Entries from June 2012

Welcome to Los Angeles

June 28th, 2012 · 52 Comments

Writes Lesley in Los Angeles: “My friend owns a store in Downtown L.A., and he constantly gets people (mostly tourists) coming in to ask him where they can find a public restroom. I guess he finally got fed up.”

All bathroom info requests must be done in iambic pentameter. (Also, we don't know where any public restrooms are. Welcome to downtown Los Angeles.)

related: The town recommends you hold it.

Tags: Los Angeles · most popular notes of 2012 · retail hell · toilet · tourists

“We don’t want to have an academic in our apartment community.”

June 27th, 2012 · 47 Comments

Everyone’s favorite landlord, Thanx Garry, is back! This time, he’s here to reassure his residents that he’s determined to keep them safe from the epidemic of bug-eyed book-learnin’ types currently ravaging the globe.

"We don't want to have an academic in our apartment community."

P.S. I’m so happy this picture exists:

related: Really, Garry, you had me at “plese.”

Tags: landlords and property managers · malapropisms · most popular notes of 2012 · Seattle · spelling and grammar police

My Dad weighs 15 pounds, does not have a job, and likes to wear shirts.

June 26th, 2012 · 87 Comments

Jill’s seven-year-old son “made” this for his Dad at school. ”We’d like to think the near-complete lack of effort reflects a lack of enthusiasm for school assignments and is not a sign of a profound rift in his relationship with his father,” she says.

“And for the record, my husband is not 20 years old, weights more than 15 pounds and is taller than 2’1″. And he has a job, as a writer. (Which, to be fair, can sure look a lot like “unemployed” sometimes.)

My Dad's Favorites Food: I don't know Dessert: No idea Game to play: ? Sport to watch: hockey on TV Restaurant: Does not have one My favorite memory with my dad is: I don't have one. My dad is the best in the family at: NO ANSWER. At his job, my dad: He does not have a job. When not at work, my dad likes to: ? My dad is: 20 years old. My dad is: 2 ft 1 in tall. My dad weighs 15 pounds. My dad has gray hair. My dad has black eyes. My dad likes to wear shirts. My dad is special to me because...He is special to me but I don't have a reason.

P.S. The bit at the bottom says: “He is special to me but I don’t have a reason.”

 

related: “Drunk Mommy”

Tags: Canada · Father-son notes · kids · Moms & Dads · most popular notes of 2012 · schools & teachers

The rubbish is restless

June 24th, 2012 · 31 Comments

Several months from now, I’m guessing this exhibit will still be open for viewing under Mark’s desk in Los Angeles.

Hi Mark, I'm a random paper bag that has sat here for months. I need some exercise. Please walk me outside to a pretty trash can! —brown bag I'm garbage. I go outside in trash can when I'm full. —Trash Hi Mark, I'm all alone! Please put me with my friends in the trash can —Plastic Bottle Hi Mark, Poor me! A lonely empty paper bag just wishing I could be in that other BIG BAG! Pretty please?!?!

related: Toy Story meets The Office

Tags: anthropomorphism · blitzkrieg approach · garbage · Los Angeles · office

So this is what a “compassionate conservative” looks like?

June 21st, 2012 · 108 Comments

Jen in Concord, Massachusetts is pretty sure she has a Romney supporter to thank for the friendly note left on her car during a recent trip to Target.

Dear Friend, Someone defaced your car w/ an Obama sticker, just thought you should know, hate to see you look like an idiot.

“Fortunately,” she says, “the Obama sticker (which is actually a magnet and very easily removed) was left intact, as was the Darwin fish.”

The sticker

UPDATE: Closer to the election, Samantha was surprised to find a similar (copycat?) note on her car in the President’s hometown of Chicago.

Hi! We noticed that someone vandalized your car and put this Obama bumper sticker on it. Just making sure you noticed it so you can take it off before you are mistaken for a total dufus. —A good Samaritan

related: Herbie goes to Washington; When Mavericks Attack

Tags: "helpful" advice · Chicago · Massachusetts · politics

Game of Thorns

June 20th, 2012 · 19 Comments

Dear Notewriter: Clearly, you’re not a scholar of Indian religious traditions, so just FYI: “Karma” doesn’t translate from the Sanskrit as “sword-wielding mercenary” or “the guy Liam Neeson played in Taken.”

To the asshole who stole my PLANTS: KARMA WILL FIND YOU AND IT WILL KILL YOU!

(Also, the Knight of Flowers is offended by your insinuations.)

Thanks to Hannah in Oakland for submitting!

related: The Orchid (and Daffodil, and Begonia) Thief

Tags: die bitch die · flowers, trees, houseplants & gardens · karma's a bitch · Oakland · stealing

How many scientists does it take…

June 19th, 2012 · 37 Comments

Two unisex bathrooms; two crops of overly-educated office drones; one shared problem.

IT DOESN'T TAKE A BRAIN SURGENT TO CHANGE THE TOILET PAPER ROLL. SERIOUSLY... [Apparently, though, it takes a Scientist to spell Surgeon correctly.]

Women. Always something to complain about.

(Re: “You can do it with one hand!” Clearly, Natalie knows her audience.)

related: It’s not rocket science.

extra credit: “My dad is a bachelor and this is how he keeps his toilet paper…” [imgur]

Tags: battle of the sexes · Facebook · toilet paper

Or I’ll call the cops, maybe?

June 18th, 2012 · 18 Comments

By the end of the summer, could Carly be the new Kanye of passive-aggressive notes? She does have the Beliebers behind her…

Hey I just met you, and this is crazy, but quit blocking out driveway asshat

related: A little bump and slide

extra credit: Best of the “Call Me Maybe” meme [buzzfeed]

Tags: most popular notes of 2012 · Oakland · parking

  1. Pages:
  2. 1
  3. 2
  4. 3