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A diarrhea-only toilet?

May 10th, 2012 · 60 comments

Well, this is a new one.

“Just…wow,” says our submitter in Springfield, Illinois. “I’ve never been told that I have to assess my the consistency of my fecal matter prior to it leaving my body.”

Notice: Due to plumbing issues, please use this stall for

related: How you say diarrhea politely?

FILED UNDER: Illinois · most popular notes of 2012 · shit · toilet

60 responses so far ↓

  • #1   Nick

    How exactly would this particular fecal foreknowledge be imparted?

    May 10, 2012 at 4:35 pm   rating: 34  small thumbs up

    • #1.1   Nope Not Me

      Heavy cramping and gas?

      May 10, 2012 at 4:39 pm   rating: 18  small thumbs up

    • #1.2   The White Clouds of Opium bang

      In my experience, diarrheal gas is particularly hellish.

      May 11, 2012 at 3:42 am   rating: 4  small thumbs up

    • #1.3   The Elf

      And if you’re wrong, what are you supposed to do then?

      May 11, 2012 at 9:50 am   rating: 44  small thumbs up

    • #1.4   Poltergeist

      Let the shit hit the fan.

      May 11, 2012 at 12:40 pm   rating: 33  small thumbs up

  • #2   Nope Not Me

    If you just let it sit in the toilet long enough it becomes loose or “diarrheal” what’s the problem? Just let the turds stew in their own juices. Plumbing issue resolved.

    May 10, 2012 at 4:39 pm   rating: 32  small thumbs up

  • #3   Gah

    Come on. It’s not that hard to figure out whether or not it’s diarrhea before you sit down and let it rip. If you’re unsure, just do the ‘If you’re sliding into first and your pants begin to burst’ Test.

    May 10, 2012 at 4:44 pm   rating: 28  small thumbs up

    • #3.1   Kevin

      That’s beside the point… It would be ‘proper’ to fix the plumbing issues. IMO, this isn’t an appropriate sign for the workplace…

      but certainly still amusing lol

      May 11, 2012 at 7:46 am   rating: 18  small thumbs up

  • #4   shelly

    You guys are all weird.

    May 10, 2012 at 4:54 pm   rating: 23  small thumbs up

    • #4.1   girl_with_all_the_yarn

      You say that like it’s some sort of new revelation.

      May 11, 2012 at 6:45 pm   rating: 22  small thumbs up

    • #4.2   Mantis bang

      Being uncomfortable with poop talk is weird. Like my 3-year-old says, “Everybody poops!”

      May 16, 2012 at 9:32 am   rating: 2  small thumbs up

  • #5   FeRD bang

    Just need to bolt an industrial-strength laxative dispenser to the stall door, and sorted! Everyone will be able to comply with the stall rules.

    (The laxatives should be industrial-strength, BTW, not the dispenser. A standard commercial model should suffice.)

    May 10, 2012 at 4:57 pm   rating: 43  small thumbs up

    • #5.1   The White Clouds of Opium bang

      Nothing like a little modern chemistry to power through your bowels like Drano. I’m in.

      May 11, 2012 at 3:45 am   rating: 10  small thumbs up

    • #5.2   The Elf

      Yes, who doesn’t like a little colon blast in the morning?

      May 11, 2012 at 9:51 am   rating: 9  small thumbs up

  • #6   unsatisfied

    so, I guess that only people who drink starbucks and/or have chinese for lunch can use that stall.

    May 10, 2012 at 5:09 pm   rating: 16  small thumbs up

    • #6.1   banaphone

      Someone needs to paint a double-tailed shitting mermaid eating out of a Chinese takeout container and a huge Stallbutts logo on the bathroom door.

      That way there will be no confusion on where “if you’re feeling something funny…” should go.

      May 13, 2012 at 3:02 am   rating: 10  small thumbs up

  • #7   Leni

    This is totally bigoted against people with Irritable Bowel Syndrome.

    I am shocked and appalled!

    May 10, 2012 at 5:37 pm   rating: 5  small thumbs up

    • #7.1   Honus

      Against?!? Seems like they are getting their own toilet. Bonus!

      May 10, 2012 at 11:02 pm   rating: 64  small thumbs up

    • #7.2   redheadwglasses

      It absolutely is NOT bigoted against people with IBS. If anything, you’re being WELCOMED to use that toilet. Constipated people with rock hard turtles waiting to come out aren’t supposed to use that toilet. THEY are the people being ostracized here.

      Where’s THEIR federal lobbying group?

      May 16, 2012 at 7:33 am   rating: 10  small thumbs up

  • #8   Mrs.Beasley

    Holy crap!

    Or maybe “holey” crap would be more apropos.

    May 10, 2012 at 5:58 pm   rating: 7  small thumbs up

  • #9   Wonkette

    Maybe Building Management ought to provide free stool softeners to the tenants. Wouldn’t that solve the problem? Oh, wait… how about calling a plumber!?

    May 10, 2012 at 6:07 pm   rating: 20  small thumbs up

  • #10   shwo! bang

    One week later:

    Due to a dysentery outbreak, this stall has been closed until further notice.
    Thank you.
    Centers for Disease Control

    May 10, 2012 at 6:20 pm   rating: 67  small thumbs up

  • #11   Chris

    Juice diet anyone?

    May 10, 2012 at 9:12 pm   rating: 3  small thumbs up

  • #12   Sam Vilain

    Of course, the answer is: only stools 5 and above on the Bristol Stool Scale, please.

    May 10, 2012 at 9:55 pm   rating: 18  small thumbs up

    • #12.1   The Elf

      What would make this note that much more awesome would be a Bristol Stool Scale reference chart.

      May 11, 2012 at 9:52 am   rating: 10  small thumbs up

    • #12.2   Nope Not Me

      as in Bristol Palin Stool Scale?

      May 11, 2012 at 4:41 pm   rating: 5  small thumbs up

    • #12.3   Poltergeist

      She tried a life of total abstinence, but she just couldn’t hold it in.

      May 11, 2012 at 7:05 pm   rating: 11  small thumbs up

  • #13   Stuffin'

    Interesting that today’s PAN was followed by an ad for Domino’s. That’s all I need to hit a type 6 or 7 on the Bristol Stool Scale.

    May 10, 2012 at 10:00 pm   rating: 10  small thumbs up

  • #14   bob loblaw

    Works for me. If I know I’m going to deliver a loose one, I usually shit in the urinal.

    True dat.

    May 10, 2012 at 10:13 pm   rating: 18  small thumbs up

    • #14.1   Wench

      @ bob loblaw LOL!

      May 10, 2012 at 10:25 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

    • #14.2   DaveGI

      That reminds me, I have to check the Bob Loblaw Law Blog.

      May 11, 2012 at 3:06 pm   rating: 8  small thumbs up

    • #14.3   redheadwglasses

      This made me laugh out loud!!!

      May 16, 2012 at 7:35 am   rating: 1  small thumbs up

  • #15   Jen

    …and yet with all their attempts at propriety, I think a sign that said ‘THIS TOILET IS FOR PEEING ONLY” would have been much less uncomfortable for everyone.

    May 11, 2012 at 12:56 am   rating: 42  small thumbs up

    • #15.1   redheadwglasses

      Seriously, this is the perfect solution (other than fixing the plumbing).

      May 16, 2012 at 7:35 am   rating: 2  small thumbs up

    • #15.2   Dyre bang

      And then they wouldn’t have had to try to spell “diarrhoea”. :O

      Aug 13, 2012 at 9:51 am   rating: 1  small thumbs up

  • #16   Eat The Beat

    Ha! I can’t see anyone using that cubicle though for fear others will point and laugh at them chanting ‘diarrhoea, diarrhoea!’. Oh what a stigmatised society we live in.

    May 11, 2012 at 1:35 am   rating: 34  small thumbs up

    • #16.1   bananaphone

      I envisioned this as an Office episode centered around Dwight eating too many beets.

      May 13, 2012 at 3:06 am   rating: 5  small thumbs up

  • #17   Poltergeist

    Who cares about the plumbing if the glory hole is still operational?

    May 11, 2012 at 3:48 am   rating: 13  small thumbs up

  • #18   hugsandkisses101

    NO “BIG JOBS”!!!

    May 11, 2012 at 4:10 am   rating: 26  small thumbs up

  • #19   Kittymama

    “You can’t handle the poop!”

    May 11, 2012 at 9:09 am   rating: 20  small thumbs up

  • #20   Nahhh bang

    Hail Eris!

    May 11, 2012 at 2:04 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

    • #20.1   infanttyrone

      All hail Discordia !

      May 11, 2012 at 5:40 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

  • #21   Who passed out the Haterade?

    Anyone else wonder whether building management has been lax about providing toilet paper, prompting people to use the hand towels? That happened at one workplace I was in… I found it darkly amusing that they kept posting angry signs telling people not to do so (instead of just making sure there was adequate toilet paper).

    May 11, 2012 at 3:44 pm   rating: 10  small thumbs up

    • #21.1   FeRD bang

      “Been lax about”? ISWYDT! ;)

      May 16, 2012 at 9:07 am   rating: 2  small thumbs up

  • #22   Gwan

    Ew, this reminds me of living in Eastern Europe where you’re (often) meant to put your used TP in a rubbish bin next to the toilet instead of flushing it. Gross! But even there, I never saw any diarrhoea-only signs…

    May 11, 2012 at 5:52 pm   rating: 5  small thumbs up

  • #23   Madrias

    So, you’re saying that I shouldn’t use that toilet and try to flush some fairly solid brick-poo?

    May 12, 2012 at 12:19 am   rating: 2  small thumbs up

  • #24   L

    FILED UNDER: Illinois · shit · toilet

    (enough said) ;)

    May 12, 2012 at 1:02 am   rating: 15  small thumbs up

  • #25   Lil'

    If it can’t handle solid poop, how can it handle toilet paper? Looks like you’re gonna have to use the three shells if you use this stall.

    May 12, 2012 at 6:10 pm   rating: 9  small thumbs up

    • #25.1   The Elf

      I don’t know how to use the three shells. Should I just curse a lot?

      May 16, 2012 at 11:33 am   rating: 1  small thumbs up

  • #26   Nunavut Guy

    So……Men’s……Women’s……..Binge Drinkers.

    May 14, 2012 at 6:23 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

  • #27   J.A.B.

    Before I even had time to laugh at this note, I rubbed my hands together in glee anticipating the treats I would find in the comments section. So far, I have not been disappointed.

    May 14, 2012 at 8:54 pm   rating: 5  small thumbs up

  • #28   Rodrigo

    Does vomit count as “loose”?

    May 27, 2012 at 1:15 pm   rating: 4  small thumbs up

  • #29   HoikyMcDoyle

    I laughed out loud about five times whilst reading these comments – best thread ever.

    May 28, 2012 at 10:10 am   rating: 2  small thumbs up

  • #30   Lyn

    Or you could just take it out and plane it off a bit.

    Aug 3, 2012 at 2:53 pm   rating: 4  small thumbs up

  • #31   meat

    Marry me and I’ll never look at another horse\!

    Nov 22, 2012 at 5:43 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

  • #32   I'm Lying

    There is a prune juice dispenser on the wall.

    Aug 26, 2013 at 9:00 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

  • #33   Pkay

    I guess it wouldn’t hurt to bring a strainer just in case some rogue turds try to slip past.

    Aug 28, 2013 at 12:02 am   rating: 3  small thumbs up

  • #34   Tard

    I opened for Loose Bowels back in ’05.
    Good Times.

    Oct 3, 2013 at 9:38 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

  • #35   Tard

    Oh shit, does that make me an asshole?!

    Oct 3, 2013 at 9:41 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

    • #35.1   Tard

      Hello, is this thing on?

      Oct 4, 2013 at 4:54 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up