Scoffs our submitter in Los Angeles: “Because as a healthy, functioning, adult, you really need to be reminded that you’re a good person for cleaning up after yourself.”

related: Three never-ending office arguments

“Apparently my dear Dad was the glue that held our family together, because it has totally disintegrated after his passing in 1999,” writes our submitter in Massachusetts.

After years of putting up with “greedy demands, backstabbing, and sheer fuckery amongst the moochers in the clan,” our submitter recently visited her father’s grave to discover this unsigned note perched on top. (Underneath it, she presumes, her Dad was rolling over.)

related: For sale, cemetery plot, never used.

Amy in Ohio found this delightful diatribe while browsing through area garage sale listings on Craigslist. “Fortunately I snapped a screenshot, because this gem was soon flagged for removal,” she says. “My favorite part: ‘…nothing but ignorance!’”

related: Some advice on holding a garage sale

Fun fact: according to a Pew Research report, 30% of young adults have pretended to be using their phone in order to avoid interacting with the people around them.

If you’re one of them, here’s a head’s up: Your awkward penguin moves aren’t gonna help you at Gestalt Haus in San Francisco.

Adds our submitter, Carly: “Even though I bought plenty of beer while I was there, I still felt like I needed to make eye contact with the bartender when coming out of the pisser. And that gets a little awkward after a while.”

related: Drip-dry only, ladies

Writes Steph in Toronto: “Most of the notices posted in the elevator of my condo building are pretty standard (fire alarm drills, etc.) but this one’s special. It just raises so many questions: Was the milk expired? Were they throwing it at someone? How much milk are we talking about that it’s a ‘matter of public safety’? I need to know!”

related: Urine in bottles thrown out windows is disgusting

Eerac and I met up in Barcelona last week, where we climbed lots and lots of stairs. The one time we didn’t, of course, the Metro station totally called us out.

Eric and I are still climbing stairs (now in Poland and Portugal, respectively), where we haven’t yet seen any similar signs. Back in the States, however, Christine in L.A. spotted this rather harsh version in the elevator of a 7-story university residence hall.

related: Buffalo, please use the elevator

The good news? Stealing sprinkles from this New Jersey yogurt shop won’t lead to eternal damnation!

Thanks to Lauren in Princeton, NJ for submitting!

related: Wrath of the Ancients

A few months ago, Christie in North Carolina joined a group on Meetup.com, but never found the time to attend any of the actual meetups. This, it seems, is a serious breach of Meetup netiquette. Recently, the group’s owner did Christie the favor of explaining why she was being kicked out of the group — for her own benefit, of course.