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Please stop hectoring the coffee creamer! (You’re hurting its feelings.)

August 13th, 2012 · 118 comments

If you work in an office that supplies your cream and sugar needs gratis, consider yourself lucky. There’s something about coffee creamer that sends folks off the deep end…

Apparently in some unknown language my name means "help yourself to my creamer without permission and ignore the part where it reads don't touch!"

P.S. If you’ve thought of a different tactic, it’s probably been tried before.

BREAST MILK Drink at your own risk

related: Coffee, mate?

FILED UNDER: all-staff e-mail · CAPS LOCK · office fridge · Orlando · stealing

118 responses so far ↓

  • #1   Trekkie Gal

    Dear Hector, If you don’t want people to use your *#&(^@% creamer, keep it in your desk!

    Aug 13, 2012 at 8:38 pm   rating: 29  small thumbs up

    • #1.1   DeRaNgEd

      Not everyone has a fridge at their desk where else should he keep it?
      Just another thing, people haven’t read enough passive aggressive notes to know that someone might actually pee or spit in the creamer next time to teach the thief a lesson.

      Aug 13, 2012 at 8:42 pm   rating: 61  small thumbs up

    • #1.2   JT

      Well to be fair, he has to keep it in the fridge or it will spoil.

      Aug 13, 2012 at 8:56 pm   rating: 15  small thumbs up

    • #1.3   Aidan

      Not all coffee creamers need to be refrigerated. Nestle makes a whole bunch of different flavors, no refrigeration needed.

      Aug 13, 2012 at 9:12 pm   rating: 7  small thumbs up

    • #1.4   kermit

      And they taste like crap, Aidan.

      Aug 13, 2012 at 9:21 pm   rating: 57  small thumbs up

    • #1.5   Centerice

      Dear Trekkie Gal,

      If you don’t want your forehead stapled, don’t touch my creamer. I don’t think it is unreasonable to expect people to keep their hands off things they didn’t purchase…unless they want to deal with the repercussions of getting caught STEALING!

      Aug 13, 2012 at 9:57 pm   rating: 41  small thumbs up

    • #1.6   Angie

      International Delights sells individual creamer servings that taste like the ones that have to be stored in the fridge (their full sized containers only have to be refrigerated after they are opened). The individual servings don’t have to be refrigerated as they aren’t opened until they are used. (Think the little creamer containers you get from restaurants and gas stations.)

      Aug 14, 2012 at 9:17 am   rating: 4  small thumbs up

    • #1.7   Rattus

      These are the ingredients of International Delights creamer:

      Water, Sugar, Palm Oil, Corn Syrup, Contains 2% or less of the Following: ( Sodium Caseinate A Milk Derivative, Dipotassium Phosphate, Flavor(s) Natural & Artificial, Mono and Diglycerides, Sodium Stearoyl Lactylate, Carrageenan, Salt


      Aug 14, 2012 at 10:13 am   rating: 23  small thumbs up

    • #1.8   The Elf

      That gets my blood sugar up just thinking about it.

      Aug 14, 2012 at 10:36 am   rating: 3  small thumbs up

    • #1.9   Danielle

      Trekkie, A person should be able to keep something in the fridge at work that has been provided for the use of the employees, with a reasonable expectation that it will still be there when they go back for it. I don’t think it is unreasonable to expect those around you not to steal things from you.

      Aug 14, 2012 at 11:15 am   rating: 49  small thumbs up

  • #2   Divawriter

    Team note writer here. Most of us don’t have refrigerators at our desks. Anything that is perishable (such as cream, half & half or milk) has to be stored in a fridge that is, unfortunately, accessible to co-workers. Something that is clearly marked with a co-worker’s name has NOT been provided by the company for everyone to use and should be left alone. If you like cream in your coffee, buy your own. This includes high-paid management types, who are sometimes the worst offenders.

    Aug 13, 2012 at 8:48 pm   rating: 70  small thumbs up

    • #2.1   Red Delicious

      Yeah, those are the ones that think they’ve paid their dues and are entitled to everything and don’t have to buy anything for themselves anymore. -_-

      Aug 13, 2012 at 8:52 pm   rating: 7  small thumbs up

    • #2.2   Aidan

      I agree that people shouldn’t steal others’ food. But, obviously, it’s a recurring problem. This seems like a “fool me once, shame on you; fool me twice, shame on me” type of deal, now. Not all coffee creamers need to be refrigerated, so maybe he should invest in some of those to keep at his desk.

      Aug 13, 2012 at 9:14 pm   rating: 6  small thumbs up

    • #2.3   angie

      Aiden, seriously, the non-refrig ones are gross, whether powder or shelf-stable liquid. My office provides shelf-stable liquid french vanilla creamer, and I still buy my own.

      Aug 13, 2012 at 10:17 pm   rating: 27  small thumbs up

    • #2.4   Beatus Mongous

      There was a guy at my work that used to just walk up and take half of whatever you were eating at the time. One time, I was eating a ham sandwich, and I got up to get a napkin, and this guy grabbed a knife, cut my sandwich in half, and proceeded to eat half of it. I said, “What the hell are you doing?” He replied, “You can share part of your sandwich with me. It’s only fair.” I was pissed, but because he was a manager, I couldn’t do anything. Boy was I happy when he got fired.

      Aug 14, 2012 at 6:38 pm   rating: 27  small thumbs up

    • #2.5   Poltergeist

      Beatus, you should track him down and have some fun with this.

      “Yeah, I figured out your PIN #, but you can share part of your bank account with me. It’s only fair.”

      “Yeah, I stole your SS#, but you can share part of your identity with me with me. It’s only fair.”

      “Yeah, I fucked your wife, but you can share part of your love life with me. It’s only fair.”

      Aug 14, 2012 at 7:28 pm   rating: 23  small thumbs up

  • #3   havingfitz


    Aug 13, 2012 at 8:54 pm   rating: 7  small thumbs up

    • #3.1   Guest

      Dave’s not here.

      Aug 14, 2012 at 11:52 am   rating: 15  small thumbs up

  • #4   Lisa

    Team Note-Writer all the way, if only because I feel his/her specific pain. I bought a bottle of flavored creamer (which, fyi, Trekkie Gal, must be refrigerated. Do YOU have a personal fridge in your office? No? Yeah, I didn’t think so.) and put it in the office fridge on the Friday before I left for a week-long vacation. When I returned, the bottle of creamer was EMPTY. I’m not ashamed to say that I lost my shit and stormed up and down the halls making my position clear.

    Later, after I’d calmed down, I told my husband maybe I should have put my name on it. He pointed out, very correctly, that it doesn’t matter who it belongs to; the people that used it knew it wasn’t THEIRS, and that’s all that matters.

    Wow. Four years later, and I’m still a little bitter.

    Aug 13, 2012 at 8:57 pm   rating: 66  small thumbs up

    • #4.1   Maggie

      Lisa, are you joking? You put coffee creamer in a community fridge & did NOT put your name on it & you think everyone was supposed to know that no one was supposed to touch it? And then you stormed up & down the office yelling at people? If I was your boss, I would have written you up in a heart beat. Grow up. It’s coffee creamer, not gold. You were on vacation & no one knew it was yours!

      Aug 13, 2012 at 9:02 pm   rating: 34  small thumbs up

    • #4.2   sexgoblin

      You certainly are…

      Aug 13, 2012 at 9:12 pm   rating: 9  small thumbs up

    • #4.3   shesajem

      Maggie – I’ll glad you aren’t my boss!! In a professional environment people should act like professionals – not like children. If something isn’t yours don’t use it without asking – its pretty damn simple.

      Aug 13, 2012 at 9:23 pm   rating: 50  small thumbs up

    • #4.4   kermit

      Don’t most workplaces have rules that everything (except baking soda) left in the fridge on Friday gets tossed out so that it doesn’t rot in the fridge during the weekend?

      Aug 13, 2012 at 9:24 pm   rating: 15  small thumbs up

    • #4.5   angie

      We keep a lot of things in the fridge that don’t go bad in a week – people have salad dressings, etc. Certainly coffee creamer does not need to be thrown out on a weekly basis, and I’d be furious if someone tossed it long before it’s expiration date.

      Aug 13, 2012 at 10:18 pm   rating: 11  small thumbs up

    • #4.6   JK

      Lisa, check out the episode of Friends where someone at work eats Ross’s sandwich. The reaction he has is basically yours on steroids. That scene is probably on youtube.

      I think the idea of ‘well if you didn’t buy it, you ought to know not to use it’ is perfectly valid. The only thing I can think of is that some businesses provide things like creamer, condiments, plastic utensils, etc. for common use. Creamer isn’t the kind of thing I’d expect one person to bring to work for themselves although clearly some do. (I’m not a coffee drinker, but I’ve worked in enough offices to see what typically happens in the break room.) I suggest in the future putting the creamer container in something more like a thermos. Maybe put it in a large bag and tie the top. Make it just a little less convenient. Perhaps the others will think it’s not sanitary because God knows where your thermos or whatever has been. That’s all I know to tell them. Still, the coworkers should’ve asked if it was for everyone.

      Aug 13, 2012 at 10:37 pm   rating: 27  small thumbs up

    • #4.7   kermit

      Angie, it’s not that stuff goes bad in a week. Some places have the Friday throw-out rule because of previous incidents where people have left stuff in there that eventually stank up the whole fridge.

      Aug 14, 2012 at 12:16 am   rating: 6  small thumbs up

    • #4.8   makfan bang

      We have a last Friday of the month rule. Everything, even the water bottle I freeze to ice my foot, gets tossed if you leave it in the refrigerator.

      It prevents the science experiments. The company doesn’t pay the cleaning staff very much and I certainly don’t expect them to go through each item and check its expiration date.

      Aug 14, 2012 at 1:09 am   rating: 16  small thumbs up

    • #4.9   The Elf

      Shesajem “In a professional environment people should act like professionals – not like children.”

      Wouldn’t that apply to both not stealing AND throwing a temper tantrum about when your creamer is stolen?

      Aug 14, 2012 at 10:39 am   rating: 29  small thumbs up

    • #4.10   Vera in Irvine

      Thanks The Elf, I was just going to say that. Stealing AND temper tantrums = not professional. If I bring something refrigerated, I bring it in a cooler pack, and take the pack home every day.

      Aug 14, 2012 at 6:34 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

  • #5   Adriana

    I use heavy whipping cream in my coffee and that crap is expensive and I have to keep it in the refrigerator. If my coworkers started using that without my permission, I’d be pissed. Coffee is super serious business.

    Aug 13, 2012 at 8:58 pm   rating: 32  small thumbs up

  • #6   Sir Puke

    Spiking the creamer would reveal the perpetrator(s).

    Aug 13, 2012 at 8:59 pm   rating: 23  small thumbs up

    • #6.1   Marylife

      I do believe that the recommended spike ingredient for creamer is laxative. Lots.

      We have thieves and, worse, rotting food abandonment issues at our workplace. I gave up and bring my lunch and condiments in a thermal lunch bag with those reusable frozen blue blocks to keep things cold. Works great. The fridges reek to high heaven, but, hey, not my problem…

      Aug 13, 2012 at 10:40 pm   rating: 20  small thumbs up

    • #6.2   Rattus

      The thermal bag/freezer block is the only way to go. I haven’t used a communal fridge in decades for two reasons: (a) people are thieves; and (b) people are pigs.

      Aug 14, 2012 at 10:18 am   rating: 37  small thumbs up

    • #6.3   Who passed out the Haterade?

      ^ I think we have our quote for the thread.

      Aug 14, 2012 at 11:09 am   rating: 9  small thumbs up

    • #6.4   Vera in Irvine

      Sir Puke: Not necessarily. I worked in an office where someone with medical issues mixed her medication in with cranberry juice cocktail. She labeled it PROFUSELY, including skull & crossbones, “Medication Mixed Into This!” warning labels in Day-Glo orange, practically the Biohazard symbol. Mattered not. Other people still drank it.

      Aug 14, 2012 at 6:36 pm   rating: 17  small thumbs up

  • #7   Maggie

    I can understand that he’s annoyed that other people used some of his creamer but c’mon, it’s just creamer. His email is completely unprofessional (complete with ALL CAPS!) & he’s overreacting by A LOT. If you keep something like that in a community fridge, people are going to help themselves. It’s just creamer for God’s sake, what does it cost, $1.50? No reason for him to become unhinged. OMG, you only used it 3 times & it’s ALMOST half empty? GASP!

    Aug 13, 2012 at 8:59 pm   rating: 8  small thumbs up

    • #7.1   kermit

      Quality cream that’s preservative free can be expensive, up to $5 if not more (though obviously it depends on your geographic location)

      Aug 13, 2012 at 9:26 pm   rating: 10  small thumbs up

    • #7.2   SeeYouInTea

      The point is that IT BELONGS TO HIM. No one else. Hector bought the shit on his own (even if it’s “just creamer”). People that use/eat others’ things are complete assholes. At least ask if you want to use/eat someone’s food/whatever.

      Aug 13, 2012 at 10:00 pm   rating: 69  small thumbs up

    • #7.3   Walt

      I will never understand why people justify theft. So would it be OK if they ONLY stole $5 from his wallet? How about $10? $15? Where do you draw the line? Theft should be theft. Period. And it shouldn’t be happening in the workplace.

      Aug 13, 2012 at 11:05 pm   rating: 70  small thumbs up

    • #7.4   makfan bang

      Worse than the cost is when you reach on Thursday to use the creamer you bought on Monday and it is practically empty. Now you have to go to the store and buy more, which might not have been part of your plan for that day. IT’S NOT YOURS. Don’t use it.

      Aug 14, 2012 at 1:11 am   rating: 32  small thumbs up

  • #8   Dan

    Sorry, while the A$$ who took what wasn’t his is clearly wrong, Hector needs to buy powdered creamer and keep it in his desk so he can keep his melon together. It won’t spoil. really.

    Aug 13, 2012 at 9:01 pm   rating: 3  small thumbs up

    • #8.1   makfan bang

      Yuck. I won’t drink coffee if I have to resort to that powdered crap.

      Aug 14, 2012 at 1:13 am   rating: 20  small thumbs up

    • #8.2   The Elf

      I’m not that picky. If it’s caffeinated, I’ll drink it. I don’t really taste that first cup anyway. Tasting requires brain functionality.

      Aug 14, 2012 at 8:07 am   rating: 5  small thumbs up

  • #9   Pepper

    maybe hector should bring it in a tupperware container labled Breast Milk.

    Aug 13, 2012 at 9:03 pm   rating: 48  small thumbs up

    • #9.1   Wench

      @ Pepper: With you on this one; I’d go as far as to label it “Help yourself – you’ve no idea what I’ve actually spiked this with, so go ahead and take a chance!”

      Aug 13, 2012 at 9:11 pm   rating: 17  small thumbs up

  • #10   Jennifer

    Hector neglected to end his quote when he provided the translation of his name.

    Aug 13, 2012 at 9:32 pm   rating: 5  small thumbs up

    • #10.1   Polly

      Exactly! I realized I was scanning ahead wondering where his quote was going to end….and it never did.

      Aug 14, 2012 at 12:32 am   rating: 5  small thumbs up

    • #10.2   The Elf

      He’s endlessly quotable.

      Aug 14, 2012 at 8:03 am   rating: 8  small thumbs up

  • #11   Bec

    I have no idea what creamer is, is it like milk? Sorry non-American here, off to do some googling.

    Aug 13, 2012 at 9:38 pm   rating: 8  small thumbs up

    • #11.1   kermit

      Creamer is supposed to be a substitute for cream (i.e. milk with more than 3.25% fat content).

      Depending on where you are, it’s either called creamer or coffee whitener. It’s usually a preservative-laden mystery liquid that looks like cream and tastes like crap which some people put in their coffee.

      If it’s not actually cream, I think it’s illegal for a manufacturer to label it that so they have to come up with similar-sounding names. For example, if you look at the ingredients list on most cheap ice cream, you’ll see something like “milk ingredients” instead of milk or cream.

      Aug 14, 2012 at 12:48 am   rating: 15  small thumbs up

    • #11.2   Bec

      Oh so totally worth fighting over then. Just a thought, perhaps the “preservative-laden mystery liquid” is linked to paranoia, anger outbursts & inappropriate caps-lock use. Might be time for a detox Hector.

      Aug 14, 2012 at 1:27 am   rating: 15  small thumbs up

    • #11.3   DaveGI

      Kermit is refering to non-dairy creamer (, which is generally made to mimic half and half.

      But in reality Americans use the term “creamer” for anything other than plain milk that they put in their coffee, including real half-and-half and other types of cream, and that powdered stuff. Or maybe that’s more of a regional thing? If our office fridge is an indication my office is pretty evenly split between people who use non-dairy creamer and real half-and-half but everybody calls it creamer no matter which one they use. The people who use the powdered creamer keep it at their desks.

      Apparently what we call half and half in the US and Canada is called “half cream” in the UK. Basically it’s half milk, half cream.

      Aug 14, 2012 at 7:09 am   rating: 2  small thumbs up

    • #11.4   The Elf

      I’ve seen “creamer” used generically for anything to “cream” a coffee – from powder to mystery liquid to half-and-half to milk.

      Aug 14, 2012 at 8:02 am   rating: 10  small thumbs up

    • #11.5   Dan

      First time I had coffee out at a restaurant in the US, I was asked what I wanted in it. I was awfully confused because I’d never even heard of creamer until that point. Wish I never had because that stuff is evil (the powdered stuff is super evil).

      Aug 14, 2012 at 9:35 am   rating: 8  small thumbs up

    • #11.6   kermit

      I had no idea powdered creamer even exists. I thought powdered creamer was just milk powder. That tastes okay if you can find one that doesn’t have additives in it. Or maybe people are putting in that flavoured powder (typically made by Nescafe in “mocha” flavours and the like) designed to be a substitute for instant coffee or to add additional flavour.

      Whatever the hell it is, it’s probably a safer bet to just drink your coffee black if there’s no milk/cream around.

      Aug 14, 2012 at 11:57 am   rating: 4  small thumbs up

    • #11.7   Vera in Irvine

      Guilty pleasure: Mix a couple of the French Vanilla shelf-stable single serves into a packet of Swiss Miss cocoa. Chemical party in your mouth! We discovered this at a Hampton Inn and practically depleted their stock of both one weekend…

      Aug 14, 2012 at 6:40 pm   rating: 7  small thumbs up

    • #11.8   Lil'

      Vera – I do that too! Usually just in the winter months, but now you’ve put me in the mood for a cup. My coworker mixes Swiss Miss into his coffee and calls it mochachino. I don’t know about that one.

      Aug 15, 2012 at 1:48 pm   rating: 3  small thumbs up

    • #11.9   Tatterdemalion

      I did that to make my coffee vaguely drinkable at one terrible, terrible office job… Small office, but no matter what coffee I brought in, the coffeemaker ruined it. I wound up mixing instant cocoa in it to choke it down, and the taste is now forever associated with that two hour commute, jerk-ass boss and terrible working conditions.

      Aug 22, 2012 at 7:44 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

  • #12   Christi

    We have a community fridge in my office and no one would DARE eat or drink anyone’s stuff. In fact if someone forgets their lunch someone usually is offering their extra can of soup or their peanut butter. We regularly have potlucks that everyone chips in on and we still even ask if it’s cool to eat the leftovers! We also have a pop can so that we can replenish our pop supply regularly without anyone having to be put out. I guess it just comes down to mutual respect…

    Aug 13, 2012 at 9:39 pm   rating: 36  small thumbs up

    • #12.1   SeeYouInTea

      Wow, you must work with *gasp* ADULTS!

      Aug 13, 2012 at 10:02 pm   rating: 54  small thumbs up

  • #13   wewqfnjwefqknfio

    He obviously works in collections, so, I have zero sympathy.

    Aug 13, 2012 at 10:19 pm   rating: 3  small thumbs up

    • #13.1   Starfish

      While I’m generally really sympathetic about victims of fridge thieves, I confess I as well have a much lower empathy for people who work in collections getting things taken from them.

      I’d have even less sympathy for repo men having their creamer taken.

      Aug 14, 2012 at 8:58 am   rating: 3  small thumbs up

    • #13.2   The Elf

      A job’s a job. Most people don’t really see collections and repossessing as big career moves – they’re just working a shitty job to put food on the table so their stuff doesn’t get repossessed. It doesn’t make them less deserving of sympathy.

      Aug 14, 2012 at 10:50 am   rating: 26  small thumbs up

    • #13.3   Starfish

      There’s probably some limits to the “a job’s a job” adage. ;) It’s a personal thing, I feel that way, but don’t certainly expect anyone else to.

      Aug 14, 2012 at 10:55 am   rating: 2  small thumbs up

    • #13.4   Lil'


      Aug 14, 2012 at 11:56 am   rating: 16  small thumbs up

    • #13.5   redheadwglasses

      I have friends who own a repo business. The vast majority of the cars they repossess were recent purchases and the owners never had any intent to make a payment (statistics show that someone who misses or is late with the first two months’ payments are people who will default within six months).

      Aug 14, 2012 at 11:57 am   rating: 12  small thumbs up

  • #14   Poltergeist

    Communal fridges are a lost cause. Everybody should just start purchasing well insulated lunchboxes and keep their stuff locked away in their desks.

    Aug 14, 2012 at 12:05 am   rating: 2  small thumbs up

    • #14.1   The Elf

      I have to agree. If you have an office thief, notes aren’t going to stop them. They have no shame. It’s best just to make your stuff inaccessible.

      I use milk as a coffee creamer. To defeat the thieves, I only bring in those really small single serving. It’s enough for a day (I like a lot of milk in my coffee). I bring it in my insulated lunchbox, keep it at my desk all day, add to coffee as needed, and throw away whatever little bit might be left over.

      Aug 14, 2012 at 7:47 am   rating: 4  small thumbs up

  • #15   Polly

    First off, Hector, if you write an entire memo in ALL CAPS, lots o’ folks won’t bother to read it. Secondly, what do you mean by “Subject: on the floor”? Thirdly, learn to close your quotation marks. Sorry for your loss.

    Aug 14, 2012 at 12:45 am   rating: 6  small thumbs up

    • #15.1   kermit

      it’s “to the floor”, meaning everybody who works on that floor and presumably could be the cream avenger.

      Aug 14, 2012 at 12:52 am   rating: 4  small thumbs up

    • #15.2   The Elf

      That’s where he’s putting the bodies. To the floor.

      I think Drowning Pool wrote a song about it.

      Aug 14, 2012 at 10:54 am   rating: 12  small thumbs up

  • #16   Julia

    I once caught a coworker surreptitiously helping himself to my (labelled) pint of half-and-half. He said, “Well, I wouldn’t steal it from someone I didn’t know!” Welcome to the world of thief logic…

    Anyway, Hector, if I were you I’d just decant the creamer into a Tupperware container, ideally an opaque one that doesn’t give any hint of its contents. And if you happen to be pouring some of it into your cup when other people are around, be sure to lick any excess drops off the side of the container. Yup, that should do the trick :-)

    Aug 14, 2012 at 1:02 am   rating: 42  small thumbs up

    • #16.1   creme brulee

      Or just keep it in a lunch sack. People are much more likely to steal the stuff that’s just sitting out on the shelf.

      Aug 14, 2012 at 12:51 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

    • #16.2   Wait..what?

      It isn’t like the crap is going to go bad if it is out of the fridge for half a day. Keep it at your desk in a small cooler with a gel pack. The options are endless.

      Aug 14, 2012 at 1:36 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

    • #16.3   clumber

      “Well, I wouldn’t steal it from someone I didn’t know!” Welcome to the world of thief logic…

      Seriously?! Someone had the testicles to actually say that?!! Ok, Julia, it’s your fault that I will end up in jail tonight since I will have to punch directly in the face the next person I see. If y’all could please pass around a file folder for bail donations, that’d be just great. Thanks.

      Aug 14, 2012 at 3:32 pm   rating: 11  small thumbs up

  • #17   SeattleDude

    And you wonder how Starbucks grew at 26% each year for a decade?

    Aug 14, 2012 at 2:03 am   rating: 18  small thumbs up

  • #18   e

    If he thinks his name means “help yourself to my stuff”, then labelling his stuff with his name seems rather self-defeating.

    Aug 14, 2012 at 5:34 am   rating: 17  small thumbs up

    • #18.1   jUStPunkin

      Yea, I had that thought as well, and assumed that in his anger, he simply confused his words. :)

      Aug 14, 2012 at 9:39 am   rating: 0  small thumbs up

    • #18.2   quatfaux

      He should label it “Chuck Norris”. I’m pretty sure that does not mean “steal my creamer” in any language.

      Aug 22, 2012 at 6:22 pm   rating: 5  small thumbs up

  • #19   Ruth

    Hey, all of you defending the thief ’cause it’s “just coffee creamer”, it’s not expensive – GO AND BUY SOME YOURSELF THEN!

    Don’t eat other people’s food without asking – this is primary school stuff, christ almighty! Unbelievable.

    Aug 14, 2012 at 6:14 am   rating: 32  small thumbs up

    • #19.1   Tesselara

      Yay Ruth! I am at a complete loss to even figure out what kind of person would be cool with using something that doesn’t belong to them. I’m thinking that perhaps they have poor self control and a weak moral compass.

      Aug 14, 2012 at 7:12 am   rating: 10  small thumbs up

    • #19.2   Siobhan

      I know what kind of person -the cheap kind! Which makes it even more frustrating when they say ‘oh its just creamer’ or whatever it may be. well if thats the case then you will have no problem purchasing your own or maybe you can buy some for communal use to replace this one …whats that? you’ve no money on you just now? well isn’t that convient.

      Aug 15, 2012 at 9:00 am   rating: 4  small thumbs up

  • #20   The Elf

    Legititmate gripe or not, who uses “U” in an office note? Is “you” really that hard to spell out?

    Aug 14, 2012 at 7:42 am   rating: 20  small thumbs up

    • #20.1   The Elf

      Naturally, I misspelled something in a grammar/spelling related comment. Pot, meet kettle.

      My only excuse is that I hadn’t had my coffee yet. Someone stole my creamer. OMG, Y U DO THAT?!!? U DIE 2! R U NSANE? WTF!!!!1

      Aug 14, 2012 at 8:15 am   rating: 21  small thumbs up

    • #20.2   Poltergeist

      Your new word has “tit” in it, so I think you should be forgiven.

      Aug 14, 2012 at 11:37 am   rating: 17  small thumbs up

    • #20.3   The Elf

      I guess after someone stole my creamer, I had milk on the mind.

      Aug 14, 2012 at 2:31 pm   rating: 10  small thumbs up

    • #20.4   clumber

      I am most interested in the pronunciation of the new word. I want to start using it at least once a day, but will need someone to sound it out for me, please. Is the accented syllable the TIT ?

      Aug 14, 2012 at 3:35 pm   rating: 5  small thumbs up

    • #20.5   The Elf

      Why WOULDN’T you accent the tit?

      Aug 21, 2012 at 6:12 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

  • #21   Smokey

    People take my coffee K-Cups at work….It pushes me near the edge.

    Aug 14, 2012 at 7:52 am   rating: 2  small thumbs up

  • #22   The Elf

    Whenever a coffee-related PAN comes up, one thing becomes brutally clear:

    Do Not Fuck With Coffee Drinkers.

    They’ll cut you if they don’t get their fix. Seriously.

    Aug 14, 2012 at 8:12 am   rating: 43  small thumbs up

    • #22.1   ShellyB

      All last year there was a K-cup coffee maker with an honor system box for putting your money for anything you drank from it. All last year there was a PA note about how much money had not been paid and how much coffee had been taken.

      I solve these problems by drinking my coffee at home. I get up early and stare into space while caffeinating myself. Good times.

      Someday I’m going to have to take a camera to work and make a collage for you guys. There’s so many PAN’s it’s ridiculous.

      Aug 14, 2012 at 7:41 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

  • #23   Kristy

    There is one person in our office who is a notorious food thief. He actually took my yogurt and then complained to me that he thought it was gross. I don’t keep my lunch where he can get to it.

    Aug 14, 2012 at 8:24 am   rating: 20  small thumbs up

    • #23.1   Poltergeist

      I would have strangled him right there. Crime of passion = lesser sentence. It takes a special kind of shitstain to not only proudly admit to the victim that they stole from him/her, but to then complain that what they stole wasn’t up to their standards. Screw serial killers, this is what the death penalty was made for.

      Aug 14, 2012 at 11:33 am   rating: 25  small thumbs up

    • #23.2   clumber

      WHAT?!!!!! I… just… how… What kind of freaking sludge pit were these morons raised in?????

      Has it come to a generation of self-indulgent claptraps, or do I need to just sit on my porch with a hose and spray those damn kids who cut across my lawn?! Seriously… this one and Julia’s upward a tad… I cannot even start to understand feeling so righteous that I can steal from someone and then tell them their stuff sucks. Is it me?! Is it them? WTFFF?

      Aug 14, 2012 at 3:39 pm   rating: 17  small thumbs up

    • #23.3   ShellyB

      At my husband’s work, the food thief went into lunch boxes. There was the time he looked my husband in the eye as he was going to the staff room for lunch and said, “Good oreos, man.” Yep. He stole oreos out of my husband’s lunchbox and ate them and then bragged about it. Luckily he got canned shortly after.

      Aug 14, 2012 at 7:45 pm   rating: 19  small thumbs up

    • #23.4   Siobhan

      This is outrageous! How can people have the brass neck?! All I can suggest is you need to get tougher my friend as I’m sure that everyone around me is aware not to steal from me less there be consequences. That is why PANs usually don’t tend to be too effective unless the language is particularly threatenting. Direct confrontation always lets them know your taking no shit.

      Aug 15, 2012 at 9:12 am   rating: 3  small thumbs up

  • #24   Nahhh bang

    Bring your daily creamer from home in a small Thermos and keep it at your desk.

    It’s a fact: People, even “professionals,” will take and use anything they can get access to.

    Aug 14, 2012 at 9:17 am   rating: 1  small thumbs up

  • #25   redheadwglasses

    I noticed that my peanut butter (with my name and date of opening written on it), which I kept in the kitchen cupboard at work, but pushed back so it’s not easily seen, was being depleted faster than it should be, so I took it out of the kitchen and now keep it at my desk. The other morning I was in the kitchen and a coworker was rummaging around in that cabinet and said to me, “Darn it, where’s that peanut butter?” Grrrr.

    Aug 14, 2012 at 11:51 am   rating: 27  small thumbs up

    • #25.1   Lil'

      I don’t get the nerve of breakroom food thieves. If the company doesn’t supply the item for communal use, and you didn’t buy it, then you know it’s not for you. A friend told me about the time she went into the breakroom on her old job to find a coworker sitting down, unwrapping my friend’s sandwich and annoucing to the rest of the room, “I don’t know whose this is, but I gotta eat! I am starving!” Then she took a monster bite and made a bunch of moaning noises like it was the best thing she had ever eaten. My friend was so mad she couldn’t speak. She turned around shaking from anger and hunger and stormed out. A witness to the incident realized it was my friend’s lunch and that she was too swamped to leave the office to get something else, so he picked something up for her. The food thief carried on like she did nothing wrong. I would have let her eat it too, but then I would have slapped down a bill for her meal.

      Aug 14, 2012 at 3:42 pm   rating: 19  small thumbs up

    • #25.2   Poltergeist

      I would have slapped down a bill for her meal. Then I would have slapped *her*. Then I would have slapped down another bill for the privilege of being slapped by me.

      Aug 14, 2012 at 4:25 pm   rating: 29  small thumbs up

    • #25.3   redheadwglasses

      I like the way you think, Poltergeist!

      Aug 15, 2012 at 12:19 pm   rating: 5  small thumbs up

  • #26   dot

    The only logic I can think of that would cause this would be some offices have communal items, often items such as milk/creamer, sugar, butter, etc. People take turns buying these, and everyone uses them. I’ve worked in offices both this style and the traditional, only-use-what-you-brought style. If there isn’t a clear understanding of the office environment, there could be issues.

    Clearly items like a sandwich or packed lunch would not fit into this category, so there’s no excuse for taking that. But for other items like creamer, I’d make sure everyone (including myself) was clear on the issue of sharing or not beforehand.

    Aug 14, 2012 at 11:55 am   rating: 0  small thumbs up

    • #26.1   redheadwglasses

      dot, that’s the only logical explanation you can come up with? That a multitude of people think it’s provided by the office?

      I’ve worked in enough offices to know that X% of your coworkers are thieves. They think if no one sees them open you container of cream (or jelly, or peanut butter) and help themselves, it’s no crime.

      Aug 14, 2012 at 12:00 pm   rating: 3  small thumbs up

  • #27   Wait..what?

    Funny how everyone is assuming his delicious artifically flavored, chemical laden glop was actually in the fridge to begin with. He could have the powdered version and leaves it by the coffee maker.

    Either way, it is very easy to simply bring the portion you are going to use each day in a container and USE it instead of taking up space in a community fridge and then shitting your pants when someone else supposedly uses it. I do it when I am out of coffee at home and plan on drinking the company swill. I bring what I need.

    Aug 14, 2012 at 1:30 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

    • #27.1   Wait..what?

      And if this asshat worked in any professional company that I have ever worked at and sent out a company wide rant like this one, HR would be the next one taking a crack at his creamer.

      Aug 14, 2012 at 1:32 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

  • #28   Belaani

    Simple solution – keep your coffee creamer in a Ziplock bag in your pocketbook. Put powdered milk or… powdered eggshells in the creamer jar. It won’t take long to wean the mooches off of your supplies.

    Aug 14, 2012 at 2:25 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

  • #29   Belinda

    If I don’t want people drinking my creamer, I put it in an empty water bottle and label it “BREAST MILK”. It works.

    Aug 14, 2012 at 3:22 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

    • #29.1   Who passed out the Haterade?

      True, but I imagine Hector would get some funny looks bringing in his own breast milk.

      Aug 14, 2012 at 4:52 pm   rating: 8  small thumbs up

  • #30   Lauri

    I seem to detect a trend that even when people witness food theft in progress they fail to actually SAY SOMETHING TO THEM. Maybe instead of being passive aggressive about it and hoping the person magically changes, you might achieve better results actually telling the person to their face to stop using your stuff. Kind of like when women “expect” their husbands to know what they want instead of actually telling them and then pouting when it doesn’t happen.

    Aug 14, 2012 at 5:07 pm   rating: 6  small thumbs up

  • #31   kacky

    I would pretend to use it just to punish her for using the office kitchen as her personal storage area. The refrigerator and kitchenette cupboards are communal. Store personal items in your own desk, entitled biatch!

    Aug 14, 2012 at 5:48 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

    • #31.1   Poltergeist

      What the hell are you trying to say? That communal fridges are meant to be free-for-alls? Using that logic, if you brought in a sandwich for lunch, anybody should be able to eat it right out of the fridge. Communal means everybody can use it to store their items, not that everybody is allowed to use anything that’s stored in it by default. Talk about entitled.

      Also, I’m pretty sure Hector is a he.

      Aug 14, 2012 at 6:46 pm   rating: 22  small thumbs up

  • #32   Beatus Mongous

    Dear Hector,

    Don’t use 1/2 a cup of coffee creamer per each cup of coffee, and the stuff will last a tad bit longer.

    Aug 14, 2012 at 6:40 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

  • #33   Alex

    After reading this thread, I’m starting to think I should add “never steals from the office fridge” to my resume.

    Aug 14, 2012 at 8:32 pm   rating: 31  small thumbs up

  • #34   Grammar Popo

    If I wasn’t already stealing his creamer, I would certainly start after this email. Any grown man who writes an email to the entire office using “u” instead of “you” deserves way worse than that. Perhaps a public stoning right after the purchase of a new creamer would be appropriate.

    Aug 14, 2012 at 10:13 pm   rating: 3  small thumbs up

    • #34.1   shepd

      The entire email is in caps, with terrible punctuation, and your complaint is about the “U”? :D

      Aug 15, 2012 at 5:16 am   rating: 1  small thumbs up

  • #35   Spooky

    {whistling a happy tune for not being a coffee drinker, no longer working in an office environment, and having no cats}

    This drama washes right over me….but start in on PA mothers, and I’ll go as ape-shit as any coffee-drinking cat-lover you can name.

    Aug 15, 2012 at 12:08 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

  • #36   Summer

    Hector could do what I did to stop my office creamer thief. Buy a decoy creamer, pour a ton of salt in it….never have a creamer thief again.

    Aug 15, 2012 at 7:06 pm   rating: 7  small thumbs up

  • #37   notolaf

    Hector! Find a period! I can’t breathe!

    Sep 1, 2012 at 6:29 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up


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