No treats, no tricks, just boos.

October 31st, 2012 · 120 comments

So, which house do you think is the most likely to get egged by angry trick-or-treaters?

Exhibit a) From Chester Springs, Pennsylvania:

HUNGOVER. If you ring the doorbell, I will piss in your plastic pumpkin.

Exhibit b)

NO CANDY JUST SWINE FLU (It's worse than no candy.)

Exhibit c)


Exhibit d) From Jackson, Mississippi:

Warning! No candy! All Trick-or-Treaters will be attacked by Evil Clown!

Exhibit e) Spotted by Greg in Escondido, California:


Exhibit f) Spotted by Tyree in Oakridge, Oregon

No Candy go Away

related: Some advice for would-be pumpkin smashers

FILED UNDER: candy · go away · Halloween

120 responses so far ↓

  • #1   Jami

    Dear Exhibit E,

    If God didn’t want us to have candy He/She would never have made sweet things like sugar cane, sugar beats, and honey.

    So why don’t you shut up and take a lesson from those of us who actually DO believe in God and don’t think were ARE God and pass out the darn candy corn?

    Judge not, you judgmental jerks.

    Someone who believes in God and loves Halloween!

    At least Exhibit B, assuming they really do have Swine Flu, are just trying to not spread their germs. Props for that.

    Oct 31, 2012 at 6:44 pm   rating: 90  small thumbs up

    • #1.1   SEF

      Trust me on this one. If you’re passing out candy corn, some of those little Trick or Treaters won’t just think that you’re godless. A good percentage of them will think that you’re Satan (you and the ones handing out the NECCO wafers) :)

      Oct 31, 2012 at 6:55 pm   rating: 90  small thumbs up

    • #1.2   Jacob White

      No one really has swine flu.

      Oct 31, 2012 at 7:02 pm   rating: 90  small thumbs up

    • #1.3   kermit

      In fairness to those cultures who don’t celebrate Halloween (i.e. piratically everybody not in North America), Oct 31 is “celebrated” as the day of the dead, where people go to pay the respects of their dead loved ones, tend to graves, etc. Zombies, witches, etc on a somber day when they’re supposed to remember their dead is offensive to those people. I don’t think they hate the notion of Halloween or candy; just not on that day.

      Oct 31, 2012 at 7:05 pm   rating: 90  small thumbs up

    • #1.4   RedDelicious

      Actually, it’s Nov. 1 that’s the day of the dead, not Oct. 31. Halloween got it’s name from All Hallow’s Eve, the day BEFORE the Day of the Dead, or All Hallow’s Day.

      Oct 31, 2012 at 8:01 pm   rating: 90  small thumbs up

    • #1.5   shepd

      Dr. Dre would make sugar beats*, God makes sugar beets. :P

      * – Also acceptable, Sherry Goffin Kondor.

      Oct 31, 2012 at 8:39 pm   rating: 90  small thumbs up

    • #1.6   kermit

      Thanks for the correction, Red. I can’t blame people who culturally can’t get into Halloween, no matter what day it’s celebrated on – for the same reason zombie costumes are fun on Halloween but pretty crass and tasteless on Memorial Day or Remembrance Day.

      Also “piratically” is not a real word (but it probably should be).

      Oct 31, 2012 at 8:44 pm   rating: 90  small thumbs up

    • #1.7   t-rex

      Red Delicious, Nov. 1 is All Saints Day. The term All Hallow’s Eve came from the Hallow of the Saint’s. The Day of the Dead was a tradition not discovered by Europeans until after All Hallow’s Eve picked up. I believe, that All Hallow’s Eve was also in connection to a druid festival that occurred around that time.

      Nov 1, 2012 at 6:54 am   rating: 90  small thumbs up

    • #1.8   The Elf

      Well, you have to balance the culture you came from with the culture you live in now. I can understand people from nations where Halloween isn’t celebrated (or isn’t celebrated in the same way) being confused. But, especially after you’ve been here a while, it would be good to participate as long as there’s no conflict (i.e. religious observation). And I can certainly understand anyone who doesn’t want to participate for any reason.

      If you don’t want to participate, just turn your outside lights off. No need to get extreme with notes. With that in mind, the only one that makes sense is the pizza man one. He has to have his light on for the pizza man and wants to avoid confusion.

      The others? Equally likely to get egged, but bonus points for slapping a sanctimonious message on top of it, Exhibit E.

      Nov 1, 2012 at 7:13 am   rating: 90  small thumbs up

    • #1.9   Purr Monster

      @Jami: Here here! I heartily agree with your views. Signed, another Christian

      Nov 1, 2012 at 8:40 am   rating: 90  small thumbs up

    • #1.10   nikki

      Down here in Cajun Country we celebrate both! I think because the Cajuns like a good excuse to celebrate, but also believe in honoring God and their loved ones. They’ll Trick-or-Treat and then head out to the cemetery the next day to wash and paint the tombs of their ancestors.

      Nov 1, 2012 at 9:22 am   rating: 91  small thumbs up

    • #1.11   TRT

      Well as a Brit, I can’t say I’m entirely au fait with this whole doorstep candy lark. I’m told it’s a custom imported from the USA, so I got a box set of American movies about Halloween, and I reckon I’m up to speed on what’s expected now.

      *goes back to sharpening machete*

      Nov 2, 2012 at 4:37 am   rating: 91  small thumbs up

    • #1.12   Beatus Mongous


      Wait, so do they wash the graffiti off and then paint more back on?

      Nov 2, 2012 at 6:21 pm   rating: 90  small thumbs up

  • #2   Smartasc

    our house likely will. We have a sign up that says, “No costume, no candy!” I’ve turned away a couple of older high schoolers already tonight.

    Oct 31, 2012 at 6:52 pm   rating: 90  small thumbs up

    • #2.1   The Elf

      That’s a pet peeve of mine. I always ask what their story is. If you don’t have a costume, you need to have a story, even if it is the lame “I’m a serial killer. I look like everyone else.” How hard is it to throw together something?

      Nov 1, 2012 at 7:15 am   rating: 90  small thumbs up

    • #2.2   redheadwglasses

      When I had a house, I had two bowls of candy. One full of the good stuff, one full of crappy candy. Kids without costumes (I could see as they walked up whether they had costumes, and they tended to come later than the younger kids) got the bad candy. Black licorice, etc.

      Nov 1, 2012 at 11:36 am   rating: 90  small thumbs up

    • #2.3   Kristin

      redhead, that is a GREAT idea. I always want to turn away the lame high school kids without costumes but I’m afraid of getting egged or TPed or something.

      Nov 1, 2012 at 1:32 pm   rating: 90  small thumbs up

    • #2.4   V

      Boxes of raisins for the lazy costumeless jerks. Anyone in a costume gets the good stuff (chocolate!), even if they’re adults. I don’t discriminate. It’s a goods-for-services transaction. You amuse me, you get candy. You tick me off, you get diarrhea

      Nov 2, 2012 at 7:14 am   rating: 90  small thumbs up

    • #2.5   Dany

      I got refused candy the other night at one place because I wasn’t a kid. I dressed up as an escaped inmate. White jumpsuit and fake blood on my face.

      Nov 2, 2012 at 5:21 pm   rating: 90  small thumbs up

    • #2.6   Kirsty

      Here in Scotland, they are supposed to sing a song, tell some jokes, or generally do something to ‘earn’ their Hallowe’en treats. Although nowadays one joke seems to suffice.

      Nov 5, 2012 at 11:07 am   rating: 90  small thumbs up

  • #3   shesajem

    That is why its called TRICK or treat!! I put eggs in my kid’s plastic pumpkin for people like this!

    Oct 31, 2012 at 6:52 pm   rating: 90  small thumbs up

    • #3.1   Andy

      That’s a fabulous attitude you’re teaching them: they don’t get a completely undeserved treat then they’re allowed to egg someone’s property. Parent of the year.

      Oct 31, 2012 at 6:54 pm   rating: 91  small thumbs up

    • #3.2   Dan

      And this is why I hope that ‘trick or treating’ dies a quick death in Australia.

      Oct 31, 2012 at 7:13 pm   rating: 90  small thumbs up

    • #3.3   Grammar Popo

      Wow. Perhaps you should dress up as a giant child and go with them. Your kids are going to grow up to be entitled fuckwads with that horrendous example. Stop breeding, please. Mankind thanks you.

      Oct 31, 2012 at 7:22 pm   rating: 91  small thumbs up

    • #3.4   shepd

      Yup. The trick is played, and then the person with a video camera treats you/your children to a choice of cleaning/fixing the mess, or telling family child services what a terrible parent you’ve been.

      Trick or treat!

      Oct 31, 2012 at 8:48 pm   rating: 90  small thumbs up

    • #3.5   shesajem

      haha you internet people are so easy to troll..

      Nov 1, 2012 at 12:15 am   rating: 90  small thumbs up

    • #3.6   Poltergeist

      I’m pretty sure shesajem was just kidding around. I’m sorry if you’ve been the victim of egg vandals, but take a goddamn chill pill Andy et al. Yeesh.

      Nov 1, 2012 at 2:40 am   rating: 90  small thumbs up

    • #3.7   kermit

      Whether trolling or not, kids who vandalize the neighborhood usually get hoisted on their own petard sooner or later, if enough people are pissed off at them.

      Besides, don’t waste perfectly good eggs. Use rotten ones or make your projectiles of out inedible left-overs and whatever junk you have around the house.

      Nov 1, 2012 at 3:34 am   rating: 90  small thumbs up

    • #3.8   t-rex

      I tried a trick and got lambasted. I told every child that they could have one piece of candy for each hand. And they could choose their own candy.

      Most counted 1 hand only.

      Nov 1, 2012 at 6:56 am   rating: 90  small thumbs up

    • #3.9   Andy

      @ Poltergeist I’m an Aussie so no egg problems for me. Jem the sad thing is there are people who think like that so even if you’re trolling what you said certainly wouldn’t be unheard of.

      Nov 4, 2012 at 10:55 pm   rating: 90  small thumbs up

  • #4   Joanne M.

    I thought it was just pork, shellfish, octopi/squid, meat with blood in it and that fruit on that one tree that were problematic. I don’t remember anything about candy. So I fell for it and looked up the Bible verses, and sure enough, they don’t mention a THING about candy. What a bait and switch!

    Oct 31, 2012 at 7:00 pm   rating: 90  small thumbs up

    • #4.1   Another sucker

      I looked it up too, and then I was just confused. Maybe the notewriters’s version (there are so dang many) reads: “Let no one be found among you who sacrifices their son or daughter in the fire, who practices divination or sorcery, interprets omens, engages in witchcraft, or casts spells, or who is a medium or spiritist or who consults the dead while eating Fun-Size Twix, Hershey Bars, Snickers, Milky Way, M&M’s, Dots, Tootsie Rolls, candy corn, or York Peppermint Patties.”

      Oct 31, 2012 at 7:20 pm   rating: 91  small thumbs up

    • #4.2   Poltergeist

      No masturbation and no candy. The only thing to look forward to is death. The Bible might as well just say “kill yourself,” but apparently that’s a sin too. You can’t win!

      Nov 1, 2012 at 2:46 am   rating: 90  small thumbs up

    • #4.3   H for Toy

      Well, since this is what the Bible says about manna, I think maybe Bit-o-Honeys would be acceptable to hand out. Right?

      Exodus 16:31 ESV
      Now the house of Israel called its name manna. It was like coriander seed, white, and the taste of it was like wafers made with honey.

      Nov 1, 2012 at 7:48 am   rating: 90  small thumbs up

  • #5   AC

    Exhibit E is almost guaranteed to get egged. No one likes religious zealots, especially when they’re ruining your fun.
    Also, I don’t think they had candy during Biblical times.

    Oct 31, 2012 at 7:32 pm   rating: 90  small thumbs up

    • #5.1   Rebecca

      I think the person who made that sign is parodying a religious nutcase. Probably because it’s perfect. Nobody likes to deal with Bible Thumpers, and if anyone were to see that sign on someone’s door, wouldn’t even take time to read the whole thing; they would immediately turn and head to a non-crazy person’s house. No knocking or ringing door bells. Maybe the sign-maker knew this, and used it to his/her advantage.
      Personally, I think it’s brilliant. If I didn’t live on a street that no trick-or-treaters came down anyway, I totally would use it.

      Nov 5, 2012 at 7:49 pm   rating: 90  small thumbs up

  • #6   sanity left the building.

    The more tape you used is a sign of how much of a nutjob you actually are.

    Oct 31, 2012 at 7:34 pm   rating: 90  small thumbs up

  • #7   Spacey

    Normal people just turn off the lights and pretend they are not home.

    Oct 31, 2012 at 7:54 pm   rating: 90  small thumbs up

    • #7.1   RedDelicious

      Which is why my porch light and all downstairs lights are off and I’m hiding upstairs watching Netflix.

      Oct 31, 2012 at 8:06 pm   rating: 90  small thumbs up

    • #7.2   TRH

      So you’re just a douche then?

      Actually, the worst are people who gladly send their kids out for candy but turn the lights off and watch tv at home.

      Oct 31, 2012 at 9:08 pm   rating: 90  small thumbs up

    • #7.3   mintjulep

      So being home and not giving out candy makes you a douche? I’m almost 30% with you on the people who send their kids out and then don’t hand out candy, but what the fuck is wrong with childless people not wanting to give out candy to little kids? That makes them douches? I think that just makes YOU a douche.

      Oct 31, 2012 at 9:34 pm   rating: 90  small thumbs up

    • #7.4   Ti

      Nope, TRH is right. If you’re home and you don’t hand out candy on Halloween, you’re a douche. I have no kids, and I’ve always bought candy for trick-or-treaters. How hard is it to show a little generosity to children? Fuck.

      Oct 31, 2012 at 9:49 pm   rating: 90  small thumbs up

    • #7.5   lee

      IMO a douche is someone who lets their child approach someone in their own home to beg for candy, then gets shitty when they don’t deliver. I don’t care what day of the year it is, that is rude.

      But then I’m an Aussie, so what do I know. Halloween and trick or treating is not exactly the done thing here.

      Some enterprising parents in our area had a great idea- organising participating streets, and only approaching houses where decorations indicated they were willing. They also let everyone know that they would be done by about 8pm.

      Oct 31, 2012 at 10:29 pm   rating: 90  small thumbs up

    • #7.6   Grammar Popo

      It could be hard for a handicapped person or the elderly. Or someone who can’t afford to spend ten bucks on candy for little asshole kids who come to the door with zero manners and no costume. The real douches are the people who can’t get it through their thick skull that the world doesn’t revolve around the sugary desires of their spawn.

      Oct 31, 2012 at 10:34 pm   rating: 90  small thumbs up

    • #7.7   Djagir

      I tend to go out, buy candy, have no one show up, and then end up having wasted money on something that I definitely didn’t need for myself. So, yeah, it’s a little frustrating. Not that it’s hard, but it is annoying to go through all that.

      Nov 1, 2012 at 1:23 am   rating: 90  small thumbs up

    • #7.8   The Elf

      Nothing wrong with not participating if you don’t have your own children trick-or-treating. Turning the lights off is the accepted protocol.

      But if you do have children who trick-or-treat and you don’t reciprocate? Douche. Or if you send your kids out and get upset that the candy isn’t to your liking, or that everyone isn’t participating. That’s pretty douche-y too.

      Nov 1, 2012 at 7:19 am   rating: 90  small thumbs up

    • #7.9   Lil'

      When I was growing up, we were taught the front porch light rule, so we didn’t even approach houses with the light off – and we didn’t feel offended or entitled. We just moved on to the next one. At the end of the night, we still had more than we could eat in a month. I don’t think it’s a d-bag move to not give out candy. I think it’s a d-bag move to post offensive signs directed at children. Leave your light off if you don’t want trick-or-treaters. Turn them on if you are giving out candy. How hard is that?

      Nov 1, 2012 at 8:01 am   rating: 90  small thumbs up

    • #7.10   Rattus

      I spent last night in the dark, drinking sauvignon blanc and watching Survivor. Call me a douche if you must, but I’m a contented douche who doesn’t regret a thing.

      Nov 1, 2012 at 8:35 am   rating: 90  small thumbs up

    • #7.11   redheadwglasses

      I’m in MInnesota. Last night it was 45 degrees, but previous Halloweens have been damned cold (1991 we had a blizzard that dumped 3 feet of snow on Halloween). So no, I’m not going to freeze for 3 hours handing out candy. Porch light off, as few lights on in the house as possible, while I drink and play World of Warcraft. No kids here, so no obligation. But you can bet I’ll be raiding the boyfriend’s kids’ candy tomorrow night when they’re at their mom’s!

      Nov 1, 2012 at 11:41 am   rating: 90  small thumbs up

    • #7.12   Barbary Lion

      Mintjulep–I’m happily childless, and I love seeing the kids’ costumes. Why on earth would being childless affect my desire to hand out candy and admire little kids being stinkin’ cute? I just wish there were more kids in my neighborhood, I only get a couple each year.

      Nov 1, 2012 at 2:59 pm   rating: 90  small thumbs up

    • #7.13   Bluecanary

      I agree, Barbary Lion. We’re childfree and plan on staying that way forever…but that does not mean that I don’t enjoy seeing little kids trick-or-treating, and that I don’t love cute costumes. Unfortunately, we live in the land of the lame, where kids trick-or-treat at the freaking mall or out of car trunks in the parking lot of some loathsome Pentecostal church instead of in neighborhoods. We haven’t had a single child come to the door in 4 years of living here. I WISH I had enough kids coming to want to put up a douchey sign. I’m afraid that in 10 years kids won’t even know what trick-or-treat is, and that makes me really sad because it was a wonderful part of childhood for many of us.

      Nov 1, 2012 at 3:14 pm   rating: 91  small thumbs up

    • #7.14   Vulpis

      I don’t consider it doushy to just plain not participate (I didn’t, mainly because I couldn’t afford the candy, *and* I’m not that fond of little kids).

      To be honest, though, I’m wondering if any of these (with the exclusion of the pizza-orderer) put up these signs in reponse to kids from past years *not* having been taught (or ignoring) the porch-light rule, and bothered them anyway?

      Nov 1, 2012 at 7:39 pm   rating: 90  small thumbs up

    • #7.15   Ali Longworth

      I see no reason a person should feel obligate to participate. I grew up in FL and a lot of people there weren’t spry enough to be hopping up and getting the door all night. (Hard to hold that bowl of candy, open the door AND hang on to the walker) Also, if people don’t like kids why would you want your kids going to their house?
      Personally, although not real fond of kids I do like Halloween and give out pretty good candy. I think the best way is to see kids is once a year for a period of 2-3 hours.

      Nov 2, 2012 at 2:24 am   rating: 90  small thumbs up

    • #7.16   DaveGI

      Barbary Lion, nobody was saying that being childless should make you not want to give out candy.

      The point being made was that not having kids participating in trick-or-treating made it ok to not participate in handing out candy.

      In other words if you have kids out there mooching candy from your neighbors and you’re not giving out candy in kind, then you’re a douchebag. But if you don’t have kids or they’ve grown out of it, and you’d rather not participate, then that’s fine.

      Nov 2, 2012 at 3:38 pm   rating: 90  small thumbs up

    • #7.17   L

      When I was trick-or-treating in the city we used to live in, we never handed out candy.

      Because it was just me and my mom, so she was out trick-or-treating with me. By the time we got home, all the other kids were done, too. We gave out candy to exactly one trick-or-treater before we moved to a small town.

      Nov 2, 2012 at 6:22 pm   rating: 90  small thumbs up

  • #8   Mel

    Sadly, every single one of those could have come from my neighbourhood.

    Oct 31, 2012 at 8:52 pm   rating: 90  small thumbs up

  • #9   wright1

    If I had just one egg, it’d have to be e) or f), and e) would win for being self-righteous as well as humorless.

    Most of the others at least show a sense of snarky humor about their Hallow’s Eve grinchyness.

    Oct 31, 2012 at 9:04 pm   rating: 90  small thumbs up

  • #10   Ely North

    I have a co-worker who refuses to let her cat out on Halloween because she’s convinced that the trick-or-treating kids will sacrifice the cat to Satan. I tried to tell her that they just want candy, but she’s convinced all the 5-year-olds worship the devil.

    Oct 31, 2012 at 9:17 pm   rating: 90  small thumbs up

    • #10.1   Boo Radley

      I didn’t let the cat out, not because I was worried he’d become a sacrifice, but because I worried somebody would hit him with a water balloon or an egg or something.

      Oct 31, 2012 at 11:59 pm   rating: 90  small thumbs up

    • #10.2   Jessi

      It’s actually best to keep cats (especially black ones) indoors around this time of year as there are psychos out there who like to hurt cats. I work at a pet supply store with three separate vet offices within a five minute walk of us, and all of the staff members who shop in the store report an increase in violent behavior towards cats around this time of year.

      Nov 1, 2012 at 12:06 am   rating: 90  small thumbs up

    • #10.3   Poltergeist

      As someone who refuses to get involved in the outdoor cat debate, I will say that I agree with not letting your cat out on Halloween as a precaution. Let’s just say I’ve seen the results of disgusting people (teenagers and young adults, not children) doing disgusting things to cats on this holiday.

      Nov 1, 2012 at 2:54 am   rating: 90  small thumbs up

    • #10.4   The Elf

      She’s got that slightly mixed up. Five year olds ARE the devil.

      Nov 1, 2012 at 7:20 am   rating: 90  small thumbs up

    • #10.5   Kimberly

      My cat is black and I’ve actually worried about this as well. Some people are sick and Halloween can really bring out the loons. Gracie firmly believes that everyone loves her, she wouldn’t stand a chance if someone wanted to hurt her.

      Nov 1, 2012 at 11:19 am   rating: 90  small thumbs up

    • #10.6   Sue

      I know some shelters won’t adopt out black cats in October because there are a lot of nuts out there who’ll adopt a black cat as a halloween prop, only to dump it out in the country or worse, on November 1.

      Nov 1, 2012 at 11:52 am   rating: 90  small thumbs up

    • #10.7   StephM

      @Sue: I adopted a black kitten shortly before Halloween, and I was surprised as hell they had him out. I actually asked the girl about it, and she said the next day he would have been hidden until November. She said that the shelter receives a lot of black cats in early November, and almost every person says, “It just didn’t work out.”

      Nov 1, 2012 at 1:25 pm   rating: 90  small thumbs up

    • #10.8   The Elf

      I adopted a black kitten in June a few years ago. I didn’t have to wait until October before I figured out he was the devil’s own imp. He wants to be good, he’s just incapable of it.

      But I love the little scamp anyway. He gives the best headboops.

      Nov 2, 2012 at 7:53 am   rating: 90  small thumbs up

    • #10.9   derp

      There has never been any documented increase in cat abuse or “sacrificing” black cats. It’s an urban legend that everyone just does with. Don’t be ridiculous. There aren’t a bunch of Satanists running around on Halloween trying to get your stupid cat.

      Nov 2, 2012 at 10:15 am   rating: 90  small thumbs up

    • #10.10   redheadwglasses

      THere aren’t a bunch of Satanists, PERIOD. BUt there are stupid teens who DO do harm to black cats if they see them and can catch them, so I kept my black cat indors for the full week leading up to Halloween, just to be extra safe.

      Poor guy would sit at the door, yowling for hours to be let outside.

      Nov 2, 2012 at 12:15 pm   rating: 90  small thumbs up

    • #10.11   derp

      Citation needed.

      Nov 3, 2012 at 9:16 am   rating: 90  small thumbs up

    • #10.12   Jessi

      @10.9 “There has never been any documented increase in cat abuse or “sacrificing” black cats. It’s an urban legend that everyone just does with. Don’t be ridiculous. There aren’t a bunch of Satanists running around on Halloween trying to get your stupid cat.”

      Go ask any vet about the increase in violence towards cats around October. I never said anything about cat sacrifice. I never said anything about Satanists. And, of course the crazies aren’t going after *my* cats. My cats live inside and are only allowed supervised outside time.

      Nov 5, 2012 at 2:28 am   rating: 90  small thumbs up

    • #10.13   The Elf

      Well, snopes doesn’t find any evidence about a rise of cat violence around Halloween.

      That said, they (and I) think a little pre-caution to prevent the “renting” of black cats as decoration isn’t terrible.

      Nov 5, 2012 at 12:41 pm   rating: 90  small thumbs up

  • #11   mintjulep

    I am definitely voting to egg exhibit E. It’s the religious zealots that bug me. Just turn your lights off and pretend not to be home. Or go to church or something.

    Oct 31, 2012 at 9:36 pm   rating: 90  small thumbs up

    • #11.1   merkin4

      We’ve got some zealots on my street who pass out the candy but put a kid-version Chick tract in each bag as well. I think I’d be way happier if they just kept the porch lights off. Last thing my kid needs is some reminder of how everyone around us think we’re going to Hell because we presumably worship the wrong Jesus.

      Nov 1, 2012 at 10:50 am   rating: 90  small thumbs up

    • #11.2   Omnivore

      Same here, Merkin4. I know exactly which house it is, and I will ask my husband not to take our kids to their doorstep next year. The tracts make me wanna hide hard boiled eggs in their shrubbery.

      The worst part is, they have two kids, and they never, ever permit them to play with any neighborhood kids. I walked my daughter to their house so she could ask if the girls could play with her, and the mother slammed the door in her face. The kids on our street are mild-mannered, polite and all around good kids. Makes me feel so bad to know their girls are so sheltered.

      Nov 1, 2012 at 5:20 pm   rating: 90  small thumbs up

  • #12   Monica

    Candy and other confections are an affront to the Lord? Sorry, but the source you cite says absolutely nothing about candy, confections, or processed carbohydrates of any sort.

    Deuteronomy 18:9-12
    (9) When you enter the land the Lord your God is giving you, do not learn to imitate the detestable ways of the nations there. (10) Let no one be found among you who sacrifices their son or daughter in the fire, who practices divination or sorcery, interprets omens, engages in witchcraft, (11) or casts spells, or who is a medium or spiritist or who consults the dead. (12) Anyone who does these things is detestable to the Lord; because of these same detestable practices the Lord your God will drive out those nations before you.

    1 Peter 5:8
    Be alert and of sober mind. Your enemy the devil prowls around like a roaring lion looking for someone to devour.

    Oct 31, 2012 at 10:36 pm   rating: 90  small thumbs up

    • #12.1   Rattus

      At a stretch, too much candy and the attendant blood sugar fluctuations do tend to make me a little dopey, so I guess that “be alert and of sober mind” thing does apply somewhat.

      Nov 1, 2012 at 8:38 am   rating: 90  small thumbs up

    • #12.2   Ali Longworth

      The sign is weird as well as sanctimonious. I know that some persons have religious objections to Halloween, but when did CANDY become sinful? Also, if the person won’t be handing out evil confections on the “day of sin” it seems to imply that s/he will be handing out the “affronts to the Lord” on other days. Totally F–’d up logical as well as a jerk for just not turn out the porch light.

      Nov 2, 2012 at 2:18 am   rating: 90  small thumbs up

  • #13   Scott

    Actually, many places have laws requiring sexual predators to post signs saying they aren’t passing out candy. I’m sure some of them get cute with them to avoid the awkwardness.

    Oct 31, 2012 at 11:11 pm   rating: 90  small thumbs up

    • #13.1   Kate

      I’m sure you mean ‘convicted sex offenders’. The two terms may be conflated nowadays, but they’re NOT the same thing.

      We now return you to your regularly scheduled snark.

      Nov 5, 2012 at 2:12 pm   rating: 90  small thumbs up

  • #14   Nikki

    I had to abandon candy duty tonight (more on that later), so we put a rather large bowl of candy on the stoop, with a sign that said, “Help yourself! Please don’t be greedy. Happy Halloween!” We came home 45 minutes later to find the bowl empty, and considering the lack of foot traffic on our street, I’m pretty sure one asshole kid took it all.

    Anyway, not to reignite my least favorite PAN argument or anything, but the reason I suddenly had to abandon my candy tonight was so I could go pick up my lost outdoor cat! He’s been missing almost three weeks, and some folks almost 3 miles away found him and saw our ad in the paper. Quite happy to have him back!

    Happy Halloween, everyone!

    Oct 31, 2012 at 11:20 pm   rating: 90  small thumbs up

    • #14.1   Seanette

      Very glad you got your cat back safely!

      Nov 1, 2012 at 2:18 am   rating: 90  small thumbs up

    • #14.2   kermit

      Yaay for found pets! I hope you chained him to the fridge as punishment.

      Nov 1, 2012 at 3:37 am   rating: 90  small thumbs up

    • #14.3   Nikki

      Thanks! I immediately thought of this site, because the folks who found him asked how he had gotten out of the house! I was so grateful and didn’t want to get into an indoor/outdoor cat debate, so I just said I wasn’t sure.

      Prior to him being found, I assumed some self-righteous neighbor had taken him inside “where he belongs!” and wasn’t letting him back out.

      Nov 1, 2012 at 7:21 am   rating: 90  small thumbs up

    • #14.4   redheadwglasses

      Not gonna rag on you for having an outdoor cat (I used to as well). Just very very glad you got your kitty back! My special-needs cat escaped and was missing for an entire weekend and I think it was the worst weekend of my life, worrying about her and her inability to fend for herself out in the world.

      Nov 1, 2012 at 11:44 am   rating: 90  small thumbs up

    • #14.5   wright1

      Nevermind the indoor/outdoor cat feud; just glad your companion is back and safe. My current cat is indoors only; it seemed the safer choice after my previous cat just disappeared one day.

      @kermit: I’m not sure a cat would consider being stuck close to the fridge a “punishment”…

      Nov 2, 2012 at 1:29 am   rating: 90  small thumbs up

    • #14.6   kermit

      Unless Nikki’s cat is the size of a leopard, he won’t be able to drag her fridge outside. If anything will discourage wandering around the neighborhood, it’s having a fridge attached to your leg.

      Nov 2, 2012 at 2:10 am   rating: 90  small thumbs up

  • #15   I (kinda) regret it now

    We didn’t throw eggs. This was back in the olden times, before AIDS, and we would go to the store to buy the absolute largest feminine pad that we could find, and a whole bunch of red food coloring….

    Nov 1, 2012 at 12:07 am   rating: 90  small thumbs up

  • #16   weaselby

    It’s lame to misquote the Bible. Those verses say nothing about the evil of candy and “other confections.” Own up to your stinginess.

    Nov 1, 2012 at 3:11 am   rating: 90  small thumbs up

  • #17   Brian H

    I’m always screwed. When I get candy, no kids show up. When I don’t they do show up. This year was the former.

    Nov 1, 2012 at 3:16 am   rating: 90  small thumbs up

  • #18   Eileen

    No votes for the scary clown?

    Nov 1, 2012 at 7:33 am   rating: 90  small thumbs up

    • #18.1   The Elf

      I can’t read it. The clown will eat me.

      Nov 1, 2012 at 12:16 pm   rating: 90  small thumbs up

  • #19   Kimm

    The religious person opposes Halloween because they consider it to be a celebration of sorcery and witchcraft, which is indeed a sin according to the bible. I don’t agree with this, but it’s at least a religious belief I can respect.

    Obviously, for most people it’s just an excuse to dress up in costumes and eat candy and maybe watch a scary movie, it’s not about actually performing spells or conjuring up demons.

    However, the religious note-writer somehow interpreted the scripture quoted to infer that “candy and other confections” themselves are sinful. Well, obviously this person is an utter moron who need to work on their reading comprehension skills because that is just totally stupid.

    Eating candy is not a sin. Unless you are a glutton and eat too much of it, I guess.

    Nov 1, 2012 at 8:20 am   rating: 90  small thumbs up

    • #19.1   Humid Hockey

      Conservative evangelical, here. I love candy and Halloween, pass out the super good candy, my kids dress up and parade around the neighborhood, the whole bit.

      The biggest problem with these (obviously very convicted) folks is that they (1) throw a very shaky religious position into everyone’s face, including mine and (2) they stretch scripture for personal benefit in their -again, pretty darn shaky – argument.

      Funny thing is, you can find better prooftexts if you really want to support their position. They went with two texts that are only marginally related, at best.

      Anyway, for you non-believer guys out there, please don’t let this be your lasting impression of religious people. Some people are just devout jerks, and can’t help themselves.

      Nov 1, 2012 at 10:37 am   rating: 90  small thumbs up

    • #19.2   wright1

      No worries, HH. As an ex-christian atheist I recognize that being a twit transcends personal beliefs. Fortunately, so does being a decent human being.

      Nov 2, 2012 at 1:36 am   rating: 90  small thumbs up

  • #20   redheadwglasses

    Is it really so difficult to leave your porch light off on Halloween, and make it clear you’re not in the candy bizness? And to NOT order pizza on this one night?

    Nov 1, 2012 at 11:34 am   rating: 90  small thumbs up

    • #20.1   Vulpis

      Nope. Not everyone wandering the neighborhood seems to understand the rule, though.

      Nov 1, 2012 at 8:12 pm   rating: 90  small thumbs up

    • #20.2   Lasha Tumbai

      I worked in pizza for a long time, and Halloween is actually the number one busiest day of the year. I like the holiday much better now that I don’t work there anymore.

      Nov 1, 2012 at 9:55 pm   rating: 90  small thumbs up

    • #20.3   The Elf

      I imagine! We always ordered pizza on Halloween (early, before dark) so that we could hurridly eat while preparing. Plus pizza is great cold, so we could leave it out and have some when we were done.

      Nov 2, 2012 at 7:55 am   rating: 90  small thumbs up

  • #21   redheadwglasses

    In Central Iowa, trick or treating is on 10/30 (stupid rule made by police departments so they can focus on teenage antics and satan worshippers on 10/31).

    BUT: In Central Iowa, all the kids tell Halloween-themed jokes or riddles in order to get their candy! So that is kind of awesome.

    Nov 1, 2012 at 11:37 am   rating: 90  small thumbs up

    • #21.1   Sue

      former Iowa kid here; yes, I grew up having to tell a joke or do a trick to get candy. We still ask the little ones for a trick before handing out treats. That’s to make fun for the kiddies. With the older kids we’re more lenient. They just want the candy and aren’t as excited about the event.

      Nov 1, 2012 at 11:55 am   rating: 90  small thumbs up

    • #21.2   FeatherBlade

      The whole “trick or treat” thing was why my Mom never let us go door-to-door for candy. She figured that it was extortion dressed up in an adorable costume, and that was a bad lesson to teach us.

      Instead we went to the Fall Carnival that my school put on, and played games for our treats. We got our costumes, we got our candy – it was all good. ^_^

      I really like the idea fo the “trick” being a joke are sleight-of-hand thing that the kids have to perform!

      Nov 1, 2012 at 6:24 pm   rating: 90  small thumbs up

  • #22   QBall

    Dear Exhibit E, I will poop in your jack-o-lantern every year for as long as you live in this neighborhood, my childrens children will TP your house for a 100 years. Then every Christmas when we roam the neigborhood singing carols, we’ll skip your house because we wouldn’t want to upset anyone with our evil Christian songs and by the way Fuck You..

    Nov 1, 2012 at 11:39 am   rating: 90  small thumbs up

    • #22.1   Humid Hockey

      Stay classy.

      Nov 1, 2012 at 12:00 pm   rating: 90  small thumbs up

    • #22.2   H for Toy

      That doesn’t even makes sense… but I can picture the spittle-flecked computer screen.

      Nov 1, 2012 at 3:09 pm   rating: 90  small thumbs up

    • #22.3   wright1

      “I will poop in your jack-o-lantern every year for as long as you live”… so horrible it has a ghastly style all it’s own.

      Even if that self-righteous ‘ween hater is unlikely to *have* a jack-o-lantern, well played, QBall.

      Nov 2, 2012 at 1:41 am   rating: 90  small thumbs up

  • #23   Jeannie E.

    As a parent of a young child (now 7), I go trick-or-treating with him in our semi-urban neighborhood, which is a mix of older houses, apartment buildings, and some businesses. We’ve learned to only approach doors where the residents have made it obvious that they’re expecting trick-or-treaters: not just lights on, but also some sort of Halloween decoration (jack-o-lanterns, blinky lights, or even just a paper pumpkin or witch on the door). This only amounts to about 30% of the houses, but that’s fine (it gets us walking more, to burn off the sugar!!). We don’t want to bug people who aren’t into it. I think most of the trick-or-treaters in our neighborhood use similar criteria. So if you want trick-or-treaters, give a little signal that your place wants them — otherwise we’ll leave you alone and you can have that giant bag of fun-size Snickers to yourself.

    Nov 1, 2012 at 11:53 am   rating: 90  small thumbs up

    • #23.1   Seanette

      Good plan, since in some apartment complexes (such as mine), tenants cannot turn off their outside lights (in my case, they’re on a timer and inaccessible to tenants without doing significant property damage).

      I did put a sparkly pumpkin on my door. Not a trick-or-treater to be seen, in a complex with a fair number of kids. :(

      Nov 1, 2012 at 10:16 pm   rating: 90  small thumbs up

  • #24   Sue

    There’s nothing wrong with just turning out the porch light and not answering the door. That’s what the older folks do in my community. Of course I’m still waiting until I am old enough to hand out the fullsize candy bars to the kids (I’m looking forward to earning enough money to afford it.) I can still remember fondly the old lady in my town who handed out full sized candy bars in the 1960′s, when they cost a nickle each! She was our heroine.

    Nov 1, 2012 at 11:57 am   rating: 90  small thumbs up

    • #24.1   Zane

      I feel you Sue, We handed out full size this year. It’s cheaper than you think though. Walmarts in Mississippi have these mix boxes of various candy such as M&Ms, Reeses, Snickers, Milky way, etc. 60 pieces for 12 dollars or so. You can get bigger bulk with a cheaper price per unit at somewhere like Costco or Sams club, but we don’t have as much foot traffic, and we had about half the box left, so hey, it’s almost like we went trick or treating :P.

      Nov 2, 2012 at 10:22 am   rating: 90  small thumbs up

  • #25   Amy in Toronto

    We were brought up with the porch-light-rule as well, and it’s always served us just fine.

    Last night, due to the poor weather leading up to Halloween, there didn’t seem to be as many kids out as usual, and / or maybe parents were concerned about the weather still being too windy, too rainy, too Hurricane Sandy-ish, whatever, but it turned out to be a fairly mild (by Toronto standards), drizzly, pleasant night for taking my two nephews (3.5 and 1.5) trick-or-treating. Neighbours were very generous and gave three or four fun-sized chocolate bars, or 2-3 candy packets. My nephews made out like bandits with a massive bounty of treats after only visiting two streets (with many porch lights off as well).

    I love the Central Iowan tradition of telling a joke or a riddle to earn your treat!

    My 17 month old nephew was mesmerized by all the neighbours’ decorations – particularly the ones that had motion sensors and would light up or play spooky sounds when he walked past. He also quite liked the big bowls of colourful goodies that many neighbours allowed him to just pick up himself and put into a bag. He didn’t get the concept of “just one” but everyone seemed so struck by his cuteness that they didn’t mind (and there weren’t that many kids to warrant being stingy with the candy). All in all, a great Halloween!

    Now back to my own personal sugar high, thanks to coworkers who graciously brought in the remainders of their stash from home!

    Nov 1, 2012 at 1:25 pm   rating: 90  small thumbs up

  • #26   zabadu bang

    So those of you who say the Universally Accepted Light Out works – you need to come to my neighborhood. Lights out, curtains drawn, THREE dogs who go insane…and it’s raining. 6 pm to 9pm – ding dong.

    I thought about a sign, I really did. But there were children involved. It’s the parents I want to hurt.

    Nov 1, 2012 at 4:29 pm   rating: 90  small thumbs up

    • #26.1   Lasha Tumbai

      Wow, that’s crazy. I thought it was common knowledge that porch light off = don’t knock, but I guess some people don’t get it. Not to mention knocking on the doors of houses that are obviously not participating seems like a pretty inefficient way to get candy, if you ask me.

      Nov 1, 2012 at 10:10 pm   rating: 90  small thumbs up

  • #27   Jan D

    I am a practicing pagan “witch” if you will, in my faith we call this day Samhain and we celebrate and remember those who have passed on. We also buy full size candy bars and have a great time handing out candy. It’s a way to bond with the neighbors, and quite harmless.

    Nov 1, 2012 at 5:13 pm   rating: 90  small thumbs up

  • #28   Adriana

    I wish I got trick-or-treaters. For years I lived in very quiet housing development for over 10 years and most of my neighbors were people over the age of 65. I think I had one trick-or-treater my whole time living there. Since then I’ve lived in apartment complexes and high rises and kids don’t really trick-or-treat there. I loved living in a neighborhood where everyone decorated for Halloween and got into the spirit.

    Nov 1, 2012 at 6:50 pm   rating: 90  small thumbs up

  • #29   raichu

    Can’t decide if E is serious, but it made me laugh.

    Nov 2, 2012 at 11:52 am   rating: 90  small thumbs up

  • #30   Dauntless Ember

    Exhibit E would probably get egged…and you’d think some of these people would just turn off the porchlight.

    Nov 2, 2012 at 12:45 pm   rating: 90  small thumbs up

  • #31   ano

    i completely forgot about Halloween (I WAS going to grab some candy, alcohol and horror movies) and had no candy. I didn’t realise until I saw a bunch of kids walking past the house all dressed up.

    My housemates and I quietly turned all lights off and hid giggling in the loungeroom. We were scared someone would knock on the door and we’d have 3 apples and a jar of nutella between us to offer.

    We were safe tho, no-one knocked (probably ’cause we’re in Australia. Not sure how I feel about Halloween increasing in popularity though. On one hand the kids dressing up is cute. On the otherhand, I don’t want random people at my door asking for candy. I’m never going to remember the date and half the time i don’t feel it.

    Nov 4, 2012 at 9:00 am   rating: 90  small thumbs up

  • #32   Zhopka

    Back to the douche debate earlier… As an ESL person, I just don’t get it. Candy opinions aside, what’s wrong with being a douche? Doesn’t it go places which one would normally deem desirable?

    Nov 5, 2012 at 8:23 pm   rating: 90  small thumbs up

  • #33   Flu Dude

    I put up B) a few years ago. I did have a flu, but without any fancy test the doctor decided it had to be Swine Flu since “it’s going around.” It sucked, as I had intended to go to my best friend’s wedding around that time and had to cancel. I figured something on the door was better than shouting through it and startling trick’o'treaters. Course, that probably would have been more fun.

    Nov 28, 2012 at 11:18 am   rating: 90  small thumbs up

    • #33.1   The Elf

      Swine flu sucks. And I agree that a note is better than shouting through the door. But why didn’t you just turn off the light and take in the pumpkin? That should be* the universal sign for “not participating” and would direct kids away from your place.

      * Should be, because according to some of the posters in this thread, it isn’t in some places!

      Nov 28, 2012 at 11:51 am   rating: 90  small thumbs up


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