Just google it.

October 2nd, 2012 · 36 comments

Heather in California says none of her colleagues will admit to writing this note, four copies of which showed up one day in the “very, very, small breakroom” at her office.

Dearest colleagues, Since non[e] of our Moms will be dropping around to clean up after us like they did when we were little kids; why not recap the p-nut butter, close the cracks and wipe up your crumbs before returning to work following break of lunch? Perhaps wetting a paper towel and wiping up your spills etc. etc.   Those of us who follow you into the break room would prefer not to have to clean-up your food remains so that we can have a clean neat environment in which to enjoy our breaks.   For detailed instructions on procedures to employ following making a mess, simply search GOOGLE for

P.S. As of today, the first page of search results for “activities of common courtesy and how to clean-up after finishing my break” includes a Wikipedia List of Breaking Bad characters.

related: This is in the way

FILED UNDER: California · cleaning · office · spelling and grammar police · You call that punctuation? · Your mother doesn't...


36 responses so far ↓

  • #1   Jami

    Dear Note Writer,

    I can understand you wanting your coworkers to clean up after themselves. I’ve been there. However, two words – PROOF READ!

    It’s “none” not “non”, “peanut butter” not “p-nut butter”, and far as I know the words clean up do not need a hyphen between them.

    And if you don’t believe me, you could google them up.

    Sincerely,
    Someone who really wishes she could work at this place just to take a red pen to those things because they are driving me CRAZY!

    Oct 2, 2012 at 7:00 pm   rating: 40  small thumbs up

    • #1.1   JK

      It’s almost worth getting a container of bread crumbs and leaving them in a pile on a table directly in front of this note.

      Oct 2, 2012 at 10:23 pm   rating: 11  small thumbs up

       
    • #1.2   Dee

      *proofread

      Oct 2, 2012 at 10:52 pm   rating: 31  small thumbs up

       
    • #1.3   Rose

      Nah. I would have just taken my red pen and sticky notes to the notice itself. I would also be sure to include “PS; clean-up is a noun and clean up is a verb. Simply search GOOGLE for ‘noun and verb identification exercises’ for detailed instructions.”

      Oct 2, 2012 at 10:55 pm   rating: 15  small thumbs up

       
    • #1.4   Jami

      @Dee – Every time I put proofread together I get the red squiggly line of doom under it.

      Granted, today I found out my spell check doesn’t recognize the word areola either.

      Oct 2, 2012 at 11:00 pm   rating: 15  small thumbs up

       
    • #1.5   meri

      try ar-eola

      Oct 2, 2012 at 11:39 pm   rating: 18  small thumbs up

       
    • #1.6   H for Toy

      Don’t forget “break of lunch”

      Also, “red squiggly line of doom” makes me laugh!

      Oct 3, 2012 at 7:58 am   rating: 21  small thumbs up

       
    • #1.7   FeRD bang

      @Jami: That’s why you can teach your spellchecker new words. Right-click on the red-squigglied item in question, observe the “Add to Dictionary” menu item (or equivalent), and revel in your newfound mastery over your electronic world!

      (…If there’s no “Add to Dictionary” option, get a new browser. SRSLY.)

      Oct 7, 2012 at 8:49 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

       
    • #1.8   Jami

      I know, Ferd, it just gets so annoying that spell check doesn’t know common words and I really hate having to constantly add them. Didn’t the programmers think someone might actually need to know how to correctly spell proofread?!

      Oct 8, 2012 at 11:25 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #2   mintjulep

    Obnoxious, holier-than-thou, and TERRIBLE grammar…But I’m still on team note-writer. I wouldn’t be friends with them, but I agree that slobby co-workers are the bane of my existence and why I now work from home.

    Oct 2, 2012 at 7:12 pm   rating: 10  small thumbs up

    • #2.1   Jami

      Yeah, on that point I’m on their team. But how hard is it to spell out the word peanut in peanut butter? Two extra letters will kill them somehow?

      But I understand about the filth. When I first started working at the library I kept telling the ladies we wouldn’t have such an ant problem if they’d rinse their dishes right away and clean up the counter. Never got through to them. So I started taking time out of every work day to clean up after them. (Even found the coffee machine was sticking to the counter because so much coffee had spilled under it that mold had grown on the feet.) Until one of the librarians spotted me doing it. Then she put up a note I now realize was PA about keeping the place clean.

      It worked for all of one day. Later after she left and a male librarian took her place he just started putting the dirty dishes away without washing them.

      Suddenly, people started washing their own dishes.

      Oct 2, 2012 at 11:05 pm   rating: 47  small thumbs up

       
    • #2.2   Tesselara

      That is epic. I love that guy.

      Oct 3, 2012 at 10:59 am   rating: 13  small thumbs up

       
    • #2.3   Lil'

      Jami, that is delightfully disgusting.

      Oct 3, 2012 at 2:27 pm   rating: 7  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #3   Sesquipedalian

    Note writer is obviously only a white-belt in her Google-Fu.

    (Incidentally, the Google results for that phrase now consist of four content farms that have stolen this page’s content.)

    Oct 2, 2012 at 9:29 pm   rating: 10  small thumbs up

    • #3.1   The Elf

      No, I say her Google-Fu is quite amazing. She’s embedded a message here. Since Breaking Bad is the first hit, she’s suggesting that you clean up this kitchen and use it for making meth instead.

      Perhaps the business isn’t doing well and they need a side line? I suspect the boss might have left this note.

      Oct 3, 2012 at 7:08 am   rating: 13  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #4   Zing

    I’m more confused about the “Dearest colleagues” heading than anything else. If I’m writing a long ranting PAN for you to clean up your mess, I probably don’t consider you too near and dear to my heart. Lol

    Oct 2, 2012 at 9:45 pm   rating: 4  small thumbs up

    • #4.1   grouchy

      You know what they say… keep your friends close and your pointiest knife closer.

      …that’s not how it goes?

      Oct 2, 2012 at 10:23 pm   rating: 18  small thumbs up

       
    • #4.2   Roto13

      I guess he or she was planning on being legit passive aggressive at first before going “Nah, fuck it” and just being aggressive.

      Oct 2, 2012 at 10:31 pm   rating: 10  small thumbs up

       
    • #4.3   H for Toy

      Keep you friends close and your enemies cleaning up the kitchen?

      Oct 3, 2012 at 8:02 am   rating: 5  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #5   Roto13

    Who are you talking to right now? Who is it you think you see? Do you know how much peanut butter I eat a year? I mean, even if I told you, you wouldn’t believe it. Do you know what would happen if I suddenly decided to stop eating crackers? A business big enough that it could be listed on the NASDAQ, Nabisco, goes belly up. Disappears! It ceases to exist without me. No, you clearly don’t know who you’re talking to, so let me clue you in. I am not a slob, Skyler. I AM the cracker company! A guy opens his sleeve of crackers and gets crumbs everywhere and you think that of me? No. I am the one who eats crackers!

    Oct 2, 2012 at 10:27 pm   rating: 12  small thumbs up

     
  • #6   Alane

    Semicolon not required. Google that while you’re at it.

    Oct 3, 2012 at 8:48 am   rating: 5  small thumbs up

     
  • #7   Nope

    Solution 1: Buy sandwich crackers. They already have peanut butter on them.

    Solution 2: Hire a cleaning person/staff. We have them where I work and we’re not exactly a large company, maybe 50-100 employees total.

    Solution 3: If the crumbs bother you that much, either clean them up yourself or eat elsewhere, like your desk/office or car.

    Solution 4 (the one note-writer chose): Post notes bitching about it and hope it changes. Sorry to burst your bubble, but it probably won’t.

    Oct 3, 2012 at 10:28 am   rating: 2  small thumbs up

    • #7.1   Sue

      I agree with solutions 1 and 4. In regards to solutions 2 and 3, I don’t think the cleaning staff (re: janitors) should wash the staff’s dishes. People over the age of 20 need to learn how to wash their own mugs and peanut butter knives. I also don’t think staff should be forced to eat lunch in their cars because someone else is a slob. Tidy yourself and your work area up, as the area is shared with others. Learn to play nice. This suggestion reminds me of a small office (6-8 people) where I once worked and the boss would bring in his bratty kid and leave the kid alone with staff in the lunch room for 1-2 hours and though we could entertain him. Our only way to get away was to eat in our cars, in Minnesota, during winter.

      Oct 3, 2012 at 11:49 am   rating: 14  small thumbs up

       
    • #7.2   Who passed out the Haterade?

      Minnesota, as in the state where I learned one winter that the true definition of cold isn’t stepping outside and after 5 minutes realizing “Brrr, I need a sweater”, it’s stepping outside and after 5 seconds realizing “Ow, the surface of my skin is frozen”? My sympathies – “bratty” is probably the understatement of the year if it was worth that.

      Oct 7, 2012 at 8:45 am   rating: 2  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #8   Layla

    Mostly I am concerned about whether or not she thinks “peanut” is really spelled like that.

    Oct 3, 2012 at 12:34 pm   rating: 12  small thumbs up

     
  • #9   Poltergeist

    After I’m finished with my break of lunch in the room of break, I always use a towel of paper to clean up the crumbs I left behind from my sandwich of ham. Then I walk over to my dearest colleague’s cubicle and spread some p-nut butter over their board of keys. That’s what they get for being a bag of douche.

    Oct 3, 2012 at 12:46 pm   rating: 30  small thumbs up

     
  • #10   Ace of Space

    Am I the only person, who, after reading “Perhaps wetting a paper towel and wiping up your spills”, immediately thought of peeing on a paper towel and smearing it everywhere? Nobody else? No? Ok I will go sit in the corner now.

    Oct 3, 2012 at 1:51 pm   rating: 12  small thumbs up

    • #10.1   Meme

      Hey Ace, I understand your confusion. I think it’s from the way peanut butter was spelt.

      Oct 3, 2012 at 4:36 pm   rating: 3  small thumbs up

       
    • #10.2   The Elf

      THAT was a mental image I didn’t want. I’m pretty sure “p-nut butter” and “wetting a towel” to “wipe up your spill” is a fetish somewhere. And I don’t want to know where that would be.

      Oct 4, 2012 at 6:46 am   rating: 8  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #11   Mawwd

    What’s with it, that whenever there’s a “please clean up after yourselves” note, there’s always at least one person in the comments saying “Well if I saw a note like THAT…I’d just make a huge mess everywhere! HAH!”

    If it’s a joke, it’s been done a million times before and it’s losing its humor.
    If it’s not a joke, you’re an asshole.

    Oct 4, 2012 at 9:44 am   rating: 3  small thumbs up

     
  • #12   Gwan

    Just once, I’d like to see a note telling people their father isn’t going to clean up after them.

    Oct 4, 2012 at 5:10 pm   rating: 10  small thumbs up

     
  • #13   Joe

    P.S. As of today the only 9 hits from the google search are this page or links to it.

    Oct 5, 2012 at 4:00 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

     
  • #14   Daniel Lopez

    Classic. This could have been an idea for an episode of The Office

    Oct 6, 2012 at 6:42 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

     
  • #15   Dingbat

    I washed up some dishes at work and put them away. The next day I got a frantic email that a co-worker sent to everyone in the office because he couldn’t find his cup. Apparently it never occurred to him to look in the cupboard.

    Oct 6, 2012 at 11:26 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

    • #15.1   Gniz

      To be fair, when I was a kid we were responsible for looking out for our stuff. Our mom almost never touched it, if she wanted it moved she’d tell (yell) at us. One day I remember frantically looking for a sweater all over the house, and apparently it was in the closet. I never put it there, so it really would be the last place I would have looked for it.

      Oct 7, 2012 at 6:58 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #16   Mantis bang

    Why waste time writing an ineffectual note? Throw the fucking peanut butter and crackers in the trash. Or soil every horizontal surface in the break room with bodily fluids. Salt the earth.

    Oct 7, 2012 at 9:10 am   rating: 0  small thumbs up

     

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