5, 2012 at 6:06 am   rating: 12  small thumbs up

    • #4.11   magelet

      I agree that it’s obviously the same guy. He’s just writing with a different pen and the second one is messier because he was angry…. Not sure why the toaster being unplugged made him so furious, but eh…

      Apr 5, 2012 at 3:54 pm   rating: 4  small thumbs up

  • #5   shwo! bang

    Is a lunch baby a love child conceived during a nooner?

    Apr 4, 2012 at 9:35 pm   rating: 48  small thumbs up

    • #5.1   Dr_Know

      Or like a food baby?

      Apr 5, 2012 at 6:06 am   rating: 9  small thumbs up

  • #6   JK

    I saw Toaster Unplugged on VH1. Enjoyed it, but they could’ve used more cowbell.

    Apr 4, 2012 at 9:38 pm   rating: 58  small thumbs up

    • #6.1   quat

      Toaster often plays with Larceny of Electric Power in a smokin’ double bill.

      Apr 4, 2012 at 11:34 pm   rating: 40  small thumbs up

    • #6.2   infanttyrone

      Did all this Appliance Rock start with Johnny Depp and FryBaby ?

      Apr 5, 2012 at 8:30 am   rating: 1  small thumbs up

    • #6.3   Larceny of Electric Power bang

      Nah, we don’t tour with Toaster anymore. Way too much ego. Also, too many crumbs. Seriously, you do NOT want to share a dressing room with that guy.

      Apr 8, 2012 at 4:01 pm   rating: 6  small thumbs up

  • #7   Beks

    I would call bullshit if I wasn’t living with a boy hi constantly scolds me for not turning off the power points to the tv and pretty much everything electrical.

    Apr 4, 2012 at 9:46 pm   rating: 3  small thumbs up

  • #8   huh wuh?

    If it was just a boyfriend, I’d say dump this loser yesterday. Serious marital counseling is called for because this is unacceptable language and behavior.

    Apr 4, 2012 at 9:53 pm   rating: 59  small thumbs up

    • #8.1   Omnivore

      No kidding!
      If he gets that bent out of shape over a toaster, things are not going to go well in a true crisis.

      Apr 4, 2012 at 11:19 pm   rating: 21  small thumbs up

    • #8.2   Jolly

      Haha, right. I hate to break it to you, but not every marriage works the same way. Maybe they are fine grumpily cursing each other out when they’re in a bad mood, because they know the other person doesn’t mean anything by it and they aren’t overly sensitive about it/are fine with a little absurd hyperbole. Maybe this kind of joking isn’t okay in YOUR marriage, but as it turns out, not every marriage is the same and a relationship that has a different personality than yours is not necessarily broken.

      Apr 5, 2012 at 1:13 am   rating: 86  small thumbs up

    • #8.3   Dr.Chalkwitheringlicktacklefeff

      Yeah, this is clearly a joke.

      Apr 5, 2012 at 4:11 am   rating: 25  small thumbs up

    • #8.4   johnnyboy

      I think this language is pretty much par for the course in Las Vegas.

      Apr 5, 2012 at 8:19 am   rating: 5  small thumbs up

    • #8.5   InvisibleWoman

      I’m with Jolly on this one, I laughed out loud as I read this because it is something I could imagine my other half doing..
      We also threaten to suffocate each other in our sleep, gnaw on each other to get to brains, and have overly dramatic Kung Fu fights in the hallway.
      He is my best friend and my arch nemesis and I wouldn’t change that for the world.

      Apr 7, 2012 at 1:29 pm   rating: 43  small thumbs up

    • #8.6   michelle

      InvisibleWoman, I laughed too. The SO and I would get along with you and yours just fine. A “motherf-er” every now and then makes me LAUGH.

      Apr 25, 2012 at 12:35 pm   rating: 6  small thumbs up

  • #9   Mrs.Beasley

    “UNPLUGG”? So is the extra G for emphasis?

    Apr 4, 2012 at 9:54 pm   rating: 5  small thumbs up

  • #10   Inigo Montoya

    “That appliance. You keep unplugging it. I do not think it consumes energy in the way you think it consumes energy”

    Apr 4, 2012 at 10:00 pm   rating: 85  small thumbs up

    • #10.1   Paige

      It merely sucks happiness insread.

      Apr 5, 2012 at 5:04 am   rating: 9  small thumbs up

    • #10.2   Gecko Hunter

      My name is Black & Decker Toaster. You unplugged my father. Prepare to die.

      Apr 5, 2012 at 5:02 pm   rating: 38  small thumbs up

    • #10.3   ^^^ Word of the Day ^^^

      Please? Please? Pretty Please? Please?

      Apr 5, 2012 at 7:29 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

  • #11   cowbert

    Why the toaster? I thought they were still analog? It’s all the digital gadgets that suck up power through their switched power supplies and standby modes that’s the big issue. That plasma TV is sucking up some amount of kwh for 3/4 of the day when nobody is watching it, for example (and god forbid if you still have CRTs that are plugged in all the time).

    Apr 4, 2012 at 10:08 pm   rating: 3  small thumbs up

    • #11.1   Four to the Side

      “Analog Toaster” is a great band name.

      Apr 5, 2012 at 7:32 am   rating: 26  small thumbs up

    • #11.2   johnnyboy

      It’s also a great sex position.

      Apr 5, 2012 at 8:20 am   rating: 26  small thumbs up

  • #12   hoopy

    Toasters can short out and cause fires, especially if they’re cheap or old. It’s a safety thing, not a green thing.

    Apr 4, 2012 at 10:11 pm   rating: 20  small thumbs up

    • #12.1   johnnyboy

      Why would a toaster short when it’s not in use ? And don’t they have circuit breakers in Las Vegas ?
      Not that I know anything about electricity.

      Apr 5, 2012 at 8:31 am   rating: 7  small thumbs up

  • #13   Wench

    I hope to god this is a joke, otherwise I’d be concerned about the possibility that this is the very beginnings of domestic violence.

    To clarify; DV often starts with messages like this. An “I love you” immediately followed by an aggressive demand for something. Then it escalates….

    Apr 4, 2012 at 10:25 pm   rating: 9  small thumbs up

  • #14   Joey

    I’m much more disturbed by the idea that a grown man would spell So with 4 Os than I am by the last note, which is likely a joke.

    Apr 4, 2012 at 10:29 pm   rating: 13  small thumbs up

  • #15   infanttyrone

    Maybe if Brian hadn’t elbowed that 12-year old in the ribs to get the last $2.99 toaster at Best Buy’s Black Friday sale…it’s a provenance thing….

    Meet them at IHOP maybe, but no way you should go to their place for breakfast…their waffle iron was a regular feature on the Dark Side before Dick Cheney went there…and the VitaMix…you don’t wanna know…

    Apr 4, 2012 at 11:05 pm   rating: 3  small thumbs up

  • #16   A

    Not sure whether to laugh, cry or pack my bags and GTFO.

    Apr 4, 2012 at 11:10 pm   rating: 9  small thumbs up

    • #16.1   Paige

      You can’t do all three?

      Apr 5, 2012 at 5:05 am   rating: 13  small thumbs up

  • #17   old timer

    Ah, mawwiage sweet mawwiage. Seriously, that’s just how it is sometimes. Most of the time, you love them to death. Other days, they piss you the $@%! off.

    Apr 4, 2012 at 11:18 pm   rating: 16  small thumbs up

    • #17.1   quat

      Certainly a lot of Princess Bride around here. I’m waiting for the RoUS to show up. Maybe THEY unplugged the toaster!

      Apr 4, 2012 at 11:36 pm   rating: 11  small thumbs up

    • #17.2   The Elf

      Rodents of Unusual Size? I don’t think they exist.

      Apr 5, 2012 at 6:35 am   rating: 29  small thumbs up

  • #18   bookworm

    All the lovey dovey stuff is in one handwriting and the Mr. Hide stuff is in another. I don’t think the husband is the one with the alter ego. If there is, in fact, a husband.

    Apr 5, 2012 at 1:15 am   rating: 6  small thumbs up

  • #19   kermit

    I think we’re overlooking the possibility that the husband / electricity Nazi is the same guy who wrote the previous note in the bus depot.

    Or maybe this guy’s wife is plugging in the toaster at the bus depot. Itinerants and commuters love fresh toast.

    Apr 5, 2012 at 3:04 am   rating: 15  small thumbs up

  • #20   DS

    What? Who unplugs their appliances in between uses? That’s pointless and weird.

    Apr 5, 2012 at 3:43 am   rating: 4  small thumbs up

    • #20.1   The Elf

      Someone who only has ONE FREAKIN’ OUTLET NEAR A COUNTERTOP in the entire kitchen. And that countertop is barely big enough for the toaster.

      Sorry, I have a love/hate relationship with my 1960s kitchen. It really needs to be remodeled.

      Apr 5, 2012 at 6:38 am   rating: 30  small thumbs up

  • #21   Mrs.Beasley

    Come on, stop. There’s a reasonable explanation for this note. A nice young lady lives in that apartment. By herself. Alone.

    Her name is Sybil. Sometimes she has gaps in her memory that would rival Richard Nixon’s tapes. But she shall deal with it come what may, because in the end:
    Two, Four, Six, Eight,
    We don’t wanna Integrate.

    Apr 5, 2012 at 4:30 am   rating: 14  small thumbs up

    • #21.1   clumber

      In midst of book exposing that the entire Sybil thing was a hoax between the Sybil person, her shrink, and the author of the book. Very interesting, and as a bonus makes me feel smart for being very skeptical of multiple personalities for years (and got into awesome arguments with profs and other students on the way to my psych degree… HAH! Losers!)

      Apr 5, 2012 at 8:44 am   rating: 5  small thumbs up

    • #21.2   Paige

      Mrs, I love you for that comment.

      Clumber, MPD is real, but it’s not at all like (having not seen/read Sybil) Fight Club. It’s subtler and not nearly as dramatic.

      Apr 5, 2012 at 10:27 am   rating: 11  small thumbs up

  • #22   Grashnak

    Seriously…. who unplugs their toaster?

    When it’s not making toast it’s not using power…

    Apr 5, 2012 at 5:16 am   rating: 5  small thumbs up

  • #23   weaselby

    Brian’s alter ego stutters when he writes angry notes, thus the double g.
    Also, plugged in toasters are a fire hazard. Maybe he had a traumatic experience as a child, thus the personality rift. I see it as terror masquerading as rage for the sake of self-preservation.

    Apr 5, 2012 at 9:23 am   rating: 3  small thumbs up

  • #24   yolanda

    If your mate/lover/spouse/whatever speaks to you like this, in text or person, correct them. Explain that you do not want that kind of disrespect clouding your relationship and won’t tolerate such disrespect. If they cannot accept and comply, or worse try and bully you over it, they’re abusive and you must let them go. There will be no joy with someone who can call you a “motherfucker” with all that fury over something so petty unless he can immediately outgrow it.

    Apr 5, 2012 at 10:18 am   rating: 10  small thumbs up

    • #24.1   Lil'

      I’m with you about zero tolerance for abuse. I suspect they joke with each other like this and this is his way of being playful, but I could not be in a relationship with a man who thinks this kind of thing is funny. Yeah, you can argue that this is fine if this is their thing, but when they start having kids and teaching them these kinds of things, that’s when it becomes a problem for the rest of us.

      Apr 5, 2012 at 2:05 pm   rating: 10  small thumbs up

    • #24.2   Jolly

      Not everyone finds that kind of language offensive and disrespectul, and plenty of people use that kind of language very casually, not just when they are enraged. I doubt that if she thought he was actually raging out on her and acting cruel and was hurt by his language, that she would then rush to submit the note to a comedic website. Turns out a lot of people don’t have the same problem you seem to with hyperbolic joking. So, no, not everyone needs to “correct” their spouse for joking around in a way that doesn’t offend or hurt them. I know this may come as a shock to you, but not everyone wants the same relationship you want. Some people are happy being a motherfucker in a relationship with a like-minded motherfucker.

      Apr 5, 2012 at 6:21 pm   rating: 47  small thumbs up

    • #24.3   Dr.Chalkwitheringlicktacklefeff

      Thank God you’re here to tell people how they should live their lives, Yolanda.

      Apr 6, 2012 at 5:23 am   rating: 20  small thumbs up

    • #24.4   redheadwglasses

      Jolly, thank you for saying that. Yolanda, you’re wrong. It’s really just that simple.

      Have the type of relationship interactions that YOU want to have and leave the rest of us out of it.

      Apr 6, 2012 at 11:35 am   rating: 16  small thumbs up

  • #25   lolopop

    Sounds like some hooker needs to get in line and start unplugging the motherfuckin’ toaster when she’s done with it. She’s lucky he used his words rather than his pimp hand.

    PS: Are insults not terms of endearment? I guess that means I should talk to my boyfriend about the whole ‘shut your whore mouth’ thing….

    Apr 5, 2012 at 11:04 am   rating: 29  small thumbs up

    • #25.1   redheadwglasses

      Ha! My boyfriend and I talk smack to each other occasionally as well! But we don’t do it in front of others because we assume it’ll make them uncomfortable.

      Apr 6, 2012 at 11:29 am   rating: 5  small thumbs up

  • #26   deprogrammed

    His next lunch would be a jam sandwich – two pieces of bread jammed together.

    Apr 5, 2012 at 12:29 pm   rating: 6  small thumbs up

    • #26.1   Gravity's Rambo

      Is your real name Neil Hambburger?

      Apr 14, 2012 at 7:55 am   rating: 0  small thumbs up

  • #27   Bookmark

    Hopefully this is a joke, because it’s too scary otherwise. My husband would never say something like that to me, even in jest, and we’re both pretty damn immature at times.

    Apr 5, 2012 at 1:04 pm   rating: 14  small thumbs up

  • #28   Steve

    Taken out of context, who knows what this note means? Nobody. So STFU.

    Apr 5, 2012 at 9:17 pm   rating: 5  small thumbs up

  • #29   jaylemeux

    Not gonna end well, even though he’s totally right.

    Apr 5, 2012 at 10:36 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

  • #30   Dr.BullShit

    I call Bullshit, the note has 3 different hand writings on there.

    Apr 6, 2012 at 1:37 am   rating: 0  small thumbs up

  • #31   Dr.Chalkwitheringlicktacklefeff

    The three different handwritings on this note indicate that the scenario is more complicated than that suggested. I would like to propose an alternative scenario:

    Husband leaves note thanking wife for his lunch. Wife replies in typical lovey-dovey style. Friend of either husband or wife (or both) visits, sees note in kitchen, writes humourous reply.

    We’ll never know, but I think this sounds plausible.

    Apr 6, 2012 at 5:26 am   rating: 7  small thumbs up

  • #32   redheadwglasses

    My friend had a sneezing fit one morning and her husband snarled, “knock it the fuck off!”

    It’s funny if you KNOW them and if you know that he did it to be funny. (And she did say it cracked her up, because he doesn’t normally talk like that.)

    Apr 6, 2012 at 11:27 am   rating: 8  small thumbs up

  • #33   Really?

    Wow people like to overreact. I jokingly call my boyfriend an asshole all the time, he doesn’t go running off to Social Services. Everyone calm the fuck down!

    Apr 6, 2012 at 12:40 pm   rating: 13  small thumbs up

  • #34   lauren

    People need to chillax. This is obviously a joke – the “I hate you” and “motherfucker” are ironic and funny in these circumstances purely because they’re 180 degrees different from the previous exchange and totally over the top.

    Apr 8, 2012 at 2:11 am   rating: 10  small thumbs up

  • #35   Kate

    I told my fiance to fuck off and get out of my car once. In my defence, he implied that my favourite footballer is not as good as I believe he is.

    Apr 10, 2012 at 1:24 am   rating: 7  small thumbs up

    • #35.1   The Elf

      Oh yeah, them’s fightin’ words.

      Apr 10, 2012 at 6:39 am   rating: 2  small thumbs up

  • #36   babycheezit

    I’m totally not surprised by the victimization defense a few people have chosen to take. Stop watching so much Lifetime and get a sense of humor. It’s called banter.

    Apr 10, 2012 at 1:55 pm   rating: 7  small thumbs up

  • #37   Abusive Wife

    My husband and I occasionally go on scenic hikes through the wilderness, where inevitably one of us will comment that it would be a great place to murder the other and hide the body.

    Apr 11, 2012 at 3:03 pm   rating: 15  small thumbs up

  • #38   Katie

    Uh yeah, my husband eats the last granola bar and doesn’t tell em so I can get more? “You fucking bastard!” I get into a video game beta test and he doesn’t? “You bitch, give me your password!” It’s fine, it works for us, and it would probably make other people uncomfortable as hell which is why we don’t do it in public. But nobody’s gonna shame me into not doing it at home, unless HE takes offense. Sucks to be everyone else!

    Apr 13, 2012 at 8:04 am   rating: 3  small thumbs up

  • #39   Gravity's Rambo

    I miss your fall? I miss your faee?

    I don’t get it.

    Apr 14, 2012 at 7:54 am   rating: 0  small thumbs up

    • #39.1   lauren

      “I miss your face.”

      Apr 19, 2012 at 1:54 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

  • #40   Lacerbeam

    Wow, most of these comments made me massively roll my eyes. I can’t imagine how miserable it must be to be so severely lacking in the “sense of humor” department.

    Apr 24, 2012 at 3:05 pm   rating: 8  small thumbs up


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