Missing: Red Gatorade. Answers to the name “Wally.”

August 6th, 2012 · 23 comments

“People steal other people’s food and drink so often in my office that security put up a notice,” says our submitter in Florida. “Apparently, the sign isn’t working.”

Instead, the notes left by the victims have turned into an ongoing office-wide joke.

DID YOU TAKE A RED GATORADE? WHAT'S WRONG WITH YOU? Do the right thing and replace it...or else!

And the latest contribution…

Missing: Red Gatorade. Cold, Refreshing, Thirst Quenching. Last seen inside the breakroom fridge. Answers to the name Wally. Hopefully picked up by accident. If you know where my Gatorade is,

related: Those heirloom tomatoes had sentimental value!

FILED UNDER: beverages · note wars · office fridge · smartass · stealing


23 responses so far ↓

  • #1   Lis

    Just to screw w/the offender, I think I would put a new, red Gatorade in the refrigerator, after I ran an imperceptible bead of superglue around the edge of the cap. B)

    Aug 6, 2012 at 9:37 pm   rating: 25  small thumbs up

    • #1.1   Dee

      I think I’d replace part of a new Gatorade with large quantities of a tasteless laxative/sedative cocktail. Nothing like sh!tting your pants at work to keep you from stealing other people’s stuff.

      Aug 6, 2012 at 10:31 pm   rating: 27  small thumbs up

       
    • #1.2   Who passed out the Haterade?

      I vote for adding a few drops of Bitter Yuck (no-chew spray for pets), or something like it. There’s no risk of sending someone to the hospital, but they definitely won’t be eager to repeat the experience.

      Aug 7, 2012 at 10:24 am   rating: 8  small thumbs up

       
    • #1.3   Nocturnesthesia

      Food thieves are the fucking worst kind of people. Tempted as I’ve been to put a sandwich in the communal fridge that’s been coughed on by an ebola victim, I found keeping your stuff in a portable cooler is much more effective.

      Aug 7, 2012 at 11:21 pm   rating: 9  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #2   JK

    For a second there, I thought it said that people were stealing food and drinking in the submitter’s office. World’s worst speakeasy.

    Aug 6, 2012 at 9:42 pm   rating: 7  small thumbs up

     
  • #3   Captain Hampton

    It’s funny because it’s theft!

    Aug 6, 2012 at 10:14 pm   rating: 9  small thumbs up

     
  • #4   AussieGuest

    Maybe it was a horcrux?

    Aug 6, 2012 at 10:29 pm   rating: 4  small thumbs up

     
  • #5   Andrew Price

    Ouch. I feel really bad for the notewriter. Being mocked straight after having something stolen is horrible. Nothing would make me want to quit faster.

    Aug 7, 2012 at 12:38 am   rating: 22  small thumbs up

     
  • #6   kermit

    The Gatorade answers to the name “Wally”?

    Well, there’s your problem, man. Any drink that answers when called is bound to get away from you the moment any passing tramp trills its name.

    Aug 7, 2012 at 12:39 am   rating: 17  small thumbs up

     
  • #7   andrew

    Next day, you go in, take a red gatorade and put in there – when the owner of the previous one thinks it’s been “returned” and decides to drink his delicious boomerang of a drink then leave a note saying “Hey, some jackass stole my red gatorade too!” just to make them feel just as bad.

    Although they wouldn’t, because let’s face it – it’s only stealing if someone else does it to you, it’s a joke or “whoops!” if you do it to them.

    Aug 7, 2012 at 12:50 am   rating: 11  small thumbs up

     
  • #8   maughta

    It’s the fact that our grammarian in the first picture got it so WRONG that’s killing me.

    Aug 7, 2012 at 2:14 am   rating: 7  small thumbs up

     
  • #9   ANkh

    Missing, Presumed Drunk.

    Aug 7, 2012 at 2:15 am   rating: 35  small thumbs up

     
  • #10   AussieGuest

    I’d just go around the office singing this
    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BkASCPy5F_o

    I’m sure someone would get so sick of me singing that would buy me a new one. Or even several if I threatened to keep singing

    Aug 7, 2012 at 3:10 am   rating: 0  small thumbs up

     
  • #11   Thunder McKing

    If only we really could sweat red when we drink red Gatorade like in the commercial, then he could pull the fire alarm and figure it out while they all wait outside in the summer heat. Of course, he would have to first determine which ones were bleeding from injuries sustained during the stampede.

    Aug 7, 2012 at 9:50 am   rating: 21  small thumbs up

     
  • #12   Nope

    Wally the Red Gatorade for President 2012!

    Aug 7, 2012 at 10:23 am   rating: 5  small thumbs up

    • #12.1   Lil'

      First on his agenda – tax breaks for NBA players. Obama’s gonna have a ball with that one.

      Aug 7, 2012 at 10:37 am   rating: 5  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #13   Eileen

    What’s next, name tags for the drinks? Wally Gatorade, meet Millie Milk and Sally Sprite.

    Aug 7, 2012 at 4:48 pm   rating: 3  small thumbs up

     
  • #14   Sir Puke

    How about a dash of Syrup of Ipecac? Not a lot, just a dash.

    Aug 7, 2012 at 5:48 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

     
  • #15   Robin

    Am I the only person that got the Hanna Barbera Wally Gator joke?

    Aug 7, 2012 at 11:09 pm   rating: 6  small thumbs up

    • #15.1   jilly

      Yes

      Aug 10, 2012 at 12:06 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #16   Aussie Guest

    I would just go around the office singing this:
    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=payVbK9a6zs

    Someone would surely would ‘find’ Wally after I had sung it for 5 days straight right?

    Aug 8, 2012 at 2:40 am   rating: 0  small thumbs up

     
  • #17   Aussie Guest

    and then I would ‘destroy’ it so I could defeat Lord Voldemort

    Aug 8, 2012 at 2:43 am   rating: 0  small thumbs up

     
  • #18   Terri

    Public beratings don’t work, because food thieves emerge from a shameless circle of Hell. I used to work somewhere with an unrepentant food thief. After the one time my food was stolen, I took to leaving notes on my food that said things like, “Dear Food Thief, I spit in this. Enjoy! XOXO….” Suffice to say nothing of mine was stolen again.

    Aug 19, 2012 at 3:20 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

     

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