Well, this is a new one.
“Just…wow,” says our submitter in Springfield, Illinois. “I’ve never been told that I have to assess my the consistency of my fecal matter prior to it leaving my body.”
related: How you say diarrhea politely?
FILED UNDER: Illinois · most popular notes of 2012 · shit · toilet
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61 responses so far ↓
#1
Nick
How exactly would this particular fecal foreknowledge be imparted?
May 10, 2012 at 4:35 pm rating: 90
#2
Nope Not Me
If you just let it sit in the toilet long enough it becomes loose or “diarrheal”..so what’s the problem? Just let the turds stew in their own juices. Plumbing issue resolved.
May 10, 2012 at 4:39 pm rating: 90
#3
Gah
Come on. It’s not that hard to figure out whether or not it’s diarrhea before you sit down and let it rip. If you’re unsure, just do the ‘If you’re sliding into first and your pants begin to burst’ Test.
May 10, 2012 at 4:44 pm rating: 90
#4
shelly
You guys are all weird.
May 10, 2012 at 4:54 pm rating: 90
#5
FeRD
Just need to bolt an industrial-strength laxative dispenser to the stall door, and sorted! Everyone will be able to comply with the stall rules.
(The laxatives should be industrial-strength, BTW, not the dispenser. A standard commercial model should suffice.)
May 10, 2012 at 4:57 pm rating: 90
#6
unsatisfied
so, I guess that only people who drink starbucks and/or have chinese for lunch can use that stall.
May 10, 2012 at 5:09 pm rating: 90
#7
Leni
This is totally bigoted against people with Irritable Bowel Syndrome.
I am shocked and appalled!
May 10, 2012 at 5:37 pm rating: 90
#8
Mrs.Beasley
Holy crap!
Or maybe “holey” crap would be more apropos.
May 10, 2012 at 5:58 pm rating: 90
#9
Wonkette
Maybe Building Management ought to provide free stool softeners to the tenants. Wouldn’t that solve the problem? Oh, wait… how about calling a plumber!?
May 10, 2012 at 6:07 pm rating: 90
#10
shwo!
One week later:
Due to a dysentery outbreak, this stall has been closed until further notice.
Thank you.
Centers for Disease Control
May 10, 2012 at 6:20 pm rating: 90
#11
Chris
Juice diet anyone?
May 10, 2012 at 9:12 pm rating: 90
#12
Sam Vilain
Of course, the answer is: only stools 5 and above on the Bristol Stool Scale, please.
May 10, 2012 at 9:55 pm rating: 90
#13
Stuffin'
Interesting that today’s PAN was followed by an ad for Domino’s. That’s all I need to hit a type 6 or 7 on the Bristol Stool Scale.
May 10, 2012 at 10:00 pm rating: 90
#14
bob loblaw
Works for me. If I know I’m going to deliver a loose one, I usually shit in the urinal.
True dat.
May 10, 2012 at 10:13 pm rating: 90
#15
Jen
…and yet with all their attempts at propriety, I think a sign that said ‘THIS TOILET IS FOR PEEING ONLY” would have been much less uncomfortable for everyone.
May 11, 2012 at 12:56 am rating: 90
#16
Eat The Beat
Ha! I can’t see anyone using that cubicle though for fear others will point and laugh at them chanting ‘diarrhoea, diarrhoea!’. Oh what a stigmatised society we live in.
May 11, 2012 at 1:35 am rating: 90
#17
Poltergeist
Who cares about the plumbing if the glory hole is still operational?
May 11, 2012 at 3:48 am rating: 90
#18
hugsandkisses101
NO “BIG JOBS”!!!
May 11, 2012 at 4:10 am rating: 90
#19
Kittymama
“You can’t handle the poop!”
May 11, 2012 at 9:09 am rating: 90
#20
Nahhh
Hail Eris!
May 11, 2012 at 2:04 pm rating: 90
#21
Who passed out the Haterade?
Anyone else wonder whether building management has been lax about providing toilet paper, prompting people to use the hand towels? That happened at one workplace I was in… I found it darkly amusing that they kept posting angry signs telling people not to do so (instead of just making sure there was adequate toilet paper).
May 11, 2012 at 3:44 pm rating: 90
#22
Gwan
Ew, this reminds me of living in Eastern Europe where you’re (often) meant to put your used TP in a rubbish bin next to the toilet instead of flushing it. Gross! But even there, I never saw any diarrhoea-only signs…
May 11, 2012 at 5:52 pm rating: 90
#23
Madrias
So, you’re saying that I shouldn’t use that toilet and try to flush some fairly solid brick-poo?
May 12, 2012 at 12:19 am rating: 90
#24
L
FILED UNDER: Illinois · shit · toilet
(enough said)
May 12, 2012 at 1:02 am rating: 90
#25
Lil'
If it can’t handle solid poop, how can it handle toilet paper? Looks like you’re gonna have to use the three shells if you use this stall.
May 12, 2012 at 6:10 pm rating: 90
#26
Nunavut Guy
So……Men’s……Women’s……..Binge Drinkers.
May 14, 2012 at 6:23 pm rating: 90
#27
J.A.B.
Before I even had time to laugh at this note, I rubbed my hands together in glee anticipating the treats I would find in the comments section. So far, I have not been disappointed.
May 14, 2012 at 8:54 pm rating: 90
#28
Rodrigo
Does vomit count as “loose”?
May 27, 2012 at 1:15 pm rating: 90
#29
HoikyMcDoyle
I laughed out loud about five times whilst reading these comments – best thread ever.
May 28, 2012 at 10:10 am rating: 90
#30
Lyn
Or you could just take it out and plane it off a bit.
Aug 3, 2012 at 2:53 pm rating: 90
#31
meat
Marry me and I’ll never look at another horse\!
Nov 22, 2012 at 5:43 pm rating: 90
#32
I'm Lying
There is a prune juice dispenser on the wall.
Aug 26, 2013 at 9:00 pm rating: 90
#33
Pkay
I guess it wouldn’t hurt to bring a strainer just in case some rogue turds try to slip past.
Aug 28, 2013 at 12:02 am rating: 90
#34
Tard
I opened for Loose Bowels back in ’05.
Good Times.
Oct 3, 2013 at 9:38 pm rating: 90
#35
Tard
Oh shit, does that make me an asshole?!
Oct 3, 2013 at 9:41 pm rating: 90
#36
Karter
In my experience, diarrheal gas is particularly hellish. home remodeling
Apr 12, 2023 at 3:16 am rating: 0
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