Oh, and about that “cheese” in your Vegemite & Cheese sandwich…

June 6th, 2012 · 55 comments

At Tazza’s office in Sydney, someone (not Harold, that much we know) was so offended by a coworker’s half-made cup of instant coffee that he or she felt obliged to leave this note.

This is NOT coffee! Why are you doing this to yourself? :-|

related: Rage Against the (Coffee) Machine

extra credit: Men Being Jerks to Their Wives about Coffee [youtube]

extra extra credit: Who Made That Kraft Single? [nytimes.com]

FILED UNDER: Australia · coffee · office · Sydney · unsolicited feedback

55 responses so far ↓

  • #1   Momo

    Ffff, haters gunna hate. I love instant coffee.

    Jun 6, 2012 at 10:17 pm   rating: 11  small thumbs up

    • #1.1   jadefirefly

      There’s a cheap-ass brand of instant cappucino I used to get at Aldi. I miss that stuff so much.

      Jun 7, 2012 at 12:05 am   rating: 7  small thumbs up

    • #1.2   bananaphone

      Hispanics and Blacks tend to drink more instant cof­fee than Whites or Asians, although the market for instant coffee is only about 13% of coffee sales.

      I assume most of that 13% is for the making of Kahlua in white Russians.

      Jun 7, 2012 at 10:08 am   rating: 1  small thumbs up

    • #1.3   Thunder McKing

      Yeah bananaphone, I’m black and nothing else washes down my watermelon and fried chicken quite like a cup of instant coffee. Why was this “fact” relevant?

      Jun 7, 2012 at 12:21 pm   rating: 66  small thumbs up

    • #1.4   Poltergeist

      Get your damn facts straight bananaphone. Black people don’t drink instant coffee. They merely use the empty containers to inconspicuously transport large quantities of cocaine mixed with cocoa powder. I know this because I have black friends.
      Hispanics, on the other hand, tend to prefer psychoactive plantain peels and refried beans.

      Jun 7, 2012 at 1:10 pm   rating: 16  small thumbs up

    • #1.5   Thunder McKing

      Hold up, Poltergeist. Don’t be putting dat 411 on blast. 5-0 might be peepin’ dis out. Keep dat up and I ain’t gonna tell you nothin’ else. See you at the BBQ. BYOHS…bring your own hot sauce.

      Jun 7, 2012 at 1:26 pm   rating: 17  small thumbs up

    • #1.6   AuntyBron

      I’m glad you explained BYOHS, Thunder. I thought it meant “Bring Your Own Ho’S”

      Jun 7, 2012 at 11:43 pm   rating: 11  small thumbs up

    • #1.7   Nunavut Guy

      Canthzbe where are you?

      Jun 17, 2012 at 6:52 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

  • #2   Keiran

    Yeah, haters are gonna hate; but being an Australian I can attest, International Roast ain’t of a worthy standard to be denoted with the term ‘coffee’ – even with instant in front of it.

    Jun 6, 2012 at 10:26 pm   rating: 26  small thumbs up

    • #2.1   AussieGuest

      I agree. Nescafe all the way!

      Jun 7, 2012 at 12:37 am   rating: 6  small thumbs up

    • #2.2   Wench

      Sorry but I’m voting for team note writer today.

      Speak to me not of this abomination known as International Roast – whoever thought this s**t passed for coffee should be hung, drawn and quartered. Then set on fire.

      Jun 7, 2012 at 8:02 am   rating: 9  small thumbs up

    • #2.3   Mentis Fugit

      …then ground down into ashes, put into cannisters and shipped out as “International Roast”.

      Team Note!

      Jun 7, 2012 at 4:05 pm   rating: 18  small thumbs up

    • #2.4   K

      I’m thinking about calling Shenanigans. Since when do Aussies say “ain’t”?

      Jun 7, 2012 at 5:11 pm   rating: 5  small thumbs up

    • #2.5   AuntyBron

      See, K, you forget all them foreigners have second language skills.

      Jun 7, 2012 at 11:44 pm   rating: 8  small thumbs up

    • #2.6   macleod

      could be worse – could be Copper Kettle…

      Aug 3, 2012 at 1:05 am   rating: 0  small thumbs up

  • #3   bliffit

    I like my instant coffee the same way I like my politicians: smooth and satisfying.

    Jun 6, 2012 at 10:30 pm   rating: 8  small thumbs up

    • #3.1   H for Toy

      You sleep with your politicians?

      Jun 6, 2012 at 10:44 pm   rating: 5  small thumbs up

    • #3.2   bliffit

      Doublespeak, double entendre…is there really any difference? They both convey what the listener wants to hear and either one can be an aphrodisiac.

      Jun 6, 2012 at 10:56 pm   rating: 4  small thumbs up

    • #3.3   The Elf

      And hot? Black? Somewhat bitter?

      Jun 7, 2012 at 6:54 am   rating: 13  small thumbs up

    • #3.4   Poltergeist

      Am I really going to have to be the one who has to say it? *sigh* Fine…

      I like my politicians like I like my buns – in possession of a big Weiner.

      There’s more than double entendre in that statement.

      Jun 7, 2012 at 12:35 pm   rating: 3  small thumbs up

    • #3.5   The Elf

      And leans hard to the left?

      Jun 8, 2012 at 7:33 am   rating: 9  small thumbs up

  • #4   The White Clouds of Opium bang

    I imagine the person comes back to her cup holding a Twinkie.

    Reads the note. Looks at the Twinkie. Looks back at the note.


    Jun 7, 2012 at 12:12 am   rating: 17  small thumbs up

    • #4.1   AussieGuest

      Its in Australia, we don’t have Twinkies readily available for the mass. This is of course a crisis our politicians have tried to rectify by making us more and more like Americans every day.

      Jun 7, 2012 at 3:04 am   rating: 9  small thumbs up

    • #4.2   Poltergeist

      I guess we know which English-speaking country won’t be surviving the nuclear holocaust.

      Jun 7, 2012 at 12:20 pm   rating: 25  small thumbs up

  • #5   Emily

    Actually I don’t think International Roast is coffee. It’s orange. And it doesn’t taste like coffee. It doesn’t say “coffee” on the front of the tin.

    Jun 7, 2012 at 5:31 am   rating: 6  small thumbs up

  • #6   The Elf

    Does it have caffeine? Then we’re good.

    Jun 7, 2012 at 6:51 am   rating: 19  small thumbs up

    • #6.1   Dan

      That’s pretty much the extent of it for me too.

      Jun 7, 2012 at 8:58 am   rating: 2  small thumbs up

  • #7   kathryn

    If this person is so concerned about what co-workers are ‘doing to themselves’ then he-or-she shouldn’t knock on my door while I’m watching Nathan Fillion in Castle.

    Jun 7, 2012 at 7:14 am   rating: 17  small thumbs up

    • #7.1   Snicklefritz

      He is devilishly handsome

      Jun 7, 2012 at 8:30 am   rating: 5  small thumbs up

    • #7.2   Noelegy

      June 6th being the anniversary of D-Day, hubby and I watched “Saving Private Ryan” again last night. Nathan Fillion shows up for less than five minutes as an adorably distraught Private Ryan…but not THAT Private Ryan.

      Jun 7, 2012 at 12:55 pm   rating: 4  small thumbs up

  • #8   The Elf

    Mmmm! Goddamn, Jimmie! This is some serious gourmet shit! Usually, me and Vince would be happy with some freeze-dried International Choice right, but he springs this serious GOURMET shit on us! What flavor is this?

    Jun 7, 2012 at 11:54 am   rating: 6  small thumbs up

  • #9   Redheadwglasses

    Heh. I tasted coffee once. Tasted like burned water. Never again.

    Jun 7, 2012 at 12:22 pm   rating: 6  small thumbs up

    • #9.1   GhostWriter bang

      That wasn’t coffee- that was rum.
      It’s worth a second taste.

      Jun 7, 2012 at 1:47 pm   rating: 5  small thumbs up

    • #9.2   The Elf

      You know what else is worth a second taste? Rum in coffee.

      Jun 8, 2012 at 7:35 am   rating: 7  small thumbs up

    • #9.3   H for Toy

      Depending on the day, sometimes a third or fourth.

      Jun 8, 2012 at 8:46 am   rating: 2  small thumbs up

    • #9.4   The Elf

      The way today is going, a fifth…

      …of rum. Coffee optional.

      Jun 8, 2012 at 10:51 am   rating: 8  small thumbs up

  • #10   GhostWriter bang

    Eye Spy two boobies in the can label…

    Jun 7, 2012 at 1:54 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

  • #11   Nori

    Actually, instant coffee IS coffee.

    It’s just dehydrated is all. Maybe she ought to check the ingredients, I promise it will be coffee!

    Jun 7, 2012 at 4:29 pm   rating: 3  small thumbs up

    • #11.1   kermit

      I don’t know what the rules are around legally labelling something “coffee”, but if they’re anything like the lax rules around what you’re allowed to label “cheese” or “chocolate”, I have serious misgivings about trusting such promises.

      I hate to say it, but unless you are in a serious financial shithole, there is no excuse for buying fake food products. Be nice to your health people and buy real stuff.

      Jun 7, 2012 at 9:42 pm   rating: 4  small thumbs up

    • #11.2   AuntyBron

      You know I hate being the voice of reason but…Maybe the instant coffee maker doesn’t have room or an electrical outlet to make a pot of real coffee at his/her desk. Hence the instant.

      BTW my opinion on the real coffee/fake coffe debate is : It’s all swill to me.

      Jun 7, 2012 at 11:50 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

    • #11.3   kermit

      There’s plenty of good quality instant coffee out there that doesn’t taste like dirt or swill.

      Besides that, if the person doesn’t have an electrical outlet, instant coffee isn’t going to save them a trip to the kitchen to boil water.

      Jun 8, 2012 at 2:20 am   rating: 1  small thumbs up

    • #11.4   Poltergeist

      Or maybe they just like the taste of that brand of instant coffee. It may taste like shit to you, but to them it may taste halfway decent. And while other higher quality “real” cheeses certainly taste better, I’m not ashamed to admit to occasionally enjoying a grilled cheese sandwich made with Kraft singles. As for my health, neither option was going to be nice to it anyway.

      Jun 8, 2012 at 3:38 am   rating: 2  small thumbs up

    • #11.5   Nori

      The point that I was trying to make is that it ISN’T “fake,” there is nothing fake about it. Instant coffee is literally just coffee, there is a misconception that it’s not real. They brew coffee, then dry it out and put it in a can.

      Jun 9, 2012 at 10:22 am   rating: 2  small thumbs up

    • #11.6   kermit

      Nori, there’s a misconception on your part that all instant coffee is real coffee. Sure, legally it’s coffee. Just like Cheese Whiz is cheese.

      Jun 10, 2012 at 10:11 am   rating: 1  small thumbs up

    • #11.7   Dr.Chalkwitheringlicktacklefeff

      No, Nori’s right; instant coffee is just coffee that’s been freeze-dried. That’s literally all it is. There’s nothing wrong with it.

      Coffee snobs are just the worst people on Earth. Worse than paedophiles and the Nazis combined. Worse even than Dane Cook.

      Jun 11, 2012 at 2:44 pm   rating: 4  small thumbs up

    • #11.8   Vulpis

      Someone else has pointed out–the canister doesn’t actually claim that it’s coffee, just ‘International Roast’. ;-)

      Jun 17, 2012 at 11:29 am   rating: 2  small thumbs up

  • #12   bob loblaw

    I wouldn’t mess with these guys, looks like there is blood on the microwave.

    Jun 8, 2012 at 1:53 pm   rating: 5  small thumbs up

  • #13   The Elf

    We are here at Tazza’s office in Sydney, where we’ve secretly replaced the fine coffee they usually serve with International Roast. Let’s see if anyone can tell the difference!

    Jun 8, 2012 at 3:16 pm   rating: 8  small thumbs up

  • #14   Jo

    Ah, good old International Roast – no one admits to liking it, but who keeps buying it??

    Jun 9, 2012 at 12:14 pm   rating: 3  small thumbs up

    • #14.1   Poltergeist

      International Roast is the new Chia Pet.

      Jun 10, 2012 at 6:50 am   rating: 2  small thumbs up

    • #14.2   steelhips

      Just spent three weeks in a public hospital and I can tell you they buy International Roast.
      I’m glad I was only allowed to sip water. To “the elf” – if someone can’t tell the difference between regular instant coffee (Nescafe) and International Roast, inform them they have had a stroke and lost their sense of smell and taste.

      Jun 13, 2012 at 12:11 am   rating: 1  small thumbs up

    • #14.3   The Elf

      I’m guessing Steelhips is too young to remember those commercials. Now get off my lawn, whippersnapper!

      Jun 15, 2012 at 8:34 am   rating: 1  small thumbs up

  • #15   Erin

    Oh, and here I was thinking I was the only person in Sydney who cared about the quality of coffee in this city. I need to meet this note writer.

    Jun 11, 2012 at 6:04 am   rating: 1  small thumbs up

  • #16   Lolo

    International Roast is found in sachets in hospitals and public service tea-rooms in huge tins. Reminds me if when Marge Simpson went frugal and replaced her regular coffee with “Colombia’s Shame”.

    Jun 15, 2012 at 7:01 am   rating: 3  small thumbs up

  • #17   AussieGuest

    Its not just Sydney that has this problem, down south we also do. Can we ship it to sheep screwers in NZ?

    Jun 22, 2012 at 11:58 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up


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