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If you get Vegemite in the margarine, I KILL YOU!

November 12th, 2012 · 55 comments

Writes Catherine in Melbourne: “I was preparing breakfast in the office kitchen when I opened the fridge and reached for the margarine tub to butter my toast. Ten seconds later, I was fearing for my life.”

Hi, a warning!! If you get vegemite in the margarine, I KILL YOU! If you scrape old margarine back into the tub, I KILL YOU!  In fact, if you touch this margarine you'll have to work very hard just to stay alive. :)

related: I Can’t Believe It’s Not (My) Butter

extra credit: Australians Losing Their Taste for Vegemite []

FILED UNDER: Australia · butter · die bitch die · Melbourne · most popular notes of 2012 · not-so-veiled threats · smiley · warning

55 responses so far ↓

  • #1   Havingfitz

    I think maybe someone needs to switch to real butter. The artificial chemicals seem to be reacting badly to their medication.

    Nov 12, 2012 at 4:20 pm   rating: 62  small thumbs up

    • #1.1   Adriana

      Butter makes me happy. That is all.

      Nov 12, 2012 at 7:30 pm   rating: 15  small thumbs up

    • #1.2   Bug

      Keep an open mind! Man cannot be happy on butter alone.

      Nov 17, 2012 at 4:51 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

  • #2   falseprofit

    Hhahah great paraphrasing from Lock Stock and Two Smoking Barrels…

    If you hold back anything, I’ll kill you. If you bend the truth, or I think you’re bending the truth, I’ll kill you. If you forget anything, I’ll kill you. In fact, you’re gonna have to work very hard to stay alive, Nick. Now, do you understand everything I’ve said?……Because if you don’t, I’ll kill you!

    Nov 12, 2012 at 4:23 pm   rating: 53  small thumbs up

    • #2.1   shesajem

      I think she is paraphrasing Achmed the Terrorist. He says (in broken english) “I KILL YOU”. Check it out on youtube, you’ll see what I mean.

      Nov 12, 2012 at 4:28 pm   rating: 21  small thumbs up

    • #2.2   Jami

      More like “I KHEEEEELL you!”

      Nov 12, 2012 at 4:41 pm   rating: 11  small thumbs up

    • #2.3   BDizzle

      I wish everyone would forget about Jeff Dunham and his racist puppets. Ugh.

      Nov 13, 2012 at 11:08 pm   rating: 10  small thumbs up

    • #2.4   Pedro

      To back up falseprofit:

      Nov 14, 2012 at 8:55 am   rating: 6  small thumbs up

    • #2.5   Jami

      See, I don’t see his puppets as racists. I see his puppets as making it easy to laugh at racists. It’s not very easy to go up to a member of Hezbela or Al-Queda and laugh in their ridiculous faces. Or go up to a Neo-Nazi and point out what idiots they are and laugh at the ones that claim they want a “White Christian Nation” when Hitler was an atheist and killed Christians as well as Jews (and gypsies, the handicapped, homosexuals, etc).

      Because, you know, you’ll probably end up dead.

      But make a puppet version of them and you can laugh at the puppet. It takes away the racist’s power. It shows the world how ridiculous and stupid they are. And – the puppet won’t behead you.

      Nov 14, 2012 at 1:30 pm   rating: 17  small thumbs up

    • #2.6   wmdkitty bang

      ‘Scuse me, but it’s very well documented fact that Hitler was a Christian.


      Nov 18, 2012 at 1:34 am   rating: 5  small thumbs up

    • #2.7   Tinny

      Really? Well-documented? You can just look up the many references in his wikipedia article (and yes, I know it’s wikipedia) that shows he wanted to dismantle it but didn’t want to turn people against him.

      Nov 21, 2012 at 2:16 am   rating: 2  small thumbs up

  • #3   SirenSong

    Aesthetically, I think that the NoteWriter should have stuck to the format of the first threat.

    “If you blah blah blah,

    I KILL YOU!”

    The second threat, with its lack of comma and lack of line break, really lessens the impact.

    Nov 12, 2012 at 4:27 pm   rating: 9  small thumbs up

  • #4   sambycat

    lighten up, francis

    Nov 12, 2012 at 4:40 pm   rating: 18  small thumbs up

    • #4.1   JT

      Darn, you beat me to it! First thing I thought of.

      Nov 12, 2012 at 8:53 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

    • #4.2   Christine

      DARN IT!!! I thought I would have the first ‘Stripes’ comment. . . . . . At least I made it in the first five!

      Nov 14, 2012 at 1:24 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

  • #5   Jolly

    Totally fair. I’m stealing this note and switching it up for the tuna bits that somehow manage to make their way into the mayonaise jar. Barf.

    Nov 12, 2012 at 4:46 pm   rating: 29  small thumbs up

    • #5.1   Pit Pat

      ew, that’s way worse

      Nov 13, 2012 at 10:26 am   rating: 1  small thumbs up

    • #5.2   0zchick

      I agree, definitely a capital offence. Butter in the vegemite is also a pretty serious matter!

      Nov 17, 2012 at 2:50 am   rating: 2  small thumbs up

  • #6   Scarab

    Vegemite in my margarine? I’d be pissed too.

    Nov 12, 2012 at 7:32 pm   rating: 11  small thumbs up

  • #7   Nunavut Guy

    Vegemite is pretty gross,but then again my girlfriend is making a whale fat casserole for supper,so I guess perspective is everything.

    Nov 12, 2012 at 7:39 pm   rating: 16  small thumbs up

    • #7.1   pella

      …now I want to know the recipe for whale fat casserole.

      Nov 12, 2012 at 7:52 pm   rating: 14  small thumbs up

    • #7.2   Bec

      Where do you even get whale fat from? Is it a supermarket staple?

      Nov 12, 2012 at 8:46 pm   rating: 4  small thumbs up

    • #7.3   Nunavut Guy

      1. Catch Beluga whale (hard)…or know some hunters on the coast and buy some muktaq from them.

      2.Separate outer skin from the fat.

      3.Boil skin for 15-20 minuites.

      4. Mix muktaq with cooked pasta,mushrooms,heavy cream and green peppers.Cook in casserole dish for 35 mins at 350.

      Season to taste.

      Nov 12, 2012 at 8:59 pm   rating: 13  small thumbs up

    • #7.4   Nunavut Guy

      I didn’t know that the fat was separated before boiling.So I guess “whale fat” casserole was kind of misleading…….one more strike for the white guy.

      Nov 12, 2012 at 9:13 pm   rating: 10  small thumbs up

    • #7.5   Rattus

      Is that from the same book that has the boiled owl recipe?

      Nov 13, 2012 at 7:58 am   rating: 4  small thumbs up

    • #7.6   dizit

      I think the “whale fat casserole” would benefit from a cupful of Vegemite.

      Nov 13, 2012 at 12:28 pm   rating: 10  small thumbs up

    • #7.7   redheadwglasses

      “season to taste” is taste, spit out, then order pizza.

      Nov 15, 2012 at 12:51 pm   rating: 12  small thumbs up

  • #8   El Jefe

    Paula Dean approves this message.

    Nov 12, 2012 at 8:37 pm   rating: 10  small thumbs up

  • #9   Bec

    Mmm buttery vegemite, the gift that keeps giving. But scraping your toast and margarine encrusted knife back into the tub I KILL YOU.

    Nov 12, 2012 at 8:55 pm   rating: 8  small thumbs up

    • #9.1   Gwan

      What’s wrong with scraping it back in (seriously)? It’s just toast crumbs. Well, unless you have vegemite etc. on the knife, but who doesn’t put the marg on both slices before going for the vegemite?

      Nov 14, 2012 at 12:54 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

  • #10   T-Rex

    So, either op can have the margarine and risk a heart attack from the oils, or she can have the note writer kill her. She should pick the latter. The notewriter is so passive aggressive that she couldn’t get the umption to make a wound worse than a paper cut.

    Nov 12, 2012 at 9:36 pm   rating: 6  small thumbs up

  • #11   jazz

    It’s Lock Stock, not Ahmed. The line is at 1 minute into this clip.

    Nov 12, 2012 at 9:48 pm   rating: 14  small thumbs up

  • #12   lee

    Add a line about disgusting toast crumbs and I’m team note writer all the way.

    Nov 12, 2012 at 9:49 pm   rating: 3  small thumbs up

  • #13   Carolina

    The note writer is probably quoting “Lock, Stock….” but the note is far more entertaining if you imagine it being said by Achmed. I especially like the happy face at the end.

    Nov 12, 2012 at 10:15 pm   rating: 4  small thumbs up

  • #14   Rory Breaker

    And if the butter turns out to be sour, I ain’t the kinda pussy to eat it.

    Nov 12, 2012 at 11:34 pm   rating: 7  small thumbs up

  • #15   Nunavut Guy

    My mother fed me Vegimite……..once.

    Nov 13, 2012 at 7:54 am   rating: 3  small thumbs up

    • #15.1   Jami

      Only thing I know about Vegimite is a guy who looks an awful lot like the 9th Doctor once was fed a Vegimite sandwich by an Australian guy living in Brussels with a lot of muscles.

      Nov 13, 2012 at 10:06 am   rating: 12  small thumbs up

    • #15.2   TeryGent

      Dr Who + Men At Work = WIN!

      Nov 13, 2012 at 12:07 pm   rating: 7  small thumbs up

  • #16   raichu

    Heh, clever. And yeah, if people are getting other stuff into the margarine tub, then team note-writer. I thought it was a little extreme but I didn’t realize it was a reference to something. I like references :)

    Nov 13, 2012 at 10:15 am   rating: 2  small thumbs up

  • #17   T1000

    this is fake

    Nov 13, 2012 at 12:16 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up

  • #18   SNO

    What kind of Melbournite doesn’t like vegemite? Spread of the Australian gods.

    Nov 13, 2012 at 12:55 pm   rating: 7  small thumbs up

    • #18.1   Nunavut Guy

      I thought that was Olivia Newton John.

      Nov 13, 2012 at 1:49 pm   rating: 6  small thumbs up

  • #19   Mel K bang

    The notewriter is a fool. Her colleagues are trying to help. Vegemite on toast is one of the best hangover cures. All those B vitamins…

    The bigger issue here is toast crumbs in the keyboard. Yuck!

    Nov 13, 2012 at 3:37 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

  • #20   Poltergeist

    Does putting Vegemite in the margarine cancel out the unhealthiness? You know, like how putting ketchup on a hot dog does?

    Nov 14, 2012 at 1:40 am   rating: 3  small thumbs up

  • #21   germangirl

    Who’s margarine is it, anyway?

    Nov 14, 2012 at 4:02 am   rating: 2  small thumbs up

  • #22   nurgleth

    I don’t understand why it’s bad to put leftover margerine back? Unless breadcrumbs stick to it, it would be kind of a waste to just wash it off.

    Nov 14, 2012 at 6:36 am   rating: 2  small thumbs up

  • #23   The Elf

    Wait, this was *communal* margarine? In an office fridge? Problem #1, IMHO. You want your margarine to be Vegemite and bread crumb free, bring your own.

    Nov 14, 2012 at 11:05 am   rating: 6  small thumbs up

    • #23.1   germangirl


      Nov 14, 2012 at 2:18 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

    • #23.2   lucy

      OR it’s the note-writer’s margarine, that everyone’s been using, and getting Vegemite in. Hence the Lock Stock ‘I kill you’ extremeness.

      F*ck it, you use MY margarine, I kill you.

      Nov 16, 2012 at 1:06 am   rating: 4  small thumbs up

  • #24   Allie

    Sounds like somebody’s a little OCD : )

    Who’d want it anyway? Salt reduced margerine? Yuck. Give me good old salted creamery butter anyday.

    Nov 15, 2012 at 8:41 pm   rating: 5  small thumbs up

  • #25   Jen

    The note writer needn’t bother, the margarine will do the job for her anyway.

    Nov 16, 2012 at 7:18 am   rating: 5  small thumbs up

  • #26   Bluecanary

    Oh my god, just the idea of vegemite and butter on toast makes me so happy. I miss my little New Zealander employee who used to hook me up. Why, oh why, can’t you get that magical stuff here in the US?

    Nov 16, 2012 at 2:34 pm   rating: 2  small thumbs up

    • #26.1   zenmajek

      You can get Vegemite in the US….try Amazon for one

      Nov 16, 2012 at 3:52 pm   rating: 1  small thumbs up

    • #26.2   Bluecanary

      I can buy Marmite at the grocery store, which is OK. Never thought of buying food on Amazon…that’s pretty exciting…

      Nov 17, 2012 at 10:37 am   rating: 0  small thumbs up

  • #27   Merrid

    Is it wrong that my first thought was “nice handwriting!”?
    I’ve written similar things on the milk I’ve labelled and put in the office fridge… though Vegemite’s not usually a problem with milk.

    Nov 20, 2012 at 9:09 pm   rating: 0  small thumbs up


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