“There have been a lot of missionaries coming to our apartment building lately,” our submitter says, and apparently the occupants of Unit 307 have had enough of it. Adds our submitter: “I thought the Jesus Band-aids were a nice touch.”
related: You will be CURSED if you wake my sleeping baby!
39 responses so far ↓
#1
SeeYouInTea
Answer the door naked. They might not come back. Maybe.
Nov 20, 2012 at 8:33 pm rating: 12
#2
onlittlecatfeet
Where can I get those Jesus bandaids?
Nov 20, 2012 at 9:17 pm rating: 15
#3
Julia
I guess it’s true that Jesus heals all wounds.
Nov 20, 2012 at 9:29 pm rating: 24
#4
Brian
Missionary: Might I take a moment to tell you about the everlasting salvation found through Jesus Christ?
Me: Certainly, if I can have equal time to tell you about the great earthly power that Baphomet is willing to give you.
Missionary: *flees*
That night, 8 people with candles stood at the end of my driveway praying. So I put my speakers in my window and played things like “Tubular Bells (The Exorcist Theme)” until they left.
Nov 21, 2012 at 7:30 am rating: 27
#5
t-rex
So, you are not asking for the missionary’s position?
Nov 21, 2012 at 8:49 am rating: 4
#6
maisie
I was at a bus stop once, and some missionaries approached another woman. She said, “I’m a witch,” and stopped them in their tracks. After the church ladies beat a hasty retreat, I turned to the woman and said, “That’s a good one. I’ll have to use that next time.” She smiled at me and said, “Oh, I really am a witch! I’m Wiccan.”
I’d still use that line anyway!
Nov 21, 2012 at 8:50 am rating: 20
#7
Havingfitz
My father used to love it when missionaries came to the door. He told them we were Pooh Bearists and that we prayed to Saint Piglet. He had a whole spiel memorized to try and convert folks to the wisdom of Winnie the Pooh. Did you know that Eeyore will die for your sins if you really, really need him to?
Nov 21, 2012 at 10:55 am rating: 32
#8
Vulpis
Is it just me, or does it seem rather appropriate that the actor who’s movie generated the title for this post is *also* famous for doing a character who tries to convince people he’s hanging out with a giant invisible rabbit? Granted, the rabbit isn’t granting miracles, knocking up married women, and then sending the resulting son off to get killed and brought back to life, but having people trying to get you to follow *their* big imaginary friend seems fitting…
Nov 21, 2012 at 11:29 am rating: 3
#9
Nunavut Guy
So this was the 307th person to sign their soul over to Satan?
Nov 21, 2012 at 12:16 pm rating: 2
#10
The Elf
I’d still knock. It’s not like I’m using my soul anyway.
Nov 21, 2012 at 12:39 pm rating: 12
#11
Jamoche
Too late, I already sold it to the company store.
Nov 22, 2012 at 3:43 pm rating: 5
#12
GeekRyuu
Grabbing your purse and racing out the door screaming “My wife is in labor!” works too.
Or at least causes some really fun confusion on the missionaries’ parts.
Nov 23, 2012 at 1:45 am rating: 1
#13
germangirl
“And the Lord spake, saying, ‘First shalt thou take out the
Holy Pin. Then, shalt thou count to three, no more, no less. Three
shalt be the number thou shalt count, and the number of the counting
shalt be three. Four shalt thou not count, nor either count thou two,
excepting that thou then proceed to three. Five is right out. Once
the number three, being the third number, be reached, then lobbest thou
thy Holy Hand Grenade of Antioch towards thou foe, who being naughty
in my sight, shall snuff it.’”
Bye bye missionaries.
Nov 23, 2012 at 5:39 am rating: 7
#14
nola
Depending on the type of missionaries you have at your door, the easiest way to get rid of them is saying, “I’ve accepted the lord jesus christ as my personal savior. Thanks! Have a nice day.” They usually go away at that point and don’t bother coming back because you’ve already been “saved.” However, this doesn’t work with Mormons or Jehovah witnesses.
Nov 25, 2012 at 7:20 am rating: 1
#15
ninjaduck
0_0 The Jesus stickers really give this note something extra
Nov 27, 2012 at 10:09 am rating: 0
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