Andy in Alexandria, Virginia passes this sign every day on his way to work, and says he’s always found the quotations around the word “baptized” to be a bit ominous. (“I have no idea what they are getting at,” he says.)
Of course, if this sign seems familiar to you, that’s because this ol’ knee-slapper just might be the “unattended children will be given an espresso and a free puppy” of church parking signs. To wit:
And back in Vienna, Virginia, it’s the cars that get baptized.
Related: What Would Jesus Text?
46 responses so far ↓
#1
Sarah TX
Violators will be baptized (and your car will be towed)! Now that’s Christian charity!
Aug 1, 2012 at 9:32 pm rating: 28
#2
Jennifer Souza
I don’t get the baptizing thing. Are they gonna pee on the cars? Sprinkle water? Crack a bottle of champagne over it?
Aug 1, 2012 at 9:33 pm rating: 29
#3
nikki
I love how it’s the assembly of God and Baptist Church that Baptistises just anyone LOL
Aug 1, 2012 at 9:34 pm rating: 9
#4
A heathen
What I don’t understand is, why only the violators are being baptized at the Clifton Baptist Church and the unnamed church in the third photo.
Aug 1, 2012 at 9:36 pm rating: 16
#5
E
There’s a church in downtown DC that has a sign that says “Park not, lest ye be towed.” Much funnier, and actually makes sense too.
Aug 1, 2012 at 9:43 pm rating: 100
#6
shwo!
Your car hasn’t been towed. It’s been raptured.
Aug 1, 2012 at 9:45 pm rating: 149
#7
JK
I love First Assembly of God churches for the unintentional comedy. In college I sung in a one-off choir that performed Handel’s Messiah in their facility. They always abbreviate to First Ass. of God in programs. Made my night.
Aug 1, 2012 at 10:10 pm rating: 24
#8
Ian
Well, if they’re baptists, they’d have to do full immersion to baptize your car, so they’ll probably dump it in a lake. Others only need to sprinkle it… or hit it with a hose.
Aug 1, 2012 at 10:12 pm rating: 23
#9
Molly Musaka
Soooo….if I let you put water on my head and say some magic words, I get free parking? Deal.
Aug 1, 2012 at 10:25 pm rating: 24
#10
Saph
The third sign is really bothering me. Not only is it a total design failure, but it also looks like there’s one of those word puzzles in there.
Will be cross over tiz in baped?
Baped around will be cross on zit backwards? Help me out here.
Aug 1, 2012 at 10:42 pm rating: 18
#11
briana
Our old pastor had a taped sign above the light switch ” god knows you left the light on.” I thought that was pretty witty. This is just dumb and if you want to get technical…. a lie.
Aug 1, 2012 at 10:59 pm rating: 5
#12
ghetto
The second one is the best.
Aug 1, 2012 at 11:39 pm rating: 0
#13
Jimmah
My uncle has a live trap for pesky squirrels in his battle to raise a garden. I asked him what he does with them once he catches them. “I just fill a bucket with water and the I baptize them”.
Aug 1, 2012 at 11:45 pm rating: 9
#14
Nony
Baptize the cars in acetone and other powerful solvents.
Aug 2, 2012 at 3:23 am rating: 4
#15
Jennifer
So to get baptised in the third and fifth churches, you first have to park badly? It reads differently by putting the “only” on the wrong line.
Aug 2, 2012 at 4:21 am rating: 8
#16
Jon
I’m surprised nobody got it. A baptism is a ritual of purification, so the car will be purified of it’s sinful owner.
Aug 2, 2012 at 5:37 am rating: 13
#17
Polly
I still don’t understand the concept of baptism as it relates to cars. What’s wrong with me?
Aug 2, 2012 at 8:20 am rating: 7
#18
The Elf
That ain’t holy water they’re sprinkling…….
Aug 2, 2012 at 11:19 am rating: 2
#19
Smokey
Owners will be sent to hell……..would have been more effective!
Aug 2, 2012 at 3:33 pm rating: 0
#20
Melissa Jones
I think that last one is the most “Christian” of all of them – you park here illegally? We wash your car! Talk about ‘turning the other cheek!’
Aug 2, 2012 at 4:15 pm rating: 4
#21
Navy Jones
There was a designated pastor’s parking space at my parents’ old church marked “Whosoever parketh here, preacheth the following Sunday.”
Aug 4, 2012 at 10:38 am rating: 13
#22
Jane
If the violators are baptized, wouldn’t that automatically make them members of the church, thus giving them the right to park there?
Aug 10, 2012 at 12:09 pm rating: 5
#23
Arnie Baptizor
Honestly thought it meant people will be forced to get baptized. Or waterboarded…
“One of us, one of us.”
Aug 13, 2012 at 12:49 am rating: 4
#24
Clara
Okay, I’m a baptist myself. To “baptize” is taught as a drowning (that’s why we do full immersion) of oneself. They’re saying they’ll drown you. The one about baptizing the car is funnier.
Aug 23, 2012 at 4:37 am rating: 0
#25
SomeGuy
Isn’t that a violation of the first admenment? The unconcenting baptising of someone properly. But then the morons can do it to dead people somehow.
Hmm can’t wait until someone asks Romney if he agrees with the baptising of dead people from other religions. He would have to loose the christian or morman vote…. intresting.
Aug 24, 2012 at 3:35 am rating: 0
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