Do you have a conscience?

August 28th, 2012 · 37 comments

Visiting her friend’s apartment for the first time, Kristin in New York City couldn’t help but notice that the entryway was completely covered with ALL CAPS notes from the building’s landlord. Among her favorites was this meta-monstrosity.

Says Kristin: “I love how his tone is over-the-top aggressive, but his actual threat isn’t that scary, given that, as far as I could tell, he’s the only one putting up signs.”

NOTICE WARNING For the last time! Do Not EVER take down/move any sign I put up!! If this EVER happens AGAIN, I will take down ANYTHING on any hallway WALL or DOOR that I did not put up. LAST REMINDER (which should not be necessary!!) DON'T EVER TOUCH ANY SIGN I PUT UP OR ANYTHING in the main floor hallway (THAT BELONGS TO ME)!! Thank you, Abbott

Another of Kristin’s favorites was this one, about water usage. “I’m not sure how overuse of water in New York impacts people in Haiti, but OK!”

Do you have a conscience? Think of all the many Haitians who are dying for just a drop of the water you are wasting. Remember God sees all! THINK!!!

related: Love, the Landlord

FILED UNDER: CAPS LOCK · guilt trip · landlords and property managers · New York · warning


37 responses so far ↓

  • #1   Limeliberator bang

    Abbott is the Mayor of Crazytown.

    oh, and FIRST!

    Aug 28, 2012 at 7:35 pm   rating: 9  small thumbs up

    • #1.1   The Elf

      Congrats for coincidentally looking at the site at the same time it was updated! Have a cookie.

      Aug 29, 2012 at 12:20 pm   rating: 20  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #2   Lis

    Wonder what he’d do if he found all his management statements balled up on the floor? I guess he’d take down your sign showing the apartment you are having your 6-yr old daughter’s birthday in . . .

    Aug 28, 2012 at 7:36 pm   rating: 3  small thumbs up

     
  • #3   StacyEF

    If God sees all and is monitoring water usage, he really ought to remove some of the wasted water from New York and give it to the Haitians.

    Aug 28, 2012 at 7:41 pm   rating: 47  small thumbs up

    • #3.1   dave

      Amen to that – if God is watching, he clearly doesn’t give a sh*t.

      Aug 29, 2012 at 5:36 am   rating: 16  small thumbs up

       
    • #3.2   Poltergeist

      According to the God-fearing, God created the universe and then he simply checked out (except for when football players pray for victory. That’s when we see divine intervention). He’s got time to punish us for our sins but, unfortunately for the dehydrated Haitians, not enough time to prevent bad things from happening in the first place.
      Dance for the puppet-master! And get on your knees and worship his holy vindictiveness every Sunday.

      Aug 29, 2012 at 7:31 am   rating: 16  small thumbs up

       
    • #3.3   FeatherBlade

      I can’t quite tell if the character after “all” is an exclamation point, or an “I”.

      I rather like the idea that the landlord is saying “God sees all, I think”, which would make him agnostic, rather than “god-fearing”.

      Aug 29, 2012 at 11:01 am   rating: 6  small thumbs up

       
    • #3.4   The Elf

      I read an interesting observation on this subject: If God is omniscient and omnipotent, He can’t omnibenevolent. Or, if He is omnibenevolent, he can’t be either omniscient or omnipotent. It’s a logical fallacy.

      Aug 29, 2012 at 12:23 pm   rating: 7  small thumbs up

       
    • #3.5   FeatherBlade

      I’m curious to find out who made that observation, and what they mean by “omnibenevolent”.

      Etymologically, it would mean “wishing well upon everyone”, but if the person thinks that means hearts and kittens and rainbows and cotton candy for everyone forever… I don’t think that’s doctrinally supportable.

      I mean, God loves us all and wants us to be reconciled to him, but He still smites the wicked.

      Aug 31, 2012 at 10:52 am   rating: 4  small thumbs up

       
    • #3.6   The Elf

      I heard it first from a friend, did some more research and found out this friend was far from alone.

      I’m sending you to the wiki page because I’m lazy.

      http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Omnibenevolent

      Aug 31, 2012 at 11:02 am   rating: 0  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #4   kathryn

    Re: the first photo – when reading this I am reminded of a quote from the movie Stripes- “Lighten up, Francis.”

    Aug 28, 2012 at 7:50 pm   rating: 7  small thumbs up

    • #4.1   April

      I was thinking the same thing!

      Aug 28, 2012 at 8:11 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #5   Minaude

    Interesting handwriting for a psycho. Self-centered but yet so eager to be understood.

    Aug 28, 2012 at 7:56 pm   rating: 23  small thumbs up

     
  • #6   dot

    That is one dingy looking apartment building. I also have to wonder, what kind of place does the fire department have to tell people not to leave their crap in the hall?

    If all of those notes are from the same guy (handwriting looks the same), then he really is PA. Though I’m not sure why he cares about tenants water usage, except if he pays for utilities.

    Aug 28, 2012 at 8:18 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

    • #6.1   FeRD bang

      Most NYC apartment buildings (older ones, certainly, which this clearly is) aren’t set up to bill units individually for water use. So, yeah, water is included in the rent and paid by the landlord. There are, therefore, certainly some inconsiderate/entitled-feeling residents who just blatantly and capriciously waste water, since it’s “free”… but they’re far outnumbered by all the crazy building supers / landlords who play Water Gestapo, guilt-tripping their tenants about making every drop count and remaining ever-vigilant for evidence that someone… somewhere… might be wasting a drop of their expensive water! That one’s not even that uncommon. (Abbtt’s eat-your-vegetables, starving-children style propaganda definitely Takes It To 11, though.)

      Regarding the fire department note, I have no doubt the NYC Building and/or Fire Code does specify that apartment-building hallways must be kept clear, for evacuation purposes… but I’m pretty sure Abbott is just stating that to justify his decision to purge the hallways of all non-permitted items. Assuming the building actually has any sort of issue with that, to begin with — Abbott’s crazy makes it hard to say.

      NYC apartments tend to run on the small side, to put it mildly, so it’s not entirely unprecedented that some residents might encroach/overflow a bit into the common hallways. (Things like bikes, coat racks, recycle/trash bins, etc…) Clearly, though, there won’t be any of that sort of nonsense tolerated in Abbott’s building! *whipcrack*

      Aug 28, 2012 at 9:39 pm   rating: 14  small thumbs up

       
    • #6.2   kermit

      The definition of “wasting” water varies. If you leave the tap running for no reason while you’re out for a run? Yeah that’s legitimately wasting water.

      Reusing bath water so that multiple people (or the same person) can take a bath on subsequent days? Definitely not wasting water. Also extremely gross and unsanitary.

      For the obscene NYC rents, I doubt that there’s a many people “wasting” water. They pay their damn rent, so they have every right to use the water they pay for.

      Aug 29, 2012 at 12:34 am   rating: 7  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #7   shwo! bang

    Wait! He’s underlined specific letters in that first note! It’s obviously a coded message:

    nin ve ou o n e uc n g nthi

    OK, never mind. He’s just crazy.

    Aug 28, 2012 at 8:46 pm   rating: 44  small thumbs up

    • #7.1   Gladystopia

      What? You can’t see the overwhelming import contained within the word “Ninveouoneucngnthi?”

      Clearly you are just one of those water-wasting, sign-removing, hallway-encroaching sheep who believe everything that’s told to you by people who aren’t burbling with wisdom like Abbott the Landlord.

      Jeez. People these days are just so BLIND!

      Ninveouoneucngnthi–just remember, the obydpwnosvwysctisous you save may be your own. Or possibly someone else’s.

      Aug 28, 2012 at 9:52 pm   rating: 35  small thumbs up

       
    • #7.2   Poltergeist

      Didn’t the Zodiac Killer leave behind nonsensical cryptograms?
      …run tenants!

      Aug 29, 2012 at 7:53 am   rating: 8  small thumbs up

       
    • #7.3   Clumber

      Actually, with the exception of 1 (IIRC) Zodiac’s cryptograms were decoded. I believe by just regular citizens.
      However, decoded =/= sensical. There was still a lot of crazy overflowing the decoded messages. Collecting slaves for heaven and so forth. Along with… hmmm.. I don’t want to say “sane” really… but how about, interspersed with clearer threats such as ” shoot out the front tire [of a schoolbus] & then pick off the kiddies as they come bouncing out.”
      Never caught or named…. so yeah, RUN TENANTS!

      Aug 29, 2012 at 12:34 pm   rating: 6  small thumbs up

       
    • #7.4   Bridget G.

      Only one of his cryptograms have been decoded, the others have not. Also, this guy uses a 3-stroke “K”, just like Zodiac. Interesting!

      Sep 6, 2012 at 9:53 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #8   Ace of Space

    I’m waiting for the sign that says, “DON’T READ THIS SIGN”.

    Aug 28, 2012 at 9:09 pm   rating: 13  small thumbs up

     
  • #9   meri

    Just to piss Abbott the Landlord off, I would put up a sign under his signs that say TL;DR.

    Aug 28, 2012 at 11:26 pm   rating: 21  small thumbs up

    • #9.1   Clumber

      TB/S; DR ?

      whereupon B/S = batshit

      Aug 29, 2012 at 12:36 pm   rating: 7  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #10   bitchy the dwarf

    just think of all the paper he is wasting that could go to those poor, paper-starved Haitians!

    Aug 29, 2012 at 4:52 am   rating: 18  small thumbs up

    • #10.1   FeatherBlade

      Obviously the solution is to box up the wasted water (and probably the paper too) and send to Haiti, parcel-post.

      Aug 29, 2012 at 11:03 am   rating: 3  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #11   Polly

    Apartment for sublet: Intersection of Religiosity Ave.and Whackadoodle Blvd. Cheap.

    Aug 29, 2012 at 5:03 am   rating: 8  small thumbs up

     
  • #12   Tesselara

    Woo–clearly, the next statement the guy makes will be with an axe. I’d move.

    Aug 29, 2012 at 7:27 am   rating: 6  small thumbs up

     
  • #13   Kim

    I’d move. This guy is scary. The type that would set fire to his own building if too many people broke the rules.

    Aug 29, 2012 at 8:49 am   rating: 7  small thumbs up

     
  • #14   AP

    My husband’s old building manager in Boston was the same way, except he wrote his passive-aggressive threats on index cards with a typewriter.

    If people do not close the elevator doors we will take away the elevator!
    No one is allowed to have visitors or food deliveries after 11 pm!
    We have a surveillance camera on the front door and if you break a rule we’ll know! [There was no camera.]

    Massachusetts has really strict rules protecting tenants, so these were all illegal empty threats.

    Aug 29, 2012 at 9:46 am   rating: 16  small thumbs up

     
  • #15   The Elf

    No, I don’t have a conscience. Thanks for asking!

    Aug 29, 2012 at 12:18 pm   rating: 6  small thumbs up

     
  • #16   The Elf

    That Costello! Always messing everything up!

    Aug 29, 2012 at 12:27 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

     
  • #17   Jesse

    Notice… NO WAIT ITS A WARNING

    Aug 29, 2012 at 2:44 pm   rating: 5  small thumbs up

     
  • #18   Joshua Akins

    The guy is certainly crazy, but am I the only one thoroughly impressed with his handwriting and use of varied font weight to provide emphasis? The content sucks, but the sign looks much nicer than most of the crap posted on walls. I don’t even mind the use of ALL CAPS since it appears to be done out of artistic preference.

    Aug 29, 2012 at 4:12 pm   rating: 7  small thumbs up

     
  • #19   Joshua Akins

    Oh…and the guy has decent grammar and spelling without the use of a word processor (e.g. “conscience”).

    Most PA sign makers can’t spell for crap even with the benefit of spell check, nor would they know that Haiti has potable water shortages.

    Abbott is crazy AND smart…dangerous combo.

    Aug 29, 2012 at 4:25 pm   rating: 8  small thumbs up

     
  • #20   shepd

    “THANK gOD I DON’T BELIEVE IN gOD AND CAN KEEP WASTING WATER!”

    Oh, how badly I’d like to paste that over top of his sign…

    Aug 29, 2012 at 7:09 pm   rating: 4  small thumbs up

     
  • #21   speak it

    DEAR CRA-CRA LORD OF OUR LAND,
    STOP PUTTING UP SHITTY ALL CAPS SIGNS INSTRUCTING US TO NOT TAKE DOWN YOUR SIGNS. WHAT YOU ARE DOING IS NOT WORKING AND IT WILL HAVE SUVERE REPERCUSSIONS IF YOU EVERRRRR DO IT AGAIN!

    VERY UN_TRULY AND TOTALLY UN-SINCERELY YOURS,
    THE ENTIRE APARTMENT BUILDING YOU HAVE JUST PISSED OFF.

    PS: JIM ON THE CORNER OF P.A. and LOOSERVILLE AVE. CAN SELL YOU A LITTLE SOMETHING TO HELP YOU WITH YOUR ALL CAPS ADDICTION! WE COLLECTIVELY SUGGEST YOU GO FIND HIM AND TAKE A FUCKING PILL!

    Aug 30, 2012 at 6:49 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

     

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