Heather in California says none of her colleagues will admit to writing this note, four copies of which showed up one day in the “very, very, small breakroom” at her office.
![Dearest colleagues, Since non[e] of our Moms will be dropping around to clean up after us like they did when we were little kids; why not recap the p-nut butter, close the cracks and wipe up your crumbs before returning to work following break of lunch? Perhaps wetting a paper towel and wiping up your spills etc. etc. Those of us who follow you into the break room would prefer not to have to clean-up your food remains so that we can have a clean neat environment in which to enjoy our breaks. For detailed instructions on procedures to employ following making a mess, simply search GOOGLE for](http://farm9.static.flickr.com/8313/8048795872_98a146fc20_b.jpg "Dearest colleagues, Since non[e] of our Moms will be dropping around to clean up after us like they did when we were little kids; why not recap the p-nut butter, close the cracks and wipe up your crumbs before returning to work following break of lunch? Perhaps wetting a paper towel and wiping up your spills etc. etc. Those of us who follow you into the break room would prefer not to have to clean-up your food remains so that we can have a clean neat environment in which to enjoy our breaks. For detailed instructions on procedures to employ following making a mess, simply search GOOGLE for \"activities of common courtesy and how to clean-up after finishing my break\" Fond regards, your colleagues")
P.S. As of today, the first page of search results for “activities of common courtesy and how to clean-up after finishing my break” includes a Wikipedia List of Breaking Bad characters.
related: This is in the way
36 responses so far ↓
#1
Jami
Dear Note Writer,
I can understand you wanting your coworkers to clean up after themselves. I’ve been there. However, two words – PROOF READ!
It’s “none” not “non”, “peanut butter” not “p-nut butter”, and far as I know the words clean up do not need a hyphen between them.
And if you don’t believe me, you could google them up.
Sincerely,
Someone who really wishes she could work at this place just to take a red pen to those things because they are driving me CRAZY!
Oct 2, 2012 at 7:00 pm rating: 40
#2
mintjulep
Obnoxious, holier-than-thou, and TERRIBLE grammar…But I’m still on team note-writer. I wouldn’t be friends with them, but I agree that slobby co-workers are the bane of my existence and why I now work from home.
Oct 2, 2012 at 7:12 pm rating: 10
#3
Sesquipedalian
Note writer is obviously only a white-belt in her Google-Fu.
(Incidentally, the Google results for that phrase now consist of four content farms that have stolen this page’s content.)
Oct 2, 2012 at 9:29 pm rating: 10
#4
Zing
I’m more confused about the “Dearest colleagues” heading than anything else. If I’m writing a long ranting PAN for you to clean up your mess, I probably don’t consider you too near and dear to my heart. Lol
Oct 2, 2012 at 9:45 pm rating: 4
#5
Roto13
Who are you talking to right now? Who is it you think you see? Do you know how much peanut butter I eat a year? I mean, even if I told you, you wouldn’t believe it. Do you know what would happen if I suddenly decided to stop eating crackers? A business big enough that it could be listed on the NASDAQ, Nabisco, goes belly up. Disappears! It ceases to exist without me. No, you clearly don’t know who you’re talking to, so let me clue you in. I am not a slob, Skyler. I AM the cracker company! A guy opens his sleeve of crackers and gets crumbs everywhere and you think that of me? No. I am the one who eats crackers!
Oct 2, 2012 at 10:27 pm rating: 12
#6
Alane
Semicolon not required. Google that while you’re at it.
Oct 3, 2012 at 8:48 am rating: 5
#7
Nope
Solution 1: Buy sandwich crackers. They already have peanut butter on them.
Solution 2: Hire a cleaning person/staff. We have them where I work and we’re not exactly a large company, maybe 50-100 employees total.
Solution 3: If the crumbs bother you that much, either clean them up yourself or eat elsewhere, like your desk/office or car.
Solution 4 (the one note-writer chose): Post notes bitching about it and hope it changes. Sorry to burst your bubble, but it probably won’t.
Oct 3, 2012 at 10:28 am rating: 2
#8
Layla
Mostly I am concerned about whether or not she thinks “peanut” is really spelled like that.
Oct 3, 2012 at 12:34 pm rating: 12
#9
Poltergeist
After I’m finished with my break of lunch in the room of break, I always use a towel of paper to clean up the crumbs I left behind from my sandwich of ham. Then I walk over to my dearest colleague’s cubicle and spread some p-nut butter over their board of keys. That’s what they get for being a bag of douche.
Oct 3, 2012 at 12:46 pm rating: 30
#10
Ace of Space
Am I the only person, who, after reading “Perhaps wetting a paper towel and wiping up your spills”, immediately thought of peeing on a paper towel and smearing it everywhere? Nobody else? No? Ok I will go sit in the corner now.
Oct 3, 2012 at 1:51 pm rating: 12
#11
Mawwd
What’s with it, that whenever there’s a “please clean up after yourselves” note, there’s always at least one person in the comments saying “Well if I saw a note like THAT…I’d just make a huge mess everywhere! HAH!”
If it’s a joke, it’s been done a million times before and it’s losing its humor.
If it’s not a joke, you’re an asshole.
Oct 4, 2012 at 9:44 am rating: 3
#12
Gwan
Just once, I’d like to see a note telling people their father isn’t going to clean up after them.
Oct 4, 2012 at 5:10 pm rating: 10
#13
Joe
P.S. As of today the only 9 hits from the google search are this page or links to it.
Oct 5, 2012 at 4:00 pm rating: 2
#14
Daniel Lopez
Classic. This could have been an idea for an episode of The Office
Oct 6, 2012 at 6:42 pm rating: 0
#15
Dingbat
I washed up some dishes at work and put them away. The next day I got a frantic email that a co-worker sent to everyone in the office because he couldn’t find his cup. Apparently it never occurred to him to look in the cupboard.
Oct 6, 2012 at 11:26 pm rating: 2
#16
Mantis
Why waste time writing an ineffectual note? Throw the fucking peanut butter and crackers in the trash. Or soil every horizontal surface in the break room with bodily fluids. Salt the earth.
Oct 7, 2012 at 9:10 am rating: 0
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