Bath Salts are NOT an advisable alternative to cheese sticks.

June 14th, 2012 · 20 comments

Rhiannon in Missouri opened the fridge at work to find this not-at-all-disturbing note from an anonymous office zombie.

To the person who is stealing and eating cheese sticks that are not his or hers. STOP! Did you buy them? No. Solution: Go to the store and get your own. You can't be that hungry. If you are, gnaw the face off a homeless man.

(The perp’s response: “Well, if you say so!”)

related: Who moved my cheese?

FILED UNDER: cheese · most popular notes of 2012 · office fridge

20 responses so far ↓

  • #1   Gah

    Too soon, Cheese Stick Afficionado. Too soon.

    Jun 14, 2012 at 6:09 pm   rating: 56  small thumbs up

  • #2   Andy

    I know it’s old, but I don’t care.

    “Those cheese sticks were fucking delicious!”

    Jun 14, 2012 at 6:10 pm   rating: 28  small thumbs up

    • #2.1   Chad

      That reference is NEVER too old.

      Jun 14, 2012 at 6:11 pm   rating: 17  small thumbs up

    • #2.2   Wench

      That homeless guys face was fucking delicious as well.

      Yeah. I went there.

      Jun 15, 2012 at 7:47 am   rating: 11  small thumbs up

    • #2.3   IamFuckingDelish

      Andy & Wench, Both of you are fucking delicious!

      Jun 15, 2012 at 1:00 pm   rating: 4  small thumbs up

    • #2.4   Wench

      @ IamFuckingDelish LOL!

      Jun 17, 2012 at 12:34 am   rating: 3  small thumbs up

  • #3   Puzzle bang

    You can’t just gnaw another man’s face off.

    You should at least take him out to dinner first.

    Jun 14, 2012 at 6:14 pm   rating: 28  small thumbs up

    • #3.1   Andy

      Right. Don’t let him have a napkin. Extra seasoning, don’t you know.

      Jun 14, 2012 at 6:18 pm   rating: 5  small thumbs up

    • #3.2   Bec

      Then it’s a mutually beneficial relationship.

      Jun 14, 2012 at 9:00 pm   rating: 4  small thumbs up

  • #4   Kristy

    Jeeze, I wonder what the note would have said had the offence been worse than eating some cheese…

    Jun 14, 2012 at 6:20 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

  • #5   Adriana

    I’m really pleased this note writer had the consideration to seek redress for a grievous wrong without being sexist. All too often, passive-aggressive notes carelessly default to the masculine possessive adjective and pronoun, and it sickens me. Women are zombies and cheese thieves, too, and it’s about time they be recognized.

    Jun 14, 2012 at 6:37 pm   rating: 48  small thumbs up

    • #5.1   qua


      Jun 14, 2012 at 7:47 pm   rating: 4  small thumbs up

    • #5.2   dejahthoris78

      If the note writer was not sexist, he would have left the option open to gnaw the face off a homeless woman as well.

      Jun 14, 2012 at 8:06 pm   rating: 20  small thumbs up

    • #5.3   unsatisfied

      what’s wrong with being sexy?

      Jun 14, 2012 at 8:30 pm   rating: 9  small thumbs up

  • #6   Adriana

    @dejahthoris78 – I just assumed this male or female cheese snatcher would go back to the same homeless man. That guy is having a tough few weeks.

    Jun 14, 2012 at 10:18 pm   rating: 3  small thumbs up

  • #7   aliceblue

    Oh, great. Now eating faces off homeless guys is the next trend. And you thought planking and eyeglasses without lenses was annoying? Wait until all those faceless bodies start being left all over. Damn hipsters.

    Jun 15, 2012 at 1:52 pm   rating: 14  small thumbs up

    • #7.1   jadefirefly

      It’s better than bodyless faces.

      Jun 16, 2012 at 1:38 am   rating: 5  small thumbs up

    • #7.2   The Elf

      That’ll give me nightmares.

      Jun 17, 2012 at 6:14 am   rating: 2  small thumbs up

  • #8   Nunavut Guy

    Face eating is so passe.

    Jun 17, 2012 at 7:26 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

  • #9   redheadwglasses

    OH please. We were eating faces back in ’86.

    Jun 26, 2012 at 5:12 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up


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