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60% of the time it works every time

May 5th, 2012 · 30 comments

Pat in London works for a large office, where, unfortunately for the many java addicts on staff, the coffeemaker has a habit of breaking down. Also, Pat says, “It’s an advertising agency, so there are lots of grammar pedants.” The result?

OUT OF ORDER - engineer called -  I SAID OUT OF ORDER - WHICH MEANS NO YOU CANNOT HAVE A COFFEE - can try if you feel lucky... - There is another coffee machine on the fifth floor - But no toilets... - Except for the two that are there... - LOUD NOISES - 60% of the time it works every time - Stop wasting VALUABLe office stationary - <--stationery --- WRITE RESPONSIBLY -- Nothing in this place works! -- I prefer tea anyway :(

related: Just be glad you don’t know what’s in the coffee

FILED UNDER: coffee · London · note wars · office · smartass · spelling and grammar police

30 responses so far ↓

  • #1   NeonDreams

    Might I suggest, that since over-use seems to be an issue, why don’t they purchase a second coffee machine; to lighten the first machine’s load?

    May 5, 2012 at 1:47 pm   rating: 13  small thumbs up

  • #2   BeQui

    My favorite is LOUD NOISES!

    May 5, 2012 at 1:48 pm   rating: 58  small thumbs up

    • #2.1   SeeYouInTea

      I’d go with the Anchorman quote.

      May 6, 2012 at 12:57 am   rating: 0  small thumbs up

    • #2.2   KD

      My favourites are the Anchorman quotes as well, but specifically “LOUD NOISES”. My husband says he likes the other one the best.

      May 7, 2012 at 4:24 am   rating: 0  small thumbs up

  • #3   JK

    There’s coffee in that nebula.

    (Trekkies, make yourselves known.)

    May 5, 2012 at 2:07 pm   rating: 12  small thumbs up

    • #3.1   Schlady

      The finest organic suspension ever devised!

      May 5, 2012 at 3:52 pm   rating: 4  small thumbs up

    • #3.2   Nunavut Guy

      It was invented in Russia.

      May 6, 2012 at 9:27 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

    • #3.3   Madrias

      Shall we set phasers to stun?

      May 7, 2012 at 7:11 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

  • #4   FeRD bang

    Can I just say how happy I am to learn that, in an ad agency of all places, there are “a lot of grammar pedants”?

    May 5, 2012 at 2:49 pm   rating: 19  small thumbs up

    • #4.1   The Elf

      It doesn’t explain some of the ads I’ve seen, though. Maybe they all work in one agency.

      May 6, 2012 at 5:41 pm   rating: 8  small thumbs up

    • #4.2   El Jefe

      Apparently their (and PAN’s) pedantry is too oblivious to details; *someone* at their workplace CAN’T FUCKING SPELL ‘COFFEE’ PROPERLY!!!

      May 12, 2012 at 7:13 am   rating: 2  small thumbs up

  • #5   Leorale

    This one makes me happy. It sounds like my family.

    May 5, 2012 at 3:40 pm   rating: 14  small thumbs up

  • #6   kermit

    Affixing Post-it notes to the thing makes it work better, right?

    May 5, 2012 at 8:47 pm   rating: 14  small thumbs up

  • #7   BrookeDiz

    Well of COURSE it doesn’t work – there are all those damn notes stuck all over it!

    May 5, 2012 at 9:00 pm   rating: 24  small thumbs up

  • #8   SeeYouInTea

    This is truly fantastic. They seem like a fun bunch.

    May 5, 2012 at 9:49 pm   rating: 8  small thumbs up

  • #9   sleeps

    I yearn, deep in my soul, to work in this office. Seriously, I would work in the mail room if it paid a living wage and I got to hang out with people like this on a regular basis, instead of the live-action version of Joe vs. The Volcano that is my work environment.

    May 5, 2012 at 10:43 pm   rating: 18  small thumbs up

    • #9.1   dddgurl

      But can he do the job. I know he can get the job but can he DO the job? I’m NOT arguing that with you. I’m not arguing that with YOU. I’m not ARGUING that with you. I’m not ARGUING that with you Harry! Harry… Harry… Yeah Harry… but can he DO the job. I know he can GET the job but can he do the job?

      May 7, 2012 at 12:31 am   rating: 3  small thumbs up

    • #9.2   dddgurl

      *looks down*

      “I’m losing my sole”

      May 7, 2012 at 12:36 am   rating: 1  small thumbs up

    • #9.3   sleeps

      You mean you were diagnosed with something called a brain cloud and didn’t ask for a second opinion?

      May 7, 2012 at 10:02 am   rating: 3  small thumbs up

  • #10   Poltergeist

    (BBC narrative) “Exhausted and overworked, the coffeemaker sings a loud and rattling swan song before finally passing on. Within hours of its untimely death, the machine is swarmed by post-it notes, and in just a few days, all that will remain of the decaying carcass is a light dusting of coffee grounds ready to be carried off by the wind. Life has come full circle.”

    May 6, 2012 at 7:57 am   rating: 72  small thumbs up

    • #10.1   jugstopper

      Imagine Sir David Attenborough using the avatar Poltergeist!

      May 6, 2012 at 7:36 pm   rating: 3  small thumbs up

  • #11   AuntyBron

    “Valuable Stationary”? Dude – they’re pos-it notes.

    May 6, 2012 at 11:29 pm   rating: 6  small thumbs up

    • #11.1   mari

      well that depends on where you work. some workplaces are really stingy with their post-its. others hand them out like candy. and still others make you bring your own.

      but yeah – :snort:

      May 7, 2012 at 9:19 am   rating: 1  small thumbs up

  • #12   mari

    omg i’m dying lmao! :snort:

    May 7, 2012 at 9:19 am   rating: 1  small thumbs up

    • #12.1   Shana

      If I wanted to read crap like this, I’d go to Facebook. Or text my little sister. MAKE IT STOP [LMAO?].

      May 9, 2012 at 6:03 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

  • #13   sonnybishop

    Who left the milk out?

    May 7, 2012 at 11:58 am   rating: 1  small thumbs up

    • #13.1   Madrias

      We all know that the reason the coffee maker doesn’t work is cause someone poured milk into it, hoping to increase productivity by eliminating a critical step in the coffee making process.

      However, they forgot that milk, unlike water, expires. When it turned the coffee machine rancid, well, now it’s out of order.

      Perhaps that is the reason for the “if you feel lucky” one. If you’re feeling lucky that you won’t get poisoned by the spoiled items in the coffee machine, feel free to have the coffee… at your own risk…

      Or maybe because the coffee maker’s out of order and everything else breaks, the fridge is also broken…

      May 7, 2012 at 7:15 pm   rating: 3  small thumbs up

  • #14   Kris Hunt

    Too bad the grammar pedants didn’t do anything about the dangling adjective “everyday” at the end of the sentence on the coffee maker sign.

    “Everyday” = “ordinary”
    “Every day” = “each day”

    Jun 18, 2012 at 9:34 am   rating: 0  small thumbs up

  • #15   Schaerer

    how people manage to break a Schearer espresso machine is a complete riddle to me.

    Jun 19, 2012 at 8:14 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

  • #16   Jody

    I worked in advertising for several years, and this seems about right.
    …Fun bunch of folks.

    We always had the day off before a long weekend, along with the entire Christmas “season”. We had all sorts of entertainment (pool table, basketball court, a DVD library and viewing lounges, gym & showers, etc.). Creative staff were strongly encouraged to be themselves, and look and dress uniquely. We had…get this…A BEER CART…that went around from office to office at the end of the day on Fridays. (Money collected went to charity.) Pretty much every agency employee had his/her own office. Loads of gifts and freebies. Un-PC jokes were fully accepted. Overall, it was just a great place to work.

    I became a consultant specializing in the advertising industry, until I retired early. I OFTEN consider going back to work in advertising.

    Aug 3, 2012 at 5:13 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up