Flowcharts for a positive apartment-sharing experience

June 5th, 2012 · 56 comments

Four roommates, a half-gallon of stolen ice cream, and 9 months worth of unflushed toilets went into the making of these two flowcharts.

Refrigerator flowchart

Bathroom Flow Chart: for a positive lavatory experience!

related: Hover & Flow(chart)

FILED UNDER: battle of the sexes · flow chart · food · fridge · most popular notes of 2012 · Ohio · roommates · toilet


56 responses so far ↓

  • #1   unholyghost2003 bang

    Homosexuals don’t wash their hands?

    Jun 5, 2012 at 7:56 pm   rating: 3  small thumbs up

    • #1.1   gag*

      That says gag.

      Jun 5, 2012 at 7:58 pm   rating: 36  small thumbs up

    • #1.2   unholyghost2003 bang

      ah! That would make more sense.

      Jun 5, 2012 at 8:01 pm   rating: 7  small thumbs up

       
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    • #1.3   Harbinger

      Also “forgot.” Unless I’m reading it wrong…

      Jun 5, 2012 at 10:53 pm   rating: 8  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #2   MjCat

    These made me laugh. Sad that someone had to make them though. Toilet paper stealing mofos.

    Jun 5, 2012 at 8:33 pm   rating: 17  small thumbs up

     
  • #3   AKS

    Is it more passive aggressive to steal food from the fridge, or write a flowchart helping their thought process along?

    Jun 5, 2012 at 8:47 pm   rating: 5  small thumbs up

    • #3.1   AuntyBron

      I think the flowchart is a funny alternative to the usual notes.

      If there is a long-standing problem with food thieves the flowchart isn’t that outrageous an idea (remember “Fucking delicious”?)

      If, however, the flowchart generator is a new roomie, the PA is over the top. (but still funny).

      Jun 6, 2012 at 10:53 am   rating: 16  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #4   zenvelo

    in California it’s okay to not flush after peeing. “If it’s brown, flush it down; if it’s yellow let it mellow…”

    Jun 5, 2012 at 9:38 pm   rating: 16  small thumbs up

    • #4.1   The Elf

      Or anyplace with a drought or that has a touchy septic system. Our house is on well and septic. Most of the year, that’s fine, but sometimes we need to “let it mellow”. I flat out refuse if there are guests over at the house. That’s NASTY.

      Jun 6, 2012 at 6:24 am   rating: 7  small thumbs up

       
    • #4.2   Lil'

      I hear you, Elf. There’s a downpour going on right now, and I’m hoping I can flush and do laundry this afternoon. Timeline for the town’s sewer extension to our property…15 YEARS!!! I really wish it had rained the day of my home inspection.

      Jun 6, 2012 at 7:15 am   rating: 6  small thumbs up

       
    • #4.3   deprogrammed

      Uh, no. For the love of indoor plumbing, get a low flow toilet but do NOT do this. The threat of the toilet version of backwash is too great, and the idea of being baptised with mellow gives new meaning to the term “taint.”

      Jun 6, 2012 at 2:50 pm   rating: 4  small thumbs up

       
    • #4.4   rosie311

      Trust me it was not mellow yellow. It was all kinds of nasty every time.

      Jun 6, 2012 at 4:28 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

       
    • #4.5   Jami

      It’s NEVER okay to not flush. Even for “just pee.” I don’t want some stranger’s pee back splashing on my butt while I use the toilet.

      ALWAYS FLUSH! PERIOD!

      Jun 6, 2012 at 6:28 pm   rating: 11  small thumbs up

       
    • #4.6   The White Clouds of Opium bang

      No desert dwellers in this thread?

      Jun 7, 2012 at 12:26 am   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
    • #4.7   The Elf

      A low flow toilet (dual flush if I can afford it) is on my list when I renovate the bathrooms for percisely this reason. Never had a backwash issue……

      Jami, I hear ya. That’s why I flat-out refuse to let it mellow when I have guests over. I’ll not do the laundry or dishes first. But sometimes, depending on weather, I either need to put less strain on the well or be careful not to overload the septic drain field, and there’s only the two of us in the house, and that’s when the yellow mellows.

      But I’m guessing that this isn’t an issue for the note-writer. In this case, I suspect roommate is just nasty.

      Jun 7, 2012 at 6:48 am   rating: 3  small thumbs up

       
    • #4.8   Nunavut Guy

      We live in a small hamlet in the arctic.If we flush every time there is something in the bowl,then we would be going to the lake daily for drinking water.

      Normal changes.

      Jun 17, 2012 at 6:40 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #5   kellita

    I love it! It would be useful here in my house, but my brother is an inept human being, so maybe it wouldn’t work.

    Jun 5, 2012 at 9:58 pm   rating: 4  small thumbs up

    • #5.1   H for Toy

      Try promising him M&Ms for remembering to flush. It worked it our house, and I find that inept adults and toddlers bear striking resemblances.

      Jun 6, 2012 at 8:32 am   rating: 31  small thumbs up

       
    • #5.2   Lil'

      H is right. And if aim is an issue, a little Cheerio in the bowl is a perfect target.

      Jun 6, 2012 at 9:20 am   rating: 16  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #6   scott hall

    This person loves to waste time.

    Jun 5, 2012 at 10:33 pm   rating: 5  small thumbs up

     
  • #7   catethulhu

    Team Flowchart. Roomies who steal food and don’t flush are children and should just move back in with mom and dad.

    Jun 5, 2012 at 11:07 pm   rating: 58  small thumbs up

    • #7.1   aliceblue

      Both acts should be punished by public flogging, but someone spent way too much time on these charts . Maybe one chart is amusing, but two ? I think chart-maker is about to lose it.

      Jun 6, 2012 at 12:58 am   rating: 6  small thumbs up

       
    • #7.2   The Elf

      Yes, it should be a *glorious* colored and highlighted note when he does.

      Jun 6, 2012 at 6:39 am   rating: 10  small thumbs up

       
    • #7.3   AuntyBron

      …with glitter.

      Jun 6, 2012 at 10:56 am   rating: 8  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #8   bliffit

    These should be laminated and sold at Office Depot.

    Jun 5, 2012 at 11:39 pm   rating: 57  small thumbs up

    • #8.1   SoupySales

      I hear Etsy calling…

      Jun 6, 2012 at 12:29 pm   rating: 10  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #9   aliceblue

    The title for the second one is a bit redundant; after all, aren’t most charts for the bathroom “flow” charts?

    Jun 6, 2012 at 1:02 am   rating: 14  small thumbs up

    • #9.1   Poltergeist

      I see what you did there aliceblue! Did anybody else see what aliceblue did there? Because I saw what she did!

      Jun 6, 2012 at 1:28 am   rating: 17  small thumbs up

       
    • #9.2   Human Going

      Maybe that’s why flowchart is two words in the bathroom chart.

      Jun 6, 2012 at 5:57 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #10   aliceblue

    Coming soon:
    How to Murder Your Roommate & Make it Look Like an Accident Flowchart.

    Jun 6, 2012 at 1:03 am   rating: 41  small thumbs up

    • #10.1   Poltergeist

      I could see how that would be useful for other people. Luckily for me, my former roommate was a kin-less illegal alien with a drinking problem. I warned him not to steal my hummus.

      Jun 6, 2012 at 1:38 am   rating: 18  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #11   a-Arialist

    Love these. Team flow-chart writer for handling what is obviously a frustrating situation with humour and aplomb. Applause!

    Jun 6, 2012 at 4:21 am   rating: 26  small thumbs up

    • #11.1   JC

      I give you A+ for using ‘aplomb’ :)

      Jun 6, 2012 at 10:34 am   rating: 17  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #12   The Elf

    Really, if your roommate arrangement has deterioted to this, end it before it moves on to poisoning said food and drink. But on the other hand, I freakin’ loved reading these signs.

    Jun 6, 2012 at 6:47 am   rating: 9  small thumbs up

     
  • #13   jUStPunkin

    I think these are awesome! Team flow-chart writer. These are funny and creative and, well, awesome.

    Jun 6, 2012 at 7:38 am   rating: 11  small thumbs up

     
  • #14   I don't like you

    What about people (like myself) who are allergic to the shitty anti-bacterial soap they use in the bathrooms? :C

    Jun 6, 2012 at 9:47 am   rating: 1  small thumbs up

    • #14.1   Thunder McKing

      Carry your own soap then, but please wash your hands.

      Jun 6, 2012 at 9:55 am   rating: 35  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #15   JC

    At least the flowcharts are funny!

    And eff that…flush ALL THE TIME.
    Dammit.

    Jun 6, 2012 at 10:33 am   rating: 11  small thumbs up

     
  • #16   weaselby

    I love this person.

    Jun 6, 2012 at 1:16 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

     
  • #17   bananaphone

    The fiesta rule is stupid. Who throws a party and doesn’t provide beverages for guests? Rude.

    Jun 6, 2012 at 2:01 pm   rating: 4  small thumbs up

    • #17.1   Gwan

      Hmm, I took that to mean all bets were off if there was a party going on, but now I see that has an arrow leading back to asking if you purchased it. Which begs the question* of why they bothered asking whether it was a party or not…

      *Relax, pedants, I know that this is technically not the correct way to use ‘begs the question’, I just don’t care.

      Jun 7, 2012 at 6:20 am   rating: 2  small thumbs up

       
    • #17.2   meeper

      My guess is that the roomate(s) were imbibing without contributing to the party fund.

      Jun 7, 2012 at 10:25 am   rating: 2  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #18   LogicFlaw

    According to this flowchart I can eat your food if I explicitly ask you. Even if you say no.

    Jun 6, 2012 at 3:12 pm   rating: 23  small thumbs up

    • #18.1   Beatus Mongous

      Very true.

      And then, there’s the guy that steals your food WHILE you’re eating it. We had a guy at work that used to just take half of whatever you were eating right off your plate or from your hand. One time, I was eating a tasty sandwich, and he came in, grabbed a knife, and proceded to cut the sandwich in half. As he picked it up and bit into it, I said, “Sweet! I wasn’t sure what to do with the moldy part.”

      Jun 23, 2012 at 12:02 am   rating: 0  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #19   malibu_linda

    I’m amazed how people can leave yellow droplets or smears on the toilet seat and pretend not to notice. Also, go ahead and flush twice if you need to. No one wants to see your butt crumbs floating.

    Jun 6, 2012 at 5:16 pm   rating: 5  small thumbs up

     
  • #20   New York Minute Magazine

    Perfect for our readers!

    Jun 6, 2012 at 7:13 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

     
  • #21   aaa bang

    And this is why I will never have roommates again. If my bitchin green tea ice cream disappears on me, I’ll only have myself to blame.

    Jun 6, 2012 at 7:37 pm   rating: 7  small thumbs up

     
  • #22   Nami

    What is it with the flowcharts? It seems there must be a lot of tension flowing underneath those flowcharts….

    Jun 6, 2012 at 8:51 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

     
  • #23   GhostWriter bang

    “9 months worth of unflushed toilets”?
    I think I saw that episode on “Hoarders”…

    Jun 7, 2012 at 2:30 pm   rating: 5  small thumbs up

     
  • #24   shesajem

    I need one of these in my house for turning ALL the lights off!

    Jun 7, 2012 at 6:03 pm   rating: 3  small thumbs up

     
  • #25   Kevin

    I have no qualms or quibbles with either of these flowcharts.

    Jun 8, 2012 at 12:07 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

     
  • #26   Mona

    “They’d be totes cool…” LOL

    Jun 8, 2012 at 12:07 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

     
  • #27   JoelKim bang

    Meh. It all comes out in the wash. My roommate and I rarely ask each other before we eat the food the other person bought, because in the long run it really does. not. matter. Why spend so much time stressing about it?

    Jun 8, 2012 at 3:28 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

    • #27.1   Kirsty

      That’s fine if you are both happy with the arrangement – then it’s sharing.

      Otherwise, it’s stealing.

      Jun 9, 2012 at 9:10 am   rating: 9  small thumbs up

       
    • #27.2   theo

      Arrangements are risky too. Sure, if you’ve got a roommate who eats basically the same quality of food as you do, and you both shop about the same amount, it’ll work most of the time.
      You can guarantee though, there’ll be at least one occasion where you’ve made plans for dinner, and you’re sure you have enough milk/meat/cheese/eggs etc. left, only to get home and discover they’ve been eaten. And you’d get pissed at your housemate then, even though he wasn’t expecting it.
      Easier to be a little bit anal about it: feel free to take a little milk for a cup of tea, or a couple of slices of bread for toast, if I have plenty, but as a general rule, don’t eat stuff you didn’t buy.

      Jun 18, 2012 at 6:44 am   rating: 2  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #28   Joe Blow

    I’m glad I don’t have roommates to kill..

    Jun 11, 2012 at 6:13 pm   rating: 3  small thumbs up

     

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