Writes Catherine in Melbourne: “I was preparing breakfast in the office kitchen when I opened the fridge and reached for the margarine tub to butter my toast. Ten seconds later, I was fearing for my life.”
related: I Can’t Believe It’s Not (My) Butter
extra credit: Australians Losing Their Taste for Vegemite [time.com]
55 responses so far ↓
#1
Havingfitz
I think maybe someone needs to switch to real butter. The artificial chemicals seem to be reacting badly to their medication.
Nov 12, 2012 at 4:20 pm rating: 59
#2
falseprofit
Hhahah great paraphrasing from Lock Stock and Two Smoking Barrels…
If you hold back anything, I’ll kill you. If you bend the truth, or I think you’re bending the truth, I’ll kill you. If you forget anything, I’ll kill you. In fact, you’re gonna have to work very hard to stay alive, Nick. Now, do you understand everything I’ve said?……Because if you don’t, I’ll kill you!
Nov 12, 2012 at 4:23 pm rating: 51
#3
SirenSong
Aesthetically, I think that the NoteWriter should have stuck to the format of the first threat.
“If you blah blah blah,
I KILL YOU!”
The second threat, with its lack of comma and lack of line break, really lessens the impact.
Nov 12, 2012 at 4:27 pm rating: 9
#4
sambycat
lighten up, francis
Nov 12, 2012 at 4:40 pm rating: 18
#5
Jolly
Totally fair. I’m stealing this note and switching it up for the tuna bits that somehow manage to make their way into the mayonaise jar. Barf.
Nov 12, 2012 at 4:46 pm rating: 29
#6
Scarab
Vegemite in my margarine? I’d be pissed too.
Nov 12, 2012 at 7:32 pm rating: 11
#7
Nunavut Guy
Vegemite is pretty gross,but then again my girlfriend is making a whale fat casserole for supper,so I guess perspective is everything.
Nov 12, 2012 at 7:39 pm rating: 16
#8
El Jefe
Paula Dean approves this message.
Nov 12, 2012 at 8:37 pm rating: 10
#9
Bec
Mmm buttery vegemite, the gift that keeps giving. But scraping your toast and margarine encrusted knife back into the tub I KILL YOU.
Nov 12, 2012 at 8:55 pm rating: 8
#10
T-Rex
So, either op can have the margarine and risk a heart attack from the oils, or she can have the note writer kill her. She should pick the latter. The notewriter is so passive aggressive that she couldn’t get the umption to make a wound worse than a paper cut.
Nov 12, 2012 at 9:36 pm rating: 6
#11
jazz
It’s Lock Stock, not Ahmed. The line is at 1 minute into this clip. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rKX32WqDNDU&feature=related
Nov 12, 2012 at 9:48 pm rating: 14
#12
lee
Add a line about disgusting toast crumbs and I’m team note writer all the way.
Nov 12, 2012 at 9:49 pm rating: 3
#13
Carolina
The note writer is probably quoting “Lock, Stock….” but the note is far more entertaining if you imagine it being said by Achmed. I especially like the happy face at the end.
Nov 12, 2012 at 10:15 pm rating: 4
#14
Rory Breaker
And if the butter turns out to be sour, I ain’t the kinda pussy to eat it.
Nov 12, 2012 at 11:34 pm rating: 7
#15
Nunavut Guy
My mother fed me Vegimite……..once.
Nov 13, 2012 at 7:54 am rating: 3
#16
raichu
Heh, clever. And yeah, if people are getting other stuff into the margarine tub, then team note-writer. I thought it was a little extreme but I didn’t realize it was a reference to something. I like references
Nov 13, 2012 at 10:15 am rating: 2
#17
T1000
this is fake
Nov 13, 2012 at 12:16 pm rating: 0
#18
SNO
What kind of Melbournite doesn’t like vegemite? Spread of the Australian gods.
Nov 13, 2012 at 12:55 pm rating: 7
#19
Mel K
The notewriter is a fool. Her colleagues are trying to help. Vegemite on toast is one of the best hangover cures. All those B vitamins…
The bigger issue here is toast crumbs in the keyboard. Yuck!
Nov 13, 2012 at 3:37 pm rating: 1
#20
Poltergeist
Does putting Vegemite in the margarine cancel out the unhealthiness? You know, like how putting ketchup on a hot dog does?
Nov 14, 2012 at 1:40 am rating: 3
#21
germangirl
Who’s margarine is it, anyway?
Nov 14, 2012 at 4:02 am rating: 2
#22
nurgleth
I don’t understand why it’s bad to put leftover margerine back? Unless breadcrumbs stick to it, it would be kind of a waste to just wash it off.
Nov 14, 2012 at 6:36 am rating: 2
#23
The Elf
Wait, this was *communal* margarine? In an office fridge? Problem #1, IMHO. You want your margarine to be Vegemite and bread crumb free, bring your own.
Nov 14, 2012 at 11:05 am rating: 6
#24
Allie
Sounds like somebody’s a little OCD : )
Who’d want it anyway? Salt reduced margerine? Yuck. Give me good old salted creamery butter anyday.
Nov 15, 2012 at 8:41 pm rating: 5
#25
Jen
The note writer needn’t bother, the margarine will do the job for her anyway.
Nov 16, 2012 at 7:18 am rating: 5
#26
Bluecanary
Oh my god, just the idea of vegemite and butter on toast makes me so happy. I miss my little New Zealander employee who used to hook me up. Why, oh why, can’t you get that magical stuff here in the US?
Nov 16, 2012 at 2:34 pm rating: 2
#27
Merrid
Is it wrong that my first thought was “nice handwriting!”?
I’ve written similar things on the milk I’ve labelled and put in the office fridge… though Vegemite’s not usually a problem with milk.
Nov 20, 2012 at 9:09 pm rating: 0
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