Hundreds & Thousands (of bad things will befall you)

May 19th, 2012 · 35 comments

The good news? Stealing sprinkles from this New Jersey yogurt shop won’t lead to eternal damnation!

CUSTOMERS WHO STEAL TOPPINGS: Will be shamed for life, be cursed with 7 years bad luck, suffer heartache, never find true love, DIE eventually, lose their self-respect, & more...

Thanks to Lauren in Princeton, NJ for submitting!

related: Wrath of the Ancients

 

FILED UNDER: New Jersey · warning


35 responses so far ↓

  • #1   bliffit

    Looking at that picture, I’d be more afraid of cerebral edema, alopecia and muscle atrophy.

    May 19, 2012 at 6:59 pm   rating: 28  small thumbs up

    • #1.1   kermit

      And shoulder atrophy/melting

      May 19, 2012 at 9:23 pm   rating: 5  small thumbs up

       
    • #1.2   thrall

      Luckily the frosty treat will cure the anorexia.

      May 19, 2012 at 9:47 pm   rating: 12  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #2   mugabo

    I can live with all of those consequences, just long as I’m not arrested nor banned.

    May 19, 2012 at 9:54 pm   rating: 17  small thumbs up

    • #2.1   thrall

      But isn’t it reassuring to know you will die? Eventually?

      May 19, 2012 at 10:02 pm   rating: 14  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #3   Merri

    This just in – stealing sprinkles causes death.

    May 20, 2012 at 2:27 am   rating: 10  small thumbs up

     
  • #4   kathryn

    I already suffer from all those things -get out of my way- the toppings are mine!

    May 20, 2012 at 7:50 am   rating: 28  small thumbs up

     
  • #5   Aliceblue

    Those must be SOME toppings! And just to be a bit pedantic, but topping stealer or not, we are ALL gong to die eventually.

    May 20, 2012 at 12:01 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

    • #5.1   Penultimate

      I’m pretty sure that was the joke.

      May 21, 2012 at 1:53 am   rating: 26  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #6   JetJackson

    This just in – Installed glass counter top stops customers reaching in and stealing toppings, mildly humorous signs with hollow threats found to be less effective.

    May 20, 2012 at 4:41 pm   rating: 15  small thumbs up

    • #6.1   Who passed out the Haterade?

      But the labels and spoon handles are facing toward the customer, so presumably the customers are supposed to reach in and serve themselves.

      Personally, I think the owner would do better to roll the extra 25 cents (or however much) into the cost of the yogurt and charge everyone, rather than get butthurt over the ones who don’t pay it.

      May 21, 2012 at 4:26 am   rating: 5  small thumbs up

       
    • #6.2   Aevachan

      It’s a pay-per-weight store; they make most of their money on the toppings.

      May 22, 2012 at 1:24 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #7   Zorin

    Who steals toppings anyway?

    Is it kinda like stealing soda in which someone asks for water, then fills the cup with soda?

    Or do they reach in, grab a handful, and run out of the store giggling?

    WE MUST KNOW!

    May 20, 2012 at 9:52 pm   rating: 27  small thumbs up

    • #7.1   H for Toy

      This is exactly what I pictured… shoving sprinkles down their pants and running out of the store, hoping nobody notices.

      May 21, 2012 at 1:17 pm   rating: 19  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #8   Poltergeist

    Am I the only one who, at first glance, mistook whatever that topping is in the upper right tray for canned sweet corn?

    Good thing it isn’t. Sprinkles are for fairies, but you never, I repeat NEVER steal corn. I learned that the hard way.

    May 21, 2012 at 4:32 am   rating: 7  small thumbs up

    • #8.1   The Elf

      You don’t like corn on your frogurt? Weird!

      May 21, 2012 at 6:13 am   rating: 4  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #9   The Elf

    The frogurt is also cursed.

    May 21, 2012 at 6:14 am   rating: 6  small thumbs up

    • #9.1   Greg House

      That’s bad…

      May 21, 2012 at 2:49 pm   rating: 5  small thumbs up

       
    • #9.2   The Elf

      But the toppings are free (if you steal them)!

      May 22, 2012 at 6:44 am   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
    • #9.3   juju_skittles

      That’s good!

      May 22, 2012 at 7:12 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #10   The Elf

    I know my body pretty well. None those toppings will cause me heartache. Diabetes, maybe, but not heartache.

    May 21, 2012 at 6:16 am   rating: 5  small thumbs up

     
  • #11   agent 99

    And if stealing the toppings does not kill you, the bacteria all over them will.

    May 21, 2012 at 6:32 am   rating: 12  small thumbs up

     
  • #12   Monster

    I’d just add the charge of toppings into the cost of into the cost of the yogurt, and have it be a free for all, or make it so the server has to get you the toppings.

    Personally when ever I see things open like this, I always fear someone has sneezed all over the food.

    May 21, 2012 at 8:04 am   rating: 2  small thumbs up

     
  • #13   Who passed out the Haterade?

    Just wondering, since it hasn’t been mentioned – is anyone else slightly bothered by the “suffer of heartache”?

    May 21, 2012 at 11:25 am   rating: 7  small thumbs up

    • #13.1   Lil'

      I’m more bothered by the “& more.” I mean, tell me exactly what I’m up against so I can make an informed decision.

      May 21, 2012 at 12:19 pm   rating: 17  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #14   mary

    People are such pigs that they will sprinkle a little on their ice cream and steal enough to take home and snack on for the rest of the week. Then they will sneeze on the rest left behind! ugh!

    May 21, 2012 at 1:36 pm   rating: 4  small thumbs up

    • #14.1   The White Clouds of Opium bang

      That’s why I don’t like people. Cause they’re pigs.

      May 21, 2012 at 7:17 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
    • #14.2   The Elf

      I can respect an actual pig, though. They’re quite intelligent, clean, friendly animals. It’s more than I can say for many people.

      May 22, 2012 at 6:46 am   rating: 3  small thumbs up

       
    • #14.3   Who passed out the Haterade?

      Call me a misanthrope, but I’d say “most” people.

      May 22, 2012 at 10:31 am   rating: 3  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #15   The White Clouds of Opium bang

    My sign would simply read “Beware of Sprinkle Snake.”

    May 21, 2012 at 7:16 pm   rating: 4  small thumbs up

     
  • #16   Aevachan

    The shop that posted this sign is actually a fantastic place – I’m in there a few times a week. Very clean, friendly staff, amazing bubbletea, etc. I wish I could have captured images of their seemingly endless flow of passive-aggressive “BATHROOM IS FOR PAYING CUSTOMERS ONLY” signs.

    May 22, 2012 at 1:18 pm   rating: 3  small thumbs up

    • #16.1   Melissa

      I took a pic of the endless bathroom signs at this store and sent it in, but alas, passiveaggressivenotes.com has yet to post it :(

      May 23, 2012 at 6:09 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #17   Snoofy bang

    On the upside? Judging from the sign, their yogurt apparently makes you very thin.

    Maybe the PAN in the dorm should install one of those yogurt machines next to the elevator.

    May 27, 2012 at 3:42 am   rating: 1  small thumbs up

     
  • #18   FY

    I have eaten there! The place is awesome, although I am terrified whenever I walk by that sign.

    Jun 8, 2012 at 3:38 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

     
  • #19   charles

    So if you steal toppings without buying anything you’re safe? :3

    Jun 16, 2012 at 1:01 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up