(We don’t speak dog)

October 25th, 2012 · 69 comments

“About five months ago,” writes Catherine in Massachusetts, a new tenant moved in and began a new exercise regime: running back and forth in the building hallways. “His/her gait is rather lumbering and resonates throughout our apartment,” Catherine says. “We were startled at first, but have come to giggle over this frequent disruption. Apparently, one of our neighbors isn’t laughing.”

To the runner - please STOP RUNNING in the hallway To everyone else - if you're as annoyed as I am at the running, please tell the office whatever you know about who's doing it. They want to talk with him.

From there, things began to escalate. “Fortunately,” Catherine says, the ensuing flame war “just goes to show that most of our neighbors have a great sense of humor.”

To the adult-children: PLEASE GROW UP (you live in an apartment building) To everyone else If you are as annoyed as I am at the adult-children in the apartment - please ignore them until they speak to you directly about their issues, like adults...  To the dogs - please STOP YELLING AT US IN THE HALLWAY (we don't speak dog) To everyone else- If you're as annoyed as I am at the dog language in the hallway, please tell the office whatever you know about whose doing it. THey want to talk to the dog rif-raf.  To the adults - please STOP HAVING A GOOD TIME IN THE HALLWAY To everyone else If you are as annoyed as I am at the enjoyment of life in our hallway, please tell the office whatever you know about who's doing it. They want to talk to them.  To the residents - Please STOP USING THE HALLWAY To everyone else -  If you are as annoyed as I am at the use of our hallway, please tell the office whatever you know about who's doing it.  They want to talk to everyone.   To all the children- please: STOP CRYING, SQUEALING, WHINING, ACTING UP IN THE HALLWAY To everyone else- If you're as annoyed as I am at the crying, squealing, whining and acting up, please tell the office whatever you know about who's doing it. They want to talk to her.

related: The very delicate elevator

FILED UNDER: dogs · kids · Massachusetts · neighbors · noise · note wars · smartass


69 responses so far ↓

  • #1   Miles

    History in the making: first meme invented in a hallway.

    Oct 25, 2012 at 2:02 pm   rating: 82  small thumbs up

     
  • #2   Pete

    The dog one is fair. Learn to speak human, or stop yelling!

    Oct 25, 2012 at 2:10 pm   rating: 65  small thumbs up

    • #2.1   Meme

      Dogs really annoy me. If they’re going to come to this country they need to learn the language. And would it hurt them to wear some pants & get a job?

      Oct 26, 2012 at 4:17 pm   rating: 50  small thumbs up

       
    • #2.2   Nunavut Guy

      Dog’s that wear pants are hiding something.

      Oct 26, 2012 at 8:27 pm   rating: 4  small thumbs up

       
    • #2.3   Chinchillazilla

      Everyone who wears pants is hiding something. That’s the point of pants.

      Oct 26, 2012 at 11:20 pm   rating: 45  small thumbs up

       
    • #2.4   Nunavut Guy

      If your pants are pointed you’re not hiding it very well.

      Oct 27, 2012 at 10:37 am   rating: 16  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #3   d1337

    Wrong font…these should be in Comic Sans.

    Oct 25, 2012 at 2:16 pm   rating: 43  small thumbs up

    • #3.1   JK

      The whole ‘response’ thing is obviously staged and dressed up by the poster, who had PAN in mind before printing out all her notes. Bit sad really.

      Same sticky tape, same font.

      Nov 3, 2012 at 9:34 am   rating: 5  small thumbs up

       
    • #3.2   JK

      Ah, another person using JK as a name on PAN. It’s the first time I’ve noticed you. I, too, go by this moniker here and have for some time. JKs for Life!

      Nov 14, 2012 at 11:58 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #4   Wilma Jo

    These get progressively more hilarious. I especially love that dogs aren’t allowed to talk in the hallway and that no one is allowed to have fun! Whoever is writing these must be the Grinch.

    Oct 25, 2012 at 2:19 pm   rating: 9  small thumbs up

    • #4.1   oi

      I think they are being sarcastic.

      Oct 26, 2012 at 12:06 pm   rating: 14  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #5   Elisha

    Wow, running back and forth in the hallways? That is a new one. I lived in various apartments for about a decade and depending on the structure of the apartment complex, that could be really annoying and loud. I was so glad when we saved enough for a down on a house so we would not be submitted to the odd behaviors of others(at least, the neighbors are several feet away versus several inches). In any case, all the notes are great.

    Oct 25, 2012 at 2:28 pm   rating: 44  small thumbs up

    • #5.1   TRT

      That’s what you get for renting in the same block as Forest Gump.

      Oct 26, 2012 at 4:07 am   rating: 16  small thumbs up

       
    • #5.2   Kwyjor

      Unfortunately, if your neighbors do manage to find an odd behavior capable of overcoming those several feet, extricating yourself from a house having paid a down will not be so easy.

      Oct 26, 2012 at 9:46 am   rating: 5  small thumbs up

       
    • #5.3   t-rex

      If it was my neighbor, I would not have left a note, but would have confronted the person directly. Then, I probably would have made a trip wire.

      Oct 26, 2012 at 12:55 pm   rating: 17  small thumbs up

       
    • #5.4   Alethia

      @ t-rex: …wait wait wait. Trip wires come before confronting the person? That explains some things…

      Oct 26, 2012 at 9:34 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
    • #5.5   t-rex

      @alethia…In a passive-aggressive world!

      wait a minute…

      Oct 27, 2012 at 2:17 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #6   mouse

    Haha, “STOP USING THE HALLWAY” is my favorite. Having fun neighbors is the best.

    Oct 25, 2012 at 2:58 pm   rating: 33  small thumbs up

     
  • #7   Aaron B from IL

    There was a faculty member at my local community college who used to use the 3rd floor as their running track on Saturdays after classes were over. He was a bit of an odd bird.

    As for the string of notes… They are full of awesome. I am most impressed with the fact that all of the note leavers made a very good effort at keeping the same spacing, punctuation, and even the centered text the same across all the notes. That also makes me wonder if all of the notes weren’t left by the same person.

    Oct 25, 2012 at 3:09 pm   rating: 51  small thumbs up

    • #7.1   Beth

      Probably was left by the same person, unless they all happened to have the same type of tape as well.

      Oct 26, 2012 at 6:11 am   rating: 12  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #8   bunny

    But what I want to know is, is the runner still running? (Cue “Chariots of Fire synthesizers”)

    Oct 25, 2012 at 3:22 pm   rating: 19  small thumbs up

    • #8.1   makfan bang

      Doot doot de doot doot. Doot doot de doo.
      Doot doot de doot doot. Doot doot de doo.

      Oct 25, 2012 at 5:57 pm   rating: 13  small thumbs up

       
    • #8.2   Nicki

      I feel like you’re missing a “doot” in each line.

      Doot doot doot de doot doot. Doot doot doot de dooooot.
      Doot doot doot de doot doot. Doot doot doot de doot.

      Oct 25, 2012 at 9:46 pm   rating: 38  small thumbs up

       
    • #8.3   Bookmark

      Thanks, that’s going to be in my head all day now!

      Oct 26, 2012 at 12:04 pm   rating: 5  small thumbs up

       
    • #8.4   So

      I kept dropping out of Chariots of Fire there and into The Waltons.

      Oct 26, 2012 at 2:35 pm   rating: 3  small thumbs up

       
    • #8.5   Nunavut Guy

      Who plays the doot anymore?

      Oct 26, 2012 at 8:30 pm   rating: 6  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #9   Emily

    I came home to my new apartment yesterday to find a man fervently going about sit-ups on the landing on a yoga mat. I thought ‘good on him. I should do some sit-ups too’. As for running in the hallway, I’d take it one step further and progressively add in obstacles. Then I’d invite everyone in the building to participate in ‘hallympics’.

    Oct 25, 2012 at 4:57 pm   rating: 95  small thumbs up

    • #9.1   Cake

      I NEED to organize the first Hallympics. That sounds so fantastic.

      Too bad my building is full of retired curmudgeons.

      Oct 25, 2012 at 5:07 pm   rating: 13  small thumbs up

       
    • #9.2   Kyle

      I used to play hall-badminton back when I lived in the dorms, luckily our neighbors didn’t care when we crashed into their walls :p

      Oct 25, 2012 at 7:25 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

       
    • #9.3   kermit

      Doing sit-ups in the hallway doesn’t really disturb anybody unless he won’t move if he’s in the way of people who want to pass.

      And while scheduled hallympics are a fun way to foster community, impromptu noisy rough-housing isn’t. People work shifts, have to study and/or work at home so they have every right to expect peace and quiet while they’re there.

      Oct 25, 2012 at 8:29 pm   rating: 29  small thumbs up

       
    • #9.4   shepd

      I’d add in obstacles as well: Caltrops.

      Running: Ended.
      Ensuing lawsuit? Worth it for some peace and quiet.

      Oct 25, 2012 at 8:52 pm   rating: 9  small thumbs up

       
    • #9.5   meri

      kind of like a mud run, but cleaner and indoors!

      Oct 25, 2012 at 10:49 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
    • #9.6   Mel K bang

      I would add a couple of newspapers under my doormat to create a speed bump. Not high enough that it would trip any elderly neighbours, but just to change the terrain for the jogger.

      Oct 26, 2012 at 6:35 am   rating: 8  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #10   Red Delicious

    That escalated quickly…

    Oct 25, 2012 at 5:03 pm   rating: 12  small thumbs up

     
  • #11   Ace of Space

    I’m suprised that there isn’t a “please stop breathing in the hallway” sign as well.

    Oct 25, 2012 at 5:39 pm   rating: 11  small thumbs up

    • #11.1   Vulpis

      Just wait a few days.. :-)

      Oct 25, 2012 at 6:47 pm   rating: 7  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #12   Eileen

    To the hallway-please

    STOP BEING A HALLWAY

    To everyone else-

    If you are as annoyed as I am at the fact that we have a hallway, please tell the office whatever you know about the hallway. They want to talk to it.

    It’s only fair to blame the hallway as well, for existing.

    Oct 25, 2012 at 6:36 pm   rating: 82  small thumbs up

    • #12.1   Lisa S.

      I award you 1.5 internets.

      Oct 26, 2012 at 8:27 am   rating: 5  small thumbs up

       
    • #12.2   raichu

      I love this comment XD

      Oct 26, 2012 at 11:14 am   rating: 0  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #13   Xyzzy

    I bet that the person that wrote the first rant is a parent with a baby or toddler, based on quite a few funny STFU Parents blog posts about disrupted naps.

    Personally, this sort of thing is why I live in a single-family suburban house rather than an apartment; I can’t filter noise out and have over-powered hearing, so it wouldn’t take long for me to totally lose it. I’d probably leave the noisy neighbor a timidly polite note asking to jog a floor up/down (or do it during different hours) so it wouldn’t get to me.

    Oct 25, 2012 at 7:03 pm   rating: 16  small thumbs up

    • #13.1   Who passed out the Haterade?

      Or a nightshifter trying to sleep.

      I get annoyed with my neighbors’ kids just for every now and again screaming their heads off and running around the porch. If it were constant, I can see why someone would get irritated enough to leave a PA note… though I think getting the property manager involved before even trying to communicate is definitely going overboard.

      Oct 26, 2012 at 10:51 am   rating: 8  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #14   shepd

    It is rude to use the hallways as a gym. If you’re doing noisy exercises (lifting weights, running in place, whatever), that’s usually not appropriate for an apartment (unless you’re on the bottom floor). Either use the supplied gym in the apartment building or go to a gym. Or stop living in the wrong place for what you want to do.

    Go team STOP RUNNING.

    Oct 25, 2012 at 8:48 pm   rating: 44  small thumbs up

    • #14.1   Ana

      I’m team “stop running”, too, but you obviously have never lived in an apartment building.

      I lived in one for as short a period as I possibly could get away with, because I simply didn’t have the money for a house. I live in one of the most expensive cost-of-living states in the nation, so most of the people who live in apartments around here haven’t “chosen” that way of life, they just can’t afford any better yet.

      Surely you wouldn’t ask me to move states!

      Oct 25, 2012 at 10:22 pm   rating: 5  small thumbs up

       
    • #14.2   nurgleth

      I’m not sure what your comment is trying to say, Ana, except for “1 out of those 3 options is not available to all people”? Leaving the house to do your exercises is FREE. Yay!

      Oct 26, 2012 at 7:22 am   rating: 16  small thumbs up

       
    • #14.3   Gwan

      Yeah, the “please nark on them to the office” bit was a bit juvenile, but the basic note was fine (how could they “speak to the runner directly about the issue like adults” when they didn’t know who it was?)

      ETA: Several comments below suggested opening the door to have a look who was doing it. Granted, I was imagining them running on a different floor, but still, I’m a bit slow…

      Oct 26, 2012 at 12:09 pm   rating: 6  small thumbs up

       
    • #14.4   DaveGI

      @Gwan,

      I was thinking to myself, “why didn’t they just open their door to see who was running in the hall?” It didn’t occur to me that the runner might have been on another floor, but that actually makes more sense.

      Nov 2, 2012 at 4:25 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #15   phoenix

    I have a neighbor who does this every night with her five year old, to tire him out for bed.

    It’s a cheap building, so their running actually rattles our walls but…eh, at least it’s 8 pm so it usually doesn’t bother anybody. Kinda weird though until I realized why I heard a little kid sqealin running past my door followed by adult running

    Oct 25, 2012 at 10:47 pm   rating: 14  small thumbs up

    • #15.1   CHILDFREEANDLOVINGIT

      CALTROPS NECCESSARY! I would slam my door in their faces if anyone did that where I live. Overentitled, inconsiderate, ignorant stfu parent, that.

      Oct 26, 2012 at 10:06 am   rating: 7  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #16   Lisa S.

    This is fabulous.

    Oct 26, 2012 at 8:24 am   rating: 0  small thumbs up

     
  • #17   Lisa S.

    OK so whoever is running in the hall is an asshat. BUT.

    Does the original note writer really need to unleash the apartment-building Gestapo to try to identify the culprit? If it’s important for him to know who’s doing it so that management may deal with it because he wants to avoid the confrontation, couldn’t he just go and investigate himself? Like, open his door? I can just picture him sitting in his apartment in the dark, save the light from his computer monitor, cursing the running and saying, I’ll show him. Oh, I WILL SHOW HIM. [print]

    Oct 26, 2012 at 8:31 am   rating: 18  small thumbs up

     
  • #18   Fireseeker

    The next note should read:

    To the note-posters:
    Please stop posting notes in the hallway.

    To everyone else — if you’re as annoyed as I am by the note-posting, please tell the office whatever you know about them. They want to talk with them.

    Oct 26, 2012 at 8:58 am   rating: 11  small thumbs up

     
  • #19   Trish

    Something tells me that the “talk” in the office will go like this, “hey, one of the tenets complains about everything, can you just stop running in this area?”

    Oct 26, 2012 at 10:43 am   rating: 1  small thumbs up

     
  • #20   raichu

    Running in the hallways constantly is really rude. But the note hardly seems necessary; it’s not exactly a whodunit mystery to try to open your door, see who is running, and try to stop them.

    I love the ensuing note-war. :D

    Oct 26, 2012 at 11:18 am   rating: 4  small thumbs up

     
  • #21   oi

    To talking ads – Please

    …………………………… STOP TALKING
    …………………………….in my internet.

    To everyone else – If you are as annoyed as I am at soulless disembodied voice telling me to buy crap, please tell the webpage owner whatever you know about these evil talking ads. They want to talk to them.

    Oct 26, 2012 at 12:02 pm   rating: 12  small thumbs up

     
  • #22   oi

    I’d like to believe that all the subsequent notes are posted by the same person, the infamous RUNNER!

    Oct 26, 2012 at 12:07 pm   rating: 13  small thumbs up

     
  • #23   Bookmark

    This is fantastic. Kudos to the other residents!

    I have no idea why someone would leave a note out like this in the first place for this situation. If someone running in the hallway is bothering you, then open your door when you hear it and ask if they can jog elsewhere. He/she probably isn’t aware that his/her running is making as much noise as it is.

    I once had new neighbors move in across the street who – according to my roommates – would turn up their bass so high that things in our apartment would rattle. The first time it happened when I was home (and yeah, things really were rattling!), I walked outside of my apartment and other tenets were standing outside as well, grumbling about “how rude” the neighbors were being, but weren’t actually doing anything about it other than complaining. I walked across the street, knocked on the door, and asked if they’d turn the bass down (noise level was fine, only bass was too high). They apologized, said sure, and we never had a problem with it again.

    Point: Not everyone does dickish things to be dickish – half the time, they don’t know it’s bothering you if you don’t tell them. And it’s a lot easier (and quicker to resolve) to let them know in person than to leave a childish note.

    Oct 26, 2012 at 12:14 pm   rating: 24  small thumbs up

    • #23.1   KittenPlaysThe Violin

      But what would this world (or this site) come to it weren’t for passive aggressive notes? I need these for entertainment at work.

      Oct 26, 2012 at 2:33 pm   rating: 8  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #24   GhostWriter bang

    I DID try to confront the ugly little spud in the hallway, but then he decided to run right at me, and, and, …he slimed me.

    Oct 26, 2012 at 2:56 pm   rating: 6  small thumbs up

    • #24.1   Vulpis

      Just don’t mess with the groundhog, Bill.

      Oct 28, 2012 at 12:19 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #25   So

    Why would someone run inside anyway?
    Unless you live somewhere that is 6ft deep in snow or freezing cold why would you not go outside for a run?

    Oct 26, 2012 at 5:27 pm   rating: 4  small thumbs up

    • #25.1   Lil'

      I think sometimes it’s just a matter of safety or convenience. I commute and it’s too dark to go out after getting home, preparing dinner, etc. My husband isn’t home until midnight, so there’s no going to the gym after my son goes to bed. I can kind of understand jogging up and down a hallway to get a workout.

      Oct 26, 2012 at 6:42 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

       
    • #25.2   Seanette

      Or 100+ heat? :)

      Not a jogger myself.

      Oct 27, 2012 at 12:29 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

       
    • #25.3   So

      I go out at 6 in the morning.

      Oct 27, 2012 at 4:22 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #26   Gecko Hunter

    Was this The Hotel New Hampshire?

    (“Keep running, John-O”)

    Oct 26, 2012 at 6:46 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

     
  • #27   0rd

    The apartment building needs to make a running track in the basement the noise won’t transfer from the solid floor and the runner can get some laundry done to boot.

    Oct 26, 2012 at 11:54 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

     
  • #28   Sean

    I am a tenant in this hallway. I took the signs down and brought then to the office because I saw this escalating and didn’t want to live in the warzone. One correction – the new tenant isn’t exercising in the hallway: His dog needs to get a run in and the guy runs down the hallway to the elevator, and back to his apartment with the dog. There is no man in short shorts with a head band doing laps of the hallway, I assure you.

    Oct 27, 2012 at 11:00 am   rating: 11  small thumbs up

    • #28.1   fishelfe

      He is taking his dog running in the hallway? Like the guy in that one post took is daugther?

      TEAM NOTEWRITER

      Oct 27, 2012 at 1:20 pm   rating: 8  small thumbs up

       
     
  • #29   TurnOffTheDarnLights

    I would be willing to live in this apartment complex, the neighbors clearly have a fantastic sense of humor!

    Team Note Writer(s)!

    Oct 28, 2012 at 9:47 am   rating: 1  small thumbs up

     
  • #30   JN

    I had a hallway runner in my apartment building too. And apparently the person had running friends and would sometimes run with a couple of people. They did this on the main floor so that noise wasn’t bad, but people complained to management because they kept scaring and/or bumping into people as they ran around the corners.

    And this happens not just in rental buildings. The majority of my building is owned.

    Oct 29, 2012 at 11:45 am   rating: 1  small thumbs up

     

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