George Clooney, breaker of hearts (and printers)

April 20th, 2012 · 35 comments

“My favorite part,” says our anonymous submitter: “THE DAMNING EVIDENCE, RIGHT BEFORE YOUR VERY EYES!! Shame on you, you know who you are! Look how much trouble you caused! Enjoy bearing your shameful secret crush on George Clooney that breaks printers and wastes staff time!”

This print job jammed the copier. It took two staff 30 minutes to dissemble [sic] the fuser and remove the paper jam. Meanwhile [REDACTED] staff were frustrated that they were unable to print. As a reminder, [REDACTED] pays the [REDACTED] for every print, copy and fax made on the Pay Per Copy printers.

And on a related note…

PLEASE DO NOT PRINT LARGE JOBS

related: The printer doesn’t appreciate your tone.

FILED UNDER: message to all intended for one · office · the printer


35 responses so far ↓

  • #1   Zee

    I want to know why it took two staff members thirty minutes to lie to a fuser.

    Apr 20, 2012 at 1:44 am   rating: 79  small thumbs up

    • #1.1   The Elf

      The fuser was a too wrapped up in the paper jam to pay attention to the dissembling.

      Apr 20, 2012 at 6:42 am   rating: 10  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #2   Dr_Know

    Totally worth it!

    Apr 20, 2012 at 5:12 am   rating: 25  small thumbs up

     
  • #3   mama bear

    What’s dissemble?

    Apr 20, 2012 at 5:51 am   rating: 4  small thumbs up

    • #3.1   Beatus Mongous

      Reassemble, Stephanie.

      Apr 24, 2012 at 11:44 am   rating: 5  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #4   A1 SXS

    I wonder if you get the same note left if you happen to jam the printer when you printed out that email?

    I wonder how often the printer actually jams compared to how man y notes get left?

    Where there’s blame there’s a claim, bet this in America.

    Apr 20, 2012 at 5:59 am   rating: 0  small thumbs up

     
  • #5   anna key

    look what that stupid copier did george’s most beautiful face!
    someone should smash it with a rock.

    Apr 20, 2012 at 6:43 am   rating: 25  small thumbs up

     
  • #6   amvista

    I think if any annoyance I felt at having to “dissemble the fuser and remove the paper jam,” would have dissipated when I discovered that someone was attempting to print a full color headshot of George Clooney at work. For some reason I find that incredibly hilarious.

    Apr 20, 2012 at 7:08 am   rating: 83  small thumbs up

     
  • #7   submitter

    Oh, it’s even better than that. You can’t tell from this picture, but it’s actually a really low resolution image of Clooney blown up to full page size. The pixels are clearly visible blocks.

    Basically there’s everything to be ashamed of about this and the note writer clearly couldn’t resist a good public shaming.

    Apr 20, 2012 at 7:52 am   rating: 14  small thumbs up

     
  • #8   My name is Princess!

    That’s Hot.

    Apr 20, 2012 at 8:24 am   rating: 0  small thumbs up

     
  • #9   bob loblaw

    Uhhhhhhhh 30 minutes to clear a paper jam ?? Seriously?

    Apr 20, 2012 at 8:40 am   rating: 18  small thumbs up

    • #9.1   submitter

      I know, right? But I guess when George Clooney jams the printer he jams the Hell out of it.

      Apr 20, 2012 at 9:54 am   rating: 58  small thumbs up

       
    • #9.2   redheadwglasses

      That “30 minutes” includes 20 minutes of bitching about it and the unknown guilty party.

      Apr 20, 2012 at 12:27 pm   rating: 32  small thumbs up

       
    • #9.3   The Elf

      30 minutes to clear a jam makes sense when the $@!#! printer doesn’t realize it isn’t jammed anymore and keeps sensing a paper jam in section F or whatever so you have to keep opening it and fiddling with the stupid pull things and slide tabs and shutting it back and restarting it! I swear I’m going to go all Office Space on this thing one of these days.

      Apr 20, 2012 at 2:31 pm   rating: 36  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #10   Captain Hampton

    Damn! We’re in a tight spot!

    Apr 20, 2012 at 10:40 am   rating: 14  small thumbs up

     
  • #11   gippo

    Danny Ocean was here.

    Apr 20, 2012 at 10:53 am   rating: 1  small thumbs up

     
  • #12   m9

    how much you want to bet the picture belongs to staff member 2 (who helped “fix” the jam)?

    Apr 20, 2012 at 12:49 pm   rating: 7  small thumbs up

     
  • #13   Brother

    Clogged it up with Dapper Dan.

    Apr 20, 2012 at 1:24 pm   rating: 10  small thumbs up

    • #13.1   The Elf

      Should have used Fop.

      Apr 20, 2012 at 2:32 pm   rating: 4  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #14   fuzzbutt

    looks awful unwrinkled for being jammed in the printer, and then they printed off that lecture too.

    Apr 20, 2012 at 1:33 pm   rating: 4  small thumbs up

    • #14.1   Jessi

      The printers where I work re-print whatever you were printing when the jam occurred.

      Apr 22, 2012 at 1:33 am   rating: 4  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #15   teri

    The printer just didn’t want to let go of that sweet, sweet Cloontang.

    Apr 20, 2012 at 2:06 pm   rating: 23  small thumbs up

     
  • #16   Red Delicious

    No dissemble! Printer Five is Alive!!

    Apr 20, 2012 at 6:24 pm   rating: 8  small thumbs up

     
  • #17   DJ

    I guess Clooney is just too damned hot for the fuser.

    Apr 20, 2012 at 7:20 pm   rating: 3  small thumbs up

    • #17.1   Poltergeist

      George Clooney’s face is like fire – it’s beautiful to look at, but let your guard down for even a second and it’ll burn up the whole goddamn world. Paper jams are merely the first omen of things to come.

      Apr 21, 2012 at 6:53 am   rating: 9  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #18   Elly

    I agree with amvista @ #6 — this is hilarious, and must have been so embarrassing for Clooney’s admirer. It could have been worse, though. There are far more shameful secret crushes to have than Clooney. For instance, if… uh… someone who isn’t me discovered a note like this next to her pixel-y printout of Bill Gates’s head, she’d probably go to the ladies room and hang herself.

    Apr 21, 2012 at 4:57 am   rating: 5  small thumbs up

     
  • #19   Poltergeist

    Wouldn’t it be really weird if the admirer was fired over this incident and George Clooney was the corporate downsizer hired to come in and break the news to him/her? They should totally take that idea and, like, make a movie about it or something.

    Apr 21, 2012 at 6:40 am   rating: 9  small thumbs up

     
  • #20   Pit Pat

    I wonder what would have happened if it was a picture of Chuck Norris. Ideas?

    Apr 21, 2012 at 8:01 am   rating: 6  small thumbs up

    • #20.1   AC

      They’d need a new printer.

      Oct 25, 2012 at 12:50 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #21   Jami

    How do they know this person has a crush on George? Perhaps they wanted to put his picture up and throw darts at it.

    Apr 21, 2012 at 10:45 pm   rating: 4  small thumbs up

    • #21.1   Elly

      I can’t imagine anyone wanting to throw darts at George Clooney… unless they were love darts.

      Apr 21, 2012 at 11:59 pm   rating: 10  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #22   Pilgrimchick

    That is seriously hilarious. It’s the funniest thing I’ve seen all day.

    Apr 21, 2012 at 10:58 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

     
  • #23   Jimmy James

    Best possible explanation is that someone was printing it out to tape over the speakerphone next time they’re on a conference call, because they felt talking while making eye-contact with George Clooney would be easier than talking to a disembodied voice.

    Apr 22, 2012 at 5:18 pm   rating: 8  small thumbs up

    • #23.1   Beatus Mongous

      I use a Darth Vader mask.

      May 9, 2012 at 2:22 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #24   Printers

    Too good! Lovely!

    Apr 23, 2012 at 6:16 am   rating: 0  small thumbs up