Elevation Frustration

May 8th, 2012 · 28 comments

Ashley says the elevator in this downtown Columbus parking garage has been out of commission for over a week now, forcing those on the upper levels to (egads!) use the stairs.

“The stairwell is, admittedly, quite unpleasant, and is occasionally home to pools of urine,” Ashley says. “But as someone who has never used the elevator for the year that I have been parking there, it’s hard for me to muster sympathy for the writer’s supposed urine-soaked hems. Perhaps he or she should invest in a tailor?”

Attention Buckeye Parking Customers: We really have no intention of fixing this elevator but you may occasionally see us tinkering with it in order to keep up the illusion of customer service. In all seriousness, please feel free to push the elevator button before taking our poorly-lit, damp staircase. And we hope that throughout your day you'll savor the long-lasting smell of urine, which will be coming from your highly absorbent pant cuffs. Thank you for your cooperation, Buckeye Parking Systems

Meanwhile, the people who share this employee parking garage in Los Angeles seem to have become resigned to their fate.

As Candice explains, “There used to be a piece of tape holding the first floor button so it wouldn’t get stuck on random floors. After the city inspector come in, the tape disappeared and instead it was declared (indefinitely) ‘out of service.’”


related: Do your stairs think you’re fat?

FILED UNDER: elevator · now that's management · piss

28 responses so far ↓

  • #1   Sir Puke

    The stairs are good for you…and the muggers, junkies, stray dogs, bats, rabid vermin and spiders.

    May 8, 2012 at 8:26 pm   rating: 90  small thumbs up

    • #1.1   zazi

      But not so much for people in wheelchairs… I guess that second elevator will be (indefinitely) out of compliance with the ADA.

      May 8, 2012 at 9:23 pm   rating: 90  small thumbs up

    • #1.2   Hermit

      Yes, the world is a very scary, dangerous place. Best to lock your doors and never leave your house.

      May 8, 2012 at 10:44 pm   rating: 90  small thumbs up

  • #2   joshua

    If the Buckeyes weren’t attracting such a wonderful student body they wouldn’t have this problem.

    May 8, 2012 at 8:40 pm   rating: 90  small thumbs up

  • #3   Ele Vator

    i’d catch the lift to the frist floor..

    May 8, 2012 at 8:47 pm   rating: 90  small thumbs up

  • #4   SeeYouInTea

    Someone has been leaving _cups_ of urine in the stairwell in my dorm. That takes a lot of work.

    May 8, 2012 at 10:03 pm   rating: 90  small thumbs up

    • #4.1   FeRD bang

      Unfinished Miller Light. Still a party foul, and certainly an easy mistake to make — the two substances are nearly indistinguishable.

      (Hopefully, you won’t see either of them in tea!)

      May 8, 2012 at 11:33 pm   rating: 90  small thumbs up

    • #4.2   Curleyjo84

      Cups of urine are fucking delicious!

      May 9, 2012 at 12:14 pm   rating: 90  small thumbs up

    • #4.3   Beatus Mongous

      This would have been funnier if your name was Bear Grylls.

      May 9, 2012 at 12:19 pm   rating: 90  small thumbs up

  • #5   Missbeans bang

    I have to say that Ashley is kind of a jerk here. I totally get why people would be ticked off that the elevator doesn’t work. I can also totally understand why urine in the stairway would invoke the wrath of the letter writer. (Also, boys and girls, a properly hemmed cuff WILL drag the ground when climbing stairs.)

    What I don’t get is why Ashley can’t “muster sympathy” for the note writer. Is she actually siding with the Stairway Pee-er? Is she the culprit? Or does she just have some really bizarre and unwarranted animosity toward people who use the elevator instead of the stairs?

    By the way guys, just because someone isn’t in a wheelchair doesn’t mean they don’t have a disability. Many people with asthma, heart conditions, or arthritis, for example have problems with stairs. I have had arthritis since I was 16 which has caused me agonizing pain in my knees and ankles. It really sucks when I also get to be subjected to a speech about how “healthy young people” like myself should be taking the stairs. Don’t make assumptions.

    May 8, 2012 at 11:33 pm   rating: 90  small thumbs up

    • #5.1   April Q

      Yes, I have the same problem with arthritis and other things… and this is one of those posts where I am baffled that the submitter has the gall to act like the note writer is out of line. There has been a few, of course.

      May 9, 2012 at 1:54 am   rating: 90  small thumbs up

    • #5.2   Seanette

      I’m 42 and have arthritis in my hips. Going DOWN stairs I can do, UP ranges from painful to nearly impossible, depending on weather and other factors affecting the arthritis. Total sympathy, Missbeans.

      May 9, 2012 at 2:35 pm   rating: 90  small thumbs up

    • #5.3   JRS

      Agree. Total c u next tuesday.

      May 9, 2012 at 6:16 pm   rating: 90  small thumbs up

    • #5.4   Isabelle

      And you don’t even need a “physically can’t climb”-style disability to need the elevator. My mother’s vision has deteriorated a lot in the past couple of years and unfamiliar stairs in dimly lit stairewlls are hard for her (this would probably be different if she had grown up blind – it’s the “I was sighted for 62 years and now I have to readjust when I’m older and in poor health” thing) . It’s not that they are literally impossible, but they require a lot of assistance, she hates making everyone else wait so it gets her down and in general it can be a real buzz-kill on family occasions. Lots of people benefit tremendously from modern conveniences; they aren’t just for the lazy and slack among us.

      May 10, 2012 at 9:20 am   rating: 90  small thumbs up

    • #5.5   GojuSuzi

      Team Secretly-Crippled here, too. I have a knee injury that is – all too slowly – healing, and while I can now walk most of the time without a discernible limp, my physio has declared stairs a no-go, as it’ll put too much stress on the joint (any more than five steps and I’ll wake up the next day with a watermelon-knee and be incapable of walking at all). I get scathing looks all the time using the lift, but I’m not willing to undo the months of healing for the sake of one walk up or down the stairs if there’s any way to avoid it, and in my case that would involve skipping classes were the lift to be out of order even for a day.

      May 10, 2012 at 4:49 pm   rating: 90  small thumbs up

  • #6   kermit

    If this was a free public parking lot, I could muster up a tiny bit of sympathy here if we lived in a magical place where nobody had health issues.

    But the fact is that downtown parking garages charge a pretty penny in monthly parking fees. For that kind of money, people have a right to be pissed when the management can’t be bothered to fix the elevators or clean the stairwells.

    May 9, 2012 at 12:41 am   rating: 90  small thumbs up

    • #6.1   Beatus Mongous

      Amen to that. I’d suggest finding another parking garage, if possible. However, I somehow doubt it’s possible in this particular case.

      May 9, 2012 at 12:07 pm   rating: 90  small thumbs up

  • #7   gladystopia

    Does anyone else have the same ad I’m seeingon this page–the one with the headline “Pinch Me, I Must Be Streaming”??

    Maybe THAT’S what the problem is in the stairwells…too much streaming, not enough pinching.

    May 9, 2012 at 1:08 am   rating: 90  small thumbs up

  • #8   elangomatt

    I wonder if there is anything in the ADA about parking garage elevators. I am not usually a proponent of the ADA when people are abusing it to get trivial things fixed but it seems to me that something could be in there.

    May 9, 2012 at 8:30 am   rating: 90  small thumbs up

    • #8.1   DaveGI

      Well the ADA would mandate that you have a certain percentage of handicapped accessible parking spaces in the garage, but I don’t believe it requires that every level be handicapped accessible. So for instance a garage could put all of its handicapped parking spaces on the ground floor and still be in compliance even if there’s no handicapped access to the upper levels.

      May 9, 2012 at 1:27 pm   rating: 90  small thumbs up

  • #9   Beatus Mongous

    I choose to use the stairs where I work for several reasons. Health is my first reason, but also because I have frequently found all sorts of bodily substances in the elevators where I work. Along with those, many of us have been stuck in our elevators several times, and some have had to be rescued by the fire department on more than one occasion. Here’s the thing that gets me, though:

    There are stairs to go up and down from any floor EXCEPT to go from floor 1 to floor 2. The only options to go from 1 to 2 are the elevator and an escalator that has been “broken” for three years. Yes, to me, a broken escalator is just stairs, but recently, the building management has blocked off the escalator with barricades and has asked security to keep people off of the escalator. The ONLY option now is the elevator.

    It’s not so much that I don’t like the elevator, but I don’t like not having a choice. If I want to walk up the escalator, why can’t I? This note is the same thing. Due to the lack of responsiveness by management, there is a lack of choice.

    May 9, 2012 at 12:17 pm   rating: 90  small thumbs up

    • #9.1   Poltergeist

      I never understood why many places insist on blocking off what are effectively stairs. With all those stories of working escalators eating children with untied shoes, you’d think that a dead escalator would be a breath of fresh air.

      May 10, 2012 at 2:37 am   rating: 90  small thumbs up

    • #9.2   The Elf

      Many buildings block stair access to the first floor (except in emergencies, with an egress only push bar with an alarm) for security reasons. My current work place does not, but others have. If I wanted to use the stairs, I would have to take the elevator to the second floor, then take the stairs for the remaining levels.

      May 11, 2012 at 9:46 am   rating: 90  small thumbs up

  • #10   MH

    In all seriousness, I manage facilities and one of my buildings in Phoenix is VERY similarly named. I had a small heart attack when I saw this and almost threw a fit with my parking and elevator contractors. Glad I saw that it’s actually in Ohio, but if that happened in my properties, someone’s head would roll for a) not fixing the elevator, and b) not maintaining the stairwells. If you do want results, call the building’s management company. If it doesn’t work, call the city, broken elevators and unkept stairwells are both ADA and fire code violations.

    May 9, 2012 at 12:54 pm   rating: 90  small thumbs up

  • #11   This or That


    I find it hilarious that Ashley says the stairwall is “OCCASIONALLY home to pools of urine.” Oh, just on occasion? Oh, well then that makes it all better. I mean, how many of us haven’t OCCASIONALLY been in the stairwell and realized we just couldn’t make it the rest of the way without peeing in the corner? Answer? Oh yeah. ALL OF US.

    Ten bucks says Ashley is the pee-er.

    May 9, 2012 at 1:43 pm   rating: 90  small thumbs up

    • #11.1   The Elf

      The pee-ers are probably homeless. Or drunks. Possibly homeless drunks. Those are the usual suspects around here.

      It’s nasty, but I generally manage to avoid stepping in the pools. It’s not hard to see them and step over them.

      May 11, 2012 at 9:48 am   rating: 90  small thumbs up

    • #11.2   Poltergeist

      I agree. In my experiences, it’s also pretty easy to step over the pools of blood leaking from the stab wounds on the dead bodies. People have no right to complain.

      May 11, 2012 at 12:49 pm   rating: 90  small thumbs up

  • #12   ziblue

    Along with the issue of people who have mobility/health issues that make taking the stairs difficult to impossible…parking garages can be dicey safety-wise in general, but the stairwells? Especially at night? Yeah, unless I’m in a group, that’s not somewhere I feel good about being.

    May 10, 2012 at 9:24 pm   rating: 90  small thumbs up