If the consequences of eating a Hot Pocket aren’t enough to deter you from buying them, you should know that storing them in your freezer at work or school is still a risky proposition. (And no, Snoop won’t be there to back you up.)
Exhibit a) Spotted by Anna in Oakland, California:
Exhibit b) Spotted by Diana in Green Bay, Wisconsin:
Exhibit c) Spotted by David in Austin, Texas:
Exhibit d) Spotted by Charlie in New York:
Exhibit e) Spotted by Angie in Atlanta, with apologies for the blurriness:
(Delicious, you say? Michelle? Is that you?) And lastly…
Exhibit f) From Princeton, New Jersey:
![To whom it may concern: It's not a hard concept: If you DID NOT put it in the Fridge, DO NOT take it out! Leave my Lean Pockets ALONE. [Response:] I am so sorry, but your Lean Pockets are so savory and irresistible. They call to me in my dreams. IN MY DREAMS, I SAY! I know it is wrong to covet another's frozen, microwaveable, turnover-like lunch entree filled with a delicious combination of meat, cheese and vegetables. But life moves so fast-and Lean Pockets know this. But do you know the dark pleasure of a forbidden Lean Pocket? Oh, it must be experienced. Take care; once you start down this path of frozen, microwaveable delights, it is hard to go back. BTW, the pretzel bread variety is my favorite. I'm just sayin'-in case you want to stock up.](http://farm6.static.flickr.com/5025/5616318359_1aa9befe05_b.jpg "To whom it may concern: It's not a hard concept: If you DID NOT put it in the Fridge, DO NOT take it out! Leave my Lean Pockets ALONE. [Response:] I am so sorry, but your Lean Pockets are so savory and irresistible. They call to me in my dreams. IN MY DREAMS, I SAY! I know it is wrong to covet another's frozen, microwaveable, turnover-like lunch entree filled with a delicious combination of meat, cheese and vegetables. But life moves so fast-and Lean Pockets know this. But do you know the dark pleasure of a forbidden Lean Pocket? Oh, it must be experienced. Take care; once you start down this path of frozen, microwaveable delights, it is hard to go back. BTW, the pretzel bread variety is my favorite. I'm just sayin'-in case you want to stock up.")
related: Hot Pockets are the car radios of the communal freezer
108 responses so far ↓
#1
Roto13
Once I started renting a room, and the evening I got there one of the people in the apartment started telling me about how much money he earned and how great his life was, and a few hours later he was evicted for not paying his rent, and when I checked, my box of crackers was missing.
I just wanted to share that story.
Oct 23, 2012 at 3:47 pm rating: 66
#2
Daniel
Apparently the pregnant person isn’t actually female.
Oct 23, 2012 at 3:52 pm rating: 24
#3
shwo!
Two things on Exhibit e):
1. I adore the “lake of boiling cheese and ham.”
2. Given that the notewriter is on food stamps, whoever wrote the bit at the bottom — whether they actually ate the food or not — is one of the biggest assholes in the world.
Oct 23, 2012 at 4:00 pm rating: 160
#4
Mark
People who steal others’ lunches are complete sociopaths up there with the fuckers that ruin public bathrooms.
Oct 23, 2012 at 4:05 pm rating: 118
#5
H for Toy
Hmmm… Calories: 280, Fat: 7g, Carbs: 42g, Protein: 12g. Must belong to JJ.
Oct 23, 2012 at 4:59 pm rating: 3
#6
Kenzie
Sidenote: aren’t there cheaper ways to feed yourself than purchasing premade, single-serving, individually-wrapped freezer food? Typically if someone is on government assistance, I would expect them to be more frugal. Just sayin…
Oct 23, 2012 at 5:04 pm rating: 45
#7
Smokey
I always let my hot-pocket outside. He has never been hit by a car, and would hate living indoors.
Oct 23, 2012 at 5:23 pm rating: 79
#8
Purr Monster
It’s times like these that I’m glad I have celiac disease. Not many people really want to eat gluten-free bread, I can tell you!
Oct 23, 2012 at 6:45 pm rating: 23
#9
swampdiamonds
I assume that by losing an hour of work, the first one is referring to how long it took to type the note.
Oct 23, 2012 at 8:22 pm rating: 5
#10
treedweller
Team Lean Pocket Lass. Just because. No, actually, for many reasons.
Oct 23, 2012 at 8:25 pm rating: 5
#11
Micheal
“leave my lean pockets alone!”
“that’s what she said.”
Oct 23, 2012 at 8:29 pm rating: 2
#12
Ely North
This is it. This is the post that has finally made me lose my last ounce of faith in humanity. So many levels of wrongness, I don’t even know where to begin. I’m just going to shake my head and start drinking heavily…
Oct 23, 2012 at 8:34 pm rating: 8
#13
Chumley
I never understood the phenomenon of stealing other people’s lunches from the break room. Why would you steal your co-worker’s lunch and make someone else go hungry and risk getting caught and humiliated when you could go to the store and spend a few bucks on your own frozen microwaveable food? Do people just hate their co-workers that much and want to get at them? Can they not afford like $3 for Hot Pockets?
Oct 24, 2012 at 2:43 am rating: 56
#14
Brian H
I am stupified as to the proliferation of people just taking something that they know isn’t theirs. And they aren’t taking from a complete stranger, they are taking from a co-worker.
If I was the boss I would set up a camera like they use in a money count room so you have a hi-def video of who did it. To me it’s stealing so they would at a minimum get time on the beach or fired.
Oct 24, 2012 at 4:36 am rating: 26
#15
Brian H
I got to say I’ve been in jobs where everyone is carrying a gun and we never had this problem. It’s like taking the last beer. There’s a line.
It’s true, a well armed society is a polite society.
Oct 24, 2012 at 4:40 am rating: 7
#16
I see solutions, not problems
1) Defrost Hotpocket
2) Add laxative
3) Re-freeze hotpocket
4) Wait to see who’s out of work for a couple of days, spends all day in the bathroom.
5) Pee in their filing cabinet. Especially you, pregnant lady. You have a great excuse.
Oct 24, 2012 at 6:22 am rating: 49
#17
Brian
In my (admittedly limited) experience, the instances of lunch theft go UP the more professional (and thus better paid) the office. I never had this issue working in low paying fields. In an office full of $40k+ jobs, I simply can’t expect my lunch to be in the fridge/freezer.
It’s clearly not because the thief is invariably destitute them self. I think it’s 1 part ego, and 1 part a screwed up perception of social expectation. It’s as if people think “This is something that happens, so it’s OK if I do it.”
As for food stamps, it’s much tougher than either extreme (let them buy a birthday cake vs. control their spending with an iron fist). I think we do need to do more to ensure that welfare benefits are used reasonably, but the answer isn’t “Go on SNAP, lose all ability to make your own decisions.”
Oct 24, 2012 at 7:42 am rating: 19
#18
Kwyjor
Maybe some people just make the assumption that because the fridge is a communal fridge inside a communal space that everything within it must also be communal? Perhaps it’s something that gets ingrained on a cultural level in some societies?
Or maybe some people are just dicks, but, y’know, Hanlon’s Razor.
Oct 24, 2012 at 10:04 am rating: 2
#19
Courteny
If I worked with the troll loser who left that last note about stocking up on pretzel hot pockets, I would straight up catch them in the act of eating the hot pocket and punch them mid chew.
Oct 24, 2012 at 10:07 am rating: 31
#20
TurnOffTheDarnLights
We had an office fridge/freezer/sweet thief for the longest time; they were finally stopped via someone bringing in a plate of brownies that had been doped up with Ex-Lax. If someone went up to the person that brought them in and ASKED if they could have a brownie, like a normal, polite human being, she’d explain they were doped to try and catch the thief with their pants down, so to speak.
Eventually, a certain person – in Public Relations, ironically enough – was caught via her exceedingly sudden and frequent trips to the restroom. And shock of shock, the thefts stopped after that.
Oct 24, 2012 at 1:15 pm rating: 20
#21
raichu
That last note-writer is a douche. (Not the student on food stamps, but the reply.)
Some of these notes are funny, but I don’t blame anyone for writing them if their food is being stolen. That is really not okay.
Oct 24, 2012 at 6:47 pm rating: 16
#22
ReDank
I thought it read “Leon Pockets”, and then I remembered the word “Lean”…fin
Oct 24, 2012 at 10:09 pm rating: 1
#23
shepd
I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again. Buy a small toolbox and add a lock to it. Place lunch in toolbox, lock up the toolbox, place toolbox in fridge.
If they break into the toolbox, next job is to attach 120 volts to the toolbox. >:-D
Oct 25, 2012 at 12:02 am rating: 8
#24
Bond Girl
This makes me want to buy a bunch of Lean Pockets and set them up as freezer bait, a la Bait Car or perhaps To Catch a Predator. Seems to me it’s the ideal way to suss out the office scourge that is the Refrigerator Thief.
Oct 25, 2012 at 11:02 am rating: 4
#25
Bubba
Need to invest in some of these to keep your food in
http://www.trendhunter.com/trends/anti-theft-lunch-bag-sherwood-forlee
Oct 25, 2012 at 12:28 pm rating: 0
#26
jb
A place I used to work had a major issue with lunches going missing all the time, especially left-overs. My lunch went missing almost everyday for an entire week. When I again needed to replace my lunch that Wednesday, I was fed up with and added a generous amount of Exlax to my left-overs and placed it back in the fridge… Not only did we finally figure out who was eating everyone’s lunches, but they were out sick for a few days and seemed to have finally learned their lesson!!!
Oct 25, 2012 at 11:59 pm rating: 8
#27
Bookmark
Perhaps a small lock is needed for employees’ lunch boxes?
From what I’ve heard, those anti-theft lunch bags result in people throwing your food into the trash, so you still lose your lunch
I vote the laxative route.
Oct 26, 2012 at 12:24 pm rating: 1
#28
bops
I recently started a new job and was delighted to find that not only did the company provide lunches but they gave every item in the office fridge its own name. Cute idea.
On my first day I ate a salad called Mary, second day a chicken sandwich called Sebastien and today it was a tuna wrap called Chantalle.
Can’t wait to find out what they come up with tomorrow.
Oct 27, 2012 at 3:29 pm rating: 6
#29
David
I have had this same problem but had to laugh at a couple of these responses. Normally when someone eats my food, although I hate it, I keep to myself and don’t let it bother me too much.
Oct 28, 2012 at 7:36 pm rating: 0
#30
ChibiOkamiko
I haven’t had a problem with a food theif at work, but in High School, my lunch got stolen daily for about a week. So I packed a special lunch, red pepper mixed in the peanut butter sandwich, salt in the oreo frosting, and finally, I poked a hole in the bottom of a capri sun, emptied it out and refilled it with cinnamon oil, then resealed it . . . My lunch never got stolen again.
Oct 29, 2012 at 9:12 pm rating: 4
#31
mike_f
The same people who say a poor pregnant woman should not be allowed the luxury of buying $2 hot pockets with food stamps are probably the ones who are OK with millionary bonuses paid with bailout (state) money.
Oct 30, 2012 at 9:00 am rating: 2
#32
Nope
For fucks sake, just fill a hotpocket with nails or screws and look for the burning microwave/person being loaded into an ambulance…
Nov 1, 2012 at 10:40 pm rating: 4
#33
Gross
Unbleached Enriched Flour (Wheat Flour, Malted Barley Flour, Niacin, Reduced Iron, Thiamin Mononitrate, Riboflavin, Folic Acid), Water, Ham Water Added Ground and Formed, Natural Smoke Flavor Added (Cured with Water, Sugar, Salt, Sodium Phosphates, Natural Smoke Flavor, Sodium Erythorbate, Sodium Nitrite), Part Skim Mozzarella Cheese with Modified Food Starch (Part Skim Mozzarella Cheese [Pasteurized Milk, Cultures, Salt, Enzymes], Modified Food Starch, Potassium Chloride, Flavors, Annatto), Seasoning (Palm Oil, Maltodextrin, Corn Syrup Solids, Wheat Flour, Salt, Cheddar Cheese [Milk, Cheese Cultures, Salt, Enzymes], Sodium Caseinate, Artificial Color [Titanium Dioxide, Yellow 6 Lake, Yellow 5 Lake, Yellow 5, Yellow 6], Dipotassium Phosphate, Lactic Acid, Natural and Artificial Flavor, Buttermilk Powder, Calcium Lactate, Reduced Lactose Whey, Autolyzed Yeast Extract, Butter [Cream, Salt], Whey, Disodium Phosphate, Disodium Guanylate, Disodium Inosinate, Whey Protein Concentrate, Sodium Citrate), Contains 2% or Less of: Partially Hydrogenated Soybean Oil, Palm Oil (with Soy Lecithin, Artificial Flavor, Beta Carotene), Modified Food Starch, Sugar, Partially Hydrogenated Palm Kernel Oil (with Soy Lecithin, Citric Acid as Preservative), Seasoning (Toasted Bread Crumbs [Wheat Flour, Sugar, Yeast, Soybean Oil, Salt], Cheddar Cheese [Milk, Cheese Cultures, Salt, Enzymes], Salt, Whey, Dextrose, Dehydrated Onion, Natural Flavor, Soybean Oil, Garlic Powder, Reduced Lactose Whey, Disodium Phosphate, Citric Acid, Lactic Acid, Disodium Inosinate & Guanylate, Spice, Blue Cheese [Milk, Cheese Cultures, Salt, Enzymes], Extractives of Paprika & Annatto), Dough Conditioner (Calcium Sulfate, Distilled Monoglycerides, Salt, L-Cysteine Hydrochloride, Garlic Powder, Tricalcium Phosphate, Enzymes, Ascorbic Acid, Citric Acid, BHT), Dried Egg Yolks, Salt, Yeast, Dried Whey, Soy Flour, Dried Egg Whites.
A Hot Pocket thief is a brave soldier jumping on a nutritional grenade. Buy some ham, cheese, veggies and pita bread and do your body a favor.
Nov 3, 2012 at 11:46 am rating: 2
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