Entries from May 2012

I judge you as fat

May 21st, 2012 · 220 Comments

Eerac and I met up in Barcelona last week, where we climbed lots and lots of stairs. The one time we didn’t, of course, the Metro station totally called us out.

Barcelona

Eric and I are still climbing stairs (now in Poland and Portugal, respectively), where we haven’t yet seen any similar signs. Back in the States, however, Christine in L.A. spotted this rather harsh version in the elevator of a 7-story university residence hall.

I judge you as FAT when you take the elevator from the lobby to floors 2 and 3* Take the STAIRS! You NEED it! *Unless you're injured or carrying heavy shit or in a wheelchair.

related: Buffalo, please use the elevator

Tags: elevator · hey fatty · Los Angeles · most popular notes of 2012 · way harsh

Hundreds & Thousands (of bad things will befall you)

May 19th, 2012 · 35 Comments

The good news? Stealing sprinkles from this New Jersey yogurt shop won’t lead to eternal damnation!

CUSTOMERS WHO STEAL TOPPINGS: Will be shamed for life, be cursed with 7 years bad luck, suffer heartache, never find true love, DIE eventually, lose their self-respect, & more...

Thanks to Lauren in Princeton, NJ for submitting!

related: Wrath of the Ancients

 

Tags: New Jersey · warning

Admit it, you hate us.

May 17th, 2012 · 72 Comments

A few months ago, Christie in North Carolina joined a group on Meetup.com, but never found the time to attend any of the actual meetups. This, it seems, is a serious breach of Meetup netiquette. Recently, the group’s owner did Christie the favor of explaining why she was being kicked out of the group — for her own benefit, of course.

Soooo....*twittles [sic] thumbs* its been more than 3mths and you haven't joined us ONCE??? Admit it, you hate us, and I can imagine its gotta be pretty darn annoying to get so many notifications from a group that you DON'T want to participate in SO, ....let me to do you a favor... Ill remove you from this group and if you ever have a change of heart you can come back. :-) HOWEVER, keep in mind we are an active group and only active members are invited, so I'll have my eye on you! Tough love hurts but somebody's gotta do it or you'll never try something new! Welp until next time.... *tear

 

Tags: "helpful" advice · e-mail · North Carolina · painfully polite · smiley

More to come on that in the DSM V

May 15th, 2012 · 29 Comments

Explains Kevin in Los Angeles: ”The hospital basement has a corridor lined with call rooms assigned to the residents from various medical specialties. While the department of medicine easily surpasses all other specialties in number of reserved rooms, they have started squatting in other rooms as well. It looks like the psych residents were not pleased by this antisocial behavior.”

Psychiatry residents take overnight in-house call every day just like medicine. Please do not use this call room if you are not part of the Psychiatry department. THANK YOU!! [WE ALSO HAVE AN INFERIORITY COMPLEX, BUT MORE ON THAT IN THE DSM V.]

related: A little bit of psycho-therapy

Tags: California · hospitals & doctors · shrinks

FYI from your neighbors across the way

May 14th, 2012 · 42 Comments

Nicola in Edinburgh woke up and opened the shades one morning to discover this message from the flat directly across the street. “After all my flatmates were questioned about what they have been up to last night, we decided it must be the flat next to ours,” she says.

2nd Floor We can see you shagging

related: The Devil’s Orchestra

Tags: most popular notes of 2012 · neighbors · Scotland · sex sex sex

A diarrhea-only toilet?

May 10th, 2012 · 60 Comments

Well, this is a new one.

“Just…wow,” says our submitter in Springfield, Illinois. “I’ve never been told that I have to assess my the consistency of my fecal matter prior to it leaving my body.”

Notice: Due to plumbing issues, please use this stall for

related: How you say diarrhea politely?

Tags: Illinois · most popular notes of 2012 · shit · toilet

Elevation Frustration

May 8th, 2012 · 28 Comments

Ashley says the elevator in this downtown Columbus parking garage has been out of commission for over a week now, forcing those on the upper levels to (egads!) use the stairs.

“The stairwell is, admittedly, quite unpleasant, and is occasionally home to pools of urine,” Ashley says. “But as someone who has never used the elevator for the year that I have been parking there, it’s hard for me to muster sympathy for the writer’s supposed urine-soaked hems. Perhaps he or she should invest in a tailor?”

Attention Buckeye Parking Customers: We really have no intention of fixing this elevator but you may occasionally see us tinkering with it in order to keep up the illusion of customer service. In all seriousness, please feel free to push the elevator button before taking our poorly-lit, damp staircase. And we hope that throughout your day you'll savor the long-lasting smell of urine, which will be coming from your highly absorbent pant cuffs. Thank you for your cooperation, Buckeye Parking Systems

Meanwhile, the people who share this employee parking garage in Los Angeles seem to have become resigned to their fate.

As Candice explains, “There used to be a piece of tape holding the first floor button so it wouldn’t get stuck on random floors. After the city inspector come in, the tape disappeared and instead it was declared (indefinitely) ‘out of service.’”

THE ELEVATOR IS OUT OF SERVICE (WHAT THE FUCK IS NEW)

related: Do your stairs think you’re fat?

Tags: elevator · now that's management · piss

This discombobulation will not stand.

May 7th, 2012 · 30 Comments

“While stopping for our millionth potty break,” a road-tripping Rachel from Atlanta pondered the circumstances that could have inspired this intolerable discombobulation at a Tennessee gas station. “I don’t know what happened,” she says, “but that’s a hell of a lot of exclamation marks!!!”

Discombobulation of the cooler will no longer be tollerated [sic]!!! If you to STOCK or DELIVER, YOU will take out your trash and keep it NICE AND CLEAN!!! NO EXCEPTIONS!!!

p.s. dis·com·bob·u·la·tion, noun — confusion: a feeling of embarrassment that leaves you confused

related: Pain (and disgust) at the pump

Tags: exclamation-point happy!!!! · gas station · Tennessee

60% of the time it works every time

May 5th, 2012 · 30 Comments

Pat in London works for a large office, where, unfortunately for the many java addicts on staff, the coffeemaker has a habit of breaking down. Also, Pat says, “It’s an advertising agency, so there are lots of grammar pedants.” The result?

OUT OF ORDER - engineer called -  I SAID OUT OF ORDER - WHICH MEANS NO YOU CANNOT HAVE A COFFEE - Well...you can try if you feel lucky... - There is another coffee machine on the fifth floor - But no toilets... - Except for the two that are there... - LOUD NOISES - 60% of the time it works every time - Stop wasting VALUABLe office stationary - <--stationery --- WRITE RESPONSIBLY -- Nothing in this place works! -- I prefer tea anyway :(

related: Just be glad you don’t know what’s in the coffee

Tags: coffee · London · note wars · office · smartass · spelling and grammar police

A belated birthday/thank you card

May 2nd, 2012 · 104 Comments

Ashley in Sheffield received this lovely belated birthday card from a neighbo(u)r.

(Nicely done, Laura.)

Dear Ashley, Happy Birthday. Hope you had a great evening. Thanks very much for keeping me awake by you and your friends screaming and shouting in the street. Enjoy your day of sleeping it off. I have to go to work and function on no sleep. Thanks again, Laura.

related: If you were the one who was so drunk or so stupid…

Tags: birthday · most popular notes of 2012 · neighbors · noise · sleeping · thanks (but not really) · U.K.