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My croaked-out neighbor

April 24th, 2012 · 108 comments

Writes our submitter in Colorado: “Last year, a frog moved in to our small backyard pond. Although the sound was soothing and peaceful at first, this year it sounds like he’s quadrupled in size, his croaking now loud and obnoxious. We’ve tried to find the frog in the rocks to move him, with no luck. The kicker? “Apparently, one of our genius neighbors thinks we’re intentionally causing the ruckus with some kind of backyard Frog Noise Machine.”

Hello, I'm one of your neighbors who can hear the frog sound from your backyard. From my house the sound is very loud at night and causes sleep problems for my family (I myself have extremely hard problems with sleep even without the sound). We can hear it with all windows closed. We would really appreciate it if you would turn it off or down at night. It would make our nights a lot easier. Please help us out at night. Thank you - Sleepy

related: The sound of two hands clapping

FILED UNDER: Colorado · most popular notes of 2012 · neighbors · noise · sleeping

108 responses so far ↓

  • #1   kathryn

    Where can I buy this Backyard Frog Noise Machine? I have big plans……

    Apr 24, 2012 at 2:04 pm   rating: 182  small thumbs up

    • #1.1   Aliceblue

      Stop by my place – numerous tree frogs & one bull frog in the creek behind my house, yours for the taking. On rainy days it can be deafening, never new that they came with volume control.

      Apr 25, 2012 at 7:50 pm   rating: 10  small thumbs up

  • #2   Marjorie Simpson

    How is this passive aggressive? It sounds like a straight forward plea for courtesy.

    Apr 24, 2012 at 2:12 pm   rating: 28  small thumbs up

    • #2.1   Lenny!

      It’s at least passive in the sense that instead of the neighbor going over to discuss said frog noise, they left an note to air their grievances. The aggressive part? Signing it as one of the seven dwarfs and assuming they are purposing play frog recordings just to peeve them off.

      Apr 24, 2012 at 2:24 pm   rating: 144  small thumbs up

    • #2.2   Seanette

      Dunno about you, but I’ve always found turning down the volume on a wild animal a little tricky.

      Apr 24, 2012 at 2:24 pm   rating: 250  small thumbs up

    • #2.3   Judith

      This website’s subtitle: “funny (if not necessarily ‘passive-aggressive’) notes from pissed-off people”

      Apr 24, 2012 at 2:27 pm   rating: 50  small thumbs up

    • #2.4   caffeine

      I think this qualifies as passive aggressive because the neighbor has chosen to remain anonymous – therefore making a demand (albeit a restrained and polite one) with no chance for explanation or negotiation. Their attitude will likely become more aggressive when the frog noise isn’t ‘turned off’ at night!

      Apr 24, 2012 at 2:38 pm   rating: 75  small thumbs up

    • #2.5   Laura C.

      Straightforward? What’s so straightforward about leaving an anonymous note on your neighbor’s porch? Straightforward would have been if the neighbor had rang the bell and discussed the issue face-to-face.

      Apr 24, 2012 at 3:19 pm   rating: 52  small thumbs up

    • #2.6   Roto13

      Yeah, my vote’s for “Not Passive Aggressive.” It’s true that, despite the name of the site, a lot of these notes aren’t passive aggressive anyway, but that’s usually because they’re shamelessly aggressive. :P

      If it was a noise machine, there really wouldn’t be anything wrong with this note.

      Apr 24, 2012 at 3:19 pm   rating: 7  small thumbs up

    • #2.7   kermit

      I think the PA is implied by the fact that the note writer freely admits she has trouble sleeping even without the frog noise.

      If she has trouble sleeping, she should make a habit of having a night cap before bed (i.e. booze) or she should see a sleep doctor.

      Apr 24, 2012 at 4:31 pm   rating: 26  small thumbs up

    • #2.8   The Elf

      Oh, if only chronic insomnia was cured so easily!

      I sympathize with her sleep problems, but writing a note is definitely PA. This is double when you put responsibility for wild animal noise on a human.

      Apr 25, 2012 at 8:24 am   rating: 14  small thumbs up

    • #2.9   oh boy

      It would be a plea for courtesy if it weren’t blaming your neighbor that a frog is being loud in their yard.

      Apr 26, 2012 at 2:24 am   rating: 19  small thumbs up

    • #2.10   LadyIslay

      I agree. Very nice note. Stopping by to chat would be better, but aside from not signing a real name/leaving contact info, I don’t think this is bad at all. Completely stupid, but not bad. ;)

      Apr 27, 2012 at 3:19 am   rating: 3  small thumbs up

  • #3   Uninspired Required Name

    Sounds like the neighbors don’t have more than two brain cells.

    Apr 24, 2012 at 2:15 pm   rating: 43  small thumbs up

  • #4   fuzzbutt

    Turn down the sound of nature you idiot!

    Apr 24, 2012 at 2:21 pm   rating: 115  small thumbs up

    • #4.1   AuntyBron

      “Quiet! Yer givin’ the master a ‘eadache!”

      Apr 24, 2012 at 11:44 pm   rating: 18  small thumbs up

  • #5   any girl

    oh, really? i thought you might like some swampy athmosphere around.
    uhm- ever heard of ear plugs?

    btw, i never understood how people can have problems falling asleep.
    perhaps i should turn down drinking habits a bit.

    Apr 24, 2012 at 2:24 pm   rating: 10  small thumbs up

    • #5.1   Seanette

      I’m a chronic insomniac myself (problem dates back as far as grade school), so I do sympathize with sleep difficulties, but still, let’s try a little reality here.

      Apr 24, 2012 at 2:25 pm   rating: 53  small thumbs up

    • #5.2   TKD

      I also have a hard time falling to sleep. And I have two frog ponds on my property. I could really use a good nights sleep. Does anyone know where I can get some DDT?

      Apr 24, 2012 at 2:52 pm   rating: 5  small thumbs up

    • #5.3   Jami

      It can be a variety of reasons. For instance, low blood iron can lead to sleeping problems. It can actually cause restless leg syndrome, chronic nightmares, and constantly waking up through the night.

      Apr 24, 2012 at 4:17 pm   rating: 13  small thumbs up

    • #5.4   kermit

      You don’t need DDT to get rid of the frog. Just pour some of your bourbon in the pond.

      Apr 24, 2012 at 4:33 pm   rating: 9  small thumbs up

    • #5.5   dynacoco

      Sounds like a waste of bourbon to me.

      Apr 24, 2012 at 5:24 pm   rating: 39  small thumbs up

    • #5.6   magelet

      And those of us who do have problems sleeping can’t understand how some of you can lay down and fall right to sleep.
      That said, why anyone would assume animals noises were coming from anything other than ANIMALS is beyond me.

      Apr 25, 2012 at 6:49 pm   rating: 29  small thumbs up

  • #6   Addie

    We have frog-pond or pond-frog issues at our house too. Thankfully none of our neighbors are … silly enough to think that we would buy a machine to make that noise.

    However, I did visit an elderly woman that had a motion sensing croaking frog (a la “Billy the Big Mouth Bass”) on her front porch.

    Apr 24, 2012 at 2:25 pm   rating: 44  small thumbs up

    • #6.1   Really?

      My grandma had one of those, as well!!

      Apr 25, 2012 at 7:41 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

  • #7   any girl

    “Could you also dim the sun a bit until 9.30 a.m.?”

    Apr 24, 2012 at 2:26 pm   rating: 279  small thumbs up

  • #8   ljatty

    I want to see what their anonymous letter to crickets sounds like: Dear Crickets, please keep it down my family and I have sleep problems (extremely hard sleep problems) and the sound of your cricketing keeps us up. I can hear your cricketing through the windows. Please turn down your cricketing. Thanks, Needs Zzzzs

    Apr 24, 2012 at 2:27 pm   rating: 59  small thumbs up

    • #8.1   weaselby

      The person who got this note should give something like that a try: write a letter addressed to the very real and LIVE frog and post it under the letter they received (or, if they know the notewriter, post it on their door). That way when the notewriter comes back to step up the demand, they get a reality dose.

      Apr 24, 2012 at 2:49 pm   rating: 19  small thumbs up

    • #8.2   jadefirefly

      Even better – write a note FROM the frog.

      Apr 24, 2012 at 4:08 pm   rating: 92  small thumbs up

    • #8.3   redheadwglasses

      When I was a kid, I snuck a peek at my dad’s Playboys — at that age, mostly to see the funny cartoons toward the back of the magazine — and found one that showed two crickets doing it. One said to the other, “Can you believe those stupid humans think we make this noise just by rubbing our legs together?”

      Apr 26, 2012 at 8:37 am   rating: 12  small thumbs up

  • #9   wesley

    This P-A note is ribbeting! Marjorie. You have no sense of humor or you’ve lost it somewhere.

    Apr 24, 2012 at 2:28 pm   rating: 16  small thumbs up

    • #9.1   redheadwglasses

      I *hate* puns, but yours is awesome!

      Apr 26, 2012 at 8:38 am   rating: 2  small thumbs up

  • #10   Mason

    And while you’re at it, can you turn down that tornado? It’s really loud and it’s messing up my blinds.

    Apr 24, 2012 at 2:29 pm   rating: 52  small thumbs up

  • #11   Rachel of Cyberia

    Where is it moist enough in Colorado to have a frog? Because I’m tired of Saudi Aurora

    Apr 24, 2012 at 2:34 pm   rating: 14  small thumbs up

  • #12   TKD

    Dear Neighbor,
    That bright light on top of your house is becoming quite annoying. We could tolerate it last month when you turned in on later in the morning. But now that you are turning it on so early it is unbearable. It shines right in my window and wakes me up. Stop turning it on so early or the terrorists have won. Or, be more considerate and only turn it on in the afternoon like the neighbors on our other side. At least they have the decency to turn it off at dark!!!! Bad light you.
    Thanks, :-)

    Apr 24, 2012 at 2:47 pm   rating: 116  small thumbs up

    • #12.1   SoupySales

      +1 million for the “Bad light you.” Still might be my all-time favorite PAN.

      Apr 24, 2012 at 4:56 pm   rating: 18  small thumbs up

  • #13   Steve

    dmn nature, you scary!

    Apr 24, 2012 at 2:52 pm   rating: 11  small thumbs up

  • #14   belle

    I would post a sign on my front lawn simply stating “It’s a live frog, take up your qualms with God.” and then list contributors to insomnia such as poor diet, lack of exercise, and stress caused by such things as a disconnect with nature.

    Apr 24, 2012 at 2:54 pm   rating: 69  small thumbs up

    • #14.1   notolaf

      You would post a sign on your front lawn? Wow, you guys would just be a pair of crazy, wouldn’t you?

      May 3, 2012 at 5:11 pm   rating: 7  small thumbs up

  • #15   R.B.

    My friends have a heated pool with an electric cover here in North Carolina. John told me one night he forgot to close the cover, and “It sounded like a frog frat party all night long.”

    Apr 24, 2012 at 2:59 pm   rating: 41  small thumbs up

    • #15.1   Zsa

      I have an “enforced wetlands” behind my house. Now that it is spring those frogs are loud. I call it “frog lovin” but I like “frog frat party” better!

      Apr 25, 2012 at 10:52 am   rating: 10  small thumbs up

    • #15.2   Aliceblue

      Agree that it’s a great term. My house and frog-filled creek is in NC too. I just go with the flow & now have frogs as my ringtone. I never confuse my phone with other peoples.

      Apr 25, 2012 at 7:54 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

    • #15.3   Zsa

      I used to have frogs & crickets as my ringtone (and it always made me smile) until Hubby complained. The things I compromise for a happy household!

      Apr 26, 2012 at 3:53 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

  • #16   Lisa

    Maybe it’s because I struggle with sleep problems myself, but I find this note kind of sweet. A bit naive, perhaps a little stupid, but still…sweet. She (and I have to believe it’s a she) never gets nasty, just appeals to the supposed offender’s better nature. At the very least, I’d make the effort to contact her and explain that I wasn’t responsible for the noise. (And for the record? Frogs? Satan’s minions! Second only to snakes, IMO.)

    Apr 24, 2012 at 3:46 pm   rating: 11  small thumbs up

    • #16.1   Jami

      At least frogs eat those demonic spiders.

      Apr 24, 2012 at 4:21 pm   rating: 9  small thumbs up

    • #16.2   Siobhan

      why do think its a she?

      Apr 24, 2012 at 5:06 pm   rating: 4  small thumbs up

    • #16.3   Jessi

      I’m assuming Lisa thinks the note writer is a woman for the same reason I do – the handwriting. Though, I don’t know why Lisa *has* to believe it’s a woman.

      Apr 25, 2012 at 12:25 am   rating: 0  small thumbs up

    • #16.4   Lisa

      Fine, then…I *choose* to believe it’s a woman, for exactly the reason Jessi stated.

      Apr 26, 2012 at 4:01 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

  • #17   GoSign

    This note WOULD be perfectly nice if they had signed it. Leaving it anonymously on the doorstep is what makes it passive-aggressive and unreasonable.

    It betrays the assumption, “I already know everything I could possibly need to know about this situation, and my complaint is the ONLY communication that needs to happen.” The only reason to communicate this way is because you want to forbid the note’s recipient from responding to you, because you’re certain there’s nothing worthwhile they have to say.

    And as it predictably turns out, the note’s sender is completely wrong about that.

    Apr 24, 2012 at 3:54 pm   rating: 67  small thumbs up

    • #17.1   Sera

      I agree. I’ve left a lot of notes for neighbors because we just weren’t home at the same time, or if they had an infant that might be napping (nothing pisses off a new mom like waking a baby that JUST went to sleep). Some of them were happy notes, like “Do you need a new dresser? I have one I’m giving away.” Some were requests that they be more polite about things. Either way, I always signed my name and house number so they could reply.

      Apr 25, 2012 at 2:15 pm   rating: 8  small thumbs up

  • #18   bookworm

    There was a rabbit that used to get into my mom’s backyard, and from there, it would squeeze through a hole in the fence to eat the flowers in the neighbor’s backyard. When they complained, she acted like she was responsible though.

    She also patched the hole in the fence, because why share a wild bunny with people like that?

    Apr 24, 2012 at 4:09 pm   rating: 44  small thumbs up

  • #19   Linda R

    I would really really like one of these machines to combat my neighbor’s 10 Yapping Dogs!

    Apr 24, 2012 at 4:18 pm   rating: 13  small thumbs up

    • #19.1   The Elf

      Just ask him to mute them at night. I’m sure he’ll understand.

      Apr 25, 2012 at 10:57 am   rating: 26  small thumbs up

  • #20   JingoPoe

  • #21   Simona

    Haha! My house has a tank in the backyard which frogs have taken over. This noise is so LOUD! Our neighbours don’t leave notes for us in the morning, we just see the dead frogs floating :D

    Apr 24, 2012 at 5:00 pm   rating: 3  small thumbs up

    • #21.1   tch tch

      Kermit will drown if he can’t get out of the tank. Put something in the tank so they can climb back out.

      Apr 24, 2012 at 6:32 pm   rating: 20  small thumbs up

    • #21.2   julian casablancas

      Yes, your neighbors definitely went into your backyard and killed your frogs. They didn’t just drown in the water, they must have been murdered.

      Aug 26, 2012 at 3:52 am   rating: 2  small thumbs up

  • #22   Captain Hampton

    “It would make our nights alot easier.”


    Apr 24, 2012 at 5:10 pm   rating: 8  small thumbs up

  • #23   Mrs.Beasley

    Frog noise? Fer realz?

    City people… [insert eyeroll here]

    Apr 24, 2012 at 5:31 pm   rating: 28  small thumbs up

    • #23.1   The Elf

      My first thought too! If there’s a “small pond” in the submitter’s backyard, then we’re talking pretty sizeable lots here. Maybe not acres and acres, but probably quarter acre or bigger, single family homes. So this is a suburban or rural neighborhood, where a certain amount of nature is expected. That’s one reason people move there! With nature, comes nature sounds. If you don’t like it, stay in the city (or at least more densely populated suburbs). I’ll take frog noise over traffic and people noise any day.

      Apr 25, 2012 at 11:03 am   rating: 11  small thumbs up

    • #23.2   Sera

      It really just depends on what she means by a “small pond”. My dad lived in a townhouse where the “yard” was too small to even have grass, but he built a small above ground koi pond. It was about the size of a bathtub. If that’s what she means by small pond could mean small koi pond, in which case she could well be in the city.

      Apr 25, 2012 at 1:57 pm   rating: 4  small thumbs up

    • #23.3   Submitter

      We live in the suburbs, 1/4 acre lot in a subdivision surrounded by lots of nature. The pond is about 4 feet in diameter if that. Frogs were captured (Chorus frogs, apparently native to colorado), there ended up being 4 of them. Meowmix (the original one, who never lived up to his name) was the loudest. They were all relocated to a river down the street.
      On a side note; we probably found a never before used use for our wet/dry vac.

      The only downside to this, other than kind of missing the croaking, is the the neighbour will assume we just hit the off-switch…

      Apr 25, 2012 at 2:26 pm   rating: 27  small thumbs up

    • #23.4   Sera

      That’s pretty hilarious. Both about the wet dry vac, and the neighbor. Some of the comments have great ideas for letting them know it’s a real frog- if you use one you should do a follow up!

      Apr 25, 2012 at 2:30 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

    • #23.5   notolaf

      I was going to say that you should check any drain/exhaust pipes on your property, since frogs will get in there and use the pipe as a loudspeaker (yes, they will!), but if you’ve already vacuumed and released…

      Really, that seems a little mean.

      May 3, 2012 at 5:18 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

  • #24   Me

    What is wrong with all of you? Am I the only one who owns a Frog Machine?

    Apr 24, 2012 at 7:21 pm   rating: 45  small thumbs up

  • #25   Eileen

    Dear Kermit,

    Keep it down, would you? People are trying to sleep!


    the rest of Sesame Street

    Apr 24, 2012 at 9:06 pm   rating: 10  small thumbs up

    • #25.1   kermit

      Some bourbon in the pond would help,

      Noisily yours,


      Apr 24, 2012 at 9:17 pm   rating: 6  small thumbs up

    • #25.2   The Elf

      Someday we’ll find it, the bourbon connection, the lovers, the alkies, and me.

      Apr 25, 2012 at 11:04 am   rating: 21  small thumbs up

  • #26   bluefish

    Last year when we had all the grasshoppers around, the magpies were still up feeding at 3am, and having their sing song as well. I did try and reason with them, asked them to wait until daylight or at least move to the streetlight on the next block, but they took no notice of me at all. Sheesh.

    Apr 24, 2012 at 9:41 pm   rating: 22  small thumbs up

  • #27   infanttyrone

    Dear Sleepy,

    Alas, it is a real frog, but look on the bright side.
    If you can catch it, you can keep it and and you can cook it.
    I recommend serving it with fava beans and a nice Pinot Grigio.
    Yes, like so many other things, it will taste remarkably like chicken.

    But please…cook it…eat it…but do not lick it or kiss it.
    It is not a prince and it will not wake up and make you happy.
    However, the bufotenine could be the start of a gothic nightmare.
    And, of course, I find the world a more interesting place with you in it.

    Bon appetit,
    Dr. Lecter

    Apr 24, 2012 at 10:46 pm   rating: 39  small thumbs up

    • #27.1   Sera

      This comment is far too awesome. I really hope the submitter uses it.

      Apr 25, 2012 at 2:01 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

    • #27.2   Gina

      This comment is fantastic. However, since the note-writer really believes that her neighbor has a FROG NOISE MACHINE in her yard at night, I really doubt she’d get the humor. Sorry-but the person who wrote that note is monumentally stupid.

      May 20, 2012 at 8:29 am   rating: 2  small thumbs up

  • #28   Omnivore

    I really, really want to give the frog a megaphone after reading this note.

    Team Amphibi-party!!!

    Apr 24, 2012 at 11:13 pm   rating: 12  small thumbs up

    • #28.1   Palomon

      Hello, my baby
      Hello, my honey
      Hello, my ragtime gal

      Send me a kiss by wire
      Baby, my hearts on fire

      If you refuse me
      Honey, you’ll lose me
      Then you’ll be left alone

      Oh baby, telephone
      And tell me I’m your own

      Hello, my baby
      Hello, my honey
      Hello, my ragtime gal

      Send me a kiss by wire
      Baby, my hearts on fire

      If you refuse me
      Honey, you’ll lose me
      Then you’ll be left alone

      Oh baby, telephone
      And tell me I’m your own

      Apr 25, 2012 at 12:12 am   rating: 41  small thumbs up

    • #28.2   Tavana

      You have succeeded in your endeavor to impress, Low Quality Grammar Time Lord.

      Apr 25, 2012 at 8:12 am   rating: 1  small thumbs up

    • #28.3   Kate

      Um, that’s the song that the WB (I think?) station frog used to sing. I’m not sure what the previous respondent’s message even means. Maybe they licked one of those hallucinogenic frogs?

      Apr 25, 2012 at 6:41 pm   rating: 3  small thumbs up

    • #28.4   TKD

      Michigan J. Frog is his name. He still performs on Saturday mornings.

      Apr 26, 2012 at 12:27 am   rating: 7  small thumbs up

    • #28.5   Tavana

      Time Lords have two hearts. Doctor Who reference.

      Apr 26, 2012 at 1:46 am   rating: 4  small thumbs up

    • #28.6   Palomon

      I cut-n-pasted from a lyrics website. While I see no big grammatical issues, I have no excuse for missing the punctuation errors before posting to the snarkiest site in the snarkosphere.

      Apr 27, 2012 at 1:44 am   rating: 7  small thumbs up

  • #29   Serenity

    Aww, poor froggles, he sings because he’s happy and someone is hating on him for it. I personally love the sounds of frogs and crickets and such. I actually do use them on my nature sound board thingamabob at night to help me sleep, and drown out the car and people sounds! Froggy can come live by my house :)

    Apr 25, 2012 at 12:07 am   rating: 16  small thumbs up

    • #29.1   Jessi

      I don’t think he sings because he’s happy. From everything I’ve read, frogs sing because they’re horny.

      Apr 25, 2012 at 12:27 am   rating: 23  small thumbs up

    • #29.2   jUStPunkin

      No, frogs are happy, toads are horny. There is a difference you know.

      Apr 25, 2012 at 9:38 am   rating: 16  small thumbs up

    • #29.3   The Elf

      Perhaps the frog is happily horny?

      I suspect Froggie has gone a-courtin’. He rides the pond at night, with a sword and pistol by his side. Soon Miss Mouse will ask Uncle Rat for permission to wed, they’ll plan all the wedding details, and then the cat will crash the party and eat them all.

      Patience, sleepy. Patience.

      Apr 25, 2012 at 11:19 am   rating: 25  small thumbs up

    • #29.4   Mia

      Although frogs do make more noise during the mating season, apparently most of the noise is the result of male frogs voicing their displeasure at being mounted by other male frogs rather than an attempt to attract a mate.

      Apr 25, 2012 at 2:54 pm   rating: 15  small thumbs up

    • #29.5   Spooky

      @Serenity; that’s no “sound board” nature thingamabob; that’s a real frog in there!

      And could you please turn him down?

      Apr 27, 2012 at 9:34 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

  • #30   Brian H

    In my area of the country that akin to asking your neighbor to keeping those coyotes from yelping at night.

    Of course if the frogs were that bad you need to get out there at night with a flashlight and spear. Go old school.

    Apr 25, 2012 at 12:33 am   rating: 10  small thumbs up

  • #31   Frog Friend

    I grew up close to a marsh and went to sleep to the sounds of peepers and croakers. I live in the city now and I sure miss it. Maybe the problem is that it’s a single, distinctive frog, whereas a massive frog chorus would be more like white noise, or maybe green noise. Get froggy some friends!

    Apr 25, 2012 at 8:02 am   rating: 12  small thumbs up

  • #32   Julia

    My theory (which is unlikely, but mine) is that the letter-writer is a first-rate ironist who saw her neighbours hunting fruitlessly for the frog and decided to wind them up a bit.

    Apr 25, 2012 at 10:20 am   rating: 25  small thumbs up

    • #32.1   susannie

      Hehe, that would have been funny.

      Apr 25, 2012 at 10:31 am   rating: 1  small thumbs up

  • #33   yolanda

    If it’s not important enough to say to my face, it’s not important to waste my worry on. When you, dear neighbor, make the effort to tell me directly, I will pleased to instruct you as to the source of my “frog noise.”
    Personally I really would love it if some croaker graced my pond that way. It would be the final stamp of approval on my artwork!

    Apr 25, 2012 at 11:00 am   rating: 8  small thumbs up

  • #34   clumber

    We have more than a few lovesick frogs in our yard. They used to annoy me… then from the very sewer of Hell itself came a peacock. The evil creature starts screaming at 3am and doesn’t stop until 10pm. I have, in actual fact, set-up in the treehouse in our yard with a pellet gun with scope and laser sight trying to rid the zipcode of this foul bird, but have not been able to locate it. The bend of the land causes sound to echo oddly, making sighting the damn thing by sound alone impossible. I will bring beer and flies for the biggest fucking frog party in the land if we can be rid of the damn peacock.

    (devolves into muttering over in the corner talking to her own thumb)

    Apr 25, 2012 at 3:29 pm   rating: 25  small thumbs up

    • #34.1   Belaani

      Aren’t they something? Sound like a cross between an elephant trumpeting, and a party horn!! And yeah, they have a different definition of “morning” than even the other birds… good hunting!

      Apr 25, 2012 at 5:16 pm   rating: 7  small thumbs up

    • #34.2   kermit

      I had no idea peacocks were such asshole birds. It must have come around because you have some delicious food lying about. Assuming you don’t have any pets who wander around, have you tried sprinkling poison to see if the peacock will commit suicide?

      Apr 25, 2012 at 5:17 pm   rating: 4  small thumbs up

    • #34.3   The Elf

      It makes a certain sort of sense that a peacock would be a dick.

      Apr 25, 2012 at 8:14 pm   rating: 16  small thumbs up

    • #34.4   Poltergeist

      As incredibly irritating as that sounds, please don’t kill the peacock. If it was okay to simply eliminate loud and obnoxious living creatures, I would have killed my downstairs neighbors already. And unlike my neighbors, peacocks are at least pretty!

      Apr 26, 2012 at 1:40 am   rating: 12  small thumbs up

    • #34.5   clumber

      kermit – We have many many critters and I am not at all certain where this damn demon lives so would have no idea where to put poison, and aside from that I have minor ethical beliefs against setting up “kill anything” traps. I prefer specific, directed violence.

      Poltergeist – I would be right with you in that thought except for one huge factor – waking me up. That is the NO GO DEAL BREAKER.

      I neglected to mention that also in our neighborhood (yes, very rural) there are many pet goats. I like goats, I truly do. I even like roosters. BUT — starting at 3am the vile peacock starts its screeching and… FFS… the goats answer. So every day from about April 1 until September and from 3am to 10pm SHREEEIKAAAGGGH— maaaaaa– maaaa-maaaaa- ROCK A DOODLE!! and lather rinse repeat until I become insane from sleep deprivation and start taking pot shots at invisible flying ghosts.

      Apr 26, 2012 at 2:39 pm   rating: 13  small thumbs up

    • #34.6   tch tch

      Thanks for the laughs and the tears :) I was going to suggest getting a fox but then remembered the story of the old woman swallowing the fly.

      Apr 27, 2012 at 6:50 am   rating: 4  small thumbs up

    • #34.7   Bianca

      Have you ever heard of the sound of a fox shrieking? They’re immensely loud and really creepy! Here’s a YouTube example – you really don’t want this as well as the goats and peacocks!

      Feb 19, 2013 at 2:23 am   rating: 2  small thumbs up

  • #35   Lil'

    I lived in a two-bedroom townhouse for about 2 years and had no outdoor space except for the fenced-in area just outside my back door. Beyond that was a small ditch that always had water in it…and frogs. The frogs made more of a quacking sound than a croaking sound. My new neighbor approached our landlord with her concerns that I was hiding a pet duck. She suspected I put him out into that small fenced-in area at night and he would quack all night to come back inside. Crazy as her theory was, I still think it was more reasonable than a frog machine.

    Apr 25, 2012 at 3:38 pm   rating: 31  small thumbs up

    • #35.1   Msmmain

      This actually made my eyes water I was laughing so hard.

      Dec 13, 2015 at 2:43 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

  • #36   bananaphone

    Dear Sleepy,
    I took care of the problem.

    graciously yours,
    Frog trainer

    Apr 25, 2012 at 5:43 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

  • #37   Kate

    Hahaha…city people are so idiotic! “Please turn the frogs down or off!” Hahaha…are the stars visible where you are? Next thing you know she’ll ask you to turn them off because they’re too bright! We had a doozy of a visitor who complained about the “weird, loud chicken” and told us we should put “her” down because something must be wrong with “her.” Of course, that “chicken” was the rooster.

    Apr 25, 2012 at 6:36 pm   rating: 12  small thumbs up

    • #37.1   Uly

      Roosters are chickens. Do you perhaps mean that it was a rooster and not a hen?

      Feb 15, 2013 at 9:30 am   rating: 2  small thumbs up

  • #38   Juniper

    You have to admit though – that considering these people actually think that the neighbour is creating the noise themselves with some kind of machine … it’s an amazingly polite note.

    Apr 26, 2012 at 3:52 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

  • #39   Michele

    More like Dopey or Grumpy…

    Apr 26, 2012 at 5:21 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

  • #40   Kathryn

    I had a roommate who demanded I stop the freight trains from running in the nearby canyon because he was tired of them waking him up at night. I asked him why on earth he thought I would have any influence over the Santa Fe Railroad, so he gave 30 days notice and left. (Good riddance.)

    At least he didn’t go through with his threat to sue me for the cost of his sleeping pills–which probably cost less than filing fees in Small Claims Court.

    Apr 28, 2012 at 3:46 am   rating: 12  small thumbs up

    • #40.1   The Elf

      First you have the energy drink psycho roommate story, and then the train-obsessed insomniac…… Maybe you should stop advertising for roommates in rehab clinics, mental wards, and Passive Aggressive Weekly.

      Apr 28, 2012 at 6:49 pm   rating: 8  small thumbs up

  • #41   Chinchillazilla

    I back up to a farm. Sometimes in the middle of the night, I hear roosters crowing. I guess I should go back there and ask them to turn off their rooster machine.

    Apr 30, 2012 at 4:51 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up