Well, it’s not a horse’s head in your bed…

April 25th, 2012 · 43 comments

Kayla says this message was left in the dorm laundry room after a girl’s clothes disappeared.

(I can just see the snarky follow-ups now…”Awesome! Free goldfish!”)

This is what will happen to you if you take people's clothes.

related: To the asshole that stole all of my underwear…

FILED UNDER: college life · laundry · Ohio · stealing · warning


43 responses so far ↓

  • #1   joshua

    Wow, that’s a bit beyond passive aggressive and well on the way to criminal threat.

    Apr 25, 2012 at 7:09 pm   rating: 67  small thumbs up

     
  • #2   Kara

    Now what kind of crazy are we going for here?

    I’m going to show you my dead goldfish? Or, I boiled my goldfish and then showed him to you?

    Coz I often find a death threat just doesn’t work unless you’ve done some bunny (or fish) boiling.

    Apr 25, 2012 at 7:10 pm   rating: 34  small thumbs up

    • #2.1   Jami

      I actually wonder if that’s really water or if she put someone’s goldfish into a cup of bleach. She seems just that psycho from the letter.

      I swear, this could be an opening scene on Criminal Minds.

      Apr 27, 2012 at 12:50 am   rating: 11  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #3   Minaude

    Free DEAD goldfish? Wow! How did you guess I was on a protein diet?

    Apr 25, 2012 at 7:11 pm   rating: 15  small thumbs up

    • #3.1   Clumber

      Why those marvelous pecs, my dear, gave you away.

      Apr 26, 2012 at 6:36 pm   rating: 5  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #4   Jitty

    D: Oh, no, Goldie!!! T__T

    Apr 25, 2012 at 7:44 pm   rating: 13  small thumbs up

     
  • #5   thrall

    I am going to die the death of an alcoholic?

    Apr 25, 2012 at 8:03 pm   rating: 4  small thumbs up

     
  • #6   me

    PETA needs to be all over that one. O_o creepy

    Apr 25, 2012 at 8:18 pm   rating: 10  small thumbs up

     
  • #7   Me

    This looks like postmodern art

    Apr 25, 2012 at 8:29 pm   rating: 15  small thumbs up

     
  • #8   Paige

    How the hell can she turn people into a goldfish?

    Apr 25, 2012 at 8:53 pm   rating: 82  small thumbs up

    • #8.1   dahliasmom2012

      She turned me into a newt! I got better…..

      Apr 26, 2012 at 3:38 am   rating: 53  small thumbs up

       
    • #8.2   litchic

      You need to win like 12 Internets for that — ’twas full of awesome!

      Apr 27, 2012 at 12:55 am   rating: 5  small thumbs up

       
    • #8.3   Hetaliafan bang

      Burn her anyway!!!!

      May 2, 2012 at 1:50 am   rating: 0  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #9   Steph

    What a freak.

    Apr 25, 2012 at 10:46 pm   rating: 4  small thumbs up

     
  • #10   coute

    I sure hope that goldfish was dead before she put it in there.

    Apr 25, 2012 at 11:43 pm   rating: 46  small thumbs up

     
  • #11   SeeYouInTea

    I think this is so over-the-top, batshit crazy, but it is hilarious as hell!

    Apr 26, 2012 at 12:38 am   rating: 10  small thumbs up

     
  • #12   Poltergeist

    Oh no, she’s going to overfeed me and/or “forget” to clean up my floating excrement!

    Apr 26, 2012 at 1:52 am   rating: 19  small thumbs up

    • #12.1   Me

      I know you’re a poltergeist, but…clean up after yourself.

      Apr 26, 2012 at 2:44 am   rating: 7  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #13   Penultimate

    You’ll be sleeping with the fishes.

    Apr 26, 2012 at 2:51 am   rating: 20  small thumbs up

     
  • #14   Grant

    Also found in the laundry room after someone took the advertising blurb literally. “If it’s safe in water, it’s safe in Lux!”

    Apr 26, 2012 at 4:02 am   rating: 6  small thumbs up

     
  • #15   The White Clouds of Opium bang

    That’s when another girl on the floor reported her goldfish missing…

    Apr 26, 2012 at 4:27 am   rating: 21  small thumbs up

     
  • #16   The Elf

    That’s an offer you can’t refuse.

    Apr 26, 2012 at 6:55 am   rating: 2  small thumbs up

     
  • #17   H for Toy bang

    Goldie’s last day,
    Goldie’s last day,
    If a picture’s worth a thousand words,
    There’s nothing left to say.
    Wish you could’ve been there for Goldie’s last day…

    Apr 26, 2012 at 7:37 am   rating: 1  small thumbs up

     
  • #18   redheadwglasses

    So… she killed her own fish? (Or more likely, found her fish dead and decided to get some use out of it?)

    Apr 26, 2012 at 8:34 am   rating: 5  small thumbs up

    • #18.1   H for Toy bang

      No, she found out who stole her clothes and killed their goldfish. You steal my clothes = I kill your goldfish.

      Apr 26, 2012 at 1:03 pm   rating: 9  small thumbs up

       
    • #18.2   Hetaliafan bang

      This person must have a load of goldfish then, or that threat becomes non-existent the moment they read the note.

      “What you gonna do? Kill it twice?”

      May 2, 2012 at 1:52 am   rating: 5  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #19   yolanda

    The only way that could possibly be okay is if the goldfish died of natural causes and provided an opportunity to be extremely silly between friends.

    Apr 26, 2012 at 10:33 am   rating: 26  small thumbs up

     
  • #20   deprogrammed

    I think it means the thief can meet with the same fate, which can probably be considered a criminal threat. Although if I discovered someone had stolen my clothes my first impulse might involve growing fangs and breathing fire.

    Apr 26, 2012 at 1:36 pm   rating: 5  small thumbs up

     
  • #21   21skulls

    This is actually quite unsettling. This is something my sociopathic ex coworker would probably do.

    Apr 26, 2012 at 3:57 pm   rating: 14  small thumbs up

     
  • #22   Lou Lou

    Uhm… shouldn’t the note say, “This is what WILL happen to you if you CONTINUE to take people’s clothes?”… because I am assuming the act was already done once… and that person is likely not dead. Am I over thinking this?

    Apr 26, 2012 at 6:11 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

     
  • #23   Loser

    I think what she’s trying to say is that if you mess with her laundry, she will put a dead fish in your laundry soap/liquid fabric softener, so that all your clothes will smell like fish. Note that the dead fish is in one of those little measuring cups that comes with laundry soap, and the liquid it’s floating in actually appears to be laundry soap.

    It still comes across very creepy, though, and the meaning isn’t readily apparent.

    Apr 26, 2012 at 6:36 pm   rating: 3  small thumbs up

    • #23.1   Kristen

      Looks like a SOLO cup and water to me…

      Apr 27, 2012 at 1:23 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #24   Joe Blow

    No one cares about dead fish.

    Apr 26, 2012 at 7:21 pm   rating: 3  small thumbs up

    • #24.1   juju_skittles

      Except maybe battered. Or fried in a little butter. And crumbed. With a little squeeze of lemon…

      Apr 26, 2012 at 11:16 pm   rating: 8  small thumbs up

       
    • #24.2   Poltergeist

      Excuuuuse me! My mother was a fish!

      Apr 30, 2012 at 2:40 am   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #25   Somebody

    At first I thought it was just a dead fish in a bowl, probably one they found and used as a joke. Now it looks like they drowned it in the detergent (?) – if it’s the latter, it’s definitely sociopathic and kind of pathetic.

    Apr 26, 2012 at 10:53 pm   rating: 16  small thumbs up

     
  • #26   Jon

    A really thoughtful thief wouldn’t be impressed.

    Apr 27, 2012 at 10:36 am   rating: 0  small thumbs up

     
  • #27   Diane

    Who leaves their clothes unattended in a dorm’s laundry room in the first place?

    Apr 27, 2012 at 3:47 pm   rating: 4  small thumbs up

    • #27.1   Poltergeist

      I’ll tell you who – a goldfish serial killer just looking for an excuse to strike again.

      Apr 30, 2012 at 2:39 am   rating: 3  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #28   Anne

    @Diane I’m guessing you never lived in the dorms, or went to a college full of idiots.

    Speaking of passive-aggressive dorm behavior.. when my friend found that someone had dumped her clothes to wash their own, she poured a full bottle of bleach into their machine.

    Apr 30, 2012 at 2:08 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

    • #28.1   Fat Desdemona

      Someone pulled that shit on me (pouring bleach in my laundry) and it’s not OK. EVER. In my circumstance, I waited around to see if the person would come to claim their clothes. They didn’t, so into the dryer they went to wait for their owner. When I came back, all my work clothes were destroyed.

      Your friend sucks. If she didn’t want someone touching her things, she should’ve been there when the washer was done. If it stops, a person forfeits her right to the washer when she’s not there.

      May 2, 2012 at 6:00 pm   rating: 12  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #29   notolaf

    Re: To the asshole that stole all of my underwear…

    That’s what you get for wearing a thong, idiot.

    May 3, 2012 at 1:46 am   rating: 0  small thumbs up

     
  • #30   alanc230

    Maybe it was also an invitation to a goldfish-swallowing contest.

    May 3, 2012 at 9:25 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up