Prepare your hi-diddly-hole, neighborino

November 21st, 2012 · 102 comments

Ben in California says he got this notice in the mail a few days ago, though he’s not sure if the rest of the neighborhood got it, too. “These folks have lived there for about six months, but I’ve never talked to them. I guess now I know why.”

We just moved into 412 E. H St. and would like to straighten some things out. 1. We don't need any new friends, we have enough. Don't try to stop by for small talk! 2. Don't park in front of our property! 3. Keep your pets quiet and we will get along.

related: A not-so-subtle clue that your co-worker isn’t interested in small talk

FILED UNDER: neighbors · parking · small talk · way harsh

102 responses so far ↓

  • #1   Serenity

    Wow, with attitudes like that, it wouldn’t surprise me if the “enough” friends they have equal zero. Hopefully no one ever tries to break into their home, or anything like that, since their neighbors will probably be not inclined to do anything to help (or should I say, hopefully someone DOES try to break in?).

    Nov 21, 2012 at 3:58 pm   rating: 90  small thumbs up

    • #1.1   redheadwglasses

      It sounds so defensive. “In case you’ve noticed that we aren’t friends with anyone in the neighborhood, it’s OUR CHOICE, not something you folks decided on!”

      Nov 21, 2012 at 4:25 pm   rating: 90  small thumbs up

    • #1.2   kermit

      Your neighbors don’t have to be your bosom buddies, but fostering modicum of civility is usually a very good idea.

      Not just because you’d want these people to call the fire department if they saw your house on fire. Or if you were being robbed to call the police. Petty neighborhood feuds can escalate to loony territory quickly, so it’s worth making an effort to get on people’s good side.

      Nov 22, 2012 at 12:21 pm   rating: 90  small thumbs up

    • #1.3   Vulpis

      This does go both ways, you know–I’m team note-writer on this one, since I’d just as soon be left alone by my neighbors the majority of the time, not harassed by them.

      Nov 22, 2012 at 1:28 pm   rating: 90  small thumbs up

    • #1.4   kermit

      It’s one thing to feel that way, Vulpis and quite another to actually go out of your way and leave a note about it. Unless these people were accosted by some Stepford wives with a welcome wagon, there’s no rational reason to leave this note. It just makes them look nuts and invites the pranks suggested below.

      Nov 22, 2012 at 6:03 pm   rating: 90  small thumbs up

    • #1.5   TRT

      Drug dealers. Quite clearly.
      (1) Only people who know what go on there are welcome.
      (2) Keep a parking space clear for customers.
      (3) They’re listening out for sniffer dogs.

      Call the feds.

      Nov 23, 2012 at 4:26 am   rating: 90  small thumbs up

    • #1.6   The Elf

      That’s exactly it, Kermit. Feel free to keep to yourself, Vulpis and notewriter. But to actually take the step to post a sign about it takes it to the level of being a douche.

      Nov 23, 2012 at 6:35 am   rating: 90  small thumbs up

    • #1.7   kermit

      TRT, I’m ashamed to admit this, but I will do it anyway because I was unlucky enough to have a housemate who did drugs.

      Drug dealers are nice enough to provide home delivery. It comes in handy when they’re not satisfied with your payment. More importantly, if you don’t know where they live, you can’t squeal on them when your stoned ass gets caught.

      Nov 23, 2012 at 7:37 am   rating: 90  small thumbs up

    • #1.8   TRT

      Sorry, I’m entirely unfamiliar with the whole drug scene. But surely the ones who drop the baggies off have to pick it up in larger quantities from somewhere.

      Nov 23, 2012 at 8:53 am   rating: 90  small thumbs up

    • #1.9   Lil'

      I don’t understand why anyone would go out of their way to solicit enemies this way. I don’t know any of my neighbors well, but we are friendly when we come in contact. We wave as we leave our driveways and give each other a heads up when something is going on in the neighborhood. Other than that, we mind our business. I think we are all content enough, and we achieved that without going out of our way to be pricks.

      Nov 23, 2012 at 11:49 am   rating: 90  small thumbs up

    • #1.10   Vulpis

      I could easily understand it, myself. Heck, if it weren’t for the 6 months the OP mentioned, I’d bet that part of the whole reason they moved was because they felt harassed by overly-friendly/nosey neighbors in their previous place and were trying to nip it in the bud.

      Nov 23, 2012 at 12:39 pm   rating: 90  small thumbs up

    • #1.11   SeeYouInTea

      I went to high school with several drug dealers, and from what I recall, there’s usually an abandoned house or building where the drugs are stashed. Dealers go by there to pick up their supply and then leave. Sometimes called a trap house or stash house.

      Nov 23, 2012 at 1:42 pm   rating: 90  small thumbs up

    • #1.12   JoDa

      Yep, good neighbors are your first line of defense. While I greatly prefer my “get to know you as we see each other on the street” neighborhood I live in now, I held no ill will against my neighbors in my old neighborhood who rounded up the welcome wagon 2 days after I moved in to drop by and say “hi.” It’s not like they insisted on inviting themselves over for dinner, they just wanted to say their pleasantries, and that ended up paying dividends when someone tried to break into my house while I was home and I could send out a text to all of the neighbors right after calling 911, resulting in the would-be burglar being apprehended in a neighbor’s yard. Not to mention having easy access to someone who could move my car in case of an emergency if I was out of town. You don’t need to be BFFs with your neighbors to reap the benefits of having a decently cordial relationship with them,

      Nov 26, 2012 at 8:36 pm   rating: 90  small thumbs up

  • #2   JingoPoe

    We live at 123 Whogivesaratsbackside

    1) We have no desire to be your friends
    2) If the only parking spot available is in front of your property, that is where we shall park
    3) We have no desire to get along with you

    Nov 21, 2012 at 4:04 pm   rating: 90  small thumbs up

    • #2.1   shepd

      I’d be parking there even if the entire road were empty AND I still had room in the driveway. :^P

      Nov 21, 2012 at 8:21 pm   rating: 90  small thumbs up

    • #2.2   Roto13

      I would shit on their lawn.

      Nov 21, 2012 at 9:06 pm   rating: 90  small thumbs up

    • #2.3   Clumber

      Roto13 – *ironically that’s how we keep visitors away from our front door.

      Well okay, it’s our dogs’ shit on the lawn, but similar premise anyhow.

      *not really ironic, just 10,000 forks when you wanted a spoon

      Nov 28, 2012 at 12:07 pm   rating: 90  small thumbs up

  • #3   Jolly

    [email protected] “Don’t park in front of our property!” Oh, you mean the area that sits right in front of the property you do own? That little bit of land that you don’t own and don’t control? Right. Eat it.

    Nov 21, 2012 at 4:06 pm   rating: 90  small thumbs up

    • #3.1   t-rex

      The area in front of my house is a no parking zone and a bus stop.

      The city has made a lot of money off of my neighbors’s friends’s inability to read.

      Nov 23, 2012 at 1:15 pm   rating: 90  small thumbs up

  • #4   redheadwglasses

    I would park in front of their house as often as possible. I hate this notion that people think they own the street in front of their house.

    Nov 21, 2012 at 4:07 pm   rating: 90  small thumbs up

    • #4.1   Kimberly

      The only time I got mad when someone parked in front of my house was when someone parked a car named “Sumptin’ Serious” there. I know it was named that because it had decals on it. I was mad because I didn’t want people to think that I would do that to a car.

      Nov 26, 2012 at 2:31 pm   rating: 90  small thumbs up

  • #5   greg house md

    Um, last time I checked, the street was public property, so who the hell are they to tell anyone where to park? Ben needs to get ahold of the other neighbors who got this and park all their cars in front of that house…and maybe tp the house while they’re at it.

    Nov 21, 2012 at 4:10 pm   rating: 90  small thumbs up

    • #5.1   bmack

      Yes, “last time I checked, the street was public property” However, in my city a home-owner can apply for a residential parking sign that basically ‘reserves’ the spot in front of their own house for their own use. This is partly (in my neighborhood, YMMV) because apartment dwellers have multiple cars and only have parking allotted for one, so they park all up and down the street, leaving no spots for those us who pay the property taxes on the house and land.

      Nov 21, 2012 at 4:39 pm   rating: 90  small thumbs up

    • #5.2   anon

      I’m not sure if your neighborhood is different, but most homes I know of have garages and driveways.

      Also, apartment dwellers do pay property tax. The owners of the building pay property tax, and pass it through to the renters one way or another, either directly, or as part of the rental fee. So get off your home-owning high horse.

      (For the record, I am also a homeowner, but can’t stand the condescending snobbery some homeowners have towards renters)

      Nov 21, 2012 at 5:42 pm   rating: 90  small thumbs up

    • #5.3   Angie

      Our neighborhood was built in the 40′s, so we have a one car driveway. If we don’t want to have to juggle cars every morning, one of us has to park on the street.

      Nov 21, 2012 at 5:59 pm   rating: 90  small thumbs up

    • #5.4   Kims

      In any town I’ve ever encountered with residential parking permits, the permit gives you the right to park on the street, not specifically the spot directly in front of your house.

      I have no idea where you live so perhaps it is different.

      As an aside, Boston/Massachusetts/New England folk are particularly ornery when it comes to street parking, in my experience. The town actually allows them to “claim” parking spots they dig out after snowstorms using cones/garbage cans/lounge chairs, whatever. It’s ridiculous. As is the author of this note.

      I would leave a dead rotting fish in their mailbox after getting that note. What cunts.

      Nov 21, 2012 at 6:57 pm   rating: 90  small thumbs up

    • #5.5   deprogrammed

      I don’t know of anywhere in California where you can claim a particular spot on a public street. Residential parking permits only mean you can park all day without being towed.

      I had a neighbor who thought the space directly in front of his door was his, and his alone. I stopped having people come by because he would inspect their cars, look for VIN numbers and call the police claiming the car didn’t belong in the neighborhood.

      He got upset one day when my sister came to visit and parked in “his” space, so he blocked my driveway in retaliation. The ticket he received when I called the cops made my day.

      Nov 21, 2012 at 9:02 pm   rating: 90  small thumbs up

    • #5.6   Poltergeist

      You can play the “I pay property taxes and you don’t” game all you want, but you still don’t own the street in front of your house. Apartment renters have just as much right to park there as you do, and the number of cars they own isn’t really any of your business.

      Nov 22, 2012 at 12:08 pm   rating: 90  small thumbs up

    • #5.7   kermit

      I think most modern-era apartment buildings are required by law to have guest parking spots in their lot. Unless bmack’s building is pre-war in someplace like NYC, I doubt apartment dwellers are “stealing” street parking spots.

      Nov 22, 2012 at 6:09 pm   rating: 90  small thumbs up

    • #5.8   Seanette

      A lot of apartment buildings in the neighborhood I used to live in in Sacramento did not have parking lots. One reason we moved was that we were tired of how much of a pain street parking was.

      Nov 23, 2012 at 8:23 am   rating: 90  small thumbs up

    • #5.9   JoDa

      In many larger cities, and even smaller post-war cities and suburbs designed for households that owned one or no cars, street parking is a pain. However, GET OVER IT. If you want a guaranteed parking spot, build one, on your property. Yes, common courtesy is still in effect. If there’s a boatload of snow, don’t use the parking spot someone dug out for more than a few minutes (I have gotten in fights with people over using “someone’s” parking spot for only a minute or two while getting stuff out of/in to the car I’m using, so do give a little grace for someone to pull in, load/unload, and go). Don’t “storage park” numerous cars you don’t use on the street. Etc.

      However, realize that parking is not “yours.” I used to own a car as well as an off-street parking spot. None of my neighbors ever said a peep about me parking my car on the street when it was more convenient for me to do so (the parking lot is around back, so it’s more convenient to park on the street to load/unload for example). BUT, once I sold that car and started relying on hourly rentals, friends, and cabs (for the things I used to do by car…I was always a transit rider for 90% of what I do), they FREAK THE F OUT if I park my rental, or one of my friends parks in front of my house, or a cab pulls up, for even a few minutes. It’s a public street, and it’s not like I’m leaving a car that isn’t mine out there for days, or even hours. Outside of having friends over MAYBE 3 or 4 times a year, there are no vehicles associated with my house parked on the street for more than 20 minutes, and even when I have friends over, it’s only 2 or 3 cars and for a few hours (and, might I add, no one complains about THEIR visitors). Entitlement and all that, undeserved as it is…

      Nov 26, 2012 at 8:57 pm   rating: 90  small thumbs up

  • #6   Audient

    If I didn’t have a dog, I’d get one. Maybe just borrow one. Till they finally move out.

    Nov 21, 2012 at 4:18 pm   rating: 90  small thumbs up

    • #6.1   anotherfool

      I think I’d just bark and howl my own self. at 3 a.m.

      Nov 23, 2012 at 6:26 pm   rating: 90  small thumbs up

    • #6.2   JoDa

      Just blast some kind of music they’re sure to hate at 2 AM. They like rap? Classical it is. Metal? Won’t you “call me maybe?” Not that I’ve ever done this…cough.

      Nov 26, 2012 at 9:00 pm   rating: 90  small thumbs up

  • #7   Stacey

    Jesus. I sure hope you don’t end up getting robbed, and all of your stranger neighbours don’t assume that since they’re allowed to park in front of your property they’re one of your many, many friends.

    Nov 21, 2012 at 4:21 pm   rating: 90  small thumbs up

  • #8   Rachel

    they’re totally gonna get TP’d

    Nov 21, 2012 at 4:48 pm   rating: 90  small thumbs up

  • #9   shwo! bang

    But the court order says I HAVE to introduce myself to the neighbors…

    Nov 21, 2012 at 4:52 pm   rating: 90  small thumbs up

  • #10   shwo! bang

    In this one case, Comic Sans might have been an improvement.

    Nov 21, 2012 at 4:52 pm   rating: 90  small thumbs up

    • #10.1   Geek Goddess

      Yeah, I wouldn’t talk to someone who sent me a note in ‘Algerian’, either. Team Ben in California. Which is not the same as Team Ben in ‘Californian’, although it would certainly be a more appropriate font choice for a casual note.

      Nov 21, 2012 at 6:40 pm   rating: 90  small thumbs up

  • #11   raichu

    My word, what assholes.

    Nov 21, 2012 at 7:08 pm   rating: 90  small thumbs up

    • #11.1   Vulpis

      You mean all the people responding to this one that think it’s okay to harass a neighbor who wants to be left alone, *and* obstruct their property? I’d certainly agree with you there.

      Nov 22, 2012 at 1:31 pm   rating: 90  small thumbs up

    • #11.2   Poltergeist

      This note does not indicate that these people were being harassed by their neighbors. It basically says, “We don’t like you so fuck off.” The submitter even said that they never talked to these people. Even if some neighbors stopped by to introduce themselves and occasionally attempt small talk, that does not constitute harassment. If you’re so socially inept that the thought of another person attempting to be friendly literally angers you, then you probably shouldn’t live in a neighborhood. And this is coming from somebody who has had social anxiety.
      There is no obstruction of property going on. They don’t own the street in front of their damn house.

      Nov 23, 2012 at 12:47 am   rating: 90  small thumbs up

    • #11.3   redheadwglasses

      Vulpis, NO ONE HERE has said “it’s okay to harass a neighbor who wants to be left alone.” And “obstruct” their property? You mean park on the street?

      You’re an idiot.

      Nov 28, 2012 at 12:16 pm   rating: 90  small thumbs up

  • #12   oi

    I vote all the other residents get together and send out following reply such that they get that in mail every day for 3 months.
    Re: 1. Nice try but reverse psychology won’t work.
    Re: 2. Right!
    Re:3. This time, however, reverse psychology will work!

    Nov 21, 2012 at 8:20 pm   rating: 90  small thumbs up

    • #12.1   Oi

      I vote all the other residents get together and send out following reply such that they get that in mail every day for 3 months. Re: 1. Nice try but reverse psychology won’t work. Re: 2. LOL! That’s cute. Re:3. This time, however, reverse psychology will work!

      Nov 22, 2012 at 12:05 pm   rating: 90  small thumbs up

  • #13   Ben

    The font is my favorite part!

    Nov 21, 2012 at 8:24 pm   rating: 90  small thumbs up

    • #13.1   Roto13

      Oh my god seriously. Isn’t that the most up-their-own-ass font they could possibly have used?

      Nov 21, 2012 at 9:09 pm   rating: 90  small thumbs up

  • #14   Ely North

    It’s nice that they specified their address, so that now everyone knows exactly which house to throw eggs at.

    Nov 21, 2012 at 9:23 pm   rating: 90  small thumbs up

  • #15   Henry

    This is a great idea for when someone I don’t like moves. Send out copies of this note to the neighbors in the new neighborhood, with my enemy’s house number on it. The enemies of my enemy are my friends.

    Nov 21, 2012 at 9:33 pm   rating: 90  small thumbs up

  • #16   Ali Longworth

    I suppose that putting an “Open House – Saturaday 8:00 a.m – 2:00 p.m.”sign on their lawn some Friday night would be going too far?

    Nov 21, 2012 at 10:42 pm   rating: 90  small thumbs up

    • #16.1   NonnyMus

      Yes, because everyone in the ‘hood would be confused about exactly what “Saturaday” meant!

      ; )

      Nov 23, 2012 at 9:05 am   rating: 90  small thumbs up

    • #16.2   redheadwglasses

      How about instead of “Open House,” change it to “inside garage sale”! (I held an indoors garage sale in my basement one winter — we put an ad in the paper and signs up, and the garage sale junkies overwhelmed us!)

      Nov 28, 2012 at 12:17 pm   rating: 90  small thumbs up

  • #17   Rebecca

    Is there any remote chance that this note was written not by the residents in question, but by a third party attempting to turn the neighborhood against them?

    Nov 21, 2012 at 11:21 pm   rating: 90  small thumbs up

    • #17.1   Poltergeist

      It’s possible, but it would be incredibly easy to find out by simply going over and asking them if they wrote the note. If it’s real, there would be no reason for them to deny it since they clearly wanted people to know who wrote it. Alternatively, they might just tell you to get the fuck off their property, which would also indicate the note is real.

      Nov 22, 2012 at 12:00 pm   rating: 90  small thumbs up

    • #17.2   NonnyMus

      Are you sure you know that this isn’t

      Nov 23, 2012 at 9:06 am   rating: 90  small thumbs up

  • #18   Jen

    Oh god, this sounds like my neighbourhood. We are the obvious ‘rental house’ on my street and because of this we have had arguments with pretty much every surrounding neighbour regarding the parking (well, my roommates have; I don’t drive).
    Maybe if all these homeowners stopped hoarding so much crap in their garages (which EVERY house on this street has), they could use them for their intended purpose and stop whining about having to walk an extra 12 feet to their car in the morning.

    Nov 22, 2012 at 12:11 am   rating: 90  small thumbs up

  • #19   Lenny!

    I don’t know about anybody else, but I appreciate this kind of gesture as yes, I don’t want to get to know my neighbors. Makes it easier when I call the police on their ass when they blast their music til the crack o’ dawn or when the local news comes to ask me about my lovely incarcerated neighbor and I get to say “well he was a quiet one, usually kept to himself…”

    Nov 22, 2012 at 12:25 am   rating: 90  small thumbs up

  • #20   Sergey Kyle

    Ah, people like the dwellers in 413 E. H St, thinking their clique/bubble’s all that matters and attempting to disregard anyone else. Keep it Klassy, y’all.

    Nov 22, 2012 at 5:53 am   rating: 90  small thumbs up

  • #21   Rattus

    Font and parking aside, these are my kind of neighbours.

    Nov 22, 2012 at 7:57 am   rating: 90  small thumbs up

    • #21.1   The Elf

      I’d rather have these neighbors than stalker-ish busy bodies, but really, there’s a happy medium where neighbors know each other enough to say “Hi” but don’t know each other well enough to say “Hi! Is your anal fistula healing?”

      Nov 23, 2012 at 6:21 am   rating: 90  small thumbs up

  • #22   Purr Monster

    Where I live, in New York State, the government owns the land between the sidewalk and the road, or, in the case of no sidewalk, about a foot. So no, you can’t tell people where to park.

    I live in the residential part of a city. We had a neighbor move in who took every dog owner to court over “barking.” IMO, if you don’t want to hear barking, or animals, move to the country where the houses are miles apart.

    Zheesh, who needs enemies with neighbors like these?

    Nov 22, 2012 at 10:52 am   rating: 90  small thumbs up

    • #22.1   Vulpis

      Interestingly, the note-writer was probably thinking the same thing when they wrote the note. Some people want to be left *alone*, you know, not harassed by overly-’friendly’ (and nosey) others.

      Nov 22, 2012 at 1:34 pm   rating: 90  small thumbs up

    • #22.2   Dan

      You seem to be projecting awfully hard Vulpis. Might want to look into that.

      Nov 23, 2012 at 5:14 pm   rating: 90  small thumbs up

    • #22.3   redheadwglasses

      Absolutely, Dan. Vulpis’s reading comprehension is below a grade schooler’s.

      Nov 28, 2012 at 12:21 pm   rating: 90  small thumbs up

  • #23   yolanda

    Oh yeah, he’s just lost the spot out front. it’s kind of understood around here to leave the spot by someone’s gate open for them if there’s other places to park. It’s just courtesy in a neighborhood where many homes have no driveway and only a small old garage in the back lane if anything. We help each other out shovelling snow, this f’tard wouldn’t get that benefit either unless he warmed up a little with the folks next door! Best way I found to get my neighbors to leave me be was a solid wood fence inside a thick thorny hedge, with solid doors and locking doorknobs at the gates. My garden wall works like a charm. when I step outside my walls I can afford the muscle effort required to act friendly.

    Nov 22, 2012 at 1:03 pm   rating: 90  small thumbs up

    • #23.1   Vulpis

      In other words, you think it’s okay to to be an ass to someone else if they *don’t* have their home walled up like a fort? I certainly hope I never end up cursed to be in the same township as the majority of the douches who’ve responded to this one.

      Nov 22, 2012 at 1:38 pm   rating: 90  small thumbs up

    • #23.2   Poltergeist

      Vulpis, you’re being an idiot. Nobody has said that you don’t have a right to your privacy or that you should be forced to be friends with your neighbors. This note, however, is not the way to go about it unless you’re looking to make enemies. This is hostile and rude beyond belief. To top it off, they’re completely stupid, selfish, and just plain wrong regarding the parking.

      Nov 23, 2012 at 12:41 am   rating: 90  small thumbs up

    • #23.3   Jen

      “Nobody has said that you don’t have a right to your privacy or that you should be forced to be friends with your neighbors. ”

      It does sound like that’s what people are saying though. I agree that the note is rude, but then, we don’t know what led up to it, if the neighbours had been harassing the notewriter and if the notewriter had exhausted all the polite avenues of getting the message across.

      Nov 24, 2012 at 8:51 am   rating: 90  small thumbs up

    • #23.4   nurgleth

      Yes we do know, Jen.

      “These folks have lived there for about six months, but I’ve never talked to them. I guess now I know why.””

      Nov 24, 2012 at 11:31 am   rating: 90  small thumbs up

    • #23.5   Jen

      That’s only the submitter though Nurgleth, we don’t know what the other neighbours have been doing that the submitter doesn’t know about.

      Nov 25, 2012 at 11:57 am   rating: 90  small thumbs up

  • #24   NonnyMus

    How kind of them to let the neighborhood know they’re sociopaths.

    Nov 22, 2012 at 2:43 pm   rating: 90  small thumbs up

  • #25   Jen

    I don’t know much about parking etiquette in the US, but I’m on team notewriter with the first point. Neighbours are safest kept at a distance, the less interaction with them, the better.

    Nov 22, 2012 at 5:55 pm   rating: 90  small thumbs up

    • #25.1   Hane

      Gotta disagree here, Jen. A local cop once asked me, “How well do you know your neighbors?” He said that being acquainted with your neighbors is in everyone’s best interests–it’s a way of having each other’s backs. This doesn’t mean having no social boundaries at all–it means having a healthy sense of community.

      Nov 23, 2012 at 8:33 am   rating: 90  small thumbs up

    • #25.2   Upstater

      Then don’t interact with them by sending dickish notes. And your neighbors are probably happier if you keep to yourself.

      Nov 23, 2012 at 12:44 pm   rating: 90  small thumbs up

    • #25.3   anotherfool

      yeah, I’m CERT trained, and the whole concept of neighborhood disaster training is that we need to know, in case of disaster, which of our neighbors has a disability, which has pets, who had medical skills, which others can work the fire extinguisher or lever a wall off someone. In case of a real disaster, this is a terrific program which will free up cops and paramedics to deal with worse situations. I’m a loner, but I get why it’s crucial to have a real neighborhood, not a row of aloof strangers.

      Nov 23, 2012 at 6:31 pm   rating: 90  small thumbs up

    • #25.4   Jen

      But Hane, wouldn’t that cop also get called out to neighbourhood disputes which happened because the neighbours got too involved in each other’s lives? When you’re living on top of each other, you have to give each other whatever space you can.

      Nov 24, 2012 at 5:54 am   rating: 90  small thumbs up

  • #26   Looper

    Personally, I’m on team notewriter (though the parking thing is more of a courtesy and not a right so whatever there). I’m not so sure why people get *SO* angry about being told “Look, just pre-emptively here, I don’t really want to be friends so you can stop trying”. To me, this isn’t rude, it’s just saying things how it is (it’s not like the notewriter insulted anybody). I’ve never understood people who get angry over things like this. To me, getting angry over being basically told “sorry you’re annoying” smacks of someone who attributes too much importance to themselves. I’ve noticed a lot of people in today’s world have a “hey! LISTEN!” vibe about them when I’m really not interested…

    Not saying I would send out a note, but I certainly hold all of these points dear to my heart. Leave me alone, and keep your dogs away from me, and we will get along splendidly. Not everyone has the ability to live out in the boonies (hey limited jobs!), and not everyone who wants some solace wants to give up modern conveniences like buses and trains either.

    Really, if they don’t like to speak to other people, writing a note makes the most sense. They get to stop people from talking to them without having to talk themselves. Perfection to them. Guess not to others.

    Nov 23, 2012 at 11:11 am   rating: 90  small thumbs up

    • #26.1   Stephen

      And your assumption that people say “hello” to you on the street because they’re dying to be your BFF doesn’t smack of self-importance?

      There’s a huge difference between making an effort to be friendly, and wanting to be someone’s friend. The fact that you and the notewriters can’t tell the difference would suggest that the issue probably isn’t with everyone else.

      Nov 23, 2012 at 1:32 pm   rating: 90  small thumbs up

    • #26.2   kermit

      Dude, you don’t know if somebody’s annoying “pre-emptively” unless you have psychic powers.

      And as Stephen said, somebody offering a courtesy greeting doesn’t mean that they’re annoying or worthy of your little tirade. If other people really are so bothersome to you, it’s really quite cheap to camp out in the middle of nowhere. Though from your comments, you’d be yelling at the wildlife to leave you alone too.

      Do you also yell at the pizza delivery person or the mail man to leave you alone when they come to your door and say hello and deliver your stuff? Because it sounds like you do.

      Nov 23, 2012 at 5:09 pm   rating: 90  small thumbs up

    • #26.3   jaylemeux

      I love how “stop by for small talk” turns into “saying hello to you on the street” when the feelings of extroverts are hurt…

      Nov 23, 2012 at 10:28 pm   rating: 90  small thumbs up

    • #26.4   Jen

      Yeah, it sounds like this is about a bit more than just saying “hello” as you walk past someone in the street. It sounds to me like the neighbours are inviting themselves over to the notewriter’s house.

      Nov 24, 2012 at 5:31 am   rating: 90  small thumbs up

    • #26.5   kermit

      I really really love how the note receiver said that they stopped by for a small talk and then received this note.

      Oh, wait he didn’t say that at all! He says that he has never spoken to these people at all in the 6 months since they’ve moved there. Nor does he know if his other neighbors received the note because *gasp* he is not BFFs with them either.

      Nov 24, 2012 at 7:19 am   rating: 90  small thumbs up

    • #26.6   Sarah

      I like how some people like to pretend that they’re not assholes; they’re “introverts”. As an actual introvert, I’ll have you know that I have friends who I enjoy seeing and hanging out with, I just can’t hang out with them all the time because being around people wears me out. I’m fine with being around people and I enjoy the company of others, but a lot of the time I just want to sit around by myself.

      At the same time, I will say “hi” to my neighbours if I see them or hold the door open for them if I see them coming in downstairs and I don’t write notes to them indicating that I don’t want to talk to any of them ever (including the ones who haven’t spoken to me), but that’s because I’m not an asshole.

      Nov 25, 2012 at 9:54 am   rating: 90  small thumbs up

    • #26.7   Looper

      As an introvert, I also have friends that I enjoy hanging out with. I am very selective about my friends as well. I don’t like small talk from people much, but I’ll put up with it as far as society dictates.

      Now: the submitter has not had experience with these neighbors. That does not mean much of anything, because it could be other neighbors being overly chatty. The note specifically says that SOMEONE has stopped by for small talk. We all know “small talk” is not a simple greeting and that “stopping by” isn’t walking past somebody on the street. At my house, on my property, I would feel that I should be free of social folkways if I wish, and that certainly means not entertaining people I do not wish to have around. And yes, that would mean the neighbors.

      So, it certainly feels that some people here are suddenly downgrading everything in the note to make their arguments seem better. Though, those arguments are pretty ridiculous. Yelling at the pizza man and wildlife are patently over the top. What we’re discussing is having uninvited chatty callers on their doorstep. And you did see the part where I said not everyone who wants solitude in their own house wants to give up having a grocery store closer than 45 minutes away, right?

      And finally: I know most people are annoying because the vast majority of people who talk to me out of the blue are annoying (to me). It’s really not hard to figure out. Sure, I’m stereotyping, but it doesn’t look like anyone’s particularly hurt by not becoming my friend. Nay, I’d say you folks would celebrate! And I celebrate every day where I do not have to discuss the weather or an impending holiday with anyone.

      At least my own self importance does not interrupt others’ lives.

      Nov 26, 2012 at 9:25 am   rating: 90  small thumbs up

    • #26.8   Looper

      If we’re going to get into ridiculous arguments, I’m sure folks would be outraged over me putting up a “private property” sign, eh? How dare I remind people about my private rights! How rude! Anyone who lives within 5 miles of another person should be expected to talk to them whenever the other person feels like!

      You see how silly that sounds? ALso, if anybody actually *would* get mad about someone and their one private property sign, silently put up one day, jesus h christ learn how to not butt into other people’s business and let them live their private lives already.

      Nov 26, 2012 at 9:45 am   rating: 90  small thumbs up

    • #26.9   kermit

      That the note receiver has had no contact with the note writer isn’t meaningless, Looper.

      If you’re going to leave a note to tell people to leave you alone, leave it to the people who actually bothered you. you’ve met them and they’ve probably told you what house they live in, so you know where to leave the note. When you plaster a note all over the neighborhood, you’re the asshole, not the person who stopped by.

      And when you want the convenience of nearby grocery stores or other shops, you may have to pay a price for that in the form of chatty cashiers.

      Nov 26, 2012 at 11:23 am   rating: 90  small thumbs up

    • #26.10   Andy

      Actually looper it doesn’t say at all that somebody has tried to stop by for small talk, it says ‘don’t TRY to stop by for small talk.’ Seems like you’re trying to upgrade what they’ve written to make them seem less like complete assholes but considering they’re sending this note to people they’ve never even spoken to they’re really… REALLY just assholes.

      Nov 26, 2012 at 7:45 pm   rating: 90  small thumbs up

    • #26.11   The Elf

      You’re not the only introvert around, Looper. I like my privacy too, but basic friendliness to your neighbors is not only easy but also pays off it there is trouble later. Strangely, even though I say “Hi” to them, they still respect my privacy. Imagine that!

      Nov 26, 2012 at 8:48 pm   rating: 90  small thumbs up

  • #27   t-rex

    What if it wasn’t the residents there that sent the note but a pissed off neighbor to the next door of them?

    Think about it, 6 months after the fact, issue over parking, the passive-aggressive tenor of the note. It sounds like to me that they pissed off one of the neighbor’s and this is retaliation.

    Nov 23, 2012 at 1:18 pm   rating: 90  small thumbs up

  • #28   Ben

    The only people that harass you in this neighborhood are mormons and vacuum salesmen. If anything, most people here, like most places I’ve lived, are socially awkward and try to avoid having to say hi, let alone stop by for small talk. If they wanted to be left alone, this was the wrong choice of action. There’s a few old punks around, and we sure enjoy a good life-affirming prank. You try, ya know? You do what you can.
    They’ve got a long driveway and a garage. I certainly don’t park in front of their house…I’m the one with the last wide part of the street in front, so people park there to go to the houses further down. Whatever! Sometimes it’s irritating when it’s a motorhome or something, but I get over it, because I can park on the side if I have to, even though it’s muddy. But then guess what I do…I ask the person when I see them to leave a space for me! Talking to people like they’re reasonable usually works! If something’s bothering you, just fucking say it! Isn’t that the whole point of why this site is hilarious?
    I will ask them if they sent the letter when I can. I agree that it could be someone else, although I kind of doubt it.
    Incidentally, I would say they’re more scrapbookers than drug dealers. Scrapbooking robots, perhaps. Perhaps aliens, perhaps the heralds of the zombie apocalypse…who can really know?

    Nov 23, 2012 at 8:03 pm   rating: 90  small thumbs up

    • #28.1   kermit

      You never know, Ben. They could be “Desperate Housewives” recreationists, if that’s even a thing.

      Nov 24, 2012 at 7:27 am   rating: 90  small thumbs up

  • #29   havingfitz

    Dear Neighbors:

    Last night my dog started barking loudly. I got up to shush him and noticed your house was on fire. I didn’t think you’d appreciate me stopping by to let you know, so I just called the fire department. I made sure to tell them NOT to park directly outside your house.

    Happy Holidays!

    Nov 24, 2012 at 10:40 am   rating: 90  small thumbs up

  • #30   Kirby

    They sound like asses. I would personally show up to their house with a new Jello mold every day.

    That said, I kind of get their “please don’t park in front of my house” thing. In my neighborhood, lots of driveway space and two-/three-car garages are standard, yet some people still choose to park in the road, or in front of someone else’s house. It gets a bit frustrating when those cars block the one-lane roads in the neighborhood and force you to drive on the sidewalk or median.

    Nov 26, 2012 at 2:01 am   rating: 90  small thumbs up

    • #30.1   Looper

      I hope you like standing on the doorstep for 10 minutes as they refuse to open the door, holding your jell-o mold and looking like an idiot in your rather childish attempt at retaliation. “How dare you want to be left alone at home?!”

      I’d just call the police after a few days of such behavior from you. Private property and all that.

      Nov 26, 2012 at 9:32 am   rating: 90  small thumbs up

    • #30.2   kermit

      And I bet the police will heed your call immediately, Looper.

      Officer, there’s a person here with Jello.
      I see, and are they threatening you with it?
      Technically no. They claim they want to give it to me to be neighborly.
      Good heavens man, are people trying to be neighborly to you? I’ll send over a SWAT team to protect you immediately!

      Nov 26, 2012 at 11:42 am   rating: 90  small thumbs up

    • #30.3   Kirby

      It’s fine, Looper: perhaps I’d just leave the Jello in the parking spaces in front of their house. You know, public property and all that.

      Nov 26, 2012 at 7:06 pm   rating: 90  small thumbs up

    • #30.4   redheadwglasses

      ” It gets a bit frustrating when those cars block the one-lane roads in the neighborhood and force you to drive on the sidewalk or median.”

      Wait, what? You TOLERATE people parking in a way that blocks road access? Call the cops, get ‘em towed. Driving in the sidewalk is not the answer. Duh.

      Nov 28, 2012 at 12:34 pm   rating: 90  small thumbs up

    • #30.5   Looper

      Kermit, if you ask somebody to leave and they do not leave, it is within your rights to call the police as it’s private property and they are trespassing. Even if you are a mere renter, that’s the law. If it’s a recurring theme of someone showing up every day, the case is even stronger. It’s completely legal and while it may tie up the police’s time over “ridiculous” matters, well, I’m not the one trespassing on someone else’s property over their hurt widdle feelings of being unwanted by the neighbors.

      Nov 29, 2012 at 10:56 am   rating: 90  small thumbs up

  • #31   ninjaduck bang

    I think they need someone to talk to.

    Nov 27, 2012 at 10:11 am   rating: 90  small thumbs up

  • #32   Brian

    This isn’t a sign on their property. They went out of their way to interact with other people, specifically to tell those people they don’t want to interact with them.

    Writing it off is mere introversion (and I too am an introvert, people exhaust me, and when I get home from work I just want to be left alone), doesn’t fly.

    Now I’m more prone to find it as an over response to a specific neighbor. I work two jobs, and have exceptionally limited time to do my “chores” around the house. So when I’m out there raking leaves, and my busybody neighbor decides she wants to chat (ie gossip) for 20 minutes, it leaves me with a choice of being ‘rude’, (as she ignores my polite attempts to get back to work), or losing as much time as she feels entitled to.

    That said, most of my neighbors understand the 60 second rule (if you run into a neighbor outside, you have no more than 60 seconds of pleasantries before you’re overstaying your welcome). It allows me to know my neighbors and to be on a friendly plane with them, without having to give up too much time.

    And it works. When my neighbor’s snow thrower wouldn’t start last year, I took a half hour to do their driveway. He then helped me out when I needed a jump one morning. Even with this, I know his name, his wife’s name, and the color of their house; and nothing else.

    It’s the perfect mix of socialization and privacy.

    Nov 27, 2012 at 12:59 pm   rating: 90  small thumbs up

  • #33   Roger

    I have to believe that the best way of being on the receiving end of this note would be to stop by and ask for directions, what the weather will be like in the near future, etc.

    Nice blog you have here.

    Dec 9, 2012 at 5:41 pm   rating: 90  small thumbs up

  • #34   L

    No matter what caused it, the note-writer certainly does seem to lack basic knowledge of human nature – specifically, our inherent contrariness. For every five neighbours who see that note and decide to dismiss the writers as anti-social, there’s probably going be one, like Kirby and others, who will go out of their way to present them with neighbourly jello.

    While I am definitely introverted (I hate small-talk, and I will go to silly extremes to avoid it), there is a line between being introverted and being rude. There is even a difference between being brusque and efficient in your social interactions to keep them short, and being a dismissive asshole (although of course YMMV).

    Anyone with sense will realise that being this rude will just make people pay extra attention to you – and furthermore, they will know exactly what gets under your skin.

    In my opinion, if someone is as dense as to leave a note like this, they are just asking for it. I’m not saying it’s RIGHT – I’m saying it’s simply human nature.

    Dec 14, 2012 at 9:50 pm   rating: 90  small thumbs up


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