Signed, The Cat

← FU Load Letter Well, that’s a bit rude. →

September 27th, 2012 · 70 comments

From a house full of roommates in Texas, our submitter calls this “a prime example of ‘dogs have owners, cats have staff.’”

related: Hendrix is the cat

FILED UNDER: cats · cleaning · roommates · vomit

70 responses so far ↓

#1 beth

Looks like it’s got green beans in it. No wonder the cat sent it back.

Sep 27, 2012 at 8:40 pm rating: 90

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- #1.1 Nocturnesthesia
  
  DON’T GIVE YOUR CAT DRIED FOOD! Fortified rice/wheat will sustain your cat, but can cause diabetes and kidney problems due to dehydration. They sometimes get picky and “refuse” to eat anything but dry food, but giving them that shit is like making a human live on cream cheese and bacon: Sure it’s *possible*, and some people probably do by choice, but absolutely horrible for you.
  
  Also, the green looks like kitty ate some potted plants and ralphed them up on the carpet. One of my cat’s favorite pastimes.
  
  Oct 2, 2012 at 9:32 pm rating: 90
- #1.2 Jennifer
  
  I was trapped at Petsmart by the Blue sales rep, who informed me that dry food was best for cats because it was more nutritious. I explained to him that my cat refuses most dry food so I buy wet. ” Oh, well then try this Wilderness, it has more protein and they like it more.” I didn’t take his recommendation, but I did ask my vet about it. She informed me that dry food is not best for the cat, and that she prefers wet food– since it contains water, if a cat doesn’t drink enough water, having it in their food helps out with that a bit. If the cat won’t eat wet food, dry is better than nothing, though.
  
  Oct 9, 2012 at 10:06 pm rating: 90
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#2 wat

A cat walks into an apartment and slips on some vomit. Minutes later, Anna walks into the apartment and slips on the vomit as well. The cat says, “I just did that.” So Anna throws out the cat.

Sep 27, 2012 at 8:42 pm rating: 90

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#3 Bob

If you fed the cat a good food (it, not crap you get at Walmart) it wouldn’t throw up so much or have stinky poop. You’re welcome.

Sep 27, 2012 at 8:56 pm rating: 90

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- #3.1 Erica
  
  What do you consider “good” food, Dr. Bob?
  
  Sep 27, 2012 at 9:00 pm rating: 90
- #3.2 H for Toy
  
  Anything he can catch outside
  
  Sep 27, 2012 at 9:05 pm rating: 90
- #3.3 juju-skittles
  
  Thank goodness he’s not too fast at running…
  
  Sep 28, 2012 at 12:06 am rating: 90
- #3.4 The Elf
  
  Eh, some cats are just barfers. Especially when your cat’s own view of good food differs from your own. I feed them good quality food, but my little devil’s imp cat prefers plastic, silicon, rubber, styrofoam, and plants (not necessarily edible ones). We left the cats alone for a weekend – with food! on a timed release device! – and he ate a guitar stand.
  
  Sep 28, 2012 at 6:52 am rating: 90
- #3.5 Purr Monster
  
  I agree with The Elf. I have a cat who is 20+ years old and is in perfect health. He prefers Fancy Feast, or any food costing over $1 per tin, and also has expensive kibbles (because he won’t eat the less expensive kind). Guess what? He barfs all the time. It has to do with (1) the speed at which the cat eats the food, or (2) hairballs–not food.
  
  Sep 28, 2012 at 7:38 am rating: 90
- #3.6 JB
  
  The problem is the dry food, which is incredibly unhealthy for cats no matter how much you’re paying for it. It causes excessive vomiting because cats have trouble digesting grains and starches. Ditch the dry, and the vomiting will become very infrequent. The cheapest, low carb canned food (and Walmart does make some) is healthier for your cat than the most expensive dry food–and that includes the grain-free ones because they just replace grains with starches.
  
  Check out http://www.catinfo.org or http://www.fnae.org for an explanation of all the various health problems dry food causes in cats.
  
  Sep 28, 2012 at 11:35 am rating: 90
- #3.7 Poltergeist
  
  I specifically remember one instance where I overslept and fed my cat about 15 minutes past his usual breakfast time. He inhaled the food so quickly that he barfed half of it up before I left that morning, and I can assure you it was good quality food.
  
  Sep 29, 2012 at 7:27 pm rating: 90
- #3.8 Leonna
  
  I actually agree with you, to an extent. My cat eats $30 for a 10lb bag food and has never vomited from it, but the moment I get her fancy feast or something else that’s cheap, she’s vomiting it up. However, I don’t think it’s the solve-all for cat vomit issues. I think it just depends on how sensitive your cat’s stomach is, what diet they are accustomed to, etc.
  
  Sep 30, 2012 at 4:55 am rating: 90
- #3.9 shepd
  
  We feed out cat some ridiculously expensive food (the wife won’t let me buy the cheap stuff without a ridiculous argument). When the cat pinches a loaf in its basement box, the entire house reeks.
  
  Money =/= fresh smelling poops.
  
  The cat also barfs plenty often enough, but generally only after it escapes and chows down half a pound of grass while we’re looking for it.
  
  Sep 30, 2012 at 11:56 am rating: 90
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#4 Saph

It looks like the cat is proofreading the note.

Sep 27, 2012 at 9:22 pm rating: 90

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- #4.1 TRT
  
  That cat is obviously keen on social reform, hence the use of please and thank you; the kind of language which, a few years ago, any self-respecting cat wouldn’t be seen dead using.
  
  Sep 28, 2012 at 3:22 am rating: 90
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#5 Heather

Of course, if they had a dog it would have been happy to clean up the vomit for the cat!

Sep 27, 2012 at 9:24 pm rating: 90

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- #5.1 Zing
  
  Now with that mental image, I need to vomit.
  
  Sep 27, 2012 at 9:32 pm rating: 90
- #5.2 Sass
  
  The dog will be happy to clean that up too.
  
  Sep 27, 2012 at 10:06 pm rating: 90
- #5.3 Roto13
  
  I don’t think it’ll make much difference what brand food he eats if he’s not going to chew it. Look at that barf.
  
  Sep 27, 2012 at 10:47 pm rating: 90
- #5.4 Roto13
  
  I replied to the wrong thread.
  
  I’m no better than cat puke.
  
  Sep 27, 2012 at 11:09 pm rating: 90
- #5.5 Daniel
  
  Spoken like someone who obviously has not been around many cats.
  
  Sep 27, 2012 at 11:20 pm rating: 90
- #5.6 sherriffx
  
  The weirdest thing just happened. I was sitting here reading through the comments when all of the sudden I had a flashback to the inside/outside cat debate 2012. Have no idea what caused it but it was horrible. What’s that? I’ll be ok gently rocking back and forth in this corner seems to numb the pain a little bit.
  
  Sep 27, 2012 at 11:37 pm rating: 90
- #5.7 kermit
  
  You shouldn’t pussyfoot around with your flashbacks, Sherriff. Confront them head on.
  
  Sep 28, 2012 at 1:14 am rating: 90
- #5.8 Joy
  
  Agreed, Roto. My (very) old cat would scarf down dinner without breathing. I’d purposely distract her from her dish for a few seconds so that she’d STOP AND CHEW, otherwise we’d be seeing dinner again shortly. After which she’d still be ravenous, so I’d have to re-feed her, and then repeat.
  
  Sep 28, 2012 at 1:53 am rating: 90
- #5.9 Seanette
  
  Dogs also like helping clean the litterbox. (gag)
  
  Sep 28, 2012 at 2:35 am rating: 90
- #5.10 latin-aggressive
  
  nasty!, I was just having a sandwich…
  
  Sep 28, 2012 at 11:43 am rating: 90
- #5.11 The Cat
  
  Don’t worry. If you throw it up, Anna will clean it.
  
  Sep 28, 2012 at 11:53 am rating: 90
- #5.12 LafinJack
  
  In my experience the cat who barfed it up will also clean it up if I don’t get to it right away. No telling how many piles of barf I HAVEN’T found.
  
  Sep 28, 2012 at 1:07 pm rating: 90
- #5.13 it's naptime
  
  I’ve got a cat who cleans up after his brother like that. He’s the only one who helps around the house and I love him. I just don’t look while he’s working.
  
  Sep 28, 2012 at 2:20 pm rating: 90
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#6 Tay

You know, there is one thing i’ve always loved about this website, besides the passive-aggressive notes… (duh). Everyone is so amusing with their comments, as well as having above average literacy skillz.
That shits tight, yo.

Sep 27, 2012 at 10:42 pm rating: 90

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#7 kermit

In a cruel reversal to the dog shaming meme, cat decides to start human shaming meme.

Sep 28, 2012 at 1:16 am rating: 90

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- #7.1 Meme
  
  I am a cat and a proud owner of humans. I let my people outside even though they annoy other cats in the neighbourhood and could get hit by a car.
  
  Sep 28, 2012 at 10:26 am rating: 90
- #7.2 DaveGI
  
  But people who are allowed outside the house don’t live as long! They can pick up diseases, get hit by cars, or killed by predators!
  
  Letting them outside is the equivalent of human abuse! Keep your humans indoors.
  
  Sep 28, 2012 at 2:41 pm rating: 90
- #7.3 Meme
  
  Sigh, DaveGI, you cats with indoor people just don’t understand.
  
  If I don’t let my humans out they get underfoot, holler at the door and make a nuisances of themselves.
  
  People are meant to be wild, outside dodging traffic, peeing in gardens, chasing small animals and birds.
  
  Sep 28, 2012 at 8:29 pm rating: 90
- #7.4 raichu
  
  Meme, are your humans not toilet-trained? Do they refuse to pee somewhere other than the garden?
  
  If you give them a computer, they will be entertained just as easily as letting them outside to fend for themselves.
  
  Oct 2, 2012 at 9:10 pm rating: 90
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#8 Jessi

If that’s the only cat in the house, then that’s an awful lot of food to leave out.

Of course, if better food was being fed, then less would have to be put in the bowl.

Sep 28, 2012 at 4:54 am rating: 90

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- #8.1 Wait..what?
  
  not really. They probably just keep food out. Our cats are grazers. We have one of those feeders you fill up and they can nosh all they want. Silly beasts will rush in, eat a few kibbles, go back out, come back in five minutes later and hit the food dish again like a pack of starving hyenas. Of course I facilitate this because I open the door. I am well trained.
  
  Our oldest is a puker and always has been. I have learned to turn on the light before getting out of bed. There is absolutely nothing worse than stepping in a cold pile of cat puke first thing in the morning. ugh.
  
  Sep 28, 2012 at 9:31 am rating: 90
- #8.2 JB
  
  It’s not the cost of the food that matters–there are some really cheap healthy cat foods out there like Walmart’s Special Kitty Pate canned foods and Petsmart’s Grreat choice Pates. What matters is that it’s canned food–even expensive dry foods cause all sorts of health problems in cats later in life.
  
  Sep 28, 2012 at 11:48 am rating: 90
- #8.3 Purr Monster
  
  @wait…what: I can think of one thing worse: Waking up to the noise of a cat about ready to puke!
  
  Sep 28, 2012 at 2:39 pm rating: 90
- #8.4 Seanette
  
  Stepping in warm cat barf is the worst possibility here, IMO.
  
  Purr, my husband was once awakened by those so-unmistakable noises to find the cat in “Snoopy playing vulture” pose on the headboard, head right over my husband’s face. (He did get the cat to vinyl floor in time.)
  
  Sep 28, 2012 at 7:47 pm rating: 90
- #8.5 Meme
  
  Have you ever noticed that cats, while in the “hucka-hucka-hucka” pre-puke stage are restlessly surveying the landscape for the best traveled & least visible spot to let it rip?
  
  Sep 28, 2012 at 8:33 pm rating: 90
- #8.6 Jessi
  
  @JB, who said anything about the cost of the food?
  
  Sep 29, 2012 at 1:46 am rating: 90
- #8.7 Purr Monster
  
  @Seanette–Sorry, I had to laugh! Same thing happened with my cats, with my barfing cat on a chair and his sister on the floor, eagerly awaiting more food, except it fell on her and not the floor!
  
  Oct 1, 2012 at 8:31 am rating: 90
- #8.8 Seanette
  
  @Purr, no worries, my husband and I laughed about it too.
  
  Now I’m giggling imagining the scene with your cats.
  
  Oct 1, 2012 at 4:31 pm rating: 90
- #8.9 redheadwglasses
  
  I once watched my puker walk over to my $70 Franco Sarto brown leather shoes, and hork into them. Time to buy new shoes.
  
  Oct 3, 2012 at 11:30 am rating: 90
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#9 bitchy the dwarf

cat barf is one of the great mysteries of the universe. No one knows when or where (or why) it will appear, it just does!

Sep 28, 2012 at 5:04 am rating: 90

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- #9.1 Kimberly
  
  At my house cat barf seems to be triggered by shampooing the carpets because it always appears withing two hours of finishing.
  
  Sep 28, 2012 at 8:09 am rating: 90
- #9.2 Dave
  
  I’m sure you’ve considered this, but maybe it’s not just Sod’s Law. Might your cat not be allergic to your carpet shampoo? Just a thought.
  
  Sep 28, 2012 at 10:00 am rating: 90
- #9.3 Kimberly
  
  No, she just always has been and always be a puker.
  
  Sep 28, 2012 at 10:24 am rating: 90
- #9.4 Reed
  
  Pretty sure if it always happens after washing the carpets, it has something to do with washing the carpets. Just because your cat pukes for other reasons doesn’t discount the carpet thing if it happens every time, on schedule. That does not sound good.
  
  Sep 30, 2012 at 1:37 am rating: 90
- #9.5 Reed
  
  (Basically what I’m imagining is the soap is not being fully washed out of the carpets. Cat lazes around for a while on carpet, licks self, gets sick. Ingestion of soap isn’t good for digestion.)
  
  Sep 30, 2012 at 1:39 am rating: 90
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#10 The Cat

I wouldn’t have to ask if the staff was any good. I shall have to punish them.

Sep 28, 2012 at 6:54 am rating: 90

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#11 Dave

Looks like a prime example of: ‘I didn’t even want this stupid anti-social eating machine. You wanted him so badly, you can clean up when he shits and pukes around the house.’

I’m the sort who’d be tempted to leave this note. Pets are an odd concept.

Sep 28, 2012 at 8:02 am rating: 90

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- #11.1 Rattus
  
  Anti-social eating machine describes me to a T. No wonder the cats and I get along so well.
  
  Sep 28, 2012 at 11:38 am rating: 90
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#12 Dane Zeller

If you were eating food out of a dish shaped like a cat’s head, you would be vomiting brains, too.

Sep 28, 2012 at 9:13 am rating: 90

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#13 Lil'

This cat looks a lot less content than Byron. I think she needs to get out and get some fresh air.

Sep 28, 2012 at 11:53 am rating: 90

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- #13.1 Ali Longworth
  
  Well you wouldn’t want a pile of vomit near your meal would you? Clearly the human in this situation is not performing up to the cat’s standard.
  
  Sep 28, 2012 at 1:15 pm rating: 90
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#14 it's naptime

This isn’t really relevant, but one of the funniest parts of shrek 2 was Puss puking up a hairball because it was so damn accurate. I want to know how long the animators studied puking cats so they could get it right.

Sep 28, 2012 at 2:27 pm rating: 90

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#15 Lita

Ah, the joys of owning a cat. The presents.

I got lucky in that my past few haven’t been pukers, but now I’ve got one. He likes horking under the bed at three AM. I just clean it up in the morning when I’m coherent again.

Sep 28, 2012 at 4:54 pm rating: 90

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- #15.1 Smokey
  
  Best laugh I’ve had all day!
  
  Sep 28, 2012 at 5:55 pm rating: 90
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#16 Greg House

I’m hungry. Is anybody else hungry?

Sep 28, 2012 at 9:28 pm rating: 90

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#17 angie

We’ve got one that has never thrown up, one that throws up constantly (no matter what he eats and how much we brush him) and the newest feline member of the family will clean up the cat puke for us if we don’t get to it first.

Upshot, we never find surprise overnight puke. Buzz has made sure it’s all gone before we get up.

Sep 28, 2012 at 9:34 pm rating: 90

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#18 jane

I really hope the cat owner makes sure the cat is in good health. The not chewing could just be because the cat is eating too quickly (in which case the owners should make sure the food is in a place where the cat feels secure, and not like he/she needs to rush–since they can feel vulnerable when eating), but it could also be a sign of dental decay–especially if the cat is older. Since if the teeth are decaying, etc, and and there is a lot of irritation/infection chewing could be really painful, and that could be a possible cause for the unchewed food.

Sep 29, 2012 at 12:33 am rating: 90

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#19 Bluecanary

I don’t like cats. I’m married to a cat lover. I get so sick of cleaning up after the nasty little biohazard machines that I can totally see myself leaving notes like this on every deposit from now on.

Sep 29, 2012 at 1:52 pm rating: 90

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- #19.1 it's naptime
  
  in the outlet by the light switch?
  
  Sep 29, 2012 at 5:51 pm rating: 90
- #19.2 Bluecanary
  
  It is. And I’m watching over you.
  
  (5 years posting to multiple forums, you’re the first one to get it. You win the internet.)
  
  Sep 29, 2012 at 7:05 pm rating: 90
- #19.3 it's naptime
  
  Cool. I always wanted an Internet. And a rock to wind a piece of string around.
  
  Sep 30, 2012 at 1:32 pm rating: 90
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#20 Polly

In my experience, chunky but non-furball-containing regurgitation can be left in place for a few hours. The perpetrator will often come back and contentedly re-eat the mess, sometimes even licking the floor sparkly clean.Problem solved.

Sep 29, 2012 at 7:42 pm rating: 90

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#21 redheadwglasses

I know a married couple who have a rule that allows the first person who sees cat puke to shout, “Not it!” Then the other person has to clean it up.

Oct 3, 2012 at 11:31 am rating: 90

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