Doo unto others

August 26th, 2012 · 24 comments

This Sunday’s scatological sermon comes to us from Heather in Denver, Colorado:

Poo unto others as you would have them poo unto you.

With a special reading from Lisa in Houston, Texas:

Don't forget to put used toilet paper in the toilet. Please, keep my Father's house clean!

related: A nasty twist on “Man bites Dog”


FILED UNDER: Denver · God · Houston · shit · toilet · toilet paper

24 responses so far ↓

  • #1   Virginia

    That’s awesome! I’d totally do that. Having dogs shit in your yard is NOT cool.

    Aug 26, 2012 at 6:35 pm   rating: 90  small thumbs up

  • #2   Madrias

    Nothing worse than getting up in the morning to take out the trash and stepping in a big steaming pile while barefoot and half asleep. Team Notewriter.

    Aug 26, 2012 at 7:52 pm   rating: 90  small thumbs up

  • #3   JK

    I think somebody’s been coveting their neighbor’s poo-free lawn.

    Aug 26, 2012 at 7:53 pm   rating: 90  small thumbs up

  • #4   havingfitz

    God may be willing to overlook coveting thy neighbor’s wife and stealing food from the break-room fridge, but you drop your used toilet paper on His bathroom floor and there’s not enough Hail Marys in the world to save your skank ass.

    Aug 26, 2012 at 8:11 pm   rating: 90  small thumbs up

  • #5   Jennifer

    How does one forget to put used toilet paper in the toilet? I don’t care who the dad is. It’s not something you tend to forget. Wipe. Drop. Flush. So simple!

    Aug 26, 2012 at 8:41 pm   rating: 90  small thumbs up

    • #5.1   Dana

      I’ve worked as a custodian at a water park. People are remarkably disgusting when they want to be.

      Aug 26, 2012 at 8:43 pm   rating: 90  small thumbs up

    • #5.2   Jennifer


      Aug 26, 2012 at 9:08 pm   rating: 90  small thumbs up

    • #5.3   The Elf

      That would be my father-in-law, who is convinced the world runs on extremely cranky septic systems. He puts it in the trash can. He visited this weekend, and we reminded him that our septic system is cleared for TP (the expert said so!) and that we buy the biodegradable paper. After he left, I emptied the very stinky trash can from the bathroom.

      Perhaps the church is also attended by older men who grew up in the backwoods with either outhouses or cranky septic systems.

      Still, ewwwww.

      Aug 27, 2012 at 7:39 am   rating: 90  small thumbs up

    • #5.4   Jami

      I was going to point this out. Not every place has great sewer lines. And even when people move to other places that have excellent sewers a lifetime of habits can be hard to break.

      Aug 27, 2012 at 9:41 am   rating: 90  small thumbs up

    • #5.5   Mawwd

      Yes, a lot of other countries still do not have adequate septic systems and it’s common practice there to wipe your butt and put it in a trash can next to the toilet. When they immigrate to other countries with good septic systems, they often don’t realize or don’t care that they can now flush toilet paper down the toilet without everything going haywire. I guess it’s pretty easy for the topic of septic systems to never be brought up, and it’s not like you can observe what other people do in bathrooms either to realize that “oh, toilet paper can go in the toilet here…” And how do you even bring that up tactfully to another person, or figure out who’s putting the toilet paper elsewhere…? It’s a tricky business.

      Aug 27, 2012 at 11:35 am   rating: 90  small thumbs up

    • #5.6   Green

      I had suite-mates in college that did this, they were both from Mexico. We had to keep asking them every week to stop throwing it in the trashcan and they would for a few days then start it again. I moved to another room after the first semester to get away from them.

      Aug 27, 2012 at 1:15 pm   rating: 90  small thumbs up

    • #5.7   oldtaku

      If you go to Mexico (not that you should, these days) you’ll still find the ‘please do not put toilet paper in the toilet’ signs in tourist areas. So in US border states you’ll find the ‘please put toilet paper in the toilet’ signs. They probably think we’re disgusting for not having a little trash can in the stall to drop the used paper in.

      Aug 27, 2012 at 10:09 pm   rating: 90  small thumbs up

    • #5.8   kermit

      I don’t think it has anything to do with disgust at all. The thing is that if you have really a really terrible toilet/plumbing system, throwing toilet paper in the toilet will make the toilet clog.

      Aug 28, 2012 at 1:16 am   rating: 90  small thumbs up

    • #5.9   downstack

      I am living in Korea, and even in Seoul we may not put any toilet paper in the toilet. It all goes in the trash can.

      Aug 28, 2012 at 7:05 am   rating: 90  small thumbs up

  • #6   P.U.

    I’m often struck by how these types of signs include a lovingly portrayed illustration that belies a scatological obsession beyond mere distaste at finding a deposit in the lawn. Kind of like how some guys are so vehemently disgusted by gays that you begin to suspect they are inthe closet (and/or denial).

    Aug 26, 2012 at 9:39 pm   rating: 90  small thumbs up

    • #6.1   The Elf

      Perhaps the notewriter wants to “poo onto others” as he would like “poo’d on him”. There are stranger fetishes…….

      Aug 27, 2012 at 7:40 am   rating: 90  small thumbs up

  • #7   shwo! bang

    The first sign would have been more concise if it just said, “No shit!”

    Aug 26, 2012 at 10:45 pm   rating: 90  small thumbs up

  • #8   lana

    golden shower rule anyone?

    Aug 27, 2012 at 1:31 am   rating: 90  small thumbs up

  • #9   Zorin

    At least the sign isn’t telling you NOT to put it in the toilet! I’ve always found the idea of a basket full of smelly used TP gross!

    And TP is designed to break down in septic systems. So it’s really no excuse.

    Aug 27, 2012 at 3:08 pm   rating: 90  small thumbs up

  • #10   Gwan

    Yeah, I’ve seen signs in Eastern Europe telling you not to throw used toilet paper in the toilet. Gross, but there’s probably someone out there getting grossed out by the signs in our bathrooms asking you not to flush pads and tampons, so it’s sort of a matter of perspective.

    Aug 27, 2012 at 4:58 pm   rating: 90  small thumbs up

    • #10.1   kermit

      Tampons swell when they are full of liquid and can clog the toilet, so that’s why you’re not supposed to throw them in there. Same with toilet paper, if you have a shitty toilet / plumbing system and you dump a lot of at a time instead of doing it in stages.

      Aug 28, 2012 at 1:21 am   rating: 90  small thumbs up

  • #11   Courteny

    Here’s the lowdown on people not flushing dirty toilet paper. It’s sad that I know this, but there are small towns in Northern Saskatchewan that don’t have running water and have to use septic tanks for human waste disposal (like at the lake). Those people tend to throw their toilet paper either on the floor (because they’re filthy savages) or in the garbage can. They forget that when they’re in a civilized society, that they can flush toilets and the toilet paper too. I’m being as polite and as nice as I can be about this. I also understand in overly populated countries that don’t have the same waste water treatment centres that they don’t have the option of having such readily available clean water as North America has.

    Aug 28, 2012 at 10:16 am   rating: 90  small thumbs up

    • #11.1   notolaf

      I’ve spent half my life using septic tanks and it’s no excuse for not flushing the tp!

      Also, I don’t WANT anyone to “poo unto me.”

      Sep 1, 2012 at 6:19 pm   rating: 90  small thumbs up

  • #12   kareenabee

    I am married to a man from panama who, despite his many wonderful traits, will probably never throw his poopy toilet paper into the toilet. I will be enlisting the services of Copyanpaste to post this in my house.

    Sep 4, 2012 at 5:25 pm   rating: 90  small thumbs up


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